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RE: Dominant Aloofness - 8/21/2008 9:58:40 PM   
E2Sweet


Posts: 649
Joined: 7/8/2008
From: TopLeftCornerOf, OH, USA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NeedingMore220
I'm curious, E2Sweet ... the question you were asking her - was it whether she was interested or not?  If this indeed was your question, how can she possibly know if she's interested, even after a well-worded, thoughtful email.  It generally takes me much longer to know whether there's compatibility.  Did she leave an opening for further communication, but you didn't take it because she didn't answer whether she was interested or not?  Or did she respond, but leave no opening for a response from you?


Ahh, well my main question to her (after all of her questions were covered) was whether or not she would be interested in sharing her knowledge and experience with me within a D/s dynamic, just as it was discussed in her profile. That very much appealed to me as I'm interested in more than just slap and tickle to say the least. Now, whether or not it was misinterpreted as me wanting to rush over and plop down on her floor, I really can't say. I don't think that was the tone of my words at all. Also, she did not communicate to me that she felt I was rushing, or that I came off as... well... anything really...

But, as I mentioned, her reply was polite and did touch on some of the things I was basically wondering about myself and my own experiences that I brought up. It just struck me as very odd that the subject of us proceeding in any capacity was just ignored. I probably could have pushed the issue with further contact, but I'm not one to push when I'm not getting any positive energy from the other person... and there was none in her words that I was picking up on.

quote:

Dommes that I have known generally reply in the first instance the way you describe. They're sounding you out and determining whether you are sane or not. Your lengthy email may have sounded somewhat unhinged ( that can happen especially when trying to be sincere ). It sounds to me like you misread her reply.


I realize now that's a possibility. I'm very new to this side of the D/s dynamic, and I am finding out things are indeed very different compared to what's done when I'm actively seaching out a submissive. If I did it wrong, then that's on me and I'll own up to that, but I just didn't see anything hinted on in that email reply that would lead me to believe that her interest was anything more than to just be polite.

Sorry if this was a mini-hijack... I just didn't wanna leave these questions unanswered then have someone else come along who may very well have benefited from the dialog... and perhaps my potential mistakes!... .. and thanks you two for giving me some insight into this...



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E2Sweet™
"If it doesn't make you smile then chances are you're not doing it right."

(in reply to NeedingMore220)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Dominant Aloofness - 8/21/2008 10:04:27 PM   
E2Sweet


Posts: 649
Joined: 7/8/2008
From: TopLeftCornerOf, OH, USA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CruelDesires

...And... sometimes no answer is an answer.


Indeed.


_____________________________

E2Sweet™
"If it doesn't make you smile then chances are you're not doing it right."

(in reply to CruelDesires)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Dominant Aloofness - 8/21/2008 10:05:34 PM   
NeedingMore220


Posts: 615
Joined: 6/5/2008
Status: offline 		Thanks for answering!

I understand the 'not getting any positive energy.'  Perhaps that was her way of showing she wasn't interested ... but it sucks all the same - I'd rather get a 'no, thanks' than a 'gee, wonder what that was!' kinda email from someone I find interesting.  But that's just me projecting my needs onto someone in cyberspace who doesn't owe me jack. 





(in reply to E2Sweet)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Dominant Aloofness - 8/21/2008 10:16:36 PM   
E2Sweet


Posts: 649
Joined: 7/8/2008
From: TopLeftCornerOf, OH, USA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NeedingMore220
...I understand the 'not getting any positive energy.'  Perhaps that was her way of showing she wasn't interested ... but it sucks all the same - I'd rather get a 'no, thanks' than a 'gee, wonder what that was!' kinda email from someone I find interesting.  But that's just me projecting my needs onto someone in cyberspace who doesn't owe me jack. 


Oh I'm always tempted at first to do the projecting thing too... I'm getting better about nipping it in the bud though... Its just human...


_____________________________

E2Sweet™
"If it doesn't make you smile then chances are you're not doing it right."

(in reply to NeedingMore220)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Dominant Aloofness - 8/21/2008 10:24:14 PM   
Leatherist


Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: E2Sweet

quote:

ORIGINAL: NeedingMore220
...I understand the 'not getting any positive energy.'  Perhaps that was her way of showing she wasn't interested ... but it sucks all the same - I'd rather get a 'no, thanks' than a 'gee, wonder what that was!' kinda email from someone I find interesting.  But that's just me projecting my needs onto someone in cyberspace who doesn't owe me jack. 


