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RE: Married Dominates - 8/16/2008 2:57:59 AM   
sirsholly


Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: roland23

If my wife "steps out on me,"(does this mean she becomes a dom or a sub, I don't quite understand)

well of COURSE it does. We all know only Doms are permitted to "step out".


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(in reply to roland23)
Profile   Post #: 61
RE: Married Dominates - 8/16/2008 3:11:08 AM   
Level


Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sirsholly

quote:

ORIGINAL: roland23

If my wife "steps out on me,"(does this mean she becomes a dom or a sub, I don't quite understand)

well of COURSE it does. We all know only Doms are permitted to "step out".



Now, now, that's "Dominates".....

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to sirsholly)
Profile   Post #: 62
RE: Married Dominates - 8/16/2008 3:13:29 AM   
sirsholly


Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline 		crap. Dem der noun and verb thinkies always confuzzled me...

_____________________________

PICKED UPON
TECHNO-DOLT
MEMBER OF THE SUBBIE MAFIA
GRACEFULLY CHALLENGED :::::splat:::::
BOOT WHORE
VAA/S FAN

GIVES GOOD HEART (Lushy)

CREATOR OF MAYHEM (practice)


(in reply to Level)
Profile   Post #: 63
RE: Married Dominates - 8/16/2008 3:23:33 AM   
Brian521


Posts: 1
Joined: 8/12/2008
Status: offline 		Maybe I should start a new thread here but what do you do when you agree as a couple to list on a web site to find a sub to join us in someplay.  My wife is more a switch than a sub and we agreed to find a sub to join us.   When I get on this site and start searching for a sub I find my sub wife has a profile on CM, and has done for a few years looking for a Dom?   Talk about trust and honesty out the window!   We have played with many people over the past years and, I thought we had always been honest and told each other everything; this is what we agreed to.

My advice, for what it is worth - Go and visit the married partner of your dom and check that they are cool with it.  Honesty is so important!

(in reply to sirsholly)
Profile   Post #: 64
RE: Married Dominates - 8/16/2008 8:34:22 AM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		For me this if an easy question with my reply based on what we do at Bruin Cottage. First of I am married, with my wife and I being Dominants (I am the lead Dominant and Master of our Home). Anyone wanting to join us will be aware of this from day one. he or she will chat to both of us independently or together on YM, Skypw or by phone. Whe n we meet for a coffee both of us well be there and later he or she will be introduced to our Male Alaskan Malamute and female Alaskan Malamute/Siberian Husky cross. This is our family. With few exceptions involvinf Family Functions organided by my Inlaws, a slave in our house collar is included in our social outings and be accepted as an extention of our family (Albeit as a servant in some cases). We have everything up front so there is no secrets and Neets and I talk about everything.

IB
(The incorrigible, irrepressible and irreverent Bear)


(in reply to Huntertn)
Profile   Post #: 65
RE: Married Dominates - 8/16/2008 11:37:03 PM   
mastersgemm


Posts: 16
Joined: 8/22/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: roland23

I don't see a problem with it. If someone is married and needs BDSM in their life(extremely common) they should indulge. They might want to clear it with their spouse or they might want to be discreet(I know LOTS of people like this). 


lol discreet = I'm a cheating coward to my Domme wife but I'm really a 'master' - how you can even begin to defend this or say that it isn't immoral?  As stated by another on here, better watch how you feel about it when your significant other pulls a 'discreet' on you ;)

The OP ...."When the one person that i have to trust is not being truthful with a spouse or significant other"...

It's too bad she hasn't come back to post to clarify her position but it seems rather clear to me that he's cheating and not with his wife's permission which is an obvious no, no, no matter how you might like to 'disguise' it.

I've met many of them online and can't be bothered to give them the time of day; if they can't be honest with the person they took vows with, they certainly aren't going to give a damn if they're honest with me or not.

Also stated here is there are many single men on these forums that are actually married only they aren't being honest with anyone involved and they are the absolute scum of the wannabes imo - these will be the 'doms' that are only available during the weekdays ;)

Either way, if there is a lack of honesty (on any level), there is no basis for trust and not like you (the OP) needed anyone to tell you what you already knew - keep good mental health; walk away.

