RE: So, I found this receipt

RE: So, I found this receipt (Full Version)

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thishereboi -> RE: So, I found this receipt (8/7/2008 5:35:33 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: proudsub Too funny!! At least he knows what they are, doubt if my parents would of known. Yea, mine wouldn't either. I could have just told them they were for the bath. Like bath beads, but these are for hemoroids or something. They would have had no clue.

urtoy -> RE: So, I found this receipt (8/7/2008 5:41:04 AM)
I don't embarrass easily (my kids tell me I'm an evil witch), so my "encounter amused me greatly. My daughter and I were t my mother's after she fell andhad to be hospitalized. She tended to fall asleep on the couch watching TV, so of curse I got to answer any late phone calls. One night I was awakened from a deep sleep by the phone and a man's voice. It was her boyfriend wanting to talk dirty. Apparently our voices are hard to distinguish when sleepy, so I kept him going long enough to assure acute embarrassment when I saw him again. I did eventually pause long enough to shout "Melissa, it's for you. Gabe wants phone sex and I'm going back to sleep." It's great being a crazy old lady.

KMsAngel -> RE: So, I found this receipt (8/7/2008 5:59:38 AM)
damn it, i knew there was a drawback to not having a landline! 'sides, my accent tends to give me away sigh

lally3 -> RE: So, I found this receipt (8/7/2008 6:05:43 AM)
my turn...,, my son (12) was going fishing with friends, but couldnt find his mobile, so i told him to take mine, but on no account to read any texts that came through - probably a stupid thing to do and even more stupid that i didnt warn my D - but he'd already texted that day and i knew he was busy for the rest of it... a couple of hours later, my phone rang at home, and my sons sniggering voice, chorused by giggling friends in the back ground said.. mum youve got a text it says... 'lm going to spank you silly and fuck you stupid' - my response to my D would have been stop calling me silly and stupid, but i missed my chance!

IrishMist -> RE: So, I found this receipt (8/7/2008 6:11:32 AM)
quote: My dad: Hey, I found this receipt for Anal Beads!!! Yours or the boyfriends??? Me: .... Me: mine I have always found that the truth, at times like that...is the best diffuser for embarassment [:)]

RayvenGoddess -> RE: So, I found this receipt (8/7/2008 6:20:33 AM)
Mine isn't about any toys being found, it is about them being given. My mom has always been cool and very "knowledgeable" about the ways of the world, and even though I never told her I was into this life I just think that as my mother she saw how I acted and figured it out. One day at my little cousin's birthday party in a crowded restaurant in front of our grandparents, out of know where my mom hands me a bag and says, "Here is a present for you, I'm sure you'll get more use out of it and your dad won't let me keep it in the house." Inside was a large, white, soft rope flogger! She said that the guys at her work made it from scraps (she worked at an industrial equipment warehouse and huge ropes were often cut for cranes there) and that dad was scared of it in her hands, so the first person she thought to give it to was me! Why she chose to do the giving in front of our entire family and a group of strangers at a restaurant I'll never know; but when my cousins started play "hitting" each other with it I smiled at mom, took it from them, and demonstrated the "correct" technique that got them running and screaming in pain (what wussies too, I only used maybe 5% of what I can really do). My mom first looked really shocked, but then started to laugh her ass off. Aside from a later conversation of "love has no defined package, blah, blah blah, consenting adults in the privacy of their own home, blah, blah, blah," we have never spoken of it again.

restlessdreamer -> RE: So, I found this receipt (8/7/2008 7:36:12 AM)
This made me giggle so hard! Thanks!

UmbraDomina -> RE: So, I found this receipt (8/7/2008 9:41:04 AM)
We had selected a new mattress and box spring a few years ago..... set to be delivered..... I rushed home from work to be there when the delivery guys arrive, only to arrive home and find them on my front step...... open the door, they rush in mummering I was late..... I say wait I need to get somethings out of the way...... as they rip the old mattress and box spring off the frame to remove it, only to find, chains with cuffs attached to the four corners of the steel frame..... I knew I should have removed them the night before, but had figgured I would have time that day before they got there. They dropped the mattress, and said ahhhhh we will be out here, until your done lady........ laughs I am not sure who blushed more, me or them. As for those who rent, or have issues with your toys being seen, I found a great way to handle it. I bought a cheap amoire from a close out store, drilled holes in the inside, added hooks, great toy cabnit, all my floggers, and hanging stuff, stays neat, the shelves hold everything else, and with a drill and a simple hasp on the front.... it locks with a padlock. We used this before the child went off to school, becouse teens get nosey, we still use it when we have company, or the kid comes home from school. Yes they should stay out of our bedroom, but just in case. Plants hang from the hooks in the ceiling, and anything else around the house is removeable Alexandra ~

soul2share -> RE: So, I found this receipt (8/7/2008 2:48:39 PM)
All I can think of is........OOPS! I haven't had anything funny happen yet.....but I live alone, so I'm lucky there. One or two close calls with a friend and one of her kids.....they both were in the bedroom, I have my toys hanging on an over the door type rack, and have mirrored closet doors. Fortunately, the doors were open on the right side, the stuff would be visible from the left door...I just sort of pushed the door open a little more and stood in front of it. Her 8 year old son was going to follow one of my cats in one day....I got him stopped just as he opened the door...if he'd seen the stuff, it would have been ALL OVER! You know how it is, out of the mouths of babes, and all.!

