Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

RE: Confused about what I "am" exactly


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Confused about what I "am" exactly Page: <<   < prev  1 [2] 3 4   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
RE: Confused about what I "am" exactly - 8/1/2008 7:26:07 PM   
restlessdreamer


Posts: 60
Joined: 3/19/2007
Status: offline 		~ FR ~


Lmao. Hang in there, elleelisa. You'll run into alot of that at first. All 'new' people seem to get targeted right away by those looking for a quick fling or cheap thrill. Pay no mind to anyone stooping to petty insults, because the caring and honest men on this site would never dream to lash out in such a pathetic manner. Most of the men and women on CM's forums are interested in offering their own experiences and advice ( I lurk alot. Hehe )


You'll toughen up your skin soon enough and learn how to start filtering (check out the filtering options on the profile side of the site) and it will be smoother sailing for you soon.


I wish you the best in your search!

(in reply to elleelisa)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Confused about what I "am" exactly - 8/2/2008 11:42:32 AM   
elleelisa


Posts: 29
Joined: 8/1/2008
Status: offline 		Thank you :)  I did the filtering suggestion and it is better, ha.

I initially joined just for the forum-- I didn't know a personal ad came along with it.  I don't mind-- it's a good tool, but there ARE so many odd people.  One man was like, "Hello, I'm a 76 year old Master.  I want to date you, but you need to come to Spain where you will be under house arrest and won't be able to leave 24/7 (for the rest of your life)"

Okay, there was some exaggeration in that, but that's basically what he meant.  :P

(in reply to restlessdreamer)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Confused about what I "am" exactly - 8/2/2008 12:06:51 PM   
ThinkingKitten


Posts: 447
Joined: 6/15/2006
From: Ontari-ari-o
Status: offline 		The only thing I beg you to do, is retain your common sense. All too often it seems when folks come to the "lifestyle" they check their common sense at the door, when really they need to be hanging on to it extra tight because you'll need it now more than ever!!

Good luck!

_____________________________

Thinking Kitten

If you can't stand the heat... tell the chef to get out of the kitchen.

(in reply to elleelisa)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Confused about what I "am" exactly - 8/2/2008 2:43:40 PM   
CookieSlave


Posts: 74
Joined: 7/27/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BKSir

As far as being a control freak in everyday life, that is very normal really.  This could be the subconscious telling you "Stop controlling!  Give yourself over to someone else for a while."



Actually, I'm in a similar boat to the OP.  I keep telling myself "I dont' know what I'm doing."   A friend suggested I check out this website after telling me exactly what BKSir said, there.  All day I have to be "in control" of things.  At my work, I need to manage money, make sure our office is running properly, manage other employees, and I spend most of my workday making phonecalls and sending forms and letters on behalf of our patients(insurance biling ;-) )   In my non-work life, my dad has developed early stage Alzheimer's and I spend a lot of time helping to manage him(really) and keep my mom from exploding. ;-) 

Sometimes at the end of the day, I would just really like someone else to take over.  Kind of like the old Calgon commercials, only a little more .. uhh .. raw.


Oh, and ownedgirlie, thank you for that linkie.. that was VERY enlightening!

--cs

(in reply to BKSir)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Confused about what I "am" exactly - 8/2/2008 3:16:03 PM   
XaviersXian


Posts: 525
Joined: 9/8/2007
From: Australia
Status: offline 		greetings to all,

OP, why label yourself? just find out who you are, and enjoy that.  There is no "secret mould" that a submissive (or a slave, for that matter) has to fit into.

As for "being in control", most subs and slaves have situations in their lives where taking control is just how it is.  This doesn't make a person "less submissive". 

Having limits is just a normal part of being human.  At the moment, you are a self governing person, you have every right to protect yourself.  Don't feel ashamed by not wanting to do something.  If someone insists you do something you don't want to, show them the door.  If they take offense to it, that is their problem, not yours.

If you need any other advice, please feel free to cmail me!

well wishes,

(in reply to elleelisa)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Confused about what I "am" exactly - 8/2/2008 7:00:41 PM   
bamabbwsub


Posts: 566
Joined: 5/28/2007
Status: offline 		~FR~

elleelisa, I identify 100% with how you feel. I am single, work a full-time job, take care of lots of pets (animal rescue work), and own my own home. Everything is up to me. My daily life requires me to make all of the decisions, do all of the work, and rely only on myself. Yet the idea of having a man under my shoe begging to please me makes my stomach turn (no offense to you male subs or female Dommes!!).

I think the hardest thing for me so far has been that many Doms want/expect a "service" submissive. That title, to me, means one who keeps the house clean, prepares his dinner, his bath, etc., and just generally makes his life more comfortable by providing domestic service. I think it's also referred to as "1950's Household." At least, that's what I take it for.

But for someone who has a good-paying job, her own home, and who has established her own way of life at the age of 41, the service part of submission sometimes just isn't feasible. Regardless of how much I want to please a Dominant, there just isn't enough time or energy left for that kind of submission at the end of the day.

