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RE: Married Dominates - 8/10/2008 5:19:41 PM   
antipode


Posts: 1787
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline 		Why is it any of your business whether or not a dom is married? What makes you think you can trust anyone?

(in reply to WasHisPet)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Married Dominates - 8/10/2008 5:28:14 PM   
windchymes


Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline 		I could be wrong, but perhaps the OP is secretly hoping that he'll leave his wife one day and come running to her open arms......which would then cause the mental anguish of whether or not she could trust him to remain faithful to HER.....?

Just speculation, though.

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(in reply to antipode)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Married Dominates - 8/10/2008 6:21:58 PM   
realtuffdom


Posts: 108
Joined: 7/16/2007
Status: offline 		Get involved with a couple or an indiividual that does respect their previous commitments. You don't have to put yourself into the middle of a drama if you don't want to. I've been involved with married couples, and it has all worked out just fine because everyone knew what was going on and was all part of the decision, or really didn't care.

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I have lots and lots of experience at domination. Now I'd just like to try it with a partner....

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Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Married Dominates - 8/10/2008 6:37:13 PM   
YourhandMyAss


Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline 		There are some people who have explicit permission to fuck around, provided the spouce don't have to hear about it. The ask the spouce part would obviously not work for those couples who've prommised not to let the spouce know about it. Of course you could always walk away from people who claim they have permission but prommised not to let the spouce hear about it.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

Very simply ask to meet the spouse and visit with them about the whole thing. If the spouse verifies that they are okay with it.......it's up to you whether or not you want to be in that position.



(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Married Dominates - 8/10/2008 6:48:16 PM   
YourhandMyAss


Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline 		Correction, cheating and married Doms are not a good idea. There's plenty of Married non cheating Dominant relationships that work out just fine. 
quote:

ORIGINAL: patina

 Realize you will not share any holidays with him, no vacation times those are for his (FAMILY) you are a side issue.  Even if the wife knows and agrees to his having a slave on the side.    If he has kids it will be worse.  Married dom's are not a good idea. 

patina


(in reply to patina)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Married Dominates - 8/11/2008 12:11:12 AM   
Paulnz


Posts: 411
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: WasHisPet

.... how can i or other sub/slaves work through them being married or committed to someone else?


It comes down to what you want. If you can't handle it, or don't want it, don't do it.

(in reply to WasHisPet)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Married Dominates - 8/11/2008 12:32:06 AM   
Leatherist


Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline 		The same way you trust a rattle snake-from about 100 yards away,or more.

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(in reply to WasHisPet)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Married Dominates - 8/11/2008 5:14:09 AM   
lovingdomwanted


Posts: 95
Joined: 6/14/2007
Status: offline 		Hi WasHisPet,

In my experience no........I had to make the decision to call it a day......He had no intention of ever leaving his wife and the dustrust had started......For example, he sent me a text message that he later said was meant for his sister but in it's nature, it seemed more aimed at a lover.......After that I knew I couldn't 100% trust him. After all he had been lying to his wife for months.

Then the other day whilst being given a lift home, I passed him outside an Indian Take-away he uses and there he was on his phone outside.......This is how he used to contact me over the weekend.....Make an excuse to get out of the house and call me........We only split about 5 weeks ago and it appears he has moved on.....even though his profile states he is giving it a rest.

You will never be able to fully trust him and when they talk about family days out.....it ripe through you like a knife

xxxxx

(in reply to WasHisPet)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Married Dominates - 8/12/2008 2:49:17 PM   
roland23


Posts: 241
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline 		I don't see a problem with it. If someone is married and needs BDSM in their life(extremely common) they should indulge. They might want to clear it with their spouse or they might want to be discreet(I know LOTS of people like this). 

(in reply to Huntertn)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Married Dominates - 8/12/2008 5:03:18 PM   
MasterAramis


Posts: 279
Joined: 7/29/2008
From: Connecticut
Status: offline
quote:

Why is it any of your business whether or not a dom is married?


Excuse me, why is it any of their business? Let me tell you something, you have sex with somebody, you have a right to know who they are with and if precautions are taken. You also have a right to know if the spouse knows or not. This way if she doesn't know and she finds out then shows up on the doorstep, you at least have a clue.

Please don't tell me you condone a Master cheating on their wife and kids just because they are dom? Where is the honor in that? A Dom who does that deserves an extremely painful and costly divorce. (Unfortunately the kids, if any don't).

Aramis Duval

(in reply to antipode)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Married Dominates - 8/12/2008 5:06:45 PM   
MasterAramis


Posts: 279
Joined: 7/29/2008
From: Connecticut
Status: offline
quote:

I don't see a problem with it. If someone is married and needs BDSM in their life(extremely common) they should indulge. They might want to clear it with their spouse or they might want to be discreet(I know LOTS of people like this).


