Lifestyle Frenzy: How long can you go without a collar? (Full Version)

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UR2Badored -> Lifestyle Frenzy: How long can you go without a collar? (8/10/2008 10:42:39 AM)

There have been some threads recently that makes me wonder, "How long can some people can go without a "partner in this lifestyle" (ewww! sorry for lack of a better term)?"  I am not professing that any one way is right or wrong.  I am not even saying that "revolving relationship" is unique to any specific group of people. It could be just as likely someone being on the other extreme of remaining stagnant and alone too long. Though it has been stated on here a few times that no one can submit/dominate without someone or something to summit/dominate  to/with.....so with this in mind.    Since discovering this thing we do, what was the longest time you have went alone with no intimate contact between relationships?  Has anybody met within two weeks of actually ending a relationship, and it actually worked out?



AquaticSub -> RE: Lifestyle Frenzy: How long can you go without collar? (8/10/2008 10:46:40 AM)

Less than 24 hours passed between my old owner and ex-fiancee leaving me and Valyraen and I getting together. My ex and I had been together nearly a year, Val and I have been together for roughly 2 and half years, leaving together for about 1 and a half - I think. We're engaged and are making wedding plans.

It was definately a long shot, getting together so quickly. But it felt right to us and he knew from the start I might be "rebounding". I probably wouldn't have bet on us but we'd known each other for years and we wanted to give it a shot. It was worth it. [:)]



NuevaVida -> RE: Lifestyle Frenzy: How long can you go without collar? (8/10/2008 10:46:50 AM)

I met Mr. W while still in a destructive marriage, which I left, and our relationship worked very well for about 4 years.  Now I am uncollared/unowned and I have every intention of remaining this way for quite some time. 



UR2Badored -> RE: Lifestyle Frenzy: How long can you go without collar? (8/10/2008 10:50:14 AM)

Aqua,

I remember you saying that before a while back so I knew I had one for the yay! team.  Congratulations :o)



swooshieone -> RE: Lifestyle Frenzy: How long can you go without collar? (8/10/2008 10:51:26 AM)

I can only speak for myself but after my Sir died I spent 4 years with no collar. Though I did stay involved in BDSM, none of my relationships amounted to anything more that play partners. I will admit after awhile the craving grew stronger and I accepted a collar that with hindsight I should have never taken. So your question is well merited. All I can say to anyone is don't rush, be sure, listen to your instincts and when the ache is overwhelming....well ask a friend to beat ya'.



AquaticSub -> RE: Lifestyle Frenzy: How long can you go without collar? (8/10/2008 10:53:22 AM)

Thanks! I'm not sure I would suggest anyone getting together that fast but ya know... everything just fell into place! [:)]



Lynnxz -> RE: Lifestyle Frenzy: How long can you go without collar? (8/10/2008 10:56:18 AM)

Years... I have no interest in someone trying to slap a collar on me- or trying to stick one on someone else. It's a commitment, and one I don't feel like bothering with.



porcelain26 -> RE: Lifestyle Frenzy: How long can you go without collar? (8/10/2008 11:01:48 AM)

I went 6 years before being 'reinlisted' to the same Owner. I tried to be involved with others, but it was always just skimming the surface of what I truely desired and I quickly found myself bored and sometimes even angry. I bounced around trying to figure out what I wanted ever since He and I ended things, and when I suddenly found myself in His presence again, I realized that He was all I'd ever wanted. Worked out very well I think *grins*

*edited cuz I can't spell



Missokyst -> RE: Lifestyle Frenzy: How long can you go without a collar? (8/10/2008 11:05:11 AM)

I always wait to jump back in.  I grew up amonst women who would have one in the bullpen while waiting for that third strike out on their current husband.  I never wanted to be that girl who needed a man to feel validated.
I wait until I feel some otherwise connection.  Friendship, things in common, and let things develop from there.  I have gone on long periods of celibacy.  12 years to be specific.  Though that was more of a taking time out to raise my son stint, rather than not wanting to have a man in my life.  I just put my priorities elsewhere.
But ... the collar thing?  No thanks.  I dont want to be collared.  I never have.  For me, when I am committed .. I am.  I dont need a symbol to remind me.  I have enough of that internally.
The shortest period I have gone between men was 2 months in a DS way.  And basically the prior guy was just someone I liked, but felt nothing for otherwise.  Coming from the days of bars and one night stands, I don't see the need to be in love before having sex.  I DO need to like them though.
Love for me, is a long time coming and a permanant condition.
Kyst



Lashra -> RE: Lifestyle Frenzy: How long can you go without a collar? (8/10/2008 11:14:48 AM)

For me it took 6 years to take on a new submissive. We have been together 5 years now and yes it was certainly worth the wait.

~Lashra



metalmiss -> RE: Lifestyle Frenzy: How long can you go without a collar? (8/10/2008 11:17:47 AM)

i was Owned & living with Raven for 3 days before my was-partner at the time was told.. i'm not a cheat or a liar, the relationship was an open one & over in all but saying the words, and after having lived with him for 2 years i was waiting for the opportunity to tell him in person.
In the end that unfortunately wasn't to be.. So i just told him how it was by any means that i could.. It all worked out for the best in the end, despite the risk involved, i did actually move in with my Master the day that We first met & 9 months on, living 24/7 TPE for the first time in my life, there have been no problems at all.

As far as living without it goes, i don't think there's a limit to how long i could go without a Dynamic.. Because obviously if i hadn't found a partner life would still go on.. For me the effect would be on my quality of life.. A full-time Dynamic presents me with the motivation i need.
Sometimes i do things for myself, but i do them because i know they will please Him.. Without a Dynamic i don't really tend to bother with anything more than the essentials.



