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How to Get Girls To Respond - 8/11/2008 7:54:15 PM

kolekorin

Posts: 35
Joined: 2/26/2008
Status: offline

Hello All,

I've been lurking for several year here and recently decided to jump in to the fray. I'm a 22 year old dom and have been browsing sub profiles and messaging sub girls for about 6 months. I have had no success finding a girl to train yet. What's even more discouraging is a the low amount of replies I receive.

My question: Sub girlies, what is the best way to approach you? I loathe the thought of starting off with something arrogant like "bitch, you are mine now and do what I say" while at the same time I don't want to come off as someone who is weak or indecisive. Any pointers or things you like to see in an introduction email would be great!

Thanks to all in advance.
Kole

< Message edited by kolekorin -- 8/11/2008 7:57:31 PM >

Post #: 1

RE: How to Get Girls To Respond - 8/11/2008 8:02:35 PM

sublizzie

Posts: 1252
Joined: 5/26/2004
Status: offline

Get involved in your local community so the people there can help you learn what you need to know to be a good Dominant, and everyone needs to learn regardless of their age. You'll meet submissives there as well, who can help you learn.

I'd also lose the "girlies". Makes *me* twitch in a bad way.

_____________________________

"cooking is my kink"

Collared June 19, 2008
(uncollared 12/21/09 with his death. RIP my Santa)

(in reply to kolekorin)

Post #: 2

RE: How to Get Girls To Respond - 8/11/2008 8:06:51 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

Try to find something non-BDSM related in their profile that you can relate to and ask about that. If someone were trying to get a woman like me to respond, I'd suggest leaving sex and orders out of the first e-mail. Write something that is personal to her but not too long since there are tons of reasons that messages go unanswered here. Most importantly: Don't give up. It make take years to find the right one. Hang out on the forums and make friends, attend some events offline. You may not find someone here, but if you expand your social network you may find someone through a friend. And you'll probably be enjoying yourself more.

Best of luck!

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to kolekorin)

Post #: 3

RE: How to Get Girls To Respond - 8/11/2008 9:07:27 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

Tell them how they suck.

Granted, this won't get the stable mature ones to respond, and you'll have to follow up with more shame and arrogance to convince them to listen to you.

But it works to get responses from a surprisingly high number of submissives.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Post #: 4

RE: How to Get Girls To Respond - 8/11/2008 9:22:28 PM

katie978

Posts: 352
Joined: 7/21/2007
Status: offline

Have a profile!

Even if the e-mail was exceedingly interesting, showed that the Dom has studied my profile with a fine-toothed comb, and that he'd take a long while to formulate the perfect introduction, if he doesn't have a profile, he isn't getting an answer.

Why am I so strict on this one? Because the profile is there for a reason. My profile is the same, all the time (usually). It defines what I'm looking for and what I have to offer. If you have no profile, this might mean that you make up what you're seeking and what you're looking for in order to lure the subbies in who reply to you. If you have no profile, it might mean you're in a relationship (so, you can't put that you're 'looking' on the profile). It might mean sometimes you're a switch, so you don't want to put that on there for subbie girls. Hell, it might mean that you make up your attributes and interests to match mine-so that we seem like a perfect match. "Who is your favorite musician?” you ask. You then respond, "Mine too!”

Check your first e-mails. Bad first e-mails don't get seconds. Make sure you write them specific to each woman (Yes, we can tell when you copy-paste). Include a few mutual interested (non-kinky ones), pose a question or two (like, "which is your favorite AC/DC album", not "Which hole will I stick it in first when I pwn you?"), and include a bit of information about yourself.

Loads of folks on here preach the virtues of the BDSM community. While learning things from books will only teach you so much, my local community didn't have a whole hell of a lot to offer me, because I'm a good 20 years younger than anyone else there. That's certainly not to say that the older folks aren't quite a bit wiser, but as far as dates go...well, I'm not looking for anyone old enough to be my RL daddy, so, it would have been useless for finding like minded potential partners. You might have better luck being in a big city, but BDSM communities tend to be "cliquey" and it can be uncomfortable being the youngest person there that nobody is talking to.

