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Confused on asking for punishment - 8/3/2008 6:11:13 PM

panthersub

Posts: 80
Joined: 5/20/2008
Status: offline

i'm not exactly having a hard time with this, but my mentor is coming this Thursday, and i'm going to ask that he punish me. Why, i have no clue. i don't know what i did to be punished, and he never brought the subject up, so i'm confused on why i'm needing to ask for it. It's one of those where you know you didn't do anything wrong, but subconsciously you did. i've been thinking over the past week of what i could have done to be in the wrong, but can not find anything and it's frustrating

. Any suggestions/advice on what i should do?

Post #: 1

RE: Confused on asking for punishment - 8/3/2008 6:26:01 PM

NeedingMore220

Posts: 615
Joined: 6/5/2008
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Are you sure you're not just wanting some heavy-duty play and don't quite know how to come out and ask for that, so you're using punishment as an excuse? If not, then color me confused ...

(in reply to panthersub)

Post #: 2

RE: Confused on asking for punishment - 8/3/2008 6:42:55 PM

katie978

Posts: 352
Joined: 7/21/2007
Status: offline

Yeah, I'm wondering if you're confusing punishment with play. For me, I don't have to do anything bad to earn a spanking or a beating. I consider painplay to be exactly that...Play. When I've disobeyed, then I get punished in non-sexual or painplay ways, since I like those things.

So if you're hankering for a spankering, you don't have to call it punishment (unless it's roleplay and you want to).

_____________________________

"That's the plan. Rule the world. You and me. Anyday ::wink::"

(in reply to NeedingMore220)

Post #: 3

RE: Confused on asking for punishment - 8/3/2008 7:41:42 PM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

quote:

Any suggestions/advice on what i should do?

Do something bad.
Then you can ask for punishment.
At least it will be more genuine than what you are attempting. Or, as others have suggested, you can request impact play.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to panthersub)

Post #: 4

RE: Confused on asking for punishment - 8/3/2008 7:59:46 PM

CruelDesires

Posts: 824
Joined: 11/20/2004
Status: offline

And why are you wanting to play with your teacher/guide/mentor? Is he/she wanting to play with you?

C-D

_____________________________

Reputation is what other people know about you. Honor is what you know about yourself.
Lois McMaster Bujold, "A Civil Campaign", 1999

(in reply to KatyLied)

Post #: 5

RE: Confused on asking for punishment - 8/3/2008 8:42:02 PM

Leatherist

Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline

There are other ways to seek intensity-in ways that will probably vex your mentor with you less.

_____________________________

My shop is currently segueing into production mode.

I'm not taking custom orders.

(in reply to panthersub)

Post #: 6

RE: Confused on asking for punishment - 8/3/2008 8:48:16 PM

porcelain20

Posts: 30
Joined: 7/25/2008
Status: offline

if this is your mentor, then ask them about punishment first - don't want until thursday.

maybe you are curious about punishment?

you may just need some stress relief, and that is why you need to feel pain...

(in reply to Leatherist)

Post #: 7

RE: Confused on asking for punishment - 8/3/2008 8:56:25 PM

StrongSpirit

Posts: 575
Joined: 4/10/2005
Status: offline

I agree you appear to be confusing punishment and play. I think you want to play, but in your head you think play=punishment.

Ask to be spanked/whipped/whatever you enjoy. If the word 'punishment' is a turn on, ask that your dom roleplay the activity as punishment.

Better to be honest with the dom instead of screwing up on purpose.

(in reply to CruelDesires)

Post #: 8

RE: Confused on asking for punishment - 8/3/2008 9:53:33 PM

LadyJenasighd

Posts: 11
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline

I agree with Strong Spirit, messing up just to get "punished" is not a good thing. That is what I call a Smart Ass Masocist or S.A.M and it can lead to being frustrated with the sub rather then enjoy the "play" part of punishment.

Try explaining to your Master what you asked in here. Tell him you have a passion to be "punished" and see what his Opened mind can think up.

Good luck.

