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RE: Anti Feeder looking for an opposite of that fetish - 11/20/2005 1:20:12 PM

ErosPsyche

Posts: 46
Joined: 11/5/2005
Status: offline

Ok, the OP wasn't very clear in his original post, and a lot of folks here have replied to his word choice ("Feeding," which is metaphorical) as if he meant "forced feeding" in a literal sense. I'll try and help.

What he is saying is that there are bad Doms out there, who "feed" spiritually on subs by being abusive/generally bad to them. He is casting that as a fetish, and is asking, "Hey what is the opposite fetish of this abuse?," thereby implying that he is a good, morally sound person, searching to define his goodness (not by any means highlight it). Submissives are supposed to read this and say, "Wow. I have been hurt before by abusive men - OMFG PLEASE TAKE ME AND MAKE ME YOURS FATDOMDADDY YOU ARE TEH UBER FATDOMDADDY FOR TEH WIN!"

The post is self-serving and dishonest - it is meant solely as an advertisement. The OP did something similiar at B.com earlier in the year and got ripped up for a few weeks until he slank (slunked?) away.

-Just here to help, Eros.

(in reply to stormsfate)

Post #: 21

RE: Anti Feeder looking for an opposite of that fetish - 11/20/2005 1:54:18 PM

stormsfate

Posts: 849
Joined: 2/1/2005
Status: offline

quote:

As a Dom who has battled his own weight demons and worked hard to reshape and drop weight, the thought of getting a bottom or sub to do the same, through reward and punishment appeals to me. Build up their self esteem and confidence and then enjoy a submisson that comes from strengh and choice and not weakness and need.

Actually, Eros, it seems to me that the heart of his post is in the above quote. As someone recently pointed out to me, perceptions of what was written can greatly change the responses given. I perceived that he was speaking of inducing someone he owns to lose weight, get in shape...blah, blah, blah.

You could be correct in what you are saying, but his post hardly strikes me as the "OMFG PLEASE TAKE ME AND MAKE ME YOURS" type. I'm not suprised he got ripped up on b.com, as most people do regardless of what they post, so to me that is worth about as much as a grain of salt. Thanks for trying to help out here and explain the motivations of someone else, but personally I'll just wait around and see his personality evolve for myself before I make the determination that he is "self-serving and dishonest". I never did listen to the opinions of others when it came to people anyway. A lot of times they have their own "self-serving and dishonest" reasons for putting someone down...so it works better for me to use my own judgment.

best regards,
fate

_____________________________

Vision? What do you know about MY vision? My vision would turn your world upside down, tear asunder your illusions and the sanctuary of your own ignorance crashing down around you! Now ask yourself, are you really ready to see that vision? [/size

(in reply to ErosPsyche)

Post #: 22

RE: Anti Feeder looking for an opposite of that fetish - 11/20/2005 2:20:25 PM

ErosPsyche

Posts: 46
Joined: 11/5/2005
Status: offline

Whoops-a-daisy. I just saw this from FDD: "And yes...A feeders goal is to make someone as fat as possible. "

Looks like I'll be feeding on some crow tonight :)

(in reply to stormsfate)

Post #: 23

RE: Anti Feeder looking for an opposite of that fetish - 11/20/2005 2:37:36 PM

stormsfate

Posts: 849
Joined: 2/1/2005
Status: offline

<laughing> Just add a lot of garlic and it doesn't taste too bad.

f

_____________________________

Vision? What do you know about MY vision? My vision would turn your world upside down, tear asunder your illusions and the sanctuary of your own ignorance crashing down around you! Now ask yourself, are you really ready to see that vision? [/size

(in reply to ErosPsyche)

Post #: 24

RE: Anti Feeder looking for an opposite of that fetish - 11/21/2005 9:20:35 PM

FatDomDaddy

Posts: 3183
Joined: 1/31/2004
Status: offline

It's fun because I am the same on b.com as I am here.

Each site has its quirks, each though has similar goals, a free flowing exchange of ideas within the BDSM community and hopefully some people can hook up and find happiness.
Yes, b.com tends to be a bit darker, maybe even a bit more edgy but then one only need look at the backgrounds of both pages to see the zen like equality both collarme and b.com have together. They are yin to yang.

The point of this post is....I want to find someone who wishes to evolve from where they are to where they want to be.

After all this is a fantasy website if it nothing else (b too).

People are looking to make there lives better, even those with a fetish to make it worse.