LovingNcruelMs -> RE: Lifestyle Frenzy: How long can you go without a collar? (8/10/2008 11:20:49 AM)

I went 3 yrs without a collared slave but in between I scened often and when I did meet "him", I collared him 3 months after meeting him and married him a yr later.

I think it isn't time that determines it so much as just meeting the right person.  if you settle it takes longer as the right person cannot come into your life if you are focused elsewhere.  all the slaves I dominated in between were all aware I was searching for someone to collar but they were not in contention, so they too were free to search elsewhere if that is what they wised to do.



daddysliloneds -> RE: Lifestyle Frenzy: How long can you go without collar? (8/10/2008 11:22:24 AM)

for me, if i'm emotionally connected to someone, in a relationship context of things, there's no way in hell that i could jump into a relationship with someone else two weeks down the road and expect it to work out.  generally speaking, i take a minimum of a year off between intimate/emotionally charged relationships...

on the other hand, if i'm in an agreed upon play-partner/friend type of relationship with someone, i could literally jump into an emotionally charged and intimate relationship with someone else on that same day.




everhope -> RE: Lifestyle Frenzy: How long can you go without collar? (8/10/2008 11:25:37 AM)

apparently, 6 years. and have lived to even tell about it.



IrishMist -> RE: Lifestyle Frenzy: How long can you go without a collar? (8/10/2008 11:29:45 AM)

quote:

Since discovering this thing we do, what was the longest time you have went alone with no intimate contact between relationships?

I guess I am going to ask you to define intimate a bit. If you mean sexual contact; then it's now been 11 years for me. If you mean actually 'playing' with someone I know without there being sexual contact, then about 6 years.



AnnaOfAramis -> RE: Lifestyle Frenzy: How long can you go without collar? (8/10/2008 11:34:19 AM)

quote:

All I can say to anyone is don't rush, be sure, listen to your instincts and when the ache is overwhelming....well ask a friend to beat ya'.


Your quote would suggest that a good beating is the itch that needs to be scratched. A collar does not represent that.

SIncerely,

Anna of Aramis





sweetnurseBBW -> RE: Lifestyle Frenzy: How long can you go without a collar? (8/10/2008 11:36:16 AM)

I don't define myself by my relationships or collar.  I don't feel as if the world is going to end if I am not collared and it didn't when I wasn't collared. I waited 2 years to look again. Being alone and actually healing is a good thing. Sometimes things work out but sometimes some people can't stand not being in a relationship. I am one that doesn't like to jump back in, I analyze and reflect back.



UR2Badored -> RE: Lifestyle Frenzy: How long can you go without a collar? (8/10/2008 11:46:53 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist

[I guess I am going to ask you to define intimate a bit.


Very good question and I suppose I was not referring to intimacy or collars for that matter at all, (my thread title may suggest otherwise) but how soon a commitment is formed after our last relationship ends.  My apologies to all for my lack of clarity in my questioning skills.



gypsygrl -> RE: Lifestyle Frenzy: How long can you go without a collar? (8/10/2008 11:55:38 AM)

I've been exploring this stuff for about 6 years or so and, of that 6 years, was unstably collared for about 6 months.  Between my first and second d, I went two years, but I wasn't collared to the first. (There's some confusion on this count--if I was collared, no one told me. lol)



CallaFirestormBW -> RE: Lifestyle Frenzy: How long can you go without a collar? (8/10/2008 1:11:46 PM)

I am actually right in the middle of completely re-thinking my ideas on the meaning of, and use of, a collar. My Darling and I are planning on talking about it tonight, because I am uncertain whether my thoughts on this are compatible with hers -- and I'm hoping that we can find common ground.

Up until now, our House policy was that a collar was tantamount to being 'married' to the House. There was a long process to get to the collar, and then there was the expectation that it would be a permanent arrangement. I've realized, just over the past 24 hours or so, actually, that I am not sure I agree with that (hence, the reason that my Darling and I will be talking). I'm starting to think that, for me, the collar is one of the symbols of a working relationship -- like having to wear a uniform as a nurse or policeman. I don't necessarily -care- whether it is a life-long relationship or not. Sure, there will be some people, that, over time, we may develop that relationship with... but if I have someone who has agreed to come in as our servant, I think I've realized that I want that person to have a collar and KNOW that I put it there and that they're agreeing to the rules I put in place... and I feel good about recognizing, in a tangible way, that this person is serving me, for long term or short, and that that service is valued.

I knew, when I separated from my ex, that I didn't ever want to be married again. That didn't mean that I didn't want relationships that meant something to me -- but it -did- mean that I didn't see the value in trying to 'bind' someone to me. I don't think that I see a collar as "binding" either -- just like, when you take on a profession, sometimes you wont' stay with the same company, or in the same location... things change, and sometimes those changes mean that a person won't work anymore as a servant... but that -doesn't- mean that, while they ARE a servant, their service won't be recognized fully, with all of the accoutrements that go along with that service -- which, for me, includes a collar.

Now, with that said, I don't feel any frenzy to have someone in my collar at all. I want to collar someone who wants to serve in that way that I want and need, and who fits well into our household and who my Darling can stand having in her "space" as well. I also won't hold someone in a collar that xhe doesn't want anymore, or where we can no longer agree on terms of service that work for all of us. I don't see anything inherently "unhealthy" in collaring quickly -- but I -do- think that it is important to understand what the collar means to everyone involved, and make sure that the "meanings" are compatible.

Calla Firestorm



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