~Temptation~ ~ForePlay~ ~Passion~
~LadyJenasighd & SirReel~

(in reply to StrongSpirit)

Post #: 9

RE: Confused on asking for punishment - 8/4/2008 12:01:56 AM

MistressSybella

Posts: 163
Joined: 9/14/2004
Status: offline

I'm with porcelain on this. It sounds like you are craving a stress release. And, as everyone else has said, just talk to your top/mentor/whatever and let him know you have this need.

_____________________________

Miss 'Bella

(in reply to LadyJenasighd)

Post #: 10

RE: Confused on asking for punishment - 8/4/2008 6:19:43 AM

panthersub

Posts: 80
Joined: 5/20/2008
Status: offline

Thank you to all. And in response to a few of your replies, i'm not really the type to be into heavy impact play, actually both my mentor and i have not taken it that far and we don't plan to. Also, in response to CruelDesire, my mentor has been helping me explore my submissive side for a while now and we both play together to get me more into the role of submissive; granted i know i will have to relearn most of it later on when i do find a Dom that i am more compatiable with. Because i am still fairly new to this lifestyle, i have learned to ask for punishment in the past, but i knew why i was asking it. Though i do like most of your ideas that it is a stress relieve for me, which thinking last night might be why i'm needing it. And again, i want to thank all of you for your replies. i have a feeling i know how i'm going to ask for it when i talk with him later today.

(in reply to MistressSybella)

Post #: 11

RE: Confused on asking for punishment - 8/4/2008 6:27:18 AM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

Generally speaking, punishment is determined by him for when you break his rules.

I suggest that you maybe think of a roleplay that will involve punishment, for example teacher/student. Genuine punishment, outside of roleplay, for no specific reason, IMO would harm the dynamic between two people.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to panthersub)

Post #: 12

RE: Confused on asking for punishment - 8/4/2008 6:43:17 AM

RavenMuse

Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline

Are you needing to be 'punished'? I doubt that, else you would have a reason, something you felt guilty about, something you felt you let yourself or someone else down over.

Are you just needing a beating? A masochist has pain needs, they could be surfacing in that manner if you don't understand your feelings well yet.

Are you needing chastised? Humiliated? Debased? All such needs are possible and could come out in the same manner as a maso's need for pain.

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to panthersub)

Post #: 13

RE: Confused on asking for punishment - 8/4/2008 6:55:55 AM

fyreredsub

Posts: 3403
Joined: 10/7/2005
Status: offline

I hope this quote makes sense to you cause it hits close to home for me and i would never explain it right ,I havent had enough coffee yet,lol

"The whip is good for us," she said. "perhaps it is hard for you to understand that, as your are not a woman. It makes our womanhood a hundred times more meaningful. The essential point here is not being whipped, of course, which hurts, but being subject to the whip, and being truly subject to it. You see the distinction, I am sure. We know that men are by nature sovereign over us, That comprehension requires no great insight. Accordingly, men must then either fulfill their nature, or deny it, and in denying their nature, deny us ours, for ours is the complement to theirs. Accordingly we despise men who surrender their natural sovereignty. Surely we would not beso stupid, would not be such weaklings and fools as to do that, if we were men. It would be too valuable and glorious a thing to give up. Its surrender would be a tragedy. But we are not men! We are women, and want, truly, everythingthing in our hearts and bellies, to be women, and we cannot be wtrulyturly if men aretrulyturly men! Lay down the whip, and we will attack you, and undermine you, and use your laws, institutions and rhetorics to destroy you, inch by inch. Lift it, and we will lick our feet in gratitude. Own us, dominate us! Enslave us, properly, so that we may love you as a women are meant to love, wholly irreservedly , totally, without a thought for ourselves!" JN

edited to add, i bolded the crucial part*

< Message edited by fyreredsub -- 8/4/2008 6:57:09 AM >

_____________________________

"Accordingly, men must then either fulfill their nature, or deny it, and in denying their nature, deny us ours, for ours is the complement to theirs. " Renegades

(in reply to panthersub)

Post #: 14

RE: Confused on asking for punishment - 8/4/2008 7:06:49 AM

angelikaJ

Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline

I am unclear about something:
are you wanting to ask for it and do not know why or are you being told you need to ask for it...?

