RE: Real life vs internet.

RE: Real life vs internet. (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion

Message

NeedingMore220 -> RE: Real life vs internet. (8/19/2008 2:38:03 PM)
quote: I was introduced into the lifestyle by a great group of people in the mid 80's, they were not a local community, people used to travel from as far as southern Europe to come to events. You're 30, as per your profile. If introduced in, say, 1986, you were 8 years old. I'm just sayin' .... Anyway ... to address the rest of your rant - your contention that the 'good old days' had no pretenders, no rudeness, no liars, fakes or wannbees and only had manners and respect is hard to believe because, human nature being what it is, no group is perfect. quote: For the people out there who know they are different, but do not yet know why, I welcome the internet but only if they listen to the right people as there is a wealth of information to be gleaned out here. For those who are just rude and talk about the lifestyle which they had no knowledge, like it’s their preferred choice on 'mastermind' I say wind your neck in! And how is a newbie to know who the 'right people' are? Who judges right and wrong? If I haven't attended a ball in Europe, am I somehow not acceptable to you as a submissive/slave?

Lockit -> RE: Real life vs internet. (8/19/2008 3:03:15 PM)
WOW OP.. you are really something... your profile list names of people you and Master Gio believe to be fakes/whatever. Is that part of old school? Is that leather? Is that nice/smart/going along with the rules of this site? You want to go by rules, you might check out the rules of CollarMe and start there.

FlamingRedhead -> RE: Real life vs internet. (8/19/2008 3:15:29 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: NeedingMore220 quote: I was introduced into the lifestyle by a great group of people in the mid 80's, they were not a local community, people used to travel from as far as southern Europe to come to events. You're 30, as per your profile. If introduced in, say, 1986, you were 8 years old. I'm just sayin' .... That's just too funny! snickers

peppermint -> RE: Real life vs internet. (8/19/2008 3:26:04 PM)
quote: You're 30, as per your profile. If introduced in, say, 1986, you were 8 years old. I'm just sayin' .... I thought the picture looked a bit young, but didn't look at the profile. Now i feel like i've been used and abused. Plus i always distrust those profiles from people who are "experts" at everything. Thank you for pointing out the error of my laziness.

Missokyst -> RE: Real life vs internet. (8/19/2008 3:44:13 PM)
Ummm... I assumed since the post said one came from it from before the net, and the slave since the net, that they are two people, perhaps using the slaves pic? edited to add.. oic. He was born in 1971, making him 37 now. <g> pretty young for an old lifestyler. But what ever floats his boat. Kyst

bipolarber -> RE: Real life vs internet. (8/19/2008 3:44:51 PM)
Dolf is somewhat correct. The Internet is a great tool for introducing people to the ideas behind BDSM, and maybe if they hang out in quality information areas, they'll get some idea of what to expect if/when they decide to take it to real life. (It also makes inter-member communications a breeze. I'm in the middle of helping to start a local munch group, and I can tell you catagorically, that it's fantastically easier to do it than it used to be in the old days, pre-internet, when most communications were outgoing via a monthly, printed newsletter.) But I can't really support his statement that the scene should be more exclusive. To me, that's a load of BS. I don't know about you, Dolf, but I have this crazy idea that everyone has a right to whatever form of sexual expression they desire. Including the nerdy, socially awkward people, or the ones you, yourself find unattractive. Being part of a larger community just makes the newbie folk safer, and gives them more avenues to find quality information, and potential partners. If you want to be more exclusive, then go right ahead. In most major metropolitan centers, there's usually varied forms of BDSM groups available: some act as "gateways" for the new folk to try the scene out, and see if it's for them; there are "specialty" groups that cater to folks who are just into bondage, or just into spanking, or just in human puppy/pony play... pick a group, any group! I assure you that there are groups out there for anyone. (If there isn't, consider starting one.) There is usualy also a group for the uber serious players, the ones who really "would rather not be seen with the riff raff." (I've been to a few of this type of group's play parties... in comparison, they are usually a crashing bore.) But, to each their own. Viva variety! The internet has it's pitfalls. The sheer number of people wanking around on these boards, never intending to move on to real life (ie, they use it as "whacking material") is nothing short of astronomical. And weeding out those time wasting folk from those you might actually meet at a party or other even is often difficult. The honestly interested BDSM folk really just have to keep their gaurd up until some kind of real life meeting takes place. But make no mistake, even the fantasy-only folk have just as much right to be here, and indulging themselves, as the most serious lifestyle player. (I just wish they would be a bit more ethical and admit that fantasy online play is all they are after... it would save a lot of us a great deal of time.) So, the 'net is a great tool, and the BDSM world has grown by leaps and bounds because of it. But, as with all advances in communications, there will be those who will use the tech for selfish, fantasy-based, non-serious reasons. Guess what? That's the way it's always been, even in the days of kinky sex newspapers, where pen pal exchanges took weeks! The 'net just makes it all move at the speed of light.

