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RE: Why after 8 months can't I meet the family - 8/3/2008 7:15:04 AM

julietsierra

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

Regardless of snark, it was an adult statement. The problem the OP is whining about stems from a universal problem. She has her definition of what her slavery should be, it is obvious her master has a slightly different definition. If those two definitions are not being communicated, and it is obvious they are not, exactly who is at fault? Why is it the master's? She is an adult, it was her responsibility to clearly communicate her needs and expectations at the onset of the relationship. Granted, I also believe it is a mutual responsibility BUT, it is apparent she did not heed that early red flag and then ASSumed they shared similar expectations and is now here pissing and whining and getting exactly what she wants. Sympathy for her and, what a terrible master, you must leave him!!!

I call bullshit.

Well, big hairy deal that family is so hugely important to her. It is obvious that it isn't to him. At least it's obviously not important to include her in his family. She identifies as a slave, which means as her master, where is the rule that he owes it to her to include her in any family stuff?? Harsh to some, I get that. Would I behave like that, no. Would many slaves be happy with that arrangement, depends upon who you ask.

The other thing I don't see being debated here.........who is to say her behaviour has earned her the right to be around his family. I don't allow too many people in my family circle because I am very protective of them. OR, here's another "maybe"...maybe he is protecting her from them. We've all seen some pretty wacko family units.

There is one person responsible for her happiness and misery and it is HER. There is a saying something like "you knew what you were in for when you took this gig". Well if she didn't, there is one person responsible and that is her.

Enough with the poor helpless maiden looking for their knights in shining armour, then being upset and playing the blame game when they turn out to be "omg, a human being with faults and foibles, that victimized the poor little blameless slave/sub by being human. My god this woman is half a century old, maybe it's time she put her big girl panties on and learn to start dealing with her own shit.

Thank goodness the other sides of the "he's a big ole meany dominant" coin are finally being said. (it was kind of lonely out there for a moment)

Thanks LaTigresse

juliet

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RE: Why after 8 months can't I meet the family - 8/3/2008 7:32:22 AM

sambamanslilgirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: mypain56

Please help me....... should I ask to be released now before it gets worse.

so in your next relationship and the same problem occurs, are you going to turn tail and run like you're thinking of doing now? that really speaks volumes of your commitment to yours.

i haven't met Daddy's family (his sons, grandminors, friends, colleagues, etc) and He hasn't mine. never the tween shall meet ever. we're not looking for acknowledgement from both sides about us. we're not looking for public acceptance from anyone we know - keeping it private and between us is a beautiful thing because we share something special in which no one else needs to involve themselves with. plus it saves me (and Him) from my Bible-thumping, deeply devoted Christian relatives and their views about BDSM/sex/etc.

however in your case, you want the ENTIRE world to know that you and him are a D/s couple and that they have to accept you two as such. no one owes you an acceptance and/or approval. are you prepared to handle the backlash from his adult children about you and your relationship with him? perhaps he's a professional and well-respected in his profession (like my Daddy) and prefers not to bring this into his business life or share with clients - have you thought about that? if he wants to keep it private between you two, then R E S P E C T his wishes. this relationship isn't about you solely - it's about you and him. or have you forgotten that?

edited due to lack of sleep and no java in the system.

< Message edited by sambamanslilgirl -- 8/3/2008 7:37:46 AM >

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RE: Why after 8 months can't I meet the family - 8/3/2008 10:11:16 AM

MasterKalif

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OP...this is interesting but why the rush to meet the family? His children may be against him having a grifriend, or so many other reasons....maybe his family is judgemental, and I am sure he will not introduce you as his slavegirl, but as his girlfriend to be civil. He doesn't have to, some people do not get along with family...

In any case it seems the issue is elsewhere...the fact that you feel the commitment and love is not being returned...that you are putting yourself out there but you don't feel the same coming back. You need to express these feelings to him directly, never assume a man can read your mind...communication is key. Once you explain to him directly that your wants are also not being met (not the sexual wants in this case...yes slaves also have wants like any human) have him explain to you what his wants are, what his expectations are for his slave, etc...maybe he thinks what he is doing so far is also satisfying for you even if to you is not obvious. I think you are looking for public acknowledgement that you are his significant other....

Also it seems you came from a dangerous situation and you may need to make sure the past doesn't haunt you which is something that probably also worries him a little. Also not all Masters are selfish or only look on their end, we also look for the well being of our slave/submissive because we want a happy content slave/submissive. I think you need to sit down and discuss exactly how you feel and ask for a straight answer. If not happy after that, everyone needs to move on, life is too short.