Remember what you said here today if your wife/gf steps out on you! I would suggest you get to know a different bunch of people.


Aramis Duval

(in reply to roland23)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Married Dominates - 8/12/2008 5:19:05 PM   
singsomelyrical


Posts: 20
Joined: 2/25/2007
Status: offline 		If you want to have sex or a causal fling, than only your personal morality can tell you whether it's right or wrong.  But if you want a long term D/s relationship with someone... putting morals aside, you have to decide if the worse case scenerio is worth it.  What happens with wife comes home from her sister's house one day and finds you tied to their bed while her husband is doing his thing?  Think: Jerry Springer much?  Take a mental snapshot of that.  Carry it in your pocket.  If he's worth it to you, go for it.  I don't believe in Karma but I do believe in Irony and when you do something like this on one side, you could (and probably will) some day end up on the other side and I'm not sure how fun and sexy it will be then.

I've also found that instinct about people is usually DEAD ON.  If you doubt you can trust him... then you already have your answer.


_____________________________

"We all enter this world in the same way: naked; screaming; soaked in blood. But if you live your life right, that kind of thing doesn't have to stop there." - Dana Gould

(in reply to MasterAramis)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Married Dominates - 8/12/2008 7:14:07 PM   
greenearth21


Posts: 228
Joined: 7/9/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: WasHisPet

Good Morning, Thank You for taking the time to read  my question. How do i as a slave/sub trust a married Dominate? Trust is very necessary in this Lifestyle. How does one trust? When the one person that i have to trust is not being truthful with a spouse or significant other. i am not judging why they are going out of their marriage vows, more of how can i or other sub/slaves work through them being married or committed to someone else? Thank You for Your guidance.


hmmm...well trust, I think , depends on how it is needed.  Perhaps you need to trust that he'll be there to support you...if he shows such a character then you can count on him regardless of whether hes married or not married.  But I wouldnt trust such a person to be monogomous to me.  If you are interested, or seeing a married man, you (generally speaking) have to be realistic that they can never be completely yours, and have fun for what the relationship is.

(in reply to WasHisPet)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Married Dominates - 8/13/2008 7:03:40 PM   
TheLeatherKnight


Posts: 6
Joined: 8/12/2008
From: Dallas, Texas
Status: offline 		THANK YOU, Lady Pact!  I think a few who have responded may have read some extra issues into this poster's question.  This addresses one of the areas.
IF the Dominant is upfront and on-the-level with his spouse, then the spouse KNOWS and is obviously at ease with it.  She may even be grateful he has a submissive.  In this case, there can be no reason not to trust the Dominant provided he has not hidden his marriage nor his submissive.
On the other hand, if he is married and hiding the fact he has a submissive, DUMP HIS ASS and consider yourself far the better for having done so.  Nothing in this world is more appalling than a sneaky, spineless, cinviving coward who cloaks himself in the title of dominant, nez pa?
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

quote:

ORIGINAL: patina

 Realize you will not share any holidays with him, no vacation times those are for his (FAMILY) you are a side issue.  Even if the wife knows and agrees to his having a slave on the side.    If he has kids it will be worse.  Married dom's are not a good idea. 

patina


Says who?  My sub was right here with us last Thanksgiving.  All of us spent time together at Christmaas.  When there was a trip planned for My birthday, we went as a family of three.  I worked on Easter, but My sub was at our home for the weekend.  My kids know he is part of the family and so do his.

Don't paint all married people in this lifestyle with the same brush.  Not all of us are lying, cheating, or sneaking in some way.  Some of us know the difference between 'a thing on the side' and bringing a submissive into the family.  


(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Married Dominates - 8/14/2008 9:27:07 AM   
roland23


Posts: 241
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline 		If my wife "steps out on me,"(does this mean she becomes a dom or a sub, I don't quite understand) I hope that it would be discreet. I have one question, does BDSM always have to be centered on a traditional relationship. Does every scene/encounter have to involve vanilla sex. It is clear that many people think this is so. 

(in reply to TheLeatherKnight)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Married Dominates - 8/14/2008 10:23:16 AM   
sublizzie


Posts: 1252
Joined: 5/26/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: roland23

If my wife "steps out on me,"(does this mean she becomes a dom or a sub, I don't quite understand) I hope that it would be discreet. I have one question, does BDSM always have to be centered on a traditional relationship. Does every scene/encounter have to involve vanilla sex. It is clear that many people think this is so. 


