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RE: Left my Master - 8/3/2008 2:46:01 PM   
ElanSubdued


Posts: 1511
Status: offline 		SlavHeart321,

quote:

I recently was with this guy as his slave, but It didn't work out because he kept showing me that he wasn't in control 100%. It's either all or nothing: I'm either gonna be a slave to the right guy, or not at all. I don't want to waste my time.


I know of no dominant who is in control all the time.  This is life and the way of human beings.  If your expectation is that your dominant won't ever make mistakes or need help, this isn't very realistic.  The question becomes, when you've seen your dominant make repeated mistakes and not learn from them and/or change their behaviour, do you wish to remain with this person?  For me, when this type of situation escalates and is significantly effecting my happiness, my answer is usually "no".  Evidently, to some degree, your answer to this question is "no" too.

Keep in mind that it is important for you to communicate to your partner in a constructive, supportive way.  Your dominant may not always be aware of things going on or issues that are concerning you.  Thus, it is your responsibility to communicate these in a respectful, loving way.  If the issue is important and the two of you can't come to a mutually acceptable resolve, the question of long term compatibility may come into play.

Getting back to your "all or nothing" manifesto, this, in my opinion, is an approach that sets you (and future dominants you decide to date) up for failure.  In relationships, yes, even BDSM relationships, it is rare that you get everything you want.  Now it's true that BDSM fiction is full of no compromise dynamics and this does make for great, fantasy, mental and physical masturbation.  In real life though, relationships don't tend to work very well when only one partner's needs are met.  Communication and compromise are important lubricants that keep relationships running smoothly.

I'm sorry to hear your relationship didn't work out.  Hopefully, next time, you'll use what you've learned and meet someone you are more compatible with.

Elan.

(in reply to SlavHeart321)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Left my Master - 8/3/2008 3:21:50 PM   
restlessdreamer


Posts: 60
Joined: 3/19/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: apiercedkitty

... can we PLEASE keep nouns and verbs straight??? lol


Has anyone thought to ask what the nouns and verbs want?

What if they don't want to be straight?!

Perhaps some of them wish to be gay or bi! We should welcome them all with an air of acceptance and understanding instead of pushing them into neatly labelled roles.

(in reply to apiercedkitty)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Left my Master - 8/3/2008 3:35:14 PM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline 		*snortsnicker*

(well done,restless!!)


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CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
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(in reply to restlessdreamer)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Left my Master - 8/3/2008 3:36:57 PM   
apiercedkitty


Posts: 569
Joined: 2/22/2007
From: Michigan
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: restlessdreamer

quote:

ORIGINAL: apiercedkitty

... can we PLEASE keep nouns and verbs straight??? lol


Has anyone thought to ask what the nouns and verbs want?

What if they don't want to be straight?!

Perhaps some of them wish to be gay or bi! We should welcome them all with an air of acceptance and understanding instead of pushing them into neatly labelled roles.


*slapping forehead* point taken... ok - nouns and verbs... feel free to be any orientation that works for you... just cuz it ain't my kink shouldn't mean i should bash it... *hanging head in shame*

*edited to add* Lemme try it this way (to keep it pc although i'm SURE someone'll find a way to twist it... lol)... can we please use the words in the English language known as nouns and verbs the way the founders of the language meant them to be used? (oh yeah - i'm gonna get it again)

< Message edited by apiercedkitty -- 8/3/2008 3:39:57 PM >

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(in reply to restlessdreamer)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Left my Master - 8/3/2008 3:42:34 PM   
restlessdreamer


Posts: 60
Joined: 3/19/2007
Status: offline 		Lmao! 

(in reply to apiercedkitty)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Left my Master - 8/3/2008 6:18:38 PM   
kinkypuppy2


Posts: 345
Joined: 11/4/2007
Status: offline 		Do you feel then that a Master has to be 100% or everything at all times. Sorry to tell you that in reality its just not so.
Many are infalable and admit that its part of being honest and transparent.   and human.


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See nic "Kinkypupper" also as "slvseeker" As I cannot reply to any posts or log into collarchat under that name I had to create this profile.

(in reply to SlavHeart321)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Left my Master - 8/3/2008 7:35:38 PM   
Huntertn


Posts: 715
Joined: 10/7/2006
Status: offline 		If you don't want to Know what we think..Why ask?

(in reply to CalifChick)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Left my Master - 8/3/2008 7:37:40 PM   
MistressPav


Posts: 350
Joined: 11/14/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: restlessdreamer

quote:

ORIGINAL: apiercedkitty

... can we PLEASE keep nouns and verbs straight??? lol


Has anyone thought to ask what the nouns and verbs want?

What if they don't want to be straight?!

Perhaps some of them wish to be gay or bi! We should welcome them all with an air of acceptance and understanding instead of pushing them into neatly labelled roles.



ROFL


_____________________________

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(my boy "ToyZ")
Claimed & Collared 9magick#2008

"An it harm none, unless they deserve it, do what ye will." --Scorpio Creed

A- Rh-




(in reply to restlessdreamer)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Left my Master - 8/3/2008 9:38:18 PM   
sunshinemiss


Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Huntertn

If you don't want to Know what we think..Why ask?


