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can a sadist change his spots - 8/13/2008 11:33:26 PM

patina

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Joined: 9/14/2006
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Greetings All

I have a weird question. I have been talking to a Dom he knows upfront i am not willing to be his slave he just wants someone to talk to and maybe occassionally meet says widowed. i have tenatively agreed to until I find a Gorean master and get collared. In our first on-line chat today he let me know he is actually a sadist. I am not into pain at all. Usually it states in their profile they are a sadist. I have in mine I DO NOT like pain. He says he is capable of holding that part in when and if we meet i do not think so but have no experience in that part as Gorean's do not do kink except some bondage and a little whipping.

So can a sadist play and not inflict pain or think they are not inflicting pain when they really are?

Thank you all for your input. Why don't they read the profiles?

patina

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RE: can a sadist change his spots - 8/14/2008 12:05:13 AM

Maxwell67

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Joined: 6/29/2008
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Yes. A sadist can play without being sadistic. You don't even like a little slap & tickle? Really? He might get bored with you in a few months.

(in reply to patina)

Post #: 2

RE: can a sadist change his spots - 8/14/2008 12:17:10 AM

angaothsi

Posts: 242
Joined: 11/12/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: patina
he just wants someone to talk to and maybe occassionally meet says widowed.

I'm confused. Even the most sadistic men I know, (and I know some REALLY sadistic ones!) are not prone to jump up in the middle of a chat and smack you with a flogger.....
You make no mention of the possiablity of "play" only talking to, and maybe meeting with.
But yes, to answer the actual question at hand, He could play and control himself.

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Post #: 3

RE: can a sadist change his spots - 8/14/2008 12:18:26 AM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
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You seem to hardly know this man. So picture this. You are alone with him, tied and cannot resist in any way. He can do whatever he wants to you... are you willing to take the chance of finding out whether he can tone it down or not? You are responsible as much as he is in anything you both agree to. So... you decide...

(in reply to Maxwell67)

Post #: 4

RE: can a sadist change his spots - 8/14/2008 12:23:18 AM

hopelessfool

Posts: 988
Joined: 7/29/2005
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Can a sadist converse with someone who doesnt like pain? Sure. Can you converse with someone different from you? Yes.

As for a sadist playing with out pain, sure. But then with those of use with low pain threshholds, we can be brought to said thresh hold repeatedly in so many different ways many a sadists enjoy playing with our bums...

-shrugs- I doubt somoene will inflict pain with out them knowing it ... its kind of hard to black out on having a cane in your hand and hitting someone with it

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Post #: 5

RE: can a sadist change his spots - 8/14/2008 12:32:47 AM

ResidentSadist

Posts: 12580
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From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
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quote:

So can a sadist play and not inflict pain or think they are not inflicting pain when they really are?

Yes but, I can’t speak for all of them. However, I imagine those that can’t control themselves won’t be online unless they pass out computers in prison nowadays.

quote:

Why don't they read the profiles?

If you do a search on that, I am sure you will find 1001 applicable answers.

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RE: can a sadist change his spots - 8/14/2008 12:40:04 AM

AquaticSub

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Joined: 12/27/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: patina

So can a sadist play and not inflict pain or think they are not inflicting pain when they really are?

Thank you all for your input. Why don't they read the profiles?

patina

Sure. A guy who loves ham and dead fish on his pizza can mix it up with an extra cheese. He might consider you and your company worth it. I wouldn't be so quick to assume that he didn't read your profile though. He may simply not consider it a big deal since he has no intention of inflicting pain on you.

_____________________________

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It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

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(in reply to patina)

Post #: 7

RE: can a sadist change his spots - 8/14/2008 12:47:47 AM

JstL00k1ng

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I tend to agree. You said nothing in your question about play. But apparently, it's assumed since your question is conserned with can he control himself. Well, yes. A sadist can control him or herself. The question you should be asking yourself though is will he?

I've been around the block enough times to know that it's foolish to go into a play session without trust, or someone else looking out for your welbeing, as someone put it while you're bound and helplessly at his mercy. I also know that a sadist who plays without releasing that side won't get much satisfaction in the long run. Short term? Sure. But again, I agree that he will get bored with you quickly.