(in reply to roland23)
Profile   Post #: 66
RE: Married Dominates - 8/18/2008 4:03:12 PM   
roland23


Posts: 241
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline 		Just remember this:

Sexuality: Strong and Warm and Wild and Free
Sexuality: YOUR LAWS DO NOT APPLY TO ME

Billy Bragg

(in reply to mastersgemm)
Profile   Post #: 67
RE: Married Dominates - 8/18/2008 5:16:20 PM   
BeIgnited


Posts: 191
Joined: 6/23/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: roland23

Just remember this:

Sexuality: Strong and Warm and Wild and Free
Sexuality: YOUR LAWS DO NOT APPLY TO ME

Billy Bragg


Because as everyone knows, song lyrics are an excellent basis for the crux of your personal ethics.

(in reply to roland23)
Profile   Post #: 68
RE: Married Dominates - 8/18/2008 6:48:57 PM   
roland23


Posts: 241
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline 		Works for me!!!!

(in reply to BeIgnited)
Profile   Post #: 69
RE: Married Dominates - 8/20/2008 10:15:49 PM   
Mavis


Posts: 828
Joined: 2/8/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

quote:

ORIGINAL: patina

 Realize you will not share any holidays with him, no vacation times those are for his (FAMILY) you are a side issue.  Even if the wife knows and agrees to his having a slave on the side.    If he has kids it will be worse.  Married dom's are not a good idea. 

patina


Says who?  My sub was right here with us last Thanksgiving.  All of us spent time together at Christmaas.  When there was a trip planned for My birthday, we went as a family of three.  I worked on Easter, but My sub was at our home for the weekend.  My kids know he is part of the family and so do his.

Don't paint all married people in this lifestyle with the same brush.  Not all of us are lying, cheating, or sneaking in some way.  Some of us know the difference between 'a thing on the side' and bringing a submissive into the family.  



Same story all about town, there are a lot of us that serve married Dominants, and are also married, but nobody is cheating.  There is active visiting between both houses, and to the extended family and children in the home, we're all just very close friends who holiday together and spend a LOT of time on the phone. 

The Cheating Dom, on the other hand, is a way different creature.  First off, He's proving that His care for those in His charge can be put on hold while He feeds any whim He has..  what needs of the wife go unmet because He's feeding her bullsnip about the time He's making for your relationship?    He can be just as willing to take time from your bowl to feed a third, if the whim strikes Him.

Also, HE's not very Dominant after all.  He's not Dominant enuf to confidently go to the wife, and assure her that her position is not at risk, that this is what He wants to do, that He has a plan to manage all the additional responsibility AND still keep her happy.  He has no leadership skills.  He avoids the possible conflict of that discussion because SHE holds all the cards in His life, and He's ....a...weenie.

i think the OP has already figured this out, but we know others will search this topic in the future, and i think we forget to address the Weenie/ lack of leadership skills side in the flurry of the (primary) trust and honesty issues.

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 70
RE: Married Dominates - 8/30/2008 4:48:28 PM   
TwilightShadows


Posts: 68
Joined: 1/4/2008
From: twilight
Status: offline 		Trust him if he invites you to meet his wife.  If they are in an open marriage, and that's enough for you, go for it.

Of course, real life obligations get in the way - time constraints, responsibilities, work schedules, running a house, enjoying one's wife and family - that don't always allow for much time together. 

It gets lonely...you find yourself wishing you could be there to take care of him when he is sick, or fix his dinner. 

(in reply to Huntertn)
Profile   Post #: 71
RE: Married Dominates - 9/1/2008 5:39:41 AM   
roland23


Posts: 241
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline 		People are so judgmental of other people's relationships. Relationships can often be complex and many marriages, etc cannot meet all of the needs. I realize that this is a politically incorrect and upsetting thing to hear but that is the reality. Why do we have so many divorces and massive relationship problems in this country and not in western Europe or Japan? Maybe they have not put all their eggs in one basket.

(in reply to TwilightShadows)
Profile   Post #: 72
RE: Married Dominates - 9/6/2008 2:32:26 PM   
Worldly1


Posts: 37
Joined: 8/20/2008
Status: offline 		How do you trust a married Dominant?

You can start trusting him the day that his wife knows about you, or else the day that he leaves her for you.

Until then, he will be lying to her and likely to you too.

With lying and sneaking, the end is heartbreak for one or all 3 of you.

