RE: The "Ubers"

RE: The "Ubers" (Full Version)

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LaTigresse -> RE: The "Ubers" (8/15/2008 9:15:38 AM)
Greedy, actually no. I did not have any one thread in mind at all. There have been too many to make an example of just one. To be completely honest, I see some of the worst of it in the sub/slave category. The difference is that it is alot more passive aggressive and subtle there and doesn't create the grand fireworks that the dominants do when they get all pissanty. I also think it is tollerated and overlooked alot more in the female sub/slaves than anywhere else.

StormsSlave -> RE: The "Ubers" (8/15/2008 9:20:57 AM)
While I don't disagree that it is rude and obnoxious, there's always the option of not participating in the thread. Just mho. edited cause I didn't quite say what I meant to say. More coffee.[:o]

Bstardsbitch -> RE: The "Ubers" (8/15/2008 9:21:36 AM)
I don't post a lot around here,(as you can tell by my ice cream cone), though I do read an awful lot...probably too many of these forums. I've seen and read these threads in the past and yes somje of them do come accross as "I'm better than you because I do this", and this doesn't always come from people of the dominant persuasion. I tend to skip everything these people have to say now, good for them if they like scary heavy play. Many of us do, we just all don't yell about it here, and in the process make others feel they are somehow less if they don't xx

LaTigresse -> RE: The "Ubers" (8/15/2008 9:22:34 AM)
Good grief if I read every obnoxious thread on here I would be doing nothing else!! Besides, how would I know if it was, without reading it......?[8\|] Plus, occasional obnoxious posts do not make everything a person writes not worth reading. Some of the people I found the most annoying when I first joined are now people I realize I have learned the most from. Doesn't mean they still don't write things that make my eyes roll on occasion, just means that they are human and I accept that. It means, that with the negative qualities they also have many many wonderful qualities. Aka..........as grandma would say. I'm not throwing the baby out with the bathwater.

Leatherist -> RE: The "Ubers" (8/15/2008 9:22:50 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: StormsSlave While I don't disagree hat it is rude and obnoxious, there's always the option of not reading the thread. Just mho. Heretic!

Owner4SexSlave -> RE: The "Ubers" (8/15/2008 9:24:15 AM)
I'm sitting here going back and forth in my mind. One extreme to the other, all the light weight fun things I love to death (BDSM light kind of stuff) and the more intense extreme things. My mind is like a ping pong ball bouncing around inside an empty metal trash bin sitting out back of McDomnalds. Sure I might shave my balls at times, but never with a straight razor.

mistoferin -> RE: The "Ubers" (8/15/2008 9:24:39 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: GreedyTop fair enough, LaT.. If erin's post here was spurred by the post that I think it was, all I can say is that I saw it more as a personal manifesto than a condemnation of others. For the record, my post wasn't spurred by anyone's post. It was spurred by my cumulative observation of a whole bunch of things that I've seen posted over several months.

Leatherist -> RE: The "Ubers" (8/15/2008 9:26:02 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Owner4SexSlave I'm sitting here going back and forth in my mind. One extreme to the other, all the light weight fun things I love to death (BDSM light kind of stuff) and the more intense extreme things. My mind is like a ping pong ball bouncing around inside an empty metal trash bin sitting out back of McDomnalds. Sure I might shave my balls at times, but never with a straight razor. Ouchy the clown shaves genital with a striaght razor-does a very good job too-but those eyes [&:]

RedMagic1 -> RE: The "Ubers" (8/15/2008 9:27:05 AM)
A new friend is flying to me tonight. I first emailed her seven days ago. We bought a plane ticket together five days after that. I offered to put her up in a hotel, and she asked if she could stay in my apartment. She likes corsets and shibari, and I've never made a rope corset before. I actually just got back from Target. I bought ribbon and scrap book stickies in order to embellish the rope patterns. Now I wish I had paid attention to the macrame class in elementary school!!![;)] I believe it is good, safe policy to meet right away in real life. Don't spend much time in chat. That way you can see with your own eyes who this person is, and how he/she interacts with people who are not you. (Waitress, cashier, etc.) The #1 problem I see in real, and on these boards, is that people do not know how to interpret what they see other human beings do. You see it on the boards all the time. Someone makes a post, and people take the words at face value, or assume the words mean the same definition the reader thinks they mean. But that's just dumb. The words mean what the speaker thinks they mean, not what you think they mean. If you aren't stone cold certain what the speaker is thinking, the only sensible thing to do is to ask. Most people prefer instead to declaim their own Opinion (capital O). Same deal with acts in real. What people say about themselves is almost irrelevant. What people do is essential. Do they treat everyone with courtesy and respect, or just you -- the person they are trying to put the make on? I do agree that far too many safety suggestions are mechanistic -- make this kind of call, perform only that kind of act. Real safety comes from correct people-reading. That's a skill that needs to be taught again and again -- though I think a lot of people have bad habits to unlearn, and that is hard to do.