For me, I like the idea metamorphosis. And I want to find it within the context of this community, hense, I will look in places where I may find like minded people.

I am a positive thinker. I look forward to tomorrow, I do not worry about yesterday. I want to be better than I am. I will always strive to be better and I would like to find some who shares that and wishes to be better too.

I want a strong, smart, self confident submissive who finds her self worth and self esteem from within herself.

If I could guide her there, guide and mentor and then have her offer her submission from that point, from to steal a term, her top and not her bottom, then I would feel a sense of TPE if you will, that is really worthy of its ambition.

I am not looking for the angry.

< Message edited by FatDomDaddy -- 11/21/2005 9:28:27 PM >

(in reply to ErosPsyche)

Post #: 25

RE: Anti Feeder looking for an opposite of that fetish - 11/22/2005 2:56:13 AM

sweetpettjenny

Posts: 674
Joined: 11/7/2004
Status: offline

Thankyou, but i believe its my choice in whether i trust someones intentions or not. In fact most real people with real intentions are in fact the ones who get chased away . LOL and B.com ??? ill take it with a grain of salt myself and see who he becomes on here.

quote:

ORIGINAL: ErosPsyche

Ok, the OP wasn't very clear in his original post, and a lot of folks here have replied to his word choice ("Feeding," which is metaphorical) as if he meant "forced feeding" in a literal sense. I'll try and help.

What he is saying is that there are bad Doms out there, who "feed" spiritually on subs by being abusive/generally bad to them. He is casting that as a fetish, and is asking, "Hey what is the opposite fetish of this abuse?," thereby implying that he is a good, morally sound person, searching to define his goodness (not by any means highlight it). Submissives are supposed to read this and say, "Wow. I have been hurt before by abusive men - OMFG PLEASE TAKE ME AND MAKE ME YOURS FATDOMDADDY YOU ARE TEH UBER FATDOMDADDY FOR TEH WIN!"

The post is self-serving and dishonest - it is meant solely as an advertisement. The OP did something similiar at B.com earlier in the year and got ripped up for a few weeks until he slank (slunked?) away.

-Just here to help, Eros.

(in reply to ErosPsyche)

Post #: 26

RE: Anti Feeder looking for an opposite of that fetish - 11/22/2005 12:26:58 PM

FelinePersuasion

Posts: 4792
Joined: 11/20/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: stormsfate

I've often wondered why what you describe isn't more common than it seems to be, but the whole idea seems to touch off such indignation in people and seems to be a real sore point, particularly for people who have weight issues. Weight issues or not, I am suprised that more people on both sides of the slash don't seem to view this as an area that is not only really hot in relation to wiitwd, but also has wonderful health and asthetic benefits to it. Its definately an area of strong interest with me.

best regards,
fate

I may be one of the few over weight women not sensitive about someone expecting me to loose weight. I WANT the one I am with to be interested and vested in helpin me loose weight, but kindly and responcibly, and with in healthy boundries.

(in reply to stormsfate)

Post #: 27

RE: Anti Feeder looking for an opposite of that fetish - 11/22/2005 2:15:52 PM

mitsu

Posts: 67
Joined: 9/7/2005
From: New York
Status: offline

The degree of consent would be very important to focus on here, as I suppose it is with any d/s activity.. I think the idea of changing one's body for someone else is very interesting, since it permeates throughout different areas of our culture. Weight loss as an act of submission relates bdsm so closely with religious and gender role traditions, and the "cultures of therapy" which have sprung up in the past century - specifically the 12 step programs which require one to give up control in order to obtain it.

(in reply to FelinePersuasion)

Post #: 28

RE: Anti Feeder looking for an opposite of that fetish - 11/22/2005 2:23:37 PM

cravinspankin

Posts: 127
Joined: 10/4/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: KittenWithaTwist

As a fat girl myself, I would be hurt and upset if someone punished me for not losing weight. My dom does have some diet guidelines for me, though he does not have any certain body type that he would like me to accomplish. I am not permitted to drink sugared soda (though, sometimes, if I receive permission, I may have a very small amount, usually to flavor diet coke with a tiny bit of cherry-my fave), and I am expected to visit the gym twice a week (though I don't always make it there, due to a variety of reasons). My dom always compliments me on how I look, and has NEVER punished me for gaining weight or for slipping up on a diet. Instead, we talk about it, and make new goals. That's what works for us.