Paulnz -> RE: Real life vs internet. (8/19/2008 4:02:17 PM)
All in all I've found the internet to be a benefit. Previously, finding someone kinky was a bit hit and miss. Usually it came down to a submissive lass seeing something in me and attaching herself. With the advent of the internet the range of contacts has broadened which has led to meeting people in real life from much farther afield. Having said that though, I haven't learnt a helluva lot more from the internet, and there are a high proportion of people just checking things out with no intention or real inclination to actually meet. If I was ranking things, I'd say that actually getting to know people and forming relationships is at the top of the list, followed by reading and magazines. I've picked up all sorts of useful stuff while travelling and visitng different countries. Then after that I'd say the internet has its place but to keep the circle of friends fairly tight and to look to meet or talk on the phone soon after making contact.

azjojoba -> RE: Real life vs internet. (8/19/2008 4:04:33 PM)
Trying to meet people and to learn about BDSM is frustrating with the internet -- but it sure beats the alternative! I suspect that those who think the internet is a net minus are probably too young to remember what it was like before the net, or those that are too old to learn new things.

Paulnz -> RE: Real life vs internet. (8/19/2008 4:07:33 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: NeedingMore220 I have private relationships, with Doms who have not been interested in munches or dungeons. Which is of course is the overwhelming majority.

LadyJulieAnn -> RE: Real life vs internet. (8/19/2008 4:23:00 PM)
It might be good to remember that some "real life" people utilize the internet to interact with others and plan meetings, etc. I started exploring BDSM online, but it had been in my head from a young age. I was fortunate to interact with many people online who also had "real life" D/s relationships offline, and we all eventually met in person. I wouldn't have progressed in this lifestyle had it not been for the internet, and I was fortunate to meet my sub on this site. Sure, you might have access to more people who are just curious or playing for a night, but I believe that those who are serious will eventually find their way to others who share their serious interest. LadyJulieAnn

DomDolf -> RE: Real life vs Internet. (8/19/2008 4:41:23 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DomDolf This may turn out to be a very interesting thread. I am likely to irritate some people with this response. Obviously it is not going to sway me from posting. Good = The Internet has brought more people, which means more choices. Bad = With more people comes less control of what is taught and how "the club" develops. I would prefer "the club" was much smaller and more select. And yes, that is with a clear understanding of what the Internet brings to the table. Some of which I greatly appreciate. I will use all tools at my disposal, which includes the Internet. Used properly, the Internet is an excellent tool. Too many use it improperly, it is often a play ground for less than desirable people to say what they want, do what they want and call it what they want. Challenge their view and you must be prepared to catch holy hell from anyone that puts themselves in a category not fitting your definition and preferences. Therefore everything is acceptable. My preferences aren't a statement of how things should be and they are not BS. They are mine, just as yours are yours. Often people take someone making a statement of preference as an absolute. Exaggerating or failing to recognize a key word like preference does no one any good and creates a block to open communication. I have no need to start a group. I receive plenty of interaction in my life without re-splitting my associations into smaller groups. As much as people preach acceptance of everything and everyone the reality is that we all make choices to be around the people that we are most accepting of and do not invite those that we do not agree with to be involved with us. They are likely very content without the company of those that do not accept them too. I have or expect no hard feelings from or toward them. They aren't for me. I'm not for them. SIDE NOTE: I don't know the OP. I read the profile. He is 36, she is 30. I am sure the profile either has or will be reported for the rule violation/s. Dolf

DesFIP -> RE: Real life vs internet. (8/19/2008 4:46:45 PM)
I have no idea what you mean by the old rules that kept people safe. I grew up in the 60's and 70's in a gay beach community with plenty of real leather men. Safety wasn't what governed them, sex was. Rough sex, the rougher the better, and not a few deaths occurred over the years. As did all kind of disease transmission. I've buried too many people to AIDS over the years to want to go back to the bad old days of no open discussions. I'm a lot happier to have had the internet, with its plethora of information, and many trustworthy sources to turn to. We started online and moved to real life. This worked for us. Being in a semirural area, I could never have found anyone in my local area. My community paper doesn't accept personal ads of the source that I remember the Village Voice printing many years ago. So if it's a choice between use the internet wisely, find someone who doesn't happen to live around the corner, or have no other source of info other than what the types running the nearest munch believe in as the op suggests; then I'll take the internet any day. As always, your mileage may vary.