Leatherist -> RE: The "Ubers" (8/15/2008 9:29:00 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: RedMagic1 A new friend is flying to me tonight. I first emailed her seven days ago. We bought a plane ticket together five days after that. I offered to put her up in a hotel, and she asked if she could stay in my apartment. She likes corsets and shibari, and I've never made a rope corset before. I actually just got back from Target. I bought ribbon and scrap book stickies in order to embellish the rope patterns. Now I wish I had paid attention to the macrame class in elementary school!!![;)] I believe it is good, safe policy to meet right away in real life. Don't spend much time in chat. That way you can see with your own eyes who this person is, and how he/she interacts with people who are not you. (Waitress, cashier, etc.) The #1 problem I see in real, and on these boards, is that people do not know how to interpret what they see other human beings do. You see it on the boards all the time. Someone makes a post, and people take the words at face value, or assume the words mean the same definition the reader thinks they mean. But that's just dumb. The words mean what the speaker thinks they mean, not what you think they mean. If you aren't stone cold certain what the speaker is thinking, the only sensible thing to do is to ask. Most people prefer instead to declaim their own Opinion (capital O). Same deal with acts in real. What people say about themselves is almost irrelevant. What people do is essential. Do they treat everyone with courtesy and respect, or just you -- the person they are trying to put the make on? I do agree that far too many safety suggestions are mechanistic -- make this kind of call, perform only that kind of act. Real safety comes from correct people-reading. That's a skill that needs to be taught again and again -- though I think a lot of people have bad habits to unlearn, and that is hard to do. Like safewords,I think a lot of the safety police garbage is just people using shortcuts-instead of doing the work of figuring out who they are getting involved with.

UmbraDomina -> RE: The "Ubers" (8/15/2008 9:29:04 AM)
Two people have already written me for the post I placed earlier in this forum, to tell me my very user name was me telling people I was uber. To clear up any miscommunication my user name is UMBRAdomina not UBER. UmbraDomina is latin loosely translated it means shadow woman. geesh Alexandra ~

GreedyTop -> RE: The "Ubers" (8/15/2008 9:33:32 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Leatherist Like safewords,I think a lot of the safety police garbage is just people using shortcuts-instead of doing the work of figuring out who they are getting involved with. applauds

LaTigresse -> RE: The "Ubers" (8/15/2008 9:35:40 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: StormsSlave While I don't disagree that it is rude and obnoxious, there's always the option of not participating in the thread. Just mho. edited cause I didn't quite say what I meant to say. More coffee.[:o] Please forgive me if I appear to be picking on you because I really am not. There is the option of not participating in a thread that may have one or two obnoxious posters, but what would that gain really. There is always the possibility that in hashing the subject through we find out that it was A. a misunderstanding and everyone is more on the same page than originally thought B. Someone learns something from the debate C. Someone gets mod slapped and the thread gets either moved, shut down, or warned. Either way, unless the whole thread is rediculous, or nothing I give a shit about, or I didn't see it....... I generally, will minimally read it and often times post to it.

BitaTruble -> RE: The "Ubers" (8/15/2008 9:42:23 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: mistoferin I guess I'm still not getting across right. I don't care how extreme someone wants to be. I don't care how extreme of stuff they want to post about. The ONLY thing that I'd like to see less of is people putting other people down for not being at the same level. I understand and I still think that it doesn't much matter if someone thinks they are all that as it doesn't pertain to 'me' personally. I mean, if someone thinks that what I do is a fluff and spin cycle or the whole dry clean only, being an adult, their opinions or put downs really don't effect me. I can only be put down when I allow it to happen. Granted, I have a fairly thick skin, but I think it's an important message to send out to those who are new, not to forget that the hemming and hawing in virtual reality is just that and they shouldn't let it deter them from forging ahead seeking out what makes their world rock regardless of the darkness/lightness of it or the fluffy/bloody aspects. It's all good.

NuevaVida -> RE: The "Ubers" (8/15/2008 9:42:26 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: mistoferin I guess I'm still not getting across right. I don't care how extreme someone wants to be. I don't care how extreme of stuff they want to post about. The ONLY thing that I'd like to see less of is people putting other people down for not being at the same level. In all honesty Erin, I see more put downs by people who are offended by the "extremers", rather than by the extremers themselves. Often times when someone posts about something they did, while saying nothing about anyone other than themselves, while not making any comparisons whatsoever, they are met with the "You must be an uber" label. Speaking for myself personally, I'm far from thinking I'm "all that." But I've had plenty of accusations of thinking I'm "uber slave," "slavelier than thou", "better than everyone," "an elitist", etc. It's strange because I have learned a great deal on these boards, and I don't think that just because someone participates in Act XYZ means they are a better person than anyone else. Yet the labels and insults fly... I'd say (and I'm just pulling this number outta my ass) for every actual "uber elitist" out there, there are about 20 who offend in the reverse direction.

