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RE: What is it that defines you? - 8/13/2008 3:37:30 AM   
stella41b


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Maxwell67

You seem to have a specific kind of answer in mind Stella. Could you be more specific about the P.O.V.?



Believe it or not I haven't... I'm on a learning curve here myself. My own theory at this moment in time is that it's my nature or character for this is the sum of my experiences and what leads me somehow along this path known as life. But it's just a theory..

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RE: What is it that defines you? - 8/13/2008 4:03:09 AM   
lusciouslips19


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Status: offline 		What defines me is the fact thay I am undefinaeable!

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RE: What is it that defines you? - 8/13/2008 5:17:02 AM   
eyesopened


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Status: offline 		Simplicity, reliability, versatility, economy, performance, convenience, quality.

When I went through formal training for a major international corporation, these were taught as the seven top product or service features that influence purchasing decisions.  Back then I thought "How do I incorporate these things into my personal life, how do I become the embodiment of those features?" 

I'm not sure what defines me, of course the sum of my experiences, the lessons learned but in all things I find the term Integrity to be the most important trait I can have.  That and a truely warped sense of humor....


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RE: What is it that defines you? - 8/13/2008 5:23:26 AM   
Prinsexx


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Status: offline 		Another thought...what defines me is my creativity.....doing, producing, bringing into reality something that has never been done, produced before. The irony? We all of us do it, uniquely every single day.



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RE: What is it that defines you? - 8/13/2008 7:06:11 AM   
Maxwell67


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Prinsexx

Another thought...what defines me is my creativity.....doing, producing, bringing into reality something that has never been done, produced before. The irony? We all of us do it, uniquely every single day.



Your creativity expresses you, Prin (and very well, too, I might add)  But if you let it define you, then you subject your identity to the ever-changing whim of your "audience" since each person who comes into contact with that creatve expression of 'self' brings their own viewing lens with them.  I am not saying that is a bad thing, mind you.  But you may discover often that, depending upon who you are producing your 'self' for, you will not like the way your creativity is interpereted.  So do you stand behind your entire body of work as the vehicle for communicating your definition to the world?  Or is there one piece in particular that stands out as the purest expression of your soul?

< Message edited by Maxwell67 -- 8/13/2008 7:07:40 AM >

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RE: What is it that defines you? - 8/13/2008 7:53:16 AM   
Maxwell67


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quote:

ORIGINAL: stella41b


quote:

ORIGINAL: Maxwell67

You seem to have a specific kind of answer in mind Stella. Could you be more specific about the P.O.V.?



Believe it or not I haven't... I'm on a learning curve here myself. My own theory at this moment in time is that it's my nature or character for this is the sum of my experiences and what leads me somehow along this path known as life. But it's just a theory..

Radical empirical pragmatism?  I have always been fond of that perspective as well.  You are the sum of your experiences, and each moment experienced through the lens of all the previous moments becomes an indelible part of 'self.'  It implies and active and adaptive identity.  This philosophy was a huge influence on art in the 20th century, though few people realize it.  It is expressed in the work of artists ranging from Picasso, to John Cage, and is perhaps most directly expressed by Gertude Stein (who was a student of the founder of this school of thought, William James, brother to the author Henry James, and IMO the greatest philosopher to come out of the U.S.).  It does, however also imply that 'truth' is relative.  What works for you may be valid for you, but not for another.  I personally have little problem with this, because what works for me at any moment can change - I am not welded to any past interperetation of "truth" but rather constantly refine my perspective as I struggle to bring reality into sharper focus.  There are a lot of people who strongly disagree with it though because they are convinced there is some absolute universal "Truth" with a capital "T" out there.  As one of a multitiude of sentient entities that have a necessarily limited perspective on all that is, and knowing that in all likelihood I am but one lens in some massive compund eye through which our mass consciousness views reality, it is not useful for me to struggle with an inevitably fruitless quest for "Truth" with a capital "T" which I know can never be known in this lifetime nor any single lifetime.  I believe those who cling to this higher "Truth" are not in fact any better off for it, though they are usually convinced otherwise... they tend to be the type to think Truth can just be poured into them by some other source (a spiritual leader, or other authority figure) rather than the type to claim their own truth for themselves.

All of this would bring us back then to the dialectic perspective, I think:  I am EITHER the ever-adapting product of a dialectic between the essence of my 'self' and my experience of the environment. OR I am the dialectic itself.  Since I am a 'process' over 'product' kind of person I prefer the latter over the former.

< Message edited by Maxwell67 -- 8/13/2008 8:18:29 AM >

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RE: What is it that defines you? - 8/13/2008 8:06:14 AM   
gypsygrl


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quote:

Radical empirical pragmatism?