Did she even ask a question?

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Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to Huntertn)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Left my Master - 8/4/2008 1:21:46 AM   
SirWAX


Posts: 95
Joined: 7/3/2006
Status: offline 		No she didn't.

(in reply to sunshinemiss)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Left my Master - 8/4/2008 6:16:40 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		SlavHeart, I'm not sure I follow the situation.

First off, you seem very picky and impatient, both in your posts and your profile.  You're motivated and seem to have a lot of drive, and it's only right that you not choose a couch potato for a Dom.

Then you say you hooked up with a married man, got constant vibes it wasn't working and stuck with it for four months.  This sounds like you settled way too easily.

Don't pressure yourself to have every relationship be THE one.

And I suggest you try switching sometimes.  I think you'd make a great Domme.



_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to SirWAX)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Left my Master - 8/4/2008 11:53:33 AM   
ElanSubdued


Posts: 1511
Status: offline 		SlavHeart321,

quote:

DarkSteven to SlavHeart321:
Then you say you hooked up with a married man, got constant vibes it wasn't working and stuck with it for four months.  This sounds like you settled way too easily.


I didn't catch this part.  Unless your relationship with this man was open with everyone involved including his wife, it's no wonder you felt your master wasn't in control.  People who are cheating aren't in control much of the time because they must sneak around.  I suppose you could call this "reactive control" and "control through deception" but these are not what most of us BDSM folk think of when we talk of being "in control".

Elan.

(in reply to SlavHeart321)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Left my Master - 8/15/2008 11:01:36 AM   
MasterAramis


Posts: 279
Joined: 7/29/2008
From: Connecticut
Status: offline
quote:

I recently was with this guy as his slave, but It didn't work out because he kept showing me that he wasn't in control 100%. It's either all or nothing: I'm either gonna be a slave to the right guy, or not at all. I don't want to waste my time.


Is there a question here??

Aramis

(in reply to SlavHeart321)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Left my Master - 8/15/2008 11:35:01 AM   
Anarrus


Posts: 475
Joined: 11/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NumberSix

What then did you come to see?  A reed shaken by the wind?

you can philosopy or not with the peoples.  But....

Pop by the house, I will gladly slap the dogfuck outta you.

You don't get a 'my'.   Well; maybe on your birthday, I am not a hard man.

Ron


Ron,

I'm never above learning a new method or skill set.
Can you give me some pointers? ...pun definately intended :-)

Be well



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"None are more hopelessly enslaved than those who falsely believe they are free."...Goethe
"Send lawyers, guns and money" ..Warren Zevon

(in reply to NumberSix)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Left my Master - 8/15/2008 12:07:32 PM   
Owner4SexSlave


Posts: 1311
Joined: 4/4/2007
Status: offline 		I hate to break the news to you.  It takes time to develop a 100% control TPE M/s relationship.   It does not magically happen over night.   It requires time, commitment and energy by both people to work towards it.   Bailing Ass because one does not find instant gratification of TPE right away, just means it was not some thing that one of either party truely wanted to begin with.

This is just my perspective, and honest thoughts on the matter.

The concept of 100% control can be debated.. you know such as only 99% control or something slightly short of 100%.  

BDSM relationships require both people to work and make of go of things.  Having it all quickly or overnight is not very realistic.   I'm afraid you may be in for some more disapointments down the road.   

Again, this is my honest response to your OP. 

< Message edited by Owner4SexSlave -- 8/15/2008 12:08:47 PM >

(in reply to SlavHeart321)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Left my Master - 8/15/2008 12:13:31 PM   
simpleplan2


Posts: 461
Joined: 7/5/2008
Status: offline 		Could you slap the catfuck outta her instead?

(in reply to NumberSix)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Left my Master - 8/15/2008 12:19:25 PM   
MasterAramis


Posts: 279
Joined: 7/29/2008
From: Connecticut
Status: offline
quote:

It takes time to develop a 100% control TPE M/s relationship.


This is very true. You cannot enslave a women overnight. It takes time and effort on the part of those concerned. The original OP didn't mention how long they had been together before the demise, but I got the impression it was a short lived.

Aramis

(in reply to Owner4SexSlave)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: Left my Master - 8/15/2008 2:47:21 PM   
subtee


Posts: 5133
Joined: 7/26/2007
Status: offline 		Hmmmm... I don't know...it seems to me that if he were so inclined, Ron would make a woman his slave in about 30 sec---

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Don't believe everything you think...

(in reply to MasterAramis)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: Left my Master - 8/15/2008 5:10:28 PM   
CalifChick


Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline 		At the risk of sounding like "Name That Tune"... my bet is on about 20 seconds.


Cali


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(in reply to subtee)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: Left my Master - 8/15/2008 7:26:46 PM   
thornhappy


Posts: 8596
Joined: 12/16/2006
Status: offline 		I'll take the split, 25 seconds flat!

thornhappy

(in reply to CalifChick)
Profile   Post #: 60
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