Paulnz -> RE: Real life vs internet. (8/19/2008 4:53:54 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyJulieAnn It might be good to remember that some "real life" people utilize the internet to interact with others and plan meetings, etc. I started exploring BDSM online, but it had been in my head from a young age. I was fortunate to interact with many people online who also had "real life" D/s relationships offline, and we all eventually met in person. I wouldn't have progressed in this lifestyle had it not been for the internet, and I was fortunate to meet my sub on this site. Sure, you might have access to more people who are just curious or playing for a night, but I believe that those who are serious will eventually find their way to others who share their serious interest. LadyJulieAnn I pretty much agree with what you're saying. My really valuable internet experience has been in meeting new people that were already quite heavily involved, and that I might have met somewhere along the line anyway, but the internet facilitated that meeting sooner.

BlindDescent -> RE: Real life vs internet. (8/19/2008 4:55:25 PM)
Has there ever been any perfect system/club/group/society that lasts? I find that as soon as a system decides to be "exclusive" it tends to become stagnant and somewhat constipated. Systems that espouse "inclusivity" have scant mechanism to regulate members; and therefore become splintered with special interests. Kink focused "groups" have a slippery slope to embrace...are we forced to not only accept but embrace the depths of all possible behaviors those who wish to associate with us employ? Not everyone has manners. Not everyone has a positive code of ethics. Not everyone cares what happens to those who give freely of themselves once they are used up or no longer entertaining. So "good old days" are perceptions not facts. Memories are selective. Do a retrospective 20 year survey of everyone who attended a formal ball or such, and see how many felt their life had been improved or found satisfaction over time. I am glad the OP had. What is the percentage of all people who have ever had any connection to BDSM activity pre internet who would rate it as positive? There have been liars and predators since the dawn of time. Is it right to promote "get needs met at all costs" the cornerstone of Dominance? This "lifestyle" is simply a series of choices and behaviors we embrace or avoid at any given moment. Don't make it any more or less than what it is. Reality IS what you create and/or participate in...not what others leave behind. It is such a challenge to argue perspective beyond one's own personal experience.

MrRodgers -> RE: Real life vs internet. (8/19/2008 4:59:13 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: FlamingRedhead I came by way of the Internet. If it wasn't for that, I don't know if I would've ever found my way into a dungeon. Daddy was involved before there was an Internet. While I appreciate the freedom of information, etc., I can also see where it has been detrimental. These days, anyone can pay for a dungeon/club membership, show up with a bag of toys, and claim to be anything they want. Dungeons/clubs open their doors to anyone for money, and they mix swingers with lifestylers as if swingers are supposed to understand and respect what it is we do. Daddy says that in the days of the Sanctuary membership was by invitation only. Munches were used to determine who got invited. By showing genuine interest, you got access to people with knowledge. Yes, things were clique-ish. Protocol was strict. People got thrown out for being rude. However, you didn't have the weekend warriors and gawkers interrupting scenes, talking loudly, hitting on collared slaves, hitting on dominants, etc. While much of what you write here is true...things like groups whether Leatherman and Old Guard, or Sanctuariy with or without protocal, and were used, joined and observed in a very tiny small total amount of the offbeat or kinky crowd let's call them. Domination and submission denoted a relationship...collaring confirmed exclusivity. It was primarily out of the millions of swingers in the past say since the 50's 60's and on...a few hundred and then thousands that made up the first mass anonymous market of people learning of and enjoying domination and submission. Still, those feelings had to be inspired in real life and could not be proclaimed on something called the Internet. Only an extremely small population were in these groups, followed protocols and fewer yet went to scenes ( a word we never used) understanding beforehand that they were going to 'submit' to or 'dominate' somebody. To your credit however...your master found you...here. The dynamics of realtime led to the true discovery of such inspiration that would have anyone dominate or one willingly, even eagerly...submit. There were no 'Eat & Beats back in the day where half or more attendees didn't even know each other. Groups, protocol and scenes were almost exclusively undergound and very carefully and discreetly private. Now on the net we could get just about anybody.