And yet...as someone who labels herself as a submissive, I WANT to please. I WANT to make my Dom feel safe, secure, comforted, and loved. I WANT to please him by keeping the house in order, running his bath, or massaging his feet. I WANT to let everything go and let him take complete control over what I say and do. But dammit, at the end of the day, I'm tired, sometimes cranky, and want someone to rub MY feet! What kind of submission is there in that? That's where I falter. Am I submissive in reality, or is it just the thought that makes my heart race?

The sad truth is that being an independent, self-sufficient person AND a submissive can be a difficult balancing act in the real world. So yes, I identify with you completely, and I hope that you are able to find that perfect balance between what you must do (work, pay bills, etc.) and what you want to do, which is to hand yourself over to a strong, capable, loving, Dominant man.

_____________________________

"Everyone is normal until you get to know them." - Dave Sim

I rescue animals. My pockets and gas tank are always empty. My home is always hairy and my inbox full of sadness, but my heart is full when seeing those that are saved.

(in reply to XaviersXian)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Confused about what I "am" exactly - 8/2/2008 7:21:45 PM   
restlessdreamer


Posts: 60
Joined: 3/19/2007
Status: offline 		I am so glad this thread was started. I am so glad I'm not the only one trying to figure out just what the heck it is that I want or where I 'fit in' with the broad prospective of this lifestyle!

I'm outgoing. I'm strong. I've survived much that has shaped my personality (as well as my defenses) and I am reluctant to let go of most of those things. But oh! To be able to walk in the door at night and just ...let it all go. Let someone else be in charge for a while. Find that someone to trust and explore the deepest, darkest parts of mine (and his!) mind with a safe sense of security and acceptance.

This is why I'm here. This is what I'm looking for in a vague sense. Lol. And it's confusing as hell! Some people send messages that make me want to run screaming in the other direction, some trigger my dastardly defenses, some outright make me bust up laughing. (Those are keepers btw, for days when you need a giggle and no, I don't think I've tired, even after a year, of reading other people's 'funny' experiences.) I'm glad I'm not the only one that reads the first and sometimes only line in a message with a clear expression of "WTF" on my freckled face.

The neat thing is, that I learn something about myself even with the strangest of messages. I learn that something I've never encountered before either turns me off, or turns me on and I think that this growing and learning is important.

But all in all, it -has- been fun. There are alot of great and interesting people to talk to, share ideas and chat with, even if nothing comes of it in the end. I agree with the post above - Leave the labels behind and go with what you know, or learn about yourself along the way. That was the most valuable allowance I gave myself shortly after coming to CM. There is no mold out there set by -anyone-, sub or Dom that I will ever fit. I am just me.

And me is pretty damn fantastic, as I suspect each and every one of you are.


I wish you all the best of ....luck? Luck doesn't seem like the most appropriate word, but it's the closest thing to it. Hang in there and keep your chin up everyone. (someone will get the hint and snap a collar around yer neck eventually that way -Grin - )



(in reply to bamabbwsub)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Confused about what I "am" exactly - 8/2/2008 7:37:35 PM   
NumberSix


Posts: 1378
Joined: 12/30/2006
Status: offline 		I..............





am the only one.








Am I the only one?




I must confess that I am not as introspective as the dictates of common thought would make me out to be.

I am,
Ron Melby

_____________________________

"Who are you?"
"The new Number Two."
"Who is Number One?"
"You are Number Six.".
"I am not a number — I am a free man!"

Be seeing you...

(in reply to restlessdreamer)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Confused about what I "am" exactly - 8/2/2008 7:44:05 PM   
Jeffff


Posts: 12600
Joined: 7/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NumberSix

II must confess that I am not as introspective as the dictates of common thought would make me out to be.

I am,
Ron Melby


Hummmm, and I am. Odd world ain't it

Jeff

(in reply to NumberSix)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Confused about what I "am" exactly - 8/2/2008 7:51:07 PM   
NumberSix


Posts: 1378
Joined: 12/30/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Jeffff

quote:

ORIGINAL: NumberSix

II must confess that I am not as introspective as the dictates of common thought would make me out to be.

I am,
Ron Melby


Hummmm, and I am. Odd world ain't it

Jeff



Who the fuck are you?  I'm confused, sometimes is's 4f and sometimes 2.

Are you in the Army?  How do you sit with the draft board?

Gen. Curtis LeMay

_____________________________

"Who are you?"
"The new Number Two."
"Who is Number One?"
"You are Number Six.".
"I am not a number — I am a free man!"

Be seeing you...

