RE: Positive reinforcement--do you need and/or want it?

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RE: Positive reinforcement--do you need and/or want it? - 8/19/2008 1:02:02 PM

CalifChick

Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DelightnDevotion

So a simple "Unless I tell you I'm not happy then you should know I'm always happy with you" blanket statement wouldn't work for any of you either?

That sounds like a BDSM variation of the old "I told you once that I love you, why do I have to keep telling you... you should know already."

Nope, doesn't wash in either flavor.

Cali

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AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to DelightnDevotion)

Post #: 21

RE: Positive reinforcement--do you need and/or want it? - 8/19/2008 1:05:50 PM

leadership527

Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline

Mine thrives on positive reinforcement. It is, without a doubt, the single largest driver for her.
I also thrive on the positive reinforcement I get from her.

I doubt either of us would do well without it and I strongly think our marriage would end.

(in reply to DelightnDevotion)

Post #: 22

RE: Positive reinforcement--do you need and/or want it? - 8/19/2008 1:07:29 PM

lronitulstahp

Posts: 5392
Joined: 10/17/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

quote:

ORIGINAL: DelightnDevotion

So a simple "Unless I tell you I'm not happy then you should know I'm always happy with you" blanket statement wouldn't work for any of you either?

That sounds like a BDSM variation of the old "I told you once that I love you, why do I have to keep telling you... you should know already."

Nope, doesn't wash in either flavor.

Cali

i told you once i loved you Cali....you mean to tell me that wasn't enough???? fine...

"psst...i love ya babes"

_____________________________

Truth is, everybody is going to hurt you; you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for." -Bob Marley

(in reply to CalifChick)

Post #: 23

RE: Positive reinforcement--do you need and/or want it? - 8/19/2008 1:09:43 PM

CalifChick

Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline

And I have the pics of us making out on the couch to remind me... ermmm... I mean, pics of two chicks that we don't know kissing and stuff, yeah, that's it.

Cali

_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to lronitulstahp)

Post #: 24

RE: Positive reinforcement--do you need and/or want it? - 8/19/2008 1:37:46 PM

lronitulstahp

Posts: 5392
Joined: 10/17/2007
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i was only comparing boobies for science...btw....yours are fabooooo my darling.

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Truth is, everybody is going to hurt you; you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for." -Bob Marley

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Post #: 25

RE: Positive reinforcement--do you need and/or want it? - 8/19/2008 6:04:59 PM

Huntertn

Posts: 715
Joined: 10/7/2006
Status: offline

while this is not my section let me say this..praise is something I am chosey about giving out.verbly that is..but I'm not above a raised eyebrow..or a huge smile..or a slight frown..or the simply tapping my toe...LOL..or point to the paddle on the wall...hell I've even growled...snickers...and I've been know to buy a card or two at times..but if I had to put it into words everytime..thats just too easy on them.

(in reply to MRandme)

Post #: 26

RE: Positive reinforcement--do you need and/or want it? - 8/19/2008 6:11:33 PM

SimplyMichael

Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline

I need a fair bit of positive reinforcement myself. I have found a lot of value in the concepts expressed in things like "the four love languages" but I will have to read to myself to gain from it.

(in reply to Huntertn)

Post #: 27

RE: Positive reinforcement--do you need and/or want it? - 8/19/2008 6:17:15 PM

kallisto

Posts: 1185
Status: offline

I thrive on positive reinforcement. I can't imagine always wondering "Good girl" makes me beam inside and out.

(in reply to SimplyMichael)

Post #: 28

RE: Positive reinforcement--do you need and/or want it? - 8/19/2008 6:19:34 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

I need positive reinforcement. When I receive it it makes me want to be an even better slave for him. I want to try hard and be more..for him.

I also need consequences though, to correct my mistakes and to know he cares enough to take the time to dish it out to me when I've done something wrong. I need to know there are rights and wrongs and that he does pay attention.

There has to be a balance.

(in reply to MRandme)

Post #: 29

RE: Positive reinforcement--do you need and/or want it? - 8/19/2008 6:54:24 PM

Zechriel

Posts: 308
Joined: 11/19/2007
Status: offline

Good evening!
I THRIVE on positive things Daddy says or does for me. I do not want fear of a punishment to keep me in check, i want Daddy's thank-yous and smiles and hugs to do it. I always ask him "Is this okay?" or "Did you like?" and although he has repeated over and over..."Did I say otherwise?" I still need to hear it so he says immediately afterwards something positive and happy. Something that just makes me tingle to my tippy toes and bounce happily.
As far as it being scary, I guess maybe. Daddy once said -when we first started together- "I wonder if you are scared that I am going to be too nice?" And I think I was, I think I was still in the newbie mindset that a Dom cannot be warm and loving and compassionate. That a Dom cannot give presents or cuddle or do any other "nilla" things. Now I look forward to those things as much as our playtimes.
or does it mean that Daddy is not a "true Dom" because he does give me such treatment? That he may be looked upon as a "weak Dom" because he hates to punish or loves to spoil? Maybe to others, but something that he has drummed into my head that I am very slowly learning is "what is good for us is only good for us, no one else." Meaning that others have different views, there is no standard. Maybe I took the "emotionally threatening" part a different way but this is what I got out of it ::giggles:: Have a great night!
Love,
Zechriel

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Sir HighlanderME's little z

(in reply to MRandme)

Post #: 30

RE: Positive reinforcement--do you need and/or want it? - 8/19/2008 7:00:48 PM

califsue

Posts: 593
Joined: 2/2/2008
Status: offline

I also want and need positive re-inforcement from Master. A smile, a good girl, well done...all make me feel warm and fuzzy inside. Without it, I wonder if I am really pleasing him and if I am not pleasing him...then I am left to wonder...does he really want me around.