Last pointer: "I don't want to come off as someone who is weak or indecisive.” Ridiculous puffed-up dominance is not attractive. Subbies are normal women first and foremost: a few are looking to live the fantasy of BDSM, but those that are looking for actual non-fantasy relationships will likely want to get to know you as yourself, rather than you as "Super Dom Man!!" Be yourself-if you think you come off as weak or indecisive, but you're behaving the way you would normally, it's all to the good. A man's idea of weak and indecisive is remarkably similar to a woman's idea of chivalrous and polite.

_____________________________

"That's the plan. Rule the world. You and me. Anyday ::wink::"

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 5

RE: How to Get Girls To Respond - 8/11/2008 9:44:54 PM

Honsoku

Posts: 422
Joined: 6/26/2007
Status: offline

There will be plenty of fine advice. Now for the unfortunate dirty truths.

1: If you want people to reply: have a good photo. The quality of your photo matters much more towards getting responses than the quality of your message or your profile. When people decide who they talk to on dating sites, they choose by the photo first and text second. Here is no different.

2: At 22 years of age, you will have some trouble getting people to take you seriously and you will frequently will be ignored because of it, if your message even gets through the bulk mail filter.

Expect the search to take quite a while.

< Message edited by Honsoku -- 8/11/2008 9:47:08 PM >

(in reply to kolekorin)

Post #: 6

RE: How to Get Girls To Respond - 8/11/2008 11:27:11 PM

kolekorin

Posts: 35
Joined: 2/26/2008
Status: offline

Thanks katie, this was real helpful.

(in reply to katie978)

Post #: 7

RE: How to Get Girls To Respond - 8/12/2008 12:12:06 AM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

This is a joke right? You have been lurking here for years and you haven't read the many threads on this very subject? lol Okay... let me give you one pointer... from one who doesn't have girlies chasing her too often... but dude... you might show them a lil respect and lose the girlie shit. They might like that when they know you... but from a young stud seeking... well... you get the picture...

(in reply to kolekorin)

Post #: 8

RE: How to Get Girls To Respond - 8/12/2008 3:34:27 AM

sunshinemiss

Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline

Hello kolekorin,

I looked at your profile...

There is nothing that says anything about YOU. Write something already.
You need a pic. get a good one - don't show us your messy bedroom, please.
And what is all this lives for stuff? You have...over 50 things you LIVE FOR.... Right.
And you are an EXPERT IN... religion, politics, cooking and camping. You are an expert in religion and politics at 23? That strikes me as incredibly arrogant. In a bad way. You, Sir, are no John Kennedy. Neither are you His Holiness, Dalai Lama. ahem

And yeah, lose the "girls" part. Even women who like to be called "girl" like it from someone they know and respect. Not some joe blow from the internet.

According to your journal you have been actually looking for a few weeks only.... Grow a little patience. It's a domly trait.

It seems to me that you are a little big for your britches. Come on down here with us real people. That also is domly.

peace and passion,
sunshine

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to Lockit)

Post #: 9

RE: How to Get Girls To Respond - 8/12/2008 4:25:26 AM

IamHereForYou

Posts: 1
Joined: 2/27/2008
Status: offline

Hey everyone, I thought I would jump in here and ask you do give me tips on my profile, if you don;t mind. I'm not completely lost here, but I suppose a few pointers is always good!

One thing th.at concerns me sometimes is "girlies" sorry I mean young ladys, responding to your messages and they haven;t even viewed your profile! I do feel that sometimes due to age your not given a chance, but I suppose we can;t do anything to effect this. I just sometimes thought some people on this site may be as open minded about age as they are about other things!