CallaFirestormBW -> RE: So, I found this receipt (8/7/2008 2:51:11 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: UmbraDomina As for those who rent, or have issues with your toys being seen, I found a great way to handle it. I bought a cheap amoire from a close out store, drilled holes in the inside, added hooks, great toy cabnit, all my floggers, and hanging stuff, stays neat, the shelves hold everything else, and with a drill and a simple hasp on the front.... it locks with a padlock. We used this before the child went off to school, becouse teens get nosey, we still use it when we have company, or the kid comes home from school. Yes they should stay out of our bedroom, but just in case. Plants hang from the hooks in the ceiling, and anything else around the house is removeable Alexandra ~ We thought about this... but we would have had to ask the girls to move out to fit an armoire in our apartment! LOL CFB

windchymes -> RE: So, I found this receipt (8/7/2008 3:01:05 PM)
I love this thread...it soooo reminds me of something my dad would do! The other stories were great, too! [:D]

bipolarber -> RE: So, I found this receipt (8/7/2008 3:07:34 PM)
When I was 16, my Dad came to me, and set an opened box of condoms in front of me. "What are these for, Joe?" he asked me. "You don't know?" "I know what they are for... what are you doing with them?" "Keeping myself safe. Both from getitng an STD, and from makeing you and Mom grandparents before the time is right." (There follows the usual long lecture about respecting a girl, not jumping into things, don't be leaving these things lying around... blah, blah, blah. All very sweet, but it seemed like he was just trying to bust my balls for doing what came naturally.) Finally, when he was finished he turned to walk away... "Oh, Dad?" "Yes?" "Could you do me a favor?" "What's that?" "Could you please put a pillow or something behind your headboard? When you and Mom are having fun, it knocks against the wall..." Dad didn't bring up sex again, unless we asked him first.

windchymes -> RE: So, I found this receipt (8/7/2008 3:33:00 PM)
Yeah, but did the bed stop knocking?

graceadieu -> RE: So, I found this receipt (8/7/2008 5:58:54 PM)
Not nearly as funny as yours, but My neurotically OCD mother decided she wanted to clean under my bed this morning (really, I'm 23, WTF), and guess what I had under there but my toy bag and a copy of Jay Wiseman's SM101. She hasn't said anything, but I'm feeling extremely awkward!

AllThingsGo -> RE: So, I found this receipt (8/7/2008 6:06:22 PM)
at 16 my mother found my first vibe, I came home from school one day to find it sitting on top of my laptop Oh well not as good as the other stories but its amusing

masterofdrkness2 -> RE: So, I found this receipt (8/7/2008 6:15:43 PM)
lmao... o.k this was a fun read.. and I needed that,thanks everyone

lovingpet -> RE: So, I found this receipt (8/7/2008 6:17:14 PM)
In somewhat unrelated news, I have now crossed the line from whatever to OMG! I asked my grandmother, the same poor woman who has discovered my anal beads and under the mattress restraints, to please have my grandfather make me a paddle feigning it was for a certain naughty child of mine. I am now the proud owner of a finely handfashioned cherry wood paddle! Hehe! Done with the thread hijack! lovingpet

AquaticSub -> RE: So, I found this receipt (8/7/2008 9:51:50 PM)
Not me but... On one particular Father's Day, Valyraen decides to take his father and brother out. He's driving his car, all is happy and right with the word. Birds are singing. Suddenly his brother looks under the seat because his foot hit something. He pulls out a box that used to hold bondage gear. Complete with a picture of a person wearing it - leather straps and chains. Oppps... Kitten left the box in the car during her excitement to have new toys...

MercTech -> RE: So, I found this receipt (8/7/2008 11:41:46 PM)
When I was sixteen, and trying to keep my old rattle trap car running, the batteries in my flashlight died while working on the engine. I go rummaging and a light comes on.. I know where there are some "c" batteries. At 2am, my mother wakes me, "What the hell are you doing going through my bedside table?" I know you aren't supposed to answer a question with a question but I said, "Mama, what is an extra long facial massager used for? I just needed some batteries for the flashlight." She quietly closed my door and I heard her go to my toolbox.. yep, she got her batteries back. katie978... I could BE your dad. <Very wicked evil grin.> Stefan

porcelain26 -> RE: So, I found this receipt (8/7/2008 11:55:14 PM)
Years ago, my Owner and I had websites together (I was young and stupid, what can I say). Mine was basically an online journal that was easier for Him to keep up with as He traveled for work. His had a copy of our contract, some plain ol' 'nilla pics of me, and a basic outline of our relationship. Then, shortly after my 21st birthday, He has me gangbanged and took pictures of everything. They were goregous! I loved them!! He put them on His website and passworded them in order to protect me. Well, I happened to be extremely proud of those pictures and of the fact that my Owner thought enough of me to share me, so I told several of my friends (keep in mind, these girls have been my friends since grade school). One of them however, became terrified, and told my sister one drunken night. My sister and I do NOT get along. She goes to the websites, prints everything off (pictures included) and gives them to my parents. I go home to visit, and my mom takes me 3hrs to a different city to see a counselor and try to convince me to enter an inpatient psychiatric program (I am bipolar, but that has nothing to do with the price of tea in China on Tuesday when it rains). I knew I had 2 choices: lie through my teeth, or own up to everything. Lucky for me, I choose to 'own my own darkness'. The next several months were pretty darn rough, but by Christmas things were okay again. That December was the first time I'd seen my mother smoke a cigarette in like 8 years (as she offers one to me!), and she said "I'm just starting to realize that everyone has a dark side." We talked about it all a couple of times after that, but it's now basically "see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil". My parents are happy in their ignornace, and so am I!!! The only time we've come close to acknowledging my kink recently, was a few years ago when my mom told me she needed lube and didn't know what to get lmao So, I took her to the porn store and totally hooked her up. She later thanked me profusely for my help, hehehehe.

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