As someone else said, if you're looking to build self esteem and confidence in a submissive, how about you praise them for how they already are, what they accomplish in life, how they meet goals and push past their limitations. I find it far from confidence building to punish a submissive during something so difficult as weight loss, particularly among large women who have been large all their lives but might like to be thinner, someday. It's great that you've struggled with your own weight issues. How nice for you and congrats. But, from this woman's perspective, in the end, I need to get there my own way, and I need my dominant for help and positive support.

I am a very heavy woman and have been all my life.
In my search for a Dom, I hope to find one who can accept me for who and what i am. However, i would hope that as he strives to help me become the best person that i can be, that he would also help and encourage me in an effort to get healthier.
I don't mean to get thin. I don't know if I can ever accomplish that. I have joined gyms and dieted for months at a time, only to not lose a single pound or a single dress size.
So i would hope he would understand how difficult it is for some people to lose weight, but nevertheless encourage and help motivate me to be as healthy as i can be.

(in reply to KittenWithaTwist)

Post #: 29

RE: Anti Feeder looking for an opposite of that fetish - 11/22/2005 4:05:24 PM

FelinePersuasion

Posts: 4792
Joined: 11/20/2004
Status: offline

craving did you cut the caloric intake to an acceptable leevl for what your body needs? did you do high caloric burn exorcises outside of jst going to a gym. walking jogging swiming? Dieting is all good and fine but for long term you have to change your whole eating belives not just diet. Like I am not active at all so I should only need X amount of calories a day, and someone who IS active would need XX amounts. To me my understanding of a diet is eating certain things for a little while w/ith no real over all maintence of eating habs.

I don't "diet". I don't buy into those atkin diets or south beach ones or the no carb ones. Diets like those are not something I'd stick to my whole life to keep on a healthy track, I'll eat sensibly and keep right under the amount of caloric intake I need and burn the amount of calories I need to burn. AND it will be something I'll do forever if I learned to stick with the better eating habbits.

(in reply to cravinspankin)

Post #: 30

RE: Anti Feeder looking for an opposite of that fetish - 11/24/2005 5:34:09 PM

FatDomDaddy

Posts: 3183
Joined: 1/31/2004
Status: offline

Actually diet is a good thing. All of this Richard Simmons nonsense "Die" stuff just keeps those of us who are or were fat, fat.

I have lost over 170lbs over the last year and a half by a low carb diet. It is not a fad, it is actually sound science and if you do it properly and don't cheat, then you will see an amazing transformation. My doctor change her thinking on low carb diets because of the work we did. She was doubtful when I began, tried to talk me out of it, but she is now studying the science behind it.

All diets work to some extent, it is the cheating that fails us.

For me...and let's make sure people understand that...for me fat and healthy is an oxymoron. Fat will catch up with you physically and all the "accecpt me for who I am" talk will not change that. But I did not post the OP for those who are happy being Fat. I posted it to find someone who is NOT happy being obese.

Here is one more point. Losing weight is HARD. It is also stressful, painful and subject to highs and lows like you would't believe. Losing 25 pounds one weeks and losing .4 lbs the over the next month! Yet, if you measure you body size, you will see a different person.
More so you feel a different person.

If you are happy about who you are...fine...live with that and give me no mind but do not try and say that being morbidly obese is a healthy way of life.

the Dom/sub relationship have many diffrent angles. This one happens to be mine.

< Message edited by FatDomDaddy -- 11/24/2005 5:36:30 PM >

(in reply to ErosPsyche)

Post #: 31

RE: Anti Feeder looking for an opposite of that fetish - 11/24/2005 7:08:30 PM

elsie

Posts: 28
Joined: 10/21/2004
Status: offline

I just wanted to get my two cents worth in here, I was with a Dom who wanted to force feed me to be heavier than i already was. Well having been overweight all my teen and adult life, trying to lose it with several different diets and programs, the idea of being forced to be even heavier was not appealing to me. Needless to say, i didn't stay with him. I am now collared to someone who is encouraging me in healthy and caring ways to change my eating habits, get the medical care i need and to be proud of who i am. I am losing weight slowly, but steadily through her loving guidance for my health and well being, not to mention my blood pressure.

Fat is NOT healthy, but you can be healthy even if you are fat (let's call it like it is). I used to be almost 300lbs but i walked 10 miles everyday, faithfully and was in better physical shape than i am now almost 100lbs lighter.

Just my nickels worth.

