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Playing: Private vs Public - 8/5/2008 10:54:42 AM

Daes

Posts: 246
Joined: 4/20/2007
From: Diamond Bar, SoCal
Status: offline

I know that everyone's situation is different, but I am curious -

What do you prefer? Playing/Sceneing at home or playing at a local BDSM dungeon/club?

Why?

I've always been a more of a private player, I've had play partners but I had never felt comfortable enough to go to any of the clubs here in socal, like the Lair and Dragon's Gate even though I had opportunities to go. Now that I've been to PA a few times, I've been considering the differences between Private and Public play. Obviously this is just my opinion, but I find playing in private to be more intimate and there's less inhibitions on my part, mainly because Im not sure how Id feel about being pressured into a full session at a dungeon. However, being able to socialize with others in the lifestyle has been awesome and I've met some really good people. Its nice being able to go to a dungeon and hangout and/or play if you want to. Though I like playing with Sir at home. Just wanted to read other people's thoughts.

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Post #: 1

RE: Playing: Private vs Public - 8/5/2008 11:00:58 AM

Madame4a

Posts: 2045
Joined: 2/4/2008
From: Washington, DC area
Status: offline

I like both for what I assume are obvious reasons -- private means its more intimate and I do things I might not do in public -- I also don't have to deal with the showoffs, the loud commenters, and people who just won't leave you alone...

that said, I love the atmosphere of public play, I like the equipment that I don't have in my playroom or bedroom and I enjoy socializing some of the time

_____________________________

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(in reply to Daes)

Post #: 2

RE: Playing: Private vs Public - 8/5/2008 11:04:34 AM

MamaDomme1

Posts: 377
Joined: 1/12/2008
Status: offline

I love going to public dungeons, but really prefer private play. I don't like an audience unless I specifically invite them on a personal level.

I go to see friends, to socialize, to meet new people, to watch demos, and rarely ever play there.

(in reply to Daes)

Post #: 3

RE: Playing: Private vs Public - 8/5/2008 11:08:23 AM

softness

Posts: 2918
Joined: 8/1/2006
From: Leeds, UK
Status: offline

Again .. I like both ... Private play is more intimate, usually heavier and more extreme ... certainly the "darker" less acceptable stuff happens in the privacy of home.

I enjoy the energy I get from playing in public, the people around me. One of the major advantages to public play are having the space and equipment. I don't have a St Andrews at home ... or a rack ... both can be enjoyed in the clubs I go to. Also ... I am fairly loud, and often have to stifle myself so as not to upset the neighbours ... that constraint is lifted in a public dungeon.

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(in reply to Madame4a)

Post #: 4

RE: Playing: Private vs Public - 8/5/2008 11:09:04 AM

UmbraDomina

Posts: 491
Joined: 7/22/2008
From: SE Michigan
Status: offline

I like the socializing at play parties, I and my beloved slave have a tiny amount of exobistionist in us, so that is fun......but we generally enjoy playing more at home. We have complete or as close to it, control over our scene at home, it's our music, no one will accidently walk into my whip or flogger, no one will walk up and admire one of my paddles as we are enjoying ourselves. No need for him to wear a thong so I can torture all his dangling parts, and so much more.
I enjoy play parties, I love meeting up with all my kinky pals, and meeting new kinky pals but nothing is the same as private play.

Alexandra ~

(in reply to Madame4a)

Post #: 5

RE: Playing: Private vs Public - 8/5/2008 11:13:00 AM

azropedntied

Posts: 1829
Joined: 7/25/2005
From: Phx AZ
Status: offline

Like it was said above , there are benefits to both , i do not have a fully stocked dungeon unless i go to one or an event . In private you do not have to deal with the peacocks , or the people walking into your exchange . I have had people ask questions mid way through , and stand in a back swing , you don't get that in private . You also do not get the fun good energy from public domain play either . In short its a give and take for both so i guess it depends on what type of bdsm exchange is sought .both have plus and drawbacks .

(in reply to MamaDomme1)

Post #: 6

RE: Playing: Private vs Public - 8/5/2008 11:22:25 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

I love enjoying the advantages of both. In public or at the club, there are different pieces of furniture, etc that I don't have at home, so those are fun to play on. I happen to enjoy a lot of the social aspects. There are folks in Atlanta that I only get to see every so often, and I can usually find them at public events.

As for private, the automatic answer is that it is more intimate. Very little of My sexuality is displayed publicly, nor is any type of sexual service. Those things to Me are rather private, and I would like to keep them that way. Not saying certain little thoughts never enter My mind.