On the other hand, open your mind to the possibility that he's considering the fact that many innexperienced subbies aren't aware that they're into pain, at any level, because they're afraid of it, or just have their minds programmed to be turned off by it.

Not to mention, what's pain to one is pleasure to another. Take flogging for example. Many a sub takes pleasure in a good flogging, while at the same time, another would consider the whole ordeal painful. Just like knife play. Or fire play. Or hot wax.

Did he read your profile? Perhaps he did, and perhaps he didn't. But you shouldn't be worried about that. Turn your focus to the real issues at hand.

And g'luck.

(in reply to ResidentSadist)

Post #: 8

RE: can a sadist change his spots - 8/14/2008 12:55:31 AM

patina

Posts: 493
Joined: 9/14/2006
From: no
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Greetings all:

I am just talking to this guy right now. If things go good ok we may meet i prefer the Gorean lifestyle not to be constanly repative sp? and he knows this. He asked if i would be willing to talk and possibly later meet until i find a Master. I agreed. why not we are both lonely somewhat close to each other, For me to meet others in this lifestyle i have to drive 3 hours so it may work out for us. But we are just in talking stage now, getting to know one another. when i do if i do decide to meet him it will be in a public place for coffee and just to see if we like each other enough physically to continue.

I took a chance once and invited a strange man into my home. Needles to say my 12G made him change his mind about beating me.

I have a reasonbly high pain threshold but i do not like pain, i do not mind trying new things in Gor there is no kink i would like to experience some of it.

I know little of the S/M side as i am not into that part.

Thanks for the info all help appreciated.

patina

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a diamond in the rough

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Post #: 9

RE: can a sadist change his spots - 8/14/2008 2:17:09 AM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
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If he just wants someone to talk to, why is he talking about play? If you're not a masochist what are you? If this were a vanilla relationship, would you be handling things this way?

Master Fire

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(in reply to patina)

Post #: 10

RE: can a sadist change his spots - 8/14/2008 2:27:58 AM

Prinsexx

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Joined: 8/27/2007
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Can a sadist change his spots? Yes about as often as he can change his screen name.

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Post #: 11

RE: can a sadist change his spots - 8/14/2008 2:43:25 AM

softness

Posts: 2918
Joined: 8/1/2006
From: Leeds, UK
Status: offline

Just because he is a sadist that doesn't mean that is *all* he is. Don't make the assumption that because he likes to inflict pain that is all he is interested in. I am a cock-sucker, that doesn't mean that every guy I meet all I can think of is ways to get him to let me suck his cock. There are many many ways a Sadist can enjoy your company without raising a finger to you (there must be or DV would have gotten bored and wondered off a loooooong time ago), it's kind of unfair, and almost insulting in some lights, to assume that he will have a one track mind.

My Owner is a heavy Sadist, and I really am not any kind of physical masochist. Sure I enjoy SM play, even heavy SM play but the gratification I get from it is not from the sexualisation of physical pain (I enjoy the emotional torment, the feelings of degredation and humiliation, the evidence of my strength and submission - I don't stand there watching the nails go through my nipple thinking "wow that feels awesome, give me another one Daddy please!") So even if play does occur between the two of you don't assume that a) it will involve extreme physical pain ... or b) you can't enjoy it.

Ask him .. "Do you want to engage in SM play with me?" "Do you realise I am not a masochist?" "Do you understand I have very little SM experience" then you are being a responsible, open communicator. This is something fundemental if you are trying to establish *any* kind of relationship with this man, even if it is just as a coffee date.

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veritas, respectus honorque in corio

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RE: can a sadist change his spots - 8/14/2008 2:54:51 AM

RavenMuse

Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: softness

Just because he is a sadist that doesn't mean that is *all* he is.

Excellent point.

I am a sadist to some little tiny extent (What? Honest! *Inncoent look*) but it is certainly not all I am nor all I enjoy.

Whilst sure I do enjoy heavier play... at times. At other times I enjoy more sensual play, sexual play, mindfucks where I don't even lay a finger on My girl, all kinds of things. I am also her Daddy and enjoy her curled up next to Me whilst I read her a bedtime story (Not exactly a common image associated with sadists).

