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AAkasha -> What do you do when your "male wife" gets a job? (8/6/2008 6:08:53 PM)
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I think most people already know my story, but I'm a femdom workaholic (my career isn't related to kink) and my husband (sub/slut/best friend) has been a 'wife' for most of our marriage. He cooks, cleans, does errands, shops, irons - and is my personal assisant in my job, which means anything from making travel arrangements to driving me places, going on business trips with me, doing research, sometimes even getting into the trenches of my job. I do absolutely nothing domestic. I have not done one dish, cooked one meal, ever taken out the trash, I don't even know how most appliances work. His duties expanded over time into shopping for me - even for cosmetics, for clothes, answering my phone, you name it. In the meantime, my career flourished since I could keep my eye on the ball, and I was able to work more hours, more productively than ever. And our home life was great, sex life was great, since he was always on call.
In the last year or so he started to take a hobby to the next level and worked a little here and there - not a big deal, since he had many hobbies, and I sometimes only needed him 30 hours a "work week" anyway - and he still had plenty of time to read, exercise, have a social life, as long as my needs were handled first. There wasn't much structure to it. He was always just there. An excellent multi tasker.
Now his skillset has increased in his 'hobby' - as his passion for it - and he's been pulled away more and more and invited into more lucractive circles. He's actually making fairly good money at it now. Long story short - he wants to go to work full time. Holy crap. We're "testing" it for a month or so, but he's only part time now, and I already don't like it. I'm going to have to hire someone it looks like, to handle the "personal assistant" I lost, and that's one thing. But the dishes aren't getting done as quickly. The laundry is piling up. The little things - to be sure - are gone. I used to have the luxury of having him drive me to work appointments, for example, so I could do business on the phone during the trip, read my notes, prepare myself, and he'd be happy to pick me up when I was done, or read in the car. Now, he is much too busy. Those *little* things bring a tremendous amount of serenity into my otherwise extremely tense and busy work life.
The worst part, though, is the impact on the level of tension in the house; he's always feeling a bit stressed and guilty because housework is not getting done. He hasn't been able to cook the kinds of meals that take all afternoon because he's busy a lot (cooking was a pleasure for him, but one that took time). He tries to cram too much stuff into the day, not wanting to shortchange me, so he ends up shortchanging himself, which doesn't make either of us happy. But ultimately, he LOVES his "job" and would like to continue.
As his wife, the breadwinner (the money he makes, ultimately, is inconsequential compared to what I make; the money will be a wash when I pay an assistant for the work stuff), and the "femdom" I have a right to tell him he can't work and he has to go back to being my "wife." But that will make him unhappy on some level, to be sure, and that's not what I want. Sadly, I don't think we can ever get back to that kind of lifestyle of productivity and relatively low stress if he's working, even part time. He now has two bosses.
Anyone ever lost their "wife" to a hobby (job) and how did you re-find the balance?
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