_____________________________

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Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

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(in reply to MamaDomme1)

Post #: 7

RE: Playing: Private vs Public - 8/5/2008 11:26:47 AM

persephonee

Posts: 5089
Joined: 12/15/2007
Status: offline

FR~

i play in public and privately and find the same to be true as already stated. i love my public dungeon because of the people who frequent it. i can make my own cross if need be. i try to stifle my sound even when im in public, mostly because im just THAT loud and the gag takes that whole topping from the bottom thing out of my way. Sexually i prefer to play privately, of course, but i tend to leave my dungeon happy regardless of the rules of the day. i have found what softness said above to be true, that the darker things may be best played with at home, as i have recently startled more than a few of my good friends and have not enjoyed the repreccussions of said startlement. (On a good day i chuckle and think of myself as a suburban edge player...and on a bad day i whine about being misunderstood).
The politics of playing in public venues can be avoided by walking away from inflamatory conversations...which i will attempt to do just as soooooon as possible....
But, honestly, i suggest playing at public dungeons and joining local groups if they are to your liking. You meet more people than you would just playing privately and you get a better understanding of the community around you. When i talk to someone who is afraid/shy and wont go..even just to see whats going on, i encourage them as much as possible and hope for the best. And these days frankly, if i cant get a new Dom to at least come and see what ive been yammering on about the whole week, then i tend to lose interest. You are not single and therefore dont need this tidbit, but, given that i am single, i know that on any given weekend, i can collect the beating i so richly deserve after a hard weeks work by simply walking in and any one of my friends would be more than happy to beat the holy crap right out of me...whether ive managed to play that week or not. Its great to go somewhere, gear up and let it all go amongst friends.
Be well and get the hell out there!...grins.

_____________________________

You be the Captain; i'll be no one.

And You can carry me away....if You want to. ~Kasey Chambers

E*Whore, extraordinaire....

Nothing is exactly as it seems~Nor, is it otherwise.

(in reply to UmbraDomina)

Post #: 8

RE: Playing: Private vs Public - 8/5/2008 11:38:46 AM

daddysblondie

Posts: 181
Joined: 3/17/2007
Status: offline

I have to agree with everyone else here as well. I'm enjoying the public atmosphere for the social aspects and also because I find it's given us a chance to watch and experience things we wouldn't have by being at home. For example, a friend of ours had a violet wand that he was able to try out. help him decide it was worth the investment. It's also afforded us an opportunity simply to get out of the house and make friendships with other kinky people.

But playing at home is so much more intimate and truth be told, if I could only have one or the other, I'd choose private play at home over public play in a heartbeat.

(in reply to Daes)

Post #: 9

RE: Playing: Private vs Public - 8/5/2008 11:41:45 AM

Lynnxz

Posts: 4813
Joined: 10/3/2006
From: Atlanta
Status: offline

I can't stand public play. I've gone a grand total of three times to a club around here, and every time it's been either awkward- with some creeper planting himself just inches from us, or annoying, where someone feels the need to correct us. Add that with the general consensus of younger people/pros aren't approved of in that community, and you have the reason C and I play at home.

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HBIC

(in reply to persephonee)

Post #: 10

RE: Playing: Private vs Public - 8/5/2008 11:46:40 AM

IvyMorgan

Posts: 729
Joined: 7/5/2007
From: Midlands, UK
Status: offline

The heaviest scenes I've done have been in public, perhaps because I know there are people around to "contain" it and it won't get out of hand. I also let go much better in public, because I know the scene won't get out of control, so I don't need to be so vigilent.

For those reasons, I think I prefer public play, in general.

The intimacy of private is nice, and has it's place, but when I want to play heavy, *smiles*

(in reply to Lynnxz)

Post #: 11

RE: Playing: Private vs Public - 8/5/2008 11:57:19 AM

azropedntied

Posts: 1829
Joined: 7/25/2005
From: Phx AZ
Status: offline

Lynn > i hope you continue to try and find other venues publicly , sorry that the places thus far have given you bad experiences, but there are events ,gatherings, clubs , etc where you shall have an awesome time . Sue there shall be creepies , the know it alls , rude people but thats anywhere the store , starbucks etc . Dont let that wreck your fun .
Not sure why people you have met do not like pro people , perhaps i am just very lucky with a great community but its not an issue here , nor was it at DomCon .
I wish you well and hope you give it more chances

but do what makes you happy and who cares what others think .

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lynnxz

I can't stand public play. I've gone a grand total of three times to a club around here, and every time it's been either awkward- with some creeper planting himself just inches from us, or annoying, where someone feels the need to correct us. Add that with the general consensus of younger people/pros aren't approved of in that community, and you have the reason C and I play at home.

(in reply to Lynnxz)

Post #: 12

RE: Playing: Private vs Public - 8/5/2008 12:09:43 PM

sambamanslilgirl

Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline

i recently tried public play and enjoyed the rush/excitement of doing it. however was kind of disappointed no one else at the fetish party was playing so i could voyeur them. i prefer privacy over public - i really don't like people watching me. i get enough of that while reviewing and snapping photos of bands.