Thanks in advance

(in reply to sunshinemiss)

Post #: 10

RE: How to Get Girls To Respond - 8/12/2008 4:53:14 AM

seababy

Posts: 845
Joined: 6/20/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kolekorin

Hello All,

I've been lurking for several year here and recently decided to jump in to the fray. I'm a 22 year old dom and have been browsing sub profiles and messaging sub girls for about 6 months. I have had no success finding a girl to train yet. What's even more discouraging is a the low amount of replies I receive.

My question: Sub girlies, what is the best way to approach you? I loathe the thought of starting off with something arrogant like "bitch, you are mine now and do what I say" while at the same time I don't want to come off as someone who is weak or indecisive. Any pointers or things you like to see in an introduction email would be great!

Thanks to all in advance.
Kole

Definitely send some mail out saying that.
Include all the Dommes too, because you never know who may be a closet sub.
Don't forget to post all the responses you get back into this thread. (minus the names).

Or I guess if you actually want to find a submissive you COULD take everyone else's advice.
I just think my way is more fun.

Good luck.

(in reply to kolekorin)

Post #: 11

RE: How to Get Girls To Respond - 8/12/2008 5:16:55 AM

softness

Posts: 2918
Joined: 8/1/2006
From: Leeds, UK
Status: offline

calling us "sub girlies" ... thats a pretty damn sure fire way of pissing in my cheerios ... is only one step up from "subbies" ...*shudders*

Go out and attend a munch, meet a real person in real time, the success rate of online forums like this working as dating agencies is pretty poor. Building up experience and reputation in your local community is far more likely to find you a suitable partner to train.

_____________________________

proudly wearing the blue collar of consideration to DK Leather, Leatherdykeuk, and LeatherEagle of the UK KRueL Leather Family

veritas, respectus honorque in corio

(in reply to seababy)

Post #: 12

RE: How to Get Girls To Respond - 8/12/2008 5:26:12 AM

sambamanslilgirl

Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss

Hello kolekorin,

I looked at your profile...

There is nothing that says anything about YOU. Write something already.
You need a pic. get a good one - don't show us your messy bedroom, please.
And what is all this lives for stuff? You have...over 50 things you LIVE FOR.... Right.
And you are an EXPERT IN... religion, politics, cooking and camping. You are an expert in religion and politics at 23? That strikes me as incredibly arrogant. In a bad way. You, Sir, are no John Kennedy. Neither are you His Holiness, Dalai Lama. ahem

And yeah, lose the "girls" part. Even women who like to be called "girl" like it from someone they know and respect. Not some joe blow from the internet.

According to your journal you have been actually looking for a few weeks only.... Grow a little patience. It's a domly trait.

It seems to me that you are a little big for your britches. Come on down here with us real people. That also is domly.

peace and passion,
sunshine

what sunshine said

you better heed the advice given here, junior
(oh does that word irk you? well, that's how i feel by someone i don't know refers to me as "girlie")

_____________________________

...2011 - year of the fabulous rock star life ...and i do it so well...

...announcing Mr. & Mrs. British Petrol ...yeah, marrying into oil is slick business...

(in reply to sunshinemiss)

Post #: 13

RE: How to Get Girls To Respond - 8/12/2008 5:41:10 AM

sublizzie

Posts: 1252
Joined: 5/26/2004
Status: offline

It might help if you look for a younger lifestyle group to get involved in. If there is none where you live (I didn't look to see where any might be near you) take the time and go to where one is. See if you can find some on-line groups for younger people with this interest.

I understand how difficult it can be for those in your age group to find someone. My adult children have, luckily, found people with similar interests but it took some looking for both of them. Patience is a virtue. Patience and learning more about doing life very well is wisdom, which is an important virtue as well.