(in reply to WasHisPet)
Profile   Post #: 73
RE: Married Dominates - 9/6/2008 4:36:21 PM   
MasterAramis


Posts: 279
Joined: 7/29/2008
From: Connecticut
Status: offline
quote:

People are so judgmental of other people's relationships. Relationships can often be complex and many marriages, etc cannot meet all of the needs. I realize that this is a politically incorrect and upsetting thing to hear but that is the reality. Why do we have so many divorces and massive relationship problems in this country and not in western Europe or Japan? Maybe they have not put all their eggs in one basket.


No one is saying that Married people can't have additional partners to fulfill certain needs. I think most would applaud that. I think what is being said is that if this is done, all must know about it and accept it. It should not be done in a vacuum behind ones back. There is no honor in that.

Aramis Duval

(in reply to roland23)
Profile   Post #: 74
RE: Married Dominates - 9/6/2008 4:42:59 PM   
JohnWarren


Posts: 3807
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Delray Beach, FL
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

Very simply ask to meet the spouse and visit with them about the whole thing. If the spouse verifies that they are okay with it.......it's up to you whether or not you want to be in that position.


I'll second that.  One of the requirements of our relationship is that Libby has to meet and approve of anyone I play with (except at a play party where there isn't an ongoing relationship).  We've found this works well for us.


_____________________________

www.lovingdominant.org

(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 75
RE: Married Dominates - 9/6/2008 5:11:15 PM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: WasHisPet

When the one person that i have to trust is not being truthful with a spouse or significant other. i am not judging why they are going out of their marriage vows, more of how can i or other sub/slaves work through them being married or committed to someone else? Thank You for Your guidance.


I can't tell you how you can do it... frankly.. I don't know how I could do it.

This I do know.. if you don't know how to do it..... chances are your not going to be able to do it!

Secondly... Do want to do it?  if you don't why does it matter?  If it does... why do you want to?



_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to WasHisPet)
Profile   Post #: 76
RE: Married Dominates - 9/7/2008 9:48:48 AM   
cankles


Posts: 59
Joined: 8/18/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: WasHisPet
How do i as a slave/sub trust a married Dominate?


you can't. hope that helps!

(in reply to WasHisPet)
Profile   Post #: 77
RE: Married Dominates - 9/7/2008 10:07:10 AM   
CallaFirestormBW


Posts: 3651
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: roland23
I have one question, does BDSM always have to be centered on a traditional relationship. Does every scene/encounter have to involve vanilla sex. It is clear that many people think this is so. 


I don't have sex with my servants... but even for my Darling, who does have some sexual aspects with -some- servants as a possiblity, not every servant we have or have had is or will be a sexual companion... she's very selective. We're also polyfideletous, and we've had mates who were involved in WIITWD, and others who were completely vanilla...So, to answer your question, no, not every BDSM or D/s relationship is centered on a 'traditional' relationship, and not every BDSM or D/s relationship revolves around sex.

Calla Firestorm

_____________________________

***
Said to me recently: "Look, I know you're the "voice of reason"... but dammit, I LIKE being unreasonable!!!!"

"Your mind is more interested in the challenge of becoming than the challenge of doing." Jon Benson, Bodybuilder/Trainer

(in reply to roland23)
Profile   Post #: 78
RE: Married Dominates - 9/22/2008 1:47:51 PM   
RollingThunder


Posts: 13
Joined: 6/6/2005
Status: offline 		simple not all married men that are Dom are cheeting , things should allways be in the open and honest with everyone involved!!!

(in reply to WasHisPet)
Profile   Post #: 79
RE: Married Dominates - 9/22/2008 2:55:29 PM   
tweedydaddy


Posts: 673
Joined: 9/1/2008
Status: offline 		As a married dominant, married to another dominant, it's simple, we add to our relationship by acquiring playmates and pets. She has great big strapping men, all way taller, younger and fitter than me, and I favour small ladies. We have been doing this for 20 years and have never cheated on each other. Power  exchange is a spiritual and instinctive need. The relationship is not the same as that with a life partner, it can't be. I could never take My Wife where I go with my sub and I could never kneel before her, if it wasn't for this release of our aggression we would be impossible to live with. Man is by nature a predator, a predatory couple, like the alpha male and female of a wolf pack, the other wolves do not mate.
In our little pack everybody knows their place, no one feels that their relationship is being challenged at all. It all runs on trust and mutual respect.

(in reply to WasHisPet)
Profile   Post #: 80
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