Yeah, I don't go much beyond that.  I am what I am and what I am is what I have been.  I would be sure to emphasize the historical perspective, meaning I am constituted by my own history/biograpy. "Experience" is always rooted in our past.  We have no experience of the future and I try not to move much beyond what I can't, by definition, experience.

*gets all warm and fuzzy at the thought of radical empiricism*


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RE: What is it that defines you? - 8/13/2008 8:32:00 AM   
Prinsexx


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Maxwell67

quote:

ORIGINAL: Prinsexx

Another thought...what defines me is my creativity.....doing, producing, bringing into reality something that has never been done, produced before. The irony? We all of us do it, uniquely every single day.



Your creativity expresses you, Prin (and very well, too, I might add)  But if you let it define you, then you subject your identity to the ever-changing whim of your "audience" since each person who comes into contact with that creatve expression of 'self' brings their own viewing lens with them. 

Thank you. But i think you and i might be using the word define in differen ways? (And i so love words). To define me doesn't mean it MAKES ME or CREATES ME. defines me to me means it gives me edges and yes those edges are forever shifting and shaping. I think i tried to make that apparent in the spiel about nyself earlier on. Being a conjoined ego (rather than a singular one) mean that when i first read Freud (at the age of eight i think...it was in picture form....the ego defences looked like a castle and its moat ) well i immediately thought what bollox. It wasn't until i read Tolle and found a wider range of what an ego could do that i thought hell yes the ego can transcend itself and its own defences...that's what being a multiple is like,. It was dificult to know whose head i was in...still is. That's why we are so fascinated by physical conjoinment....like how do these TWO people who are physically comjoined manage to live SEPARATE lives. Being psychologically conjoined is way just as diffcult, especially since most others who are on the outside of the symbiosis cannot see the conjoimnet unless it is physical.
So yes the OTHER defines me, gives me edges and shape and i can and i do play to an audience when reading work very well, i lecture very welll (oh let's face it if i don't big myself up here someone's gonna knock me down eh? ) and also it happens i am a natural empath...
However i do seriously have to watch how and to whom as i can give consent to almost absoluely anyone (and have done so more than once....there at least two people here counting on my behalf lol), never find fault in them and almost always burn out in the crash of trying endlessly to do it better for them. That is the core of what my part of the conjoined ego did as a child.
Makes for perfect submission (a friend said) but not for very good judgment.
I see the abused women of this world and i think you know what? i could have remained like that.........scary thought but out now so there we go...is this a quote that will haunt me?). I am capable of loving without judgment. It's been a hard hard lesson for me recently to find myself having to scrape the 'me' off the bedroom floor and re-define myself AGAIN. As it happens there's a new relationship truly supporting me in doing that right now so i really don't think i've ever scraped myself together and defined who i am on my own ever in my entire life.
Oh god how i am bored with trying to figure me out....it wasn't ever really anything i was equipped to do single handedly...........
so define means shape me not makes me ok?
Blimey i have to be thankful to a whole heap of people on these forums today.......so thanks....heaps of it. And thankful beyond words to three of the posttreasured people who have mailed me orivately on here...they know who they are and they have absolutely shaped me and put the pieces back together in a least etter working order.
And to those detractore who still thing it's helpful to accuse others of being dysfunctional..........(                                  ) 

< Message edited by Prinsexx -- 8/13/2008 9:14:22 AM >

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RE: What is it that defines you? - 8/13/2008 10:55:06 AM   
daddysprop247


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quote:

ORIGINAL: stella41b

Some people say it's advisable to have a firm basis for self-worth on something other than a personal relationship which is something I've managed to avoid, due to lack of personal relationship. However I read through these boards and I can't help thinking that there are a few whose sense of self appears to be inextricably bound up in a D/s relationship - more often it seems among submissives but I would imagine that this is also the case for some dominants. Another level of complexity as it were is added by marriage, where the permanence can make it seem like it's the only non-negotiable feature in someone's life. Then too you have the family.

But maybe then it's something where I have something to learn. I'm interested in what other people out there think, and how they see it. Do you think it's a good thing to try and put or keep the focus of your identity in something other than your relationships? If so, do you manage to achieve this? Or do you see this completely differently?


i think that such an idea only makes sense for those who seek or would be most fulfilled by a relationship of equals, something vanilla or close to it in terms of the power dynamic.

but for a slave like myself, it is only proper that my whole sense of self...purpose, value, identity...come from my slavery to my Master. i live for him and only him, and he would have it no other way.

