RE: The Predator Dom-how you claim redress ?

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

RE: The Predator Dom-how you claim redress ?

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: The Predator Dom-how you claim redress ?

Page: << < prev 2 3 4 5 [6]

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: The Predator Dom-how you claim redress ? - 11/26/2005 1:19:05 PM

candystripper

Posts: 3486
Joined: 11/1/2005
Status: offline

quote:

I think that is something that the mentor system as the people I have known used it does, to an extent. The submisive people learn to rely on an outside source for "protection" and to mediate judgmentes. Instead of being taught, or learning on their own how to better make informed decitions it is reinforced over and over that submissivep people should be "protected" and 'nurtured."

perverseangelic

Well, as i have said, i only know of my own experience -- which could not have been better -- and of one of my Men friend's experience in Mentoring. Yes, i was protected (by agreement) but i needed protection. i arrived all wet behind the ears and if you read some of my posts you can tell my learning curve is still steep. In addition to teaching me BDSM 101, He taught me how to find my place in this strange and wonderful place, and He kept me safe. i owe a debt i cannot repay. i wish every newbie could have that kindness and protection...but sadly, i think few do. i know i have seen young women say things in chat that just curled my hair. i know i was particularly well-blessed and i am grateful for it.

candystripper

(in reply to perverseangelic)

Profile

Post #: 101

RE: The Predator Dom-how you claim redress ? - 11/26/2005 6:06:46 PM

perverseangelic

Posts: 2625
Joined: 2/2/2004
From: Davis, Ca
Status: offline

It sounds like you had a mentor who did exactly what I think mentor should do--educate.

I was trying to assert that often it is nothing like education and more like fostering dependancy.

yes, I think you had a good experience with someone doing what a mentor should do in my eyes. I was trying to say that in my experience this is in the -far- minority, and the general attitude is that submissive people are basically like children who need dirrection and protection, not to be taught how to be safe. That is, they are often assumed to be unable to keep themselves safe, and need someone else to step in. I'd rather we totally forgo that assumption and educate. With and without mentors.

_____________________________

~in the begining it is always dark~

(in reply to candystripper)

Profile

Post #: 102

RE: The Predator Dom-how you claim redress ? - 11/26/2005 6:43:09 PM

candystripper

Posts: 3486
Joined: 11/1/2005
Status: offline

quote:

With and without mentors.

perveseangelic

Naturally, i'd wish everyone new had the same quality of experience i had with my Mentor. However, i do agree that well-informed and well-intended people should pitch in occassionally and aid those who are less so. Sometimes i ask a dumb ass question but i truely do not know the answer. Some people are kind and answer; others use it as an excuse to flaunt their "superiority". One thing i have no doubt about is my own intrinsic worth, so this doesn't run me off; but i did not possess that quality at 18; i think we need to take greater care of younger people here. Besides, if your measure of yourself is how you believe you -- or others -- rank you compared to other members, you already need help.

Bottom line is, i would advocate for more teaching and tolerance, and less posturing.

candystripper

(in reply to perverseangelic)

Profile

Post #: 103

RE: The Predator Dom-how you claim redress ? - 11/27/2005 12:22:49 AM

perverseangelic

Posts: 2625
Joined: 2/2/2004
From: Davis, Ca
Status: offline

(note: I may have missread your intention here. I'm replying as I read the post. )

quote:

ORIGINAL: candystripper
i think we need to take greater care of younger people here.

But see, that's exactly part of the problem!! We don't need to be "taken care of." We need to be honestly, openly, and decently educated. Instead of being treated as if we cannot take care of ourselves because we are young(because I've seen this for young people on both sides of the whip) we should be treated as -any- newcomer to BDSM.

Yes, there's a difference between a newcomer at 18 and a newcomer at 38, but I think the basic approach needs to be the same, and that age shouldn't dictate how we teach.

