LadiesBladewing
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Joined: 8/31/2005
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Honestly, this is our process, too, but people are skittish, and that has to be taken into consideration. "Green flags" for us are so much different than for the person who is looking for a mate or a romantic partner. For us, it is much more like someone who is scouting for that ideal personal servant. I can see us, in years past, bidding on a certain servant who may have shown a talent as an exceptional butler or majordomo... or as an outstanding Lady's maid. Cherishing that someone would come with time, and the more exquisitely he or she served, the more dearly we would hold that service... but it isn't like looking for a spouse.
Lady SilverRose and myself really feel that if someone wants to serve, there is nothing wrong with giving them the opportunity to try and see if it works out -- and that no determination can be -made- about how the relationship is going to go -until- we try it out. Things can sound exceptional in chat, and wonderful over the phone... but time in person needs to be taken to find out whether -this- relationship is going to last and be a good fit for everyone involved.
There are some people that I can tell from their profiles won't be happy with the way we run things here (or I can tell that -we- won't be satisfied with the way -they- would be interacting with us). Those folks usually get a very polite note, early on, that says that something about them just doesn't seem like a good match with us. It isn't that there is -anything- wrong with them... just that something in the tone and demeanor of their communication with us didn't seem to fit well with what we were looking for. Sometimes, as we give people more information about us, they find that they aren't interested in what -we- are, and they either send us a nice "I'm sorry, but this just isn't working for me" note, or they don't show up at a scheduled meeting.
The most difficult things for us are dealing with things like developing a relationship online and training a potential servant who is at a significant distance from us... especially if that potential servant has many outside responsibilities already in place. We're accustomed to training a servant in how to serve us, and that is a very hands-on thing... from preparing tea to how we prefer our sheets washed, to how our laundry is cared for... but really, not things that transfer well to online, except in the most figurative sense. This makes it difficult for me, at times, to figure out how to move along a relationship where we are forced, at this time, to be distant, and to arrange a safe, smooth transition for the person involved while providing enough support and information so that he or she can make a -good- decision and feel safe and secure about choosing to enter service with us.
For us, this is not a romance. We're not looking for sweet words and flowery phrases of undying love. We tried, for a while, to look for people who might be a good fit for our family on a more integral basis, but have learned that -that- process will only come with time, and that the need to be claimed by -someone- may overmask challenges to that person's fit with our family. We accept those risks, now, where even six months ago, we were less willing to do so, only in that we recognize now that outstanding service does not necessarily mean a social meshing as well -- it took us a while, and some valuable false starts to realize that, and to realize that we'd had a charmed situation for a while that needed to be recognized for what it was. We have learned to offer short-term contracts that are renewable, and time-frames that allow a servant to make the decision without fear of being trapped "forever" in an unpalatable situation. What we -do- want, is to see someone who comes to us who really, truly, lives to serve -- with a sense of personal dignity and satisfaction in the service, and an artistry and dedication to the work at hand. I can see us cherishing a person like that, but I can also see that it is hard work, and that it will take a great deal of self-knowledge to be happy being what we desire. I know the person who is ready is out there... and I am willing to take some chances to find that rose amidst the thorns.
Lady Zephyr
quote:
ORIGINAL: JohnWarren
I figure everyone is "real." The big questions are "do they want to play with me?" and "do I want to play with them?" If they don't fit into both of those categories, I'll generally answer questions and to an extent offer support that matches my comfort level with the material presented.
Clipped, not for content, but strictly for length, since I was so long-winded in my response. LZ
< Message edited by LadiesBladewing -- 1/1/2006 3:30:10 PM >
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RE: Real/True Statements - 
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