(in reply to FatDomDaddy)

Post #: 32

RE: Anti Feeder looking for an opposite of that fetish - 11/24/2005 7:26:07 PM

truesub4u

Posts: 2949
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: WildSpirit2001

As in a diet and fitness Dominant? Hmmm I have one of those at my gym....he's called my trainer... the @#!%@ is a sadist!

hehehe.. you just reminded me.. excuse the long post in this manner... lol

Me at the gym

This will be me when I join the gym and try to lose years of unwanted weight.

This is dedicated to every woman who ever attempted to get into a regular workout routine. A Must Read!

Diary…

For my fiftieth birthday this year, my husband (the dear) purchased a week of personal training at the local health club for me.
Although I am still in great shape since playing on my high school softball team, I decided it would be a good idea to go and give it a try. I called the club and made my reservations with my personal trainer I’ll call Bruce, who identified himself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swimwear. My husband seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started. The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.

Monday:
Started my day at 6:00 a.m. Tough to get out of bed, but found it well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Bruce waiting for me. He’s something of a Greek God-with blonde hair, dancing eyes and a dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!
Bruce gave me a tour and showed me the machines. He took my pulse after five minutes on the treadmill. He was alarmed that my pulse was so fast, but I attributed it to standing next to him in his lucre aerobic outfit. I enjoyed the skillful way in which he conducted his aerobics class after my workout today. Very inspiring. Bruce was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time he was around. This is going to be a FANTASTIC week!

Tuesday:
I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door. Bruce made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air-then he put &!# weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile. Bruce’s rewarding smile made it worthwhile. I feel GREAT! It’s a whole new life for me.

Wednesday:
The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was ok as long as I didn’t try to steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot.
Bruce was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club members. His voice is a little too perky for early in the morning and when he scolds, he gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying. My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Bruce put me on the stair monster. Why the hell would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Bruce told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. He said some other shit too.

Thursday:
Bruce was waiting for me with his vampire-like teeth exposed as his thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn’t help being half an hour late, it took me that long to tie my shoes. Bruce took me to work out with dumbbells. When he was not looking, I ran and hid in the men’s room. He sent Lars to find me, then, as punishment, put me on the rowing machine-which I sank.

Friday:
I hate that bastard Bruce more than human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anemic little cheerleader wanna-be bastard. If there were a part of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat him with it. Bruce wanted me to work on my triceps. I don’t have any triceps! And if you don’t want dents in the floor, don’t hand me the #*~ barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich. (Which I am sure you learned in the sadist school you attended and graduated from, you Nazi bastard). The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher. Why couldn’t it have been someone softer, like a drama coach or the choir director?

Saturday:
Bruce left a message on my answering machine in his grating, shrilly voice wondering why I didn’t show up today. Just hearing him made me want to smash the machine with my planner. However, I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the *$@#& Weather Channel.
Sunday:
I’m having the church van pick me up for services today so I can go and thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year my husband (the BASTARD) will choose a gift for me that is fun-like a root canal or a hysterectomy.

Anyone interested in buying a “slightly used” health club membership?

(in reply to WildSpirit2001)

Post #: 33

RE: Anti Feeder looking for an opposite of that fetish - 11/25/2005 3:26:42 AM

FatDomDaddy

Posts: 3183
Joined: 1/31/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: elsie

Fat is NOT healthy, but you can be healthy even if you are fat (let's call it like it is). I used to be almost 300lbs but i walked 10 miles everyday, faithfully and was in better physical shape than i am now almost 100lbs lighter.

This is the true secret to weight loss. It takes dedication and time.

(in reply to elsie)

Post #: 34

RE: Anti Feeder looking for an opposite of that fetish - 11/25/2005 7:28:02 AM

TallDarkAndWitty

Posts: 1893
Joined: 6/12/2004
From: Rochester, NY
Status: offline

I've signed weight loss contracts before, where the only control I had on the slave was what she ate and how she exercised.

Here is an example of such a contract: http://www.taggard.net/bdsm4me/weightLossContract.htm

Taggard

_____________________________

A most rewarding compliment is an insult from the ill-informed.

My slave: Kat (RainaVerene on the other side) and her website: RainaVerene.com

(in reply to ErosPsyche)

Post #: 35

RE: Anti Feeder looking for an opposite of that fetish - 11/25/2005 7:37:35 AM

candystripper

Posts: 3486
Joined: 11/1/2005
Status: offline

quote:

That got me thinking and I feel there must be an opposite to Feeding. I am not sure what that would be...Slimming? Thinning? Is there a name for this, a fetish to indulge as well? As a Dom who has battled his own weight demons and worked hard to reshape and drop weight, the thought of getting a bottom or sub to do the same, through reward and punishment appeals to me. Build up their self esteem and confidence and then enjoy a submisson that comes from strengh and choice and not weakness and need.