I'm willing to bet that when I got started I needed to learn the exact same things that you needed to learn when you got started, and could probably have benifited from learning them in the same ways. Instead, I got passed off or condecended to. (Admitedly, I don't know if you got that too, though). I'm lucky enough to have a rather...strong...personality, so I was mostly able to sort the fluff from the meat, but, again, I shouldn't have been treated differently, in terms of education,because I was 18-ish.

quote:

Bottom line is, i would advocate for more teaching and tolerance, and less posturing.

candystripper[/font][/size][/color]

AMEN! :)

_____________________________

~in the begining it is always dark~

(in reply to candystripper)

Profile

Post #: 104

RE: The Predator Dom- arch-villain or over-hyped phantom ? - 11/27/2005 2:49:54 AM

Vendaval

Posts: 10297
Joined: 1/15/2005
Status: offline

I have to second this comment. Several years ago I was forced to file two restraining orders, the first temporary, the next permanent, against a former male partner. Last I knew there were two other women who had filed permanent restraining orders against this same guy. My gut instinct is that his life will end by violence. Either by one of his victims or by someone protecting them.

And the Big Red Flags were there. The abusive mother relationship, his anger and hatred
for her, deep-set rage at her abandonment, his seething anger at another woman who had left him. All of it simmering just below the surface. On first meeting he was intelligent, charming and a good conversationalist. The real personality only revealed itself over a several month period.

I paid my dues on that life experience, went through individual and group counseling, and
had very supportive friends.

Be safe out there E/everyone.

Vendaval

quote:

ORIGINAL: candystripper

An abusive Man in His 40's or so has abused other women; you cannot be the first. It usually begins with the first wife, but i had cases of teenagers being abused. Questions about His past may be revealing...if you listen well enough. Pay particular attention to any anger or hatred He espouses for someone who left Him, particularly if the break up is quite a long time ago.

_____________________________

"Beware, the woods at night, beware the lunar light.
So in this gray haze we'll be meating again, and on that
great day, I will tease you all the same."
"WOLF MOON", OCTOBER RUST, TYPE O NEGATIVE

http://KinkMeet.co.uk

(in reply to candystripper)

Profile

Post #: 105

RE: The Predator Dom- arch-villain or over-hyped phantom ? - 11/27/2005 8:57:32 AM

GddssBella

Posts: 343
Joined: 2/24/2004
Status: offline

G'morning all:

I just had to come back to this point. Simply because it illustrates my point so well.

quote:

ORIGINAL: candystripper

To everyone who said "she should just use common sense" let me assure you from my experience ANY woman (or man) can be drawn into an abusive relationship. It is never the woman's fault, and telling her to "use her head" is blaming the victim and letting the abuser get off without a slap.

How is any reasonable, mature adult faultless? How is anyone excused for being accountable for their own actions, even the so-called "victim"? Weren't these individuals born with a brain and the power to use them? Perhaps I have better instincts than most, due to my career, maybe even just a biological quirk. I would never excuse my lack of judgement though and attempt to redirect the blame elsewhere.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MHOO314

has anyone noticed that our thread originator has vanished? no profile found?

Are you really surprised? LoL. Most pot-stirrers will abandon their rants when they find the tide turns against them. *shrugs*

Stay safe, play nice, & share your toys w/ others...

Bella

_____________________________

Life shouldn't be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly shouting..."Wow! What a ride!"

(in reply to candystripper)

Profile

Post #: 106

RE: The Predator Dom- arch-villain or over-hyped phantom ? - 12/1/2005 11:09:26 PM

LATEXBABY64

Posts: 2107
Joined: 4/8/2004
Status: offline

you know its hard to find out what someone is untill things go south. Its easy to be cool when things are good. but when things like debts and past boyfriends or girlfriends that enter into the picture or kids of other fathers or mothers. how people respond. abuse is wrong on anylevel or any person no matter what they are. different types of abuse mental, physical a preditor knows how to hide his skin all to well hes or she is refined the art of deception and surival skills they give to get and take
kinda like a dictator complex. manipulate their subjects till there is nothing left. its getting so bdsm is just another fashion statment with no boundries or regard for the human conditon. more like cambells soup mix of idiological expermentation. i guess the true lesson is do you wanna grow or do you want to fallow someones bad idea love and commitment. stablity that can only come with in. hardest lesson i learned is anyone can be a villian it takes someone a step beyond to be something else i do not know about anyone else on this cm site but i am ready for something else something called a lifetime of magic

purrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
latexbaby :)

(in reply to GddssBella)

Profile

Post #: 107