People tend to have more than one aspect to them. "What a work of art is man"

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This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

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(in reply to softness)

Post #: 13

RE: can a sadist change his spots - 8/14/2008 2:59:22 AM

Thadius

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Joined: 10/11/2005
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Morning patina,

Throwing around an awful lot of generalizations, aren't you?

The others have covered those regarding sadists...

However, you also made some big ones about all Goreans. I would venture a guess that some Goreans are sadists, I would even suggest that some enjoy more than a little bit of "kink except for some bondage and a little whipping".

I will concede that there are many Goreans that do not participate in "bdsm", but on the other hand there are also some Goreans that do and would be considered pretty sick puppies.

Just my thoughts,
Thadius

_____________________________

When the character of a man is not clear to you, look at his friends." ~ Japanese Proverb

(in reply to patina)

Post #: 14

RE: can a sadist change his spots - 8/14/2008 3:08:17 AM

RCdc

Posts: 8674
Status: offline

Yes a sadist can be a 'normal human being' too. Just because you are Gorean, does that mean you nadu at every possibility?

Honestly, I cannot see why you are leading this man along. Your profile does it(it doesn;t match what you write here). And you are doing it. If you are both wanting to meet for simple friendship, why are you even concerned about whether he is a sadist or not? The only reason you would be worried is if you are contemplating play - which is what your post is screaming out.

Yes a sadist can have self control, just like anyone. Your question(and other posts) makes me believe that you don't.

the.dark.

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RE: can a sadist change his spots - 8/14/2008 3:31:36 AM

mostsadistic

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Joined: 8/8/2008
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To begin with, probably 98% of Sadists are normal people. you say you are Gorean, does this make you less than normal??

Secondly, did the thought ever cross your mind that possibly he has some of the same physical issues as you and needs someone to talk with about them and to find out how you handle them, other than through medication?

Thirdly, in case your not aware, some Gorean Masters are sadists as well.

(in reply to patina)

Post #: 16

RE: can a sadist change his spots - 8/14/2008 3:41:54 AM

Prinsexx

Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist

Yes but, I can’t speak for all of them. However, I imagine those that can’t control themselves won’t be online unless they pass out computers in prison nowadays.

Dear Resident Sadist:
Funny that. Whenever i think of you i see you behind bars. It must be the cage you keep me in.
prin x

< Message edited by Prinsexx -- 8/14/2008 3:42:18 AM >

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Metawhore.... the sound of a metaphore when gagged
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RE: can a sadist change his spots - 8/14/2008 4:20:31 AM

LaTigresse

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Joined: 1/15/2006
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It's not so much a question of can they change, but can they control and channel their sadism. More importantly, do they feel an obligation to control themselves.

To me, that is the fine line between consenting and criminal.

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Post #: 18

RE: can a sadist change his spots - 8/14/2008 5:06:25 AM

SoulPiercer

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Joined: 5/27/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: patina
i do not think so but have no experience in that part as Gorean's do not do kink except some bondage and a little whipping.

Two questions and I know already they probably should go to a brand new thread:

1. When did Goreans stop "doing kink" except some bondage and little whipping?

2. What whipping techniques do Goreans use which produce absolutely no pain?

To answer the OPs question: I consider myself a sadist. However, I have had relationships with submissives who "weren't into pain" and I've been able to "control" myself.

Like many a sadist before me, I've found that a great many submissives hate "pain", but oddly enough they want you to pull their hair, smack their bottom or pinch their nipples. Go figure.

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Post #: 19

RE: can a sadist change his spots - 8/14/2008 5:21:08 AM

softness

Posts: 2918
Joined: 8/1/2006
From: Leeds, UK
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SoulPiercer

Two questions and I know already they probably should go to a brand new thread:

1. When did Goreans stop "doing kink" except some bondage and little whipping?

2. What whipping techniques do Goreans use which produce absolutely no pain?

3. Can they teach that technique to all parties who play with Softness so she can stop ruining her make up with all the screaming and sobbing?

_____________________________

proudly wearing the blue collar of consideration to DK Leather, Leatherdykeuk, and LeatherEagle of the UK KRueL Leather Family

veritas, respectus honorque in corio

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Post #: 20

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