_____________________________

"cooking is my kink"

Collared June 19, 2008
(uncollared 12/21/09 with his death. RIP my Santa)

(in reply to softness)

Post #: 14

RE: How to Get Girls To Respond - 8/12/2008 6:29:47 AM

Wildfleurs

Posts: 1650
Joined: 9/24/2004
From: Connecticut
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kolekorin

Hello All,

I've been lurking for several year here and recently decided to jump in to the fray. I'm a 22 year old dom and have been browsing sub profiles and messaging sub girls for about 6 months. I have had no success finding a girl to train yet. What's even more discouraging is a the low amount of replies I receive.

My question: Sub girlies, what is the best way to approach you? I loathe the thought of starting off with something arrogant like "bitch, you are mine now and do what I say" while at the same time I don't want to come off as someone who is weak or indecisive. Any pointers or things you like to see in an introduction email would be great!

Thanks to all in advance.
Kole

1) Stop calling us girlies. I haven't been a girlie since I was twelve.

2) Simple and respectful emails that talk about common hobbies or interests beyond kink always got my attention when I was single.

3) Fill out your profile. I'd probably never respond to an email from someone who didn't have information in their profile.

4) Try getting involved in your local community - at least where I live many of the people who are active locally are also on Collarme.

C~

_____________________________

"Just because you've always done it that way doesn't mean it's not incredibly stupid." -despair.com

~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
The heart of it all - http://www.wildfleurs.com
~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

(in reply to kolekorin)

Post #: 15

RE: How to Get Girls To Respond - 8/12/2008 6:31:53 AM

Wildfleurs

Posts: 1650
Joined: 9/24/2004
From: Connecticut
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: katie978

Loads of folks on here preach the virtues of the BDSM community. While learning things from books will only teach you so much, my local community didn't have a whole hell of a lot to offer me, because I'm a good 20 years younger than anyone else there. That's certainly not to say that the older folks aren't quite a bit wiser, but as far as dates go...well, I'm not looking for anyone old enough to be my RL daddy, so, it would have been useless for finding like minded potential partners. You might have better luck being in a big city, but BDSM communities tend to be "cliquey" and it can be uncomfortable being the youngest person there that nobody is talking to.

quote:

katie978

You do realize there is a TNG group in Boston? (TNG BDSM groups are specifically for people that are 18-35)

C~

_____________________________

"Just because you've always done it that way doesn't mean it's not incredibly stupid." -despair.com

~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
The heart of it all - http://www.wildfleurs.com
~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

(in reply to katie978)

Post #: 16

RE: How to Get Girls To Respond - 8/12/2008 9:20:49 AM

Dnomyar

Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline

Heck if one guy can jump in on this post I might as well join him. Seeng that the word girlies is a no no how about if you mature women help me with my profile. I seem to get to many hits on it. How do I stop that? Come on now. I know you women would love to be treated as girlies again.

(in reply to Wildfleurs)

Post #: 17

RE: How to Get Girls To Respond - 8/12/2008 9:28:48 AM

faerytattoodgirl

Posts: 5824
Status: offline

quote:

I've been lurking for several year here

but profile says joined feb 26 -2008 thats alot of years! the profile is completely blank.

_____________________________

I did not reply to your cmail.

I am flawed.

Imperfect.

MUST SPANK!!!

SPAAAAAAAANK!!!

(in reply to kolekorin)

Post #: 18

RE: How to Get Girls To Respond - 8/12/2008 2:50:57 PM

housesub4you

Posts: 1879
Joined: 4/2/2008
Status: offline

Yes, the term "several year" does not leave one with much faith in you being anything near real.

Wow, a blank profile and people are not responding, What the fuck is this world coming to??????

(in reply to faerytattoodgirl)

Post #: 19

RE: How to Get Girls To Respond - 8/12/2008 6:51:34 PM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kolekorin

My question: Sub girlies, what is the best way to approach you?

You could start by not calling me "girlie". I'm not a girl, I'm a lady or a woman. I'm not your pet, dear or baby either.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to kolekorin)

Post #: 20

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