I was wondering if that type of TPE is part of this scene or does Feeding go unchallenged as a fetish?

FatDomDaddy

i'm confused by what You mean as to "Feeders" and "feedees" but yes, i can imagine my One setting up a diet and excersice program for me....and enforcing it.

candystripper

(in reply to FatDomDaddy)

Post #: 36

RE: Anti Feeder looking for an opposite of that fetish - 11/25/2005 7:45:14 AM

candystripper

Posts: 3486
Joined: 11/1/2005
Status: offline

quote:

Like you, I have battled some weight demons. Big time. I have lost over 70lbs in the last 15 months. I know that this took a lot of self-discipline. No one could do it for me. The only way I did it was to put myself first.

LadyAngelika

<applause> Ma'am i admire You and think You are wise.

candystripper

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

Post #: 37

RE: Anti Feeder looking for an opposite of that fetish - 11/25/2005 7:51:01 AM

candystripper

Posts: 3486
Joined: 11/1/2005
Status: offline

quote:

This feeding fetish, if it is full blown, is extremly dangerous for the feedee and i am on the same page with one of the other posters. This feeders prey on the insecure, lovestarved.

Morgane289

Isn't ANY fetish, taken to extremes, a danger? And aren't inexperienced people of all stripes in need of caution before attempting some of the more dangerous things? Frankly i would decry any domination intended to affect a submissive's weight apart from helping her return to a normal/healthy weight if necessary.

candystripper

(in reply to Morgaine289)

Post #: 38

RE: Anti Feeder looking for an opposite of that fetish - 11/25/2005 12:28:09 PM

CanisMajor

Posts: 42
Joined: 9/2/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsIncognito
Love her the way she is? Guess that would be a far too simple way to make someone feel good about themselves and thereby impower them. Good luck, anyway!

Yeah, that's fine, but should it stop there?

Scenario: A dom takes a sub into his household. In addition to benefiting by that sub's service, and in addition to engaging in a variety of activities considered more traditional by this community, he also sends her to college, helps her lose weight, makes her read good books, forces her to learn how to express herself in writing, boosts her confidence in various ways, and gives her emotional support while establishing a career.

Is this scenario bad?

Is it bad if the sub wants to live rent-free, so she can go to college without incurring debt, wants to lose a certain amount of weight and wants to become more fit and healthy, wants to have time to read the classics, wants to learn to be a better writer, and knows she needs her confidence boosted?

I'm just asking because I've been doing something like this for a number of years. It seems to me you can love someone just the way they are, but you can still recognize that some people want to grow and change, that they have their own goals and ambitions, and that for a few, perhaps, they yearn for some guidance and structure that will help them accomplish them. You can make someone feel good about themselves now by loving them the way they are, but perhaps you can make someone feel good about themselves for a lifetime by helping them and nurturing them through this process of growth, change, and aging. And maybe that is more empowering, in the long run, than stopping at just loving them the way you found them.

It just depends on the person, I think.

_____________________________

The Big Dog

(in reply to MsIncognito)

Post #: 39

RE: Anti Feeder looking for an opposite of that fetish - 11/9/2006 5:43:49 AM

byule

Posts: 31
Joined: 11/1/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: justatoy2

you know i have known some "feeders" in my time, and not all of them wanted to weaken the sub. Some has a BBW fetish..and just enjoyed watching her enjoy herself. Some are just truly hedonistic, and relish in that. You cannot just make a blanket statement like "all feeders want to weaken the sub" thats just not true. And furthermore..what makes something a fetish? i dont' know if someone who is a feeder gets sexual gratification from that. There are plenty of fetishes out there that are not healthy or good for you. Smoking fetish comes to mind. Lots of people have this paticular fetish, and encourage their submissives to smoke, but yet i wouldn't classify that as abuse.

Thank you Just. I am a bbw lover. I will not feed a woman to unhealty limits but if she enjoys a good meal then let her eat. Just as long as she is happy, Me personaly I want a bbw sub or slave. Not to feed them to death but to admire what I call true beauty. And if some of the more no curve sub/slaves/doms/switch are offended well hey I cant please every woman but I sure give it a try,

< Message edited by byule -- 11/9/2006 5:47:10 AM >

(in reply to justatoy2)

Post #: 40

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