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(in reply to azropedntied)

Post #: 13

RE: Playing: Private vs Public - 8/5/2008 2:05:29 PM

YourhandMyAss

Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline

I preferre to play in public, because the places we go have tons more equipment than Daddy and I could ever afford to have or have room to keep, plus, If I am lucky then I get to play with others at the party, and it's far safer in my mind than playing at home with strangers Even wth a partner there with you a stranger could over power the partner and then you'd be helpless At a dungeon there's DM's and people in general will not let something bad happen to someone who's obviously in trouble.

Plus to me it's just plain hot to know people could be watching us and we're fueling the good energy.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Daes

I know that everyone's situation is different, but I am curious -

What do you prefer? Playing/Sceneing at home or playing at a local BDSM dungeon/club?

Why?

(in reply to Daes)

Post #: 14

RE: Playing: Private vs Public - 8/5/2008 2:42:39 PM

Asmodeus

Posts: 81
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

I find them to be very different dynamics and I enjoy both of them. Good public play requires a well run club, however, and that can be hard to find. We have a new club in the Philly area with 10,000 sq ft of play space and so far playing there has been very enjoyabe.

I've lent a hand as a DM and only had one problem, with a person who claimed to be an experienced player and just walked through someone elses scene (with his "entourage"). When I called him on it he decided to throw a hissy fit and claimed he "stayed 5 feet away from the scene" which was apparently the rule where he normally played in public (a well known club that shall remain nameless). The club has well defined equipment areas and if you walk into an area that someone is using, you're walking through their scene. And he wasn't even paying attention to the scene; he wanted to check out somthing sitting on a shelf and thought his behavior was appropriate.

But that's as bad as it's gotten at the new club and we've had a few scenes so far that have drawn quite an audience. I don't even notice them when I get involved in what I'm doing.

Now playing at that well known club in midtown Manhatten that still exists is a whole different story...

< Message edited by Asmodeus -- 8/5/2008 3:31:03 PM >

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Post #: 15

RE: Playing: Private vs Public - 8/5/2008 3:05:00 PM

DomDolf

Posts: 363
Joined: 7/11/2008
Status: offline

I am an exhibitionist and enjoy public play more than private play, though I do enjoy private too.

Maybe some people could recommend some places that they like in their area. Some places are awesome and others are not so good. As mentioned by Asmodeus, the club must be well run to provide an atmosphere that is safe and comfortable.

I for instance used to really love playing at Paddles in NYC, it was/is run by Michael who is excellent and very experienced. I also liked Hellfire, but they let just anyone in that's willing to pay the door fee. I have seen some people that were rude and should have been removed, but were not. That place was all about the money, IMO.

An old friend of mine opened a new club in Orlando, Fl called The Woodshed. I am looking forward to going there within the next two weeks. Has anyone been there?

Dolf

(in reply to Asmodeus)

Post #: 16

RE: Playing: Private vs Public - 8/5/2008 3:08:21 PM

Aileen1968

Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline

I have no desire to ever play publicly. I'm very private in my sex life and have no desire to display it for a group of people.

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(in reply to Daes)

Post #: 17

RE: Playing: Private vs Public - 8/5/2008 3:12:48 PM

NuevaVida

Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline

I have never played in public. I suppose there's a first time for everything...

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(in reply to Daes)

Post #: 18

RE: Playing: Private vs Public - 8/5/2008 4:22:28 PM

Aynne

Posts: 740
Joined: 1/25/2008
Status: offline

100% in agreement. I am not public entertainment, and what I do for and with Him is way too personal for a public display, thankfully he agrees.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen1968

I have no desire to ever play publicly. I'm very private in my sex life and have no desire to display it for a group of people.

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*Yes I know I have no profile at this time...

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Without saying a word
I told you what I am
And I hoped that you heard

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(in reply to Aileen1968)

Post #: 19

RE: Playing: Private vs Public - 8/5/2008 4:26:42 PM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Daes

What do you prefer? Playing/Sceneing at home or playing at a local BDSM dungeon/club?

Why?

I have no particular preference of playing private or playing at home... it is more a question of what I am in the mood for..... I have a well equipment dungeon... better equipment than most public places... so public play depending on where I am going can be rather limiting on what I can do because of what is available. Another thing about public play.. in most cases... sexual intercourse or other sexual activity is not allowed.. so again another limitation. However, there is an energy in public play when you have a few intense people out on the floor playing... this melding of energy can be very enjoyable and you don't often get that in a private play.. unless of course you have a number of guest over playing in your private space...

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to Daes)

Post #: 20

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