< Message edited by MasterKalif -- 8/3/2008 10:34:04 AM >

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RE: Why after 8 months can't I meet the family - 8/5/2008 3:24:42 AM

shanaya

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i agree La Tigress about the family issue. have a 21 year old daughter and 1 yr old grandson and im very protective of them. And if someone needed round the clock security from an abusive ex i definitely would not want them connected to my family, as it would put them in harms way. But i truly feel this woman NEEDS to NOT be in ANY relationship at this point in time. She states she hasn't been with her ex for 2 years, hardly enough time to deal with the abuse she suffered and learn to make healthy decisions that lead to healthy relationships.

Whether he is to blame or not, only they really know what has gone on between them. i just feel the greatest concern here, is for her to seek counselling and learn more about herself and face issues she is obviously having. also i am new to the boards so i didn't relise there was a universal issue of whining. As for me personally if i had a problem with my Master i would discuss it with Him, but i also took 6 years after years of abuse working through my problems, so not to take them with me and continue to form unhealthy relationships. And at the end of the day i think it would help her to take a step back for her own good and those around her, jmho

~shanaya~

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RE: Why after 8 months can't I meet the family - 8/5/2008 3:34:19 AM

shanaya

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also my objection is to not what was said, but HOW it was said. when things are delivered in a way that puts someones back up , it is hardly useful.
That is what i meant by "Adults" as in meaning that we should be able to deliver our message firmly but i a way that keeps that persons ears open to what is being said. Diplomacy often helps much more imo,

~shanaya~

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RE: Why after 8 months can't I meet the family - 8/5/2008 3:56:44 AM

shanaya

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"The other thing I don't see being debated here is ....... who is to say her behaviour has earned her the right to be around his family "

i agree fully with that. Like i said i wouldn't want someone in round the clock security from a violent ex around mine. But i differ in "family" can mean just me and my Master to me, and i wonder if she feels like part of his family, by meaning her and Him ?? and yes he is her Master and she has a slave number ( once again being new, i know little about slave numbers ) but i do know that accepting a collar is a very big commitment. The fact she accepted his collar of consideration whilst there were obviously so many issues between them, takes me back to my strongest point which keeps over riding anything else im finding,

Which is she needs counselling to work out her needs and to work on her issues. i can say that a Ms or Ds Relationhip requires you a submissive/slave to truly know herself and it is no relationship to go into expecting the Dom or Domme to be able to "fix" your insecurities or any other deep seated problem you may face. In these Relationships you are giving up control to your Dominant/Domme and will require not only strength but understanding of yourself on a deep level , so the submissive/slave brings what is needed to the Relationship. And to be honest i don't feel she is at that point in her life, which keeps bringing me back to her not being in any relationship until she re discovers herself ....

~shanaya~

ps due to the universal whinging i did not know about, please accept my sincere apology

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RE: Why after 8 months can't I meet the family - 8/5/2008 6:28:06 PM

urlittleprincess

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i can 'feel' the pain in your post...and i am sorry...(((hugs))) of course i dont know your exact situation, but i have empathy for your situation...

my Dom and i have had a long distance relationship for 1.5 yrs...but ive been getting to know His family for over a year now...He has come to my city to meet my family and invited both our siblings for the first week of our two weeks in the carribean! (we leave saturday...so exciting!) i dont know what to say except i could never be happy as a secret with so limited time together. when i have flown to His city each month for a week or more, we go out on dates...dinners, movies, the park and of course always to visit His family.

i wish i had a good answer for you, but to me, he just doesn't seem to value you the way i think a Dom should...(((hugs))) i guess it is up to you whether you want to stay or not, and you don't need to wait to be released...just a thought...

< Message edited by urlittleprincess -- 8/5/2008 6:29:23 PM >

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RE: Why after 8 months can't I meet the family - 8/5/2008 11:19:51 PM

SocialPerversion

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OP said that she loves her master and that these are just a few minor issues, then she states that perhaps this is a reason to leave? No one has his side of the story yet everyone is jumping off talking about what an ass he is and that she should leave him because of this lack of respect but few of us have taken the time to say "There might be a reason".

If there was no agreement to have her meet his family then how do you see his actions as inappropriate? No one has taken the time to ask the OP what agreement was made regarding the issue and few people seem to be taking the time to say "Remember, we only have half the story".

Without the masters side of the story or additional information NONE of us are equipped to make a judgment call regarding the issue. The OP needs to either supply additional information or take the time to speak to her master about the issue. If she is so happy with the relationship except for A: being treated like a slave (to her master.. that still confuses me). B: Not being taken out to a nice dinner and C: Not being introduced to the family then why does she seem so eager to walk???