(in reply to panthersub)

Post #: 15

RE: Confused on asking for punishment - 8/4/2008 7:40:53 AM

angelwithhonor

Posts: 193
Joined: 5/16/2007
Status: offline

i think i know what she means. i was told by a Master that has been the lifestlye ove 20 years. He always has said that a sub/slave need to be put back in their place. to keep them on tract so to speak. matter of fact He would text me every day asking if i was ready to be spanked. when i said spanking is for me to personal. it would be with a Dom/Master that i was owned by. so then He called me a wanna be and stopped the texting. i do think sometimes i feel the same way that pathersub does. like putting myself in place, even though i know my place. its like i feel lost at times. this may not make sense and i am sorry . my mind isnt working real well this morning

(in reply to angelikaJ)

Post #: 16

RE: Confused on asking for punishment - 8/4/2008 8:03:42 AM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

quote:

He always has said that a sub/slave need to be put back in their place.

I would've texted him back something like "it's too bad that after 20 years in the lifestyle you've not yet figured out how to bond with someone in order to keep them in their place without the use of beatings."

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to angelwithhonor)

Post #: 17

RE: Confused on asking for punishment - 8/4/2008 11:34:09 AM

Constrictor1

Posts: 143
Joined: 6/29/2006
From: Constrictor1
Status: offline

panthersub, It seems like you are asking more for intense play to allow some cathartic release. My girl harbors an amazing amount of internalized self guilt. she will ask for a beating. I rarely have to "punish "her. Perhaps this might be a similar case.
I have a playful saying at my house. "Coffe is too hot, coffee is too cold, coffee is too sweet, coffee is not sweet enough. Never mind I don't need a reason to beat you since I own you." If you just want to be beaten to help with a release of some sort just ask, most owners will gladly oblige. You don't need to attach the negative connotation of punishment to this very natural way of releasing stress and alleviating internal pain. I hope this disjointed jumble of responses helps and/or makes sense. Good luck

Constrictor1

(in reply to panthersub)

Post #: 18

RE: Confused on asking for punishment - 8/4/2008 11:38:16 AM

OmegaG

Posts: 1474
Joined: 10/23/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: panthersub

i'm not exactly having a hard time with this, but my mentor is coming this Thursday, and i'm going to ask that he punish me. Why, i have no clue. i don't know what i did to be punished, and he never brought the subject up, so i'm confused on why i'm needing to ask for it. It's one of those where you know you didn't do anything wrong, but subconsciously you did. i've been thinking over the past week of what i could have done to be in the wrong, but can not find anything and it's frustrating . Any suggestions/advice on what i should do?

I think I understand, m'Lord doesn't find much to punish me for and I do ask for spankings or he gives them to me just because, however there is an intensity that is missing from that dynamic. Sometimes I have a strong urge to do something that would warrent punishment, but that is against my nature, so I don't have an answer for you. Sorry.

_____________________________

Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable. Sydney J. Harris

Sex without pain is like food without taste.
- de Sade

(in reply to panthersub)

Post #: 19

RE: Confused on asking for punishment - 8/4/2008 11:46:23 AM

natasha66

Posts: 321
Joined: 10/14/2006
From: NJ
Status: offline

To me there is a big difference in being spanked with cause (ie because i did something to annoy Him), and NEEDING to be spanked "just because". Sometimes I need the pain I know the paddle will bring. He can generally tell this from my actions...or I will just and tell Him that is what I need. I much prefer the direct approach...leaves no room for doubt and questions....

_____________________________

"If you bother me again I shall visit you in the small hours of the night and put a bat up your nightdress".
~Basil Fawlty

Collared June 4th, 2008
Love is giving him the power to destroy you, but trusting him not to.

(in reply to OmegaG)

Post #: 20

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