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RE: What is it that defines you? - 8/13/2008 4:26:01 PM   
WinsomeDefiance


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quote:

ORIGINAL: stella41b

Some people say it's advisable to have a firm basis for self-worth on something other than a personal relationship which is something I've managed to avoid, due to lack of personal relationship. However I read through these boards and I can't help thinking that there are a few whose sense of self appears to be inextricably bound up in a D/s relationship - more often it seems among submissives but I would imagine that this is also the case for some dominants. Another level of complexity as it were is added by marriage, where the permanence can make it seem like it's the only non-negotiable feature in someone's life. Then too you have the family.

But maybe then it's something where I have something to learn. I'm interested in what other people out there think, and how they see it. Do you think it's a good thing to try and put or keep the focus of your identity in something other than your relationships? If so, do you manage to achieve this? Or do you see this completely differently?


I read this post a while ago and set it aside, as I mulled over what I thought it was that 'defined me'.  I still don't have a definitive answer that I could express adequately.

To answer one of your questions, yes I think it can be good, and healthy, and make one a better person to take the focus partially (even largely) off self.  Now, don't get me wrong.  I believe it is good to have a healthy self-worth, I just believe it is diminishing to have an overflated sense of self or to be too focused on self.   Just as I believe that it can be detriminental to define yourself ONLY by another - whether that other be work, a relationship, parenthood or even ethics and morals. Notice I said 'can be' not IS.  I'm ever the antichrist of absolutes, and so while I think somethng is generally unwise or unhealthy or just plain inadvisable, I respect the reality that for some - the extreme and inadvisable works for them.  


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RE: What is it that defines you? - 8/13/2008 6:05:34 PM   
yourMissTress


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Status: offline 		What defined me 5 minutes ago when I started to read this thread, will have been slightly altered by tomorrow.  As KoM eloquently stated, we are defined by our character and values.  We define ourselves by what we believe our character and values to be.  Others define us by their perception of our actions and inactions, and what values they assign to such.
 
Our perceptions differ, and my choice to act in a certain way in a specific situation, based on my character and values, may reflect a different character or set of values to one as another.  Unless the observer knows us well enough to know our motives for action or inaction, it is impossible for them to define us correctly.

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RE: What is it that defines you? - 8/18/2008 12:05:31 PM   
babygurlrides


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Status: offline 		Wow, MidMichCowboy! A beautiful description indeed! Yet nowhere do you mention your Dominance/submissiveness or penchant for bondage, sadism, etc. Personally, I find this refreshing. Being fairly new to all of this, it is perplexing to try and grasp why some folks use the terms dominant and submissive to describe their fundamental personality slant, while others use the terms to describe who and what they are. Maybe its simply because this IS an alternative lifestyle site, and this kind of information would be useful to readers and searchers. My good friend calls himself a Dominant. He also tells me he is a sexual sadist. It defines who he is, and everything he does. Protocol is important to him. I knew that about him before I knew of his love of geneology. I suspect that people in the vanilla world would not. Incidently... there was a profile here that I was reading of a woman who also did not mention anything regarding submissive, dominance, etc. She simply said that she is not looking for anything other than friendship. Her list of interests had nothing to do with activities in the bedroom. Another "wow" moment for me in this very interesting site. Wow... I thought, when I read her profile. Interesting lady! Intelligent, not to mention beautiful. When I was discussing this with another Dominant gentleman, his response to me was, "then what is she doing posting here?? She should go to a match maker site!"  
The way I see it is ? For me, being a sexual submissive is a tiny part of who I am. It doesnt define me. It's something that I have discovered about myself over time. Although accepting this part of me brings me great pleasure and fulfillment, it would never occur to me to use this adjective to describe myself, unless of course I was talking to someone here in CM :)))
Bottom line? So many intelligent and interesting people here, regardless of their personality slant or sexual preferences.

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RE: What is it that defines you? - 8/18/2008 4:54:53 PM   
blacksword404


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Status: offline 		If i had to describe myself, i would say i am like water. Water is one of the most  peaceful of things. Soothing and calming. But it also can dash you against the rocks or quench you of your thirst. It can not be stopped from it's path. If an obstacle is placed before it, it then simply goes around it or  continues to pound the obstacle until it destroys it. Then calmly goes about it's way. 

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RE: What is it that defines you? - 8/20/2008 10:31:34 AM   
SuchAGirl


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Status: offline 		I think what defines me as a person is my creativity and expression.  When I have a creative outlet I am at my happiest.  Who I am is in a constant state of change but there are certain constants...my love for art, theater, music, and expression!
 
- Lady J

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