Lynnxz -> RE: Real life vs internet. (8/19/2008 5:07:29 PM)
See- the problem with getting older OP, is that things change weither you like it or not. You may either go with the flow, and accept that the internet, and computers are a major part of EVERYTHING these days, or you may continue to keep your head in the sand, and become one of those crotchety old men that yells at the self checkout lines in the grocery stores. The internet is good for bdsm, in my opinion. It brings a new mix of people into things, it allows people from across countries to meet, where they couldn't have possibly interacted before. If you want to keep things like they were in 'The old days' and not let anyone in.... well damn, all the old peeps are going to die out, and you are going to have a nice, exclusive, high protocol nursing home. Lots of fun if you're into ageplay and diapers I suppose?

Alumbrado -> RE: Real life vs internet. (8/19/2008 5:13:37 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Lockit WOW OP.. you are really something... your profile list names of people you and Master Gio believe to be fakes/whatever. Is that part of old school? Is that leather? Is that nice/smart/going along with the rules of this site? Is that surprising?

derfrewop -> RE: Real life vs internet. (8/19/2008 5:15:26 PM)
The net expanded our community from a very few who kept their activities extremely quiet. Because the number of possible people to connect with so small, there was a very strong incentive to spend a long time in each relationship and that preference for long term commitment worked to both limit the number of new comers and promote some cohesion in the "community" such as it was. The net has allowed a vast number of people who would never have made a connection into the community. However, with the vast numbers of fresh meat, the incentive to develop long term relationships has been seriously reduced. In 1985, a major city's biggest yearly social event might consist of 5 to 10 couples and 3 or 4 singles in someones home. The last event I went to (last year in Vancouver) had maybe 20 couples and 300 or so singles most of whom were there for the dress up and meat market. It use to be that a highly experienced D or s would be unlikely to have had more than 10 partners in a lifetime of participation in the lifestyle. Now it is not unusual to find a 20 year old who can honestly claim dozens. What worries me is that the BDSM community has become extremely similar to the gay bathhouse scene of the 80's. The emphasis seems to be how many and not how good. How many people do you know who seem more concerned about how many different toys they have experienced than about how strong a relationship they are developing? Remember all of the extreme fascist proposals to limit AIDS? Well a large part of that reaction stemmed from the indiscriminate nature of the community as seen from the outside. That perception of not being serious about developing relationships damn near got all gays rounded up. It was only with the frequent and continual showing of the deep emotional bonds destroyed by AIDS that the straights came to accept that homosexuality includes love just as powerful as hetero. The meat market atmosphere puts us in exactly the same boat as gays in the 80's. The internet is our bathhouse. The nagging voice in the back of my head keeps asking "what will be our AIDS? and will we survive it?"

untndedrosegardn -> RE: Real life vs internet. (8/19/2008 5:18:51 PM)
Oh Poo!!! why is it I always seem to find the thread after the BS flags get thrown?! I never even got to see the profile. Wondered if anyone I knew was on it. hehehehe

MadRabbit -> RE: Real life vs internet. (8/19/2008 5:39:51 PM)
Edited to Add : FR- I can't seem to find a good reason as to why people doing what they want, living how they want to live, and doing things in a way that is fulfilling to them, whether it is or not is in line with the status quo of the "twue" BDSM collective is such a horrible thing. When I went to my first munch and gave a shot at being "part" of the local scene, the people who took it upon themselves to "educate" me told me things like how I should not allow society to tell me how to live my life, that I had to be open-minded and think past my social conditioning, and that I needed to think beyond the mainstream perspective on things like "sadism", "masochism", etc and adopt the perspective presented by the BDSM world. What I find really funny is those same people (as well as quite a few people on the Internet who preach the same things) reject and ridicule people who take on perspective, definitions, and ways of doing things that aren't in line with the BDSM status quo as being "not real" or "untrue". I think that it's pretty ironical that a subculture who collectively puts such a high value on rebelling against mainstream society, living life in a way outside the norm, and "being unique" puts a stigma on people who don't practice BDSM, D/S, M/S, S/M, ESPN in a different way other then their own. I guess I can respect a notion of "preserving" and "protecting" a culture that has become personal, but honestly, arguments along the lines of "Man, I have all these people to weed through now to find people like me. Why can't we go back to the days when no information was available outside of the few lucky individuals who stumbled on to my secret club and were properly educated to become more like me?" to be pretty lame and selfish. It amounts to wanting to leave a whole lot of people in sheltered ignorance thinking they are "crazy" or "wrong" for having desires that go beyond the socially accepted one of "wife, two kids, missionary style sex, and blowjobs just on birthdays" just because your having to suffer some annoyances in a changing world that is harder to relate to.

Page: << < prev 1 [2] 3 4 5 next > >>

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.046875