(in reply to Jeffff)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Confused about what I "am" exactly - 8/2/2008 8:04:59 PM   
Jeffff


Posts: 12600
Joined: 7/7/2007
Status: offline 		In the interest of saving valuable pixels, I use only 2 F's when signing my name, when I do actually sign My name

AlGore..(An Inconvenient Dom)

(in reply to NumberSix)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Confused about what I "am" exactly - 8/2/2008 8:11:01 PM   
NumberSix


Posts: 1378
Joined: 12/30/2006
Status: offline 		I haven't exactly had the need to peruse the table of elements lately, but am I to understand that you are reducing your flourine footprint by a factor of two, Al?

Mary Hartmann, Mary Hartmann  

_____________________________

"Who are you?"
"The new Number Two."
"Who is Number One?"
"You are Number Six.".
"I am not a number — I am a free man!"

Be seeing you...

(in reply to Jeffff)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Confused about what I "am" exactly - 8/2/2008 8:17:17 PM   
Jeffff


Posts: 12600
Joined: 7/7/2007
Status: offline 		By two and change sir

Sir Issac Newton

(in reply to NumberSix)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Confused about what I "am" exactly - 8/2/2008 8:21:11 PM   
NumberSix


Posts: 1378
Joined: 12/30/2006
Status: offline 		We all have stood; at one time or another, on the  shoulders of giants.

Isaac Newton

(did you know we have similar names?)

_____________________________

"Who are you?"
"The new Number Two."
"Who is Number One?"
"You are Number Six.".
"I am not a number — I am a free man!"

Be seeing you...

(in reply to Jeffff)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Confused about what I "am" exactly - 8/2/2008 8:27:04 PM   
Jeffff


Posts: 12600
Joined: 7/7/2007
Status: offline 		Yes but because of my lack of confusion, I added the Sir. Also, I prefer the shoulders of midgets. It is not so far to fall

Billy Barty


(in reply to NumberSix)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Confused about what I "am" exactly - 8/2/2008 8:30:03 PM   
NumberSix


Posts: 1378
Joined: 12/30/2006
Status: offline 		Well, I'm a yankee doodle dandy.........

George M. Cohen and James Cagney...(two giants in their industry)

Mini Me

_____________________________

"Who are you?"
"The new Number Two."
"Who is Number One?"
"You are Number Six.".
"I am not a number — I am a free man!"

Be seeing you...

(in reply to Jeffff)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Confused about what I "am" exactly - 8/2/2008 8:37:48 PM   
Jeffff


Posts: 12600
Joined: 7/7/2007
Status: offline 		You are worried about the Russian winter? Don't be such a pussy!

N.Buonaparte

(in reply to NumberSix)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Confused about what I "am" exactly - 8/2/2008 8:38:10 PM   
Emperor1956


Posts: 2370
Joined: 11/7/2005
Status: offline 		I am a rock, I am an island.

--Garfunkel and that other guy

E.

_____________________________

"When you wake up, Pooh," said Piglet, "what's the first thing you say?"
"What's for breakfast? What do you say, Piglet?"
"I say, I wonder what's going to happen exciting today?"
Pooh nodded thoughtfully.
"It's the same thing," he said.

(in reply to restlessdreamer)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Confused about what I "am" exactly - 8/2/2008 8:41:11 PM   
Jeffff


Posts: 12600
Joined: 7/7/2007
Status: offline 		A rock feels no pain.........and an island never cries.........where is the fun in THAT?

John Steinbeck

(in reply to Emperor1956)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Confused about what I "am" exactly - 8/2/2008 8:41:58 PM   
NumberSix


Posts: 1378
Joined: 12/30/2006
Status: offline 		When I think back
On all the crap I learned in high school
It's a wonder
I can think at all
And though my lack of edu---cation
Hasn't hurt me none
I can read the writing on the wall

Kodachrome
They give us those nice bright colors
They give us the greens of summers
Makes you think all the world's a sunny day, Oh yeah
I got a Nikon camera
I love to take a photograph
So mama don't take my Kodachrome away

If you took all the girls I knew
When I was single
And brought them all together for one night
I know they'd never match
my sweet imagination
everything looks WORSE in black and white

Kodachrome
They give us those nice bright colors
They give us the greens of summers
Makes you think all the world's a sunny day, Oh yeah
I got a Nikon camera
I love to take a photograph
So mama don't take my Kodachrome away

Mama don't take my Kodachrome away
Mama don't take my Kodachrome away
Mama don't take my Kodachrome away

Mama don't take my Kodachrome
Mama don't take my Kodachrome
Mama don't take my Kodachrome away

Mama don't take my Kodachrome
Leave your boy so far from home
Mama don't take my Kodachrome away
Mama don't take my Kodachrome

Mama don't take my Kodachrome away


Edwin Land

_____________________________

"Who are you?"
"The new Number Two."
"Who is Number One?"
"You are Number Six.".
"I am not a number — I am a free man!"

Be seeing you...

(in reply to Emperor1956)
Profile   Post #: 40
Page:   <<   < prev  1 [2] 3 4   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Confused about what I "am" exactly Page: <<   < prev  1 [2] 3 4   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.098