It is my opinion that there is more to the story than what the OP has provided, perhaps she is looking for triggers to escape the relationship due to personal issues. Perhaps she has a fear of rejection and so is trying to find a reason to escape before she can be removed and so emotionally hurt. Perhaps she was not prepared or did not understand the control issues that are inherent in a M/s relationship...

Things just don't sound right to me the more I read the OP and follow ups. I am also concerned that so many people are ready to jump and scream "Leave the bastard!" without even taking the time to consider that they have ~15 lines describing the relationship, have only one side of the story and the OP has not provided the additional information that has been asked for.

Oh, what am I thinking? He is the man so it must be his fault! There couldn't be anything wrong with the slave (O.P.), that would be unthinkable. We all know slaves are perfect so it must be the master who went and fucked things up.

*GRRRRrrrrr....*

~~conquer4love~~

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RE: Why after 8 months can't I meet the family - 8/5/2008 11:27:03 PM

phoenixrising43

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Haven't caught up with the other posts yet...but if you have never been to his house...it really is not a good sign. There is usually, not always though, a very good reason why.

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RE: Why after 8 months can't I meet the family - 8/5/2008 11:33:42 PM

SocialPerversion

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quote:

ORIGINAL: phoenixrising43
but if you have never been to his house...it really is not a good sign.

I do have to agree with this...

~~conquer4love~~

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RE: Why after 8 months can't I meet the family - 8/6/2008 12:04:15 AM

YourhandMyAss

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Or the people he lives with could be judgmental assholes who he has no choice but to live with right now and is sparing her and him from their vitrole. Or the people he lives with could be very nosy, and he's again trying to save them both from onlookers. Maybe he doesn't feel 8 months is long enough to go parading their relationship before family. Maybe the fact that her x could come around and become violent and start shit if he found out where the new fling lives is a problem. Maybe she's being really pushy and not respectful at all about his opinions an the more she pushes the more he refuses. ect ect ect There's not always a subterfuge behind things. Sometimes yes, all the time no.

quote:

ORIGINAL: CuddlyParrotGirl

I do think it's suspicious that he won't even introduce you to people he *lives with*. That implies to me either that he has something to hide, or that he is ashamed of you. Neither of those bode well for a satisfying long-term relationship.

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RE: Why after 8 months can't I meet the family - 8/6/2008 12:07:21 AM

YourhandMyAss

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Unless I have missed something somewhere, where does being introduced to family have to be shouting your kinky to the rafters, so to speak.

Who and where, says that introducing the new one to family members means every one's going to know you're D/s

quote:

ORIGINAL: sambamanslilgirl

however in your case, you want the ENTIRE world to know that you and him are a D/s couple and that they have to accept you two as such.

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RE: Why after 8 months can't I meet the family - 8/6/2008 12:43:18 AM

GreedyTop

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THANK YOU!! YHMA.. this is the thought that has been rattling around the cavern of my head..and not coming clear until your post

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RE: Why after 8 months can't I meet the family - 8/6/2008 12:13:38 PM

batshalom

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quote:

ORIGINAL: mypain56

after all these many months I feel I deserve something more, than an inappropriate answer.

Inappropriate? According to ... whom? You? It is his answer, whether or not you like it. He is your Master. If you don't like the way he operates, reconsider your options and don't make the same mistakes again.

quote:

ORIGINAL: mypain56
But are they suppose to be, every Dominant that I have encountered has treated me like a piece of meat, I am a person too. why are they so selfish. I serve him, I honor him, I worship him, and I am in Love with him and he knows all these things

You are being manipulative by using honor, worship and love as weapons. Don't expect him to change his ways of being just because you think he should. If this keeps happening over and over again, it is your duty to yourself to inspect what it is you are doing to receive this treatment, and then do something YOURSELF to change it. Don't expect the other person to change - it won't happen. Take responsibility for yourself.

quote:

ORIGINAL: mypain56
Thursday's my Birthday, and I can be certain that it will not be remembered. So, should I remind him. or keep my mouth shut. Please help me....... should I ask to be released now before it gets worse.

If you can't mention it politely (and then let it go) then you will deserve what you receive. Stop using these emotional manipulations. It's pretty useless unless you get off on the self-damaging drama of it since the only person who gets wound up about it is you.

When you can calmly and rationally speak with this man about your desires and needs, and when you give him space to step up to these things, the relationship might improve. If it still does not meet your needs, bag it, and find someone who can share your vision of what a D/s dynamic can be.

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RE: Why after 8 months can't I meet the family - 8/6/2008 12:37:36 PM

YourhandMyAss

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You're welcome:)

quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

THANK YOU!! YHMA.. this is the thought that has been rattling around the cavern of my head..and not coming clear until your post

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RE: Why after 8 months can't I meet the family - 8/6/2008 1:49:23 PM

LaTigresse

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Her not being in his house or meeting people he lives with is not necessarily a problem. I think the problem is that there are two people that did not take the time to COMMUNICATE and DEFINE what a Master/slave relationship meant to each of them and express each of their EXPECTATIONS.