IrishMist -> RE: The "Ubers" (8/15/2008 9:43:30 AM)
~General reply~ First off; let's get one thing straight. I am the only uber one here. Uh huh [8D] Seriously though...it does not bother me. If someone wants to come along and say that because they do things THEIR way, that it makes them better than me...I am all for it because quite frankly...they are correct. It does make them better than me because...they are not me and I am not them. Every single person who does things THEIR way...is ten times better than everyone else. When you think about...it pretty much comes to even numbers because everyone thinks they are better [:)] I just like picking on people who do that..because well, let's face it..I am just a pickable person [:D]

Mercnbeth -> RE: The "Ubers" (8/15/2008 9:53:35 AM)
~ Fast Reply ~ The resumes people provide on CM profile should be taken with less value than a grain of salt. The pontifications on the threads - two grains. The most careful and diligent get hurt. The most evil and sadistic have cried from emotional anguish. The most conscientious make mistakes; sometimes - 'shit happens!' Emote, communicate, you don't understand ask and ask again and again until you do. The 'uber' anything is a myth. 'Masters' and 'slaves' are mythical creatures equivalent to unicorns. Their value is between the people using them in a relationship. A relationship that can be as casual as a 'munch friend' or 'cyber fuck buddy'; to a life committed partner. If your label is challenges and you have an emotional. outburst from that challenge; it speaks to your insecurity not the challenger's lack of knowledge or experience. Regarding 'safety'; many know of how beth and I met. Going from 0 to warp speed in a few hours. Some minutes of those hours were spent on a very remote cliff nearby where she lived. We went there after driving through town, having a drink, and her making her 'safe-call'; as I instructed her to do. Although 99% of me was totally enthralled by her and 99% of my thoughts were about getting someplace where we could be alone the other 1% was thinking; 'how silly and foolish this woman is, being here in a remote area with me. There was nothing and no one stopping me from doing anything I wanted!' No 'safe-word', or scream for that matter, would have been heard by anyone other than a wandering bear or cougar. Conversely she could have pulled a gun out of her purse. My problem with safety is that there is no safe word, deed, or protection that can eliminate all 'what if...' That being the case - go out and enjoy life, have FUN, and protect yourself the best you can. Meanwhile, however, 'uber' or not - the CM experience is enter tainting.

LaTigresse -> RE: The "Ubers" (8/15/2008 10:00:06 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: NuevaVida quote: ORIGINAL: mistoferin I guess I'm still not getting across right. I don't care how extreme someone wants to be. I don't care how extreme of stuff they want to post about. The ONLY thing that I'd like to see less of is people putting other people down for not being at the same level. In all honesty Erin, I see more put downs by people who are offended by the "extremers", rather than by the extremers themselves. Often times when someone posts about something they did, while saying nothing about anyone other than themselves, while not making any comparisons whatsoever, they are met with the "You must be an uber" label. Speaking for myself personally, I'm far from thinking I'm "all that." But I've had plenty of accusations of thinking I'm "uber slave," "slavelier than thou", "better than everyone," "an elitist", etc. It's strange because I have learned a great deal on these boards, and I don't think that just because someone participates in Act XYZ means they are a better person than anyone else. Yet the labels and insults fly... I'd say (and I'm just pulling this number outta my ass) for every actual "uber elitist" out there, there are about 20 who offend in the reverse direction. Oh, as far as percentages I really have to agree with this. After reading this I went back into another part of the shop and began doing something that required no brain power at all and started mulling this over. So I had to come back and share my thoughts. I wonder if the reaction against extreme play topics is a gut level moral freakout type reaction. I will use myself as example cuz I cannot offend myself......usually anyway. There are things that kinda squick me, like fecal play and vomit. Just because my sense of smell is soooooo sensitive there is no effing way any of that is going to turn me on. I'd be off in the corner or bushes spewing. Then there are things that are occasionally alluded to that hit my own personal moral hot button. Things that I just purely do not want to exist in this world. Granted, I am no fool and I know they do. I just do not want it anywhere around me, I refuse to participate in it, I would very likely do something to stop it if I was aware of it. That is the intensity of that reaction. However, in my 46 years I've realized that I am probably not going to be able to change the views of people that feel differently by voicing my emotional response to that topic. So, I would just avoid the conversation. Both for my own sanity and to avoid creating WWIII. I am aware that not everyone will avoid discussing their own personal hot buttons. I wonder if some of the reactions to extreme play is an indication of what I describe. A kneejerk "OMG that is so gross/horrible/sinful..etc etc etc.....just wrong and I am going to tell you how terrible you are for doing xxx!!!!!!" Sort of the saint trying to save the sinner, or at the very least avoid being a sinner by bashing the sinner rather than appearing to condone the behaviour by virtue of silence.

littlesarbonn -> RE: The "Ubers" (8/15/2008 10:02:42 AM)
I've not really seen that much of this behavior, and I'm not sure why. I certainly know I'm NOT one of the ubers. Sure, from time to time, I have some overbearing individual tell me that I'm "wrong" about the lifestyle, in other words invalidating several decades of experience based on some stranger's opinion, but I just sort of laugh those sorts of things off. There are always going to be people who consider themselves "the experts" and I figure you just have to deal with them as systematic responses to any type of group, or you go nutty. Well, some of us are more nutty already anyway, but I'm sure you all understand what I mean.

Twicehappy2x -> RE: The "Ubers" (8/15/2008 10:03:14 AM)
Damnit erin, and i just bragged on another thread about the kisses i got from an Uber sexy couple.

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