Until Santa, my Dom, came into my life none of my scenes/encounters involved sexual activity. I can't account for how they felt during our scenes but while I felt very submissive, I did not feel sexual. They are very similar in feeling and it took me some time to figure out just *what* I was feeling, but they aren't the same. In fact, the scenes that Santa and I have are seldom sexual though we often end them having sex. But it's the feeling of submission to another that I crave more than sexual submission. Then again, my favorite "scene" tends to include cooking for a crowd of people which is an atypical scene.

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"cooking is my kink"

Collared June 19, 2008
(uncollared 12/21/09 with his death. RIP my Santa)

(in reply to roland23)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Married Dominates - 8/14/2008 7:36:58 PM   
E2Sweet


Posts: 649
Joined: 7/8/2008
From: TopLeftCornerOf, OH, USA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: roland23

....does BDSM always have to be centered on a traditional relationship.


No.

quote:


...Does every scene/encounter have to involve vanilla sex.


The bottom line is: Hiding one's extra-marital encounters is clearly unacceptable behavior in the mind of anyone who is doing it, because if it was acceptable, the person sneaking around wouldn't feel the need to hide it. Its really not that hard...

Rationalizing immoral behavior and getting all hung up on technicalities doesn't make the behavior right. That's kids stuff. Who would want a dominant that exhibits the behavioral patterns of spoiled child?




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E2Sweet™
"If it doesn't make you smile then chances are you're not doing it right."

(in reply to roland23)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: Married Dominates - 8/15/2008 6:52:05 AM   
roland23


Posts: 241
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline 		Have they never heard of don't ask,don't tell. What is immoral behavior is entirely subjective!Some(MANY) people believe that BDSM(EVEN IF YOU ARE MARRIED, HOOKED UP ETC) is immoral. 

(in reply to E2Sweet)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: Married Dominates - 8/15/2008 5:14:04 PM   
E2Sweet


Posts: 649
Joined: 7/8/2008
From: TopLeftCornerOf, OH, USA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: roland23

Have they never heard of don't ask,don't tell.


This method is an interesting way to say to someone, "Hey, let's get freaky, just don't tell me anything about your personal life so I don't have to deal with any of the guilt for possibly screwing your family up"...

Is that really an honorable way of conducting one's self? Is that really being a responsible adult?

In my opinion, if one answers "yes" to those questions, then that person is beyond any possibility of help and hope with regard to the way they treat other human beings. That is someone I would consider to be an absolute idiot, or worse, a predator, only out for their or own gratification and offering no remorse for the damage they bring in their wake.



quote:

What is immoral behavior is entirely subjective!Some(MANY) people believe that BDSM(EVEN IF YOU ARE MARRIED, HOOKED UP ETC) is immoral. 


The views of outsiders in this example are irrelevant. What matters is the morality and values of the person doing the lying and the person being lied to.

Arguing "I didn't know it was wrong to lie to my spouse about my kinky entanglements with people outside my marriage" is probably not going to get anyone a lot of millage at the divorce hearing...




_____________________________

E2Sweet™
"If it doesn't make you smile then chances are you're not doing it right."

(in reply to roland23)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: Married Dominates - 8/16/2008 2:35:38 AM   
Midnght


Posts: 98
Joined: 4/24/2008
From: Maryland
Status: offline
quote:

Good Morning, Thank You for taking the time to read my question. How do i as a slave/sub trust a married Dominate? Trust is very necessary in this Lifestyle. How does one trust? When the one person that i have to trust is not being truthful with a spouse or significant other. i am not judging why they are going out of their marriage vows, more of how can i or other sub/slaves work through them being married or committed to someone else? Thank You for Your guidance.



You're question is a little vauge.

You seem to be saying you know this person is cheating on his wife.

But then if you read it another way you seem to be saying she knows and is okay, but your not okay with him doing this outside of his vows or living arrangement.


It's pretty simple in the first case for me. Don't get involved. They lie to their wife they will lie to you. Not to mention there will be things they can't or won't do to keep their secret hidden.

In the second case if the wifes okay with this simply ask to verify it (this can be a way to find out if they are cheating or not IMHO) then the only real issue, if you've verified it's all okay is, why you are holding to the ideal he's untrustworthy because of this?

As for working through it, in either case if you want to stick with this person.

You should come to a realization of what you are giving this person in the end, and vice versa are they supplying your needs as well. If not then you should likely look else where unless you can live with how things are going like it or not.

< Message edited by Midnght -- 8/16/2008 3:02:29 AM >

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New opinions are always suspected, and usually opposed, without any other reason but because they are not common. — John Locke, English empiricist philosopher (1632-1704)

I'll lift you up like the sweetest angel, then tear you down like a whore.

(in reply to WasHisPet)
Profile   Post #: 60
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