(in reply to Zechriel)

Post #: 31

RE: Positive reinforcement--do you need and/or want it? - 8/19/2008 7:27:52 PM

jim64

Posts: 86
Joined: 10/21/2007
Status: offline

I have to agree with the majority here. Without some praise or compliment, I would feel neglected. I do not seek much in the way of this, but to say it once and never repeat it? Yes, that would be a problem for me.

jim the needy

(in reply to DelightnDevotion)

Post #: 32

RE: Positive reinforcement--do you need and/or want it? - 8/19/2008 7:29:48 PM

Leatherist

Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
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It has a lot of value-but loses something if it's only given for mundane things anyone would to as a matter of course.

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I'm not taking custom orders.

(in reply to jim64)

Post #: 33

RE: Positive reinforcement--do you need and/or want it? - 8/19/2008 7:35:15 PM

girlygurl

Posts: 6973
Joined: 8/5/2007
From: in the palms of His hands
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DelightnDevotion

In your relationship with your Dom/Master/Domme/Mistress do you want to receive positive reinforcement?

Of course I want to receive postive reinforcement from Sir. Knowing that I've pleased Him is the ultimate reward for me.

quote:

Do you need to receive positive reinforcement for the relastionship to be fulfilling for you?

Do I "need" to receive it? Well, I believe that as humans we do need positive reinforcement be it from our SO or others in our lives. How would it be to work in a job and never hear "well done" or "good job"....

girly

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i see You

happily forever one

(in reply to DelightnDevotion)

Post #: 34

RE: Positive reinforcement--do you need and/or want it? - 8/19/2008 7:48:02 PM

silkncarol

Posts: 318
Status: offline

What subtee said!! I couldn't be in a relationship where there wasn't positive reinforcement....it works both ways too.....

quote:

ORIGINAL: subtee

~FR

"Good girl" = melt.

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Shoes can change your life................. Cinderella

(in reply to subtee)

Post #: 35

RE: Positive reinforcement--do you need and/or want it? - 8/19/2008 8:02:12 PM

Leatherist

Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline

And of course, you can keep total emotional control of the top by vampirically demanding happy happy joy joy 24/7.

If not, you can punish him with nuerotic sulking and guilt tripping-rather than acting like an adult,who can gracefully accept that everyone has a need for occasional down time.

_____________________________

My shop is currently segueing into production mode.

I'm not taking custom orders.

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Post #: 36

RE: Positive reinforcement--do you need and/or want it? - 8/19/2008 9:14:29 PM

pinktoesnow

Posts: 5
Joined: 4/16/2008
Status: offline

Positive reinforcement is helpful for a slave to continue to strive to please his Mistress.Nothing makes me happier than hearing my Mistress say as I crawl from her bedroom"slave you have had a good day pleasuring me,continue your work tomorrow".I can fall asleep knowing that this servant has at least another day to serve his Mistress.

(in reply to sirsholly)

Post #: 37

RE: Positive reinforcement--do you need and/or want it? - 8/20/2008 12:38:34 AM

monywildcat

Posts: 452
Joined: 2/26/2008
Status: offline

Absofuckinglutely. While I don't need to be patted on the head every time I fetched another cold one when the first one is about empty, I recognize I need those positive gestures that tell me that I am a good girl, or as that one guy said at the bar the other night, "man, she's a keeper". I wouldn't be able to discerne such things if all I got was indifference, or only attention when I was not up to par. I would start to feel like I didn't do anything right, and why bother? Even a dog won't shake hands if there was not a positive reward upon completion of that given task, be it a biscuit, or a "good dog!". Good doms/masters/insert-label-here recognize that, I am sure.

(in reply to MRandme)

Post #: 38

RE: Positive reinforcement--do you need and/or want it? - 8/20/2008 3:14:19 AM

simpleplan2

Posts: 461
Joined: 7/5/2008
Status: offline

I've heard that exact phrase before...nope, doesn't do it for me.

(in reply to DelightnDevotion)

Post #: 39

RE: Positive reinforcement--do you need and/or want it? - 8/20/2008 5:19:34 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

Without it, I run out of energy and desire to do things for him. I need my energy refilled, not just be taken for granted. In fact, I don't respond nearly as well to negative reinforcement as I do to positive. And isn't it just good manners to smile and thank someone for bringing you a cup of coffee? Just because we're intimate doesn't mean we shouldn't be kind and thoughtful to each other.

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(in reply to MRandme)

Post #: 40

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