Just my point of view.

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RE: Why after 8 months can't I meet the family - 8/6/2008 2:20:59 PM

ElanSubdued

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LaTigresse,

quote:

Her not being in his house or meeting people he lives with is not necessarily a problem. I think the problem is that there are two people that did not take the time to COMMUNICATE and DEFINE what a Master/slave relationship meant to each of them and express each of their EXPECTATIONS.

Just my point of view.

This is astute commentary and excellent advice.

Elan.

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RE: Why after 8 months can't I meet the family - 8/6/2008 6:08:22 PM

BrokenSaint

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It does seem like your needs aren't really getting met. I concur with the consensus there.

Though I will point out that sometimes people can be kind of weird about letting someone a bit more into their lives. It's not necessarily a warning sign if that's present. Other things tend to snowball with that and form the warning signs. Some people are weird about giving real names, phone numbers, etc. Personally I've never really cared one way or the other about someone meeting family members. If they want to, I'll just bring them to dinner, simple as that.

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RE: Why after 8 months can't I meet the family - 8/6/2008 6:20:06 PM

MistressPav

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quote:

ORIGINAL: mypain56

Please, I really am confused here, that is why I am coming to a Master too ask this very important question. I have been loyal, devoted, faithful, obiedient, for 8 months now. For reasons I could not control, I was able to move closer to him. But honestly not because of him. I am running from a very bad relationship,and the person in was in jail up till a few months ago.The Dominant I have been seeing for 8 months, mentioned all the opportunities that they had in his home town which I admit there are many. so needing to run before my abuser got out of jail I moved away. My Dominant had me under consideration for the last 8 months, just recently lifting it. And now he would like to collar me. The problem is that I am having is that, do most Dominants keep there submissives a secret and away from the family. He has two grown daughters, and is divorced and has been for 15 years. I haven't met his daughters yet or his two grandchildren which live with him. Please tell me if I am being stupid here. I have asked him and he came up with this lame answer. Like what do you want me too do hire a sky writer saying your my slave. Well # 1 I am not his slave and after all these many months I feel I deserve something more, than an inappropriate answer. and he only visits when it's conveinient for him, per usual. My feelings are never taken in consideration, ever. But are they suppose to be, every Dominant that I have encountered has treated me like a piece of meat, I am a person too. why are they so selfish. I serve him, I honor him, I worship him, and I am in Love with him and he knows all these things and he tells me what a great whore I am and that I am Daddy's babygirl. He's never had to punish me for anything, I do nothing without permission. I told him last week that I was In Love with him, and his reply was OK, well it takes me a little longer but I'll come around. I honestly didn't expect him to tell me the same thing, I just want to be a little more a part of his life. That's all like take me out to dinner once a month, or for a drink, something. Thursday's my Birthday, and I can be certain that it will not be remembered. So, should I remind him. or keep my mouth shut. Please help me....... should I ask to be released now before it gets worse.

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RE: Why after 8 months can't I meet the family - 8/6/2008 7:17:29 PM

defiantbadgirl

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OP I hope you don't listen to that crap about you meeting his family meaning him introducing you as his slave. He can easily introduce you as his gf. Remember, slave and sub are not synonyms for friends with benefits. Yes, it's possible the two have different expectations and never discussed the issue. It's also just as possible that he lied about his intentions. Men and women often lie to get what they want and don't show their true colors until after the victim becomes attached. There may be something you're doing wrong or it may just be bad luck like it was with me. Almost everyone was convinced I belonged in the looney bin because I was involved with a couple of jerks. I got the same kind of insults you're getting now. The real problem was difficulty meeting new Doms due to college (almost every time I scheduled a time to meet someone, an instructor would assign a time consuming homework assignment or I'd have a test to study for). One of the jerks I was with sounds alot like your Dom. He refused to introduce me to his family or any of his friends. When Sir and I met, one of the first things he did was introduce me to his vanilla friends. He also wanted to go places with me because he was proud to be seen with me. I've been collared now since May. I've also been wearing a fairly large diamond since Sir proposed to me at the fireworks display last month. Yeah, there was a whole lot wrong with me (sarcasm). OP, if the men you've been involved with were honest about their intentions from the beginning and you agreed to be a dirty lil secret hoping things would change, then yes it was your fault. If men lie to you about their intentions until after you have strong feelings for them, it's not your fault no matter how many there have been. Sadly, there are enough people out there who are less than honest for this sort of thing to happen to the same person several times in a row.

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