Oh I'm always tempted at first to do the projecting thing too... I'm getting better about nipping it in the bud though... Its just human...



I've had communications with people that I just found no real use for-that thought they were looking for something that they *imagined* I had to offer.

Even when I stated quite clearly what my prefferences were,and that I was positive that we were a poor match. They still insisted on trying to get close to me.

I could see it was a waste of time,and that they really needed to find someone else better.

And though it might seem cold to say so-the kindest thing to do was to simply shut them down and force them to look elsewhere.

_____________________________

My shop is currently segueing into production mode.

I'm not taking custom orders.

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Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Dominant Aloofness - 8/21/2008 10:59:03 PM   
Owner4SexSlave


Posts: 1311
Joined: 4/4/2007
Status: offline 		I don't know about Dominant Aloofness... right now, I think I have crap load of stuff I could post about submissive Aloofness.  In terms of things being as clearly understood friendships, that well......

Amazing thing is that these submissives I'm bitching about have had somebody they are involved with, or have been in/out of revolving relationships and play partners..

Then there's been me, I've not been going through girls left and right. 

Anyways, Yeah... I met somebody who really captured my interests... and well Geee.. So much for being honest about it.

In the mean time, They have shared with me details about the Guys they were chasing down.  The issues and problems.   Hell, as their friend, I even gave the some advice and thoughts on their dating woes and problems.

Just being a friend, in a friendship.  Anyways... I thank those who are indeed real friends, and those who well... have had Hidden Agenda's or those that have been chasing down 101 guys since I known, where there never was any real room for anything to happen anyways.   Lord, I simply realized this last week....so many things...

Thank You to the real friends, at least people that say they are a friend and actually friggen mean it.

Sorry, the back burner Dude found somebody who is absolutely Rockin his world right now.   I deserve a shot and a chance at exploring and following my own heart desires.

When two people agree to Be Friends it should be just that.  I don't know who could be more aloof...... Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr...

I'm not a happy camper.............

(in reply to E2Sweet)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Dominant Aloofness - 8/21/2008 11:11:12 PM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline 		yeah.. well, WHip..if you weren't so ALOOF and clueless ...*snort*

*snickersnort*

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polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to Owner4SexSlave)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Dominant Aloofness - 8/22/2008 12:29:07 AM   
toldimawesome


Posts: 11
Joined: 11/25/2007
Status: offline 		Just curious, I would think that being a true Domme would be someone taking the responsibility in clearing the air. The BEST thing she could of done for you, would of been to explain what she thought, felt or did not feel from your offer or from your advances...Letting you down gracefully, better yet, taking the time to educate the other, what they felt was right on, or right off... that is the proper behavior to exemplify.   It's  like raising the child or training the dog, more effort goes into the work of exchanging one's ideas and expectations from the other....Sometimes, it is that critique, or that view or their perception they have of you, information they think they have about you, that you don't have about your own self? It would be nice to gain  their knowledge, their perceptions of you, whether to confirm it, or change it, right or wrong...  If she is putting herself on that pedistal .. she should 'earn' her place in your eyes...It makes me question what type of Domme she really is? Stupid? Self righteous?    The tactful effort one should make for the other, the exchange, the follow through, then the resolution...what ever the topic is about... Well, these mannerisms seem to have gone by the way side. That shows a 'true' friend's intention, not one idealizing themsleves, feeding their own ego, thinking FOR the other...  How cowardly is that, to leave you hanging without any explanations, indeed....Do you have her crystal ball to read her mind? Well then... enough said! Perhaps she was having a blonde moment, a brain fart, her hand cramped up, the server went down, she did not want to hurt your feelings, thinking for you, as you can't think for yourself?.If her honesty would of crushed you, well.... make some juice then, and find another mouth to feed it to!...LOL! ( I am blonde, so don't go there... tee..hee!)

< Message edited by toldimawesome -- 8/22/2008 12:35:43 AM >

(in reply to GreedyTop)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Dominant Aloofness - 8/22/2008 4:14:47 AM   
Allondra


Posts: 68
Joined: 7/12/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: toldimawesome

It makes me question what type of Domme she really is? Stupid? Self righteous?  


Maybe she's just not that into you.  Or had something boiling over on the stove....

(in reply to toldimawesome)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Dominant Aloofness - 8/22/2008 4:46:49 AM   
RavenMuse


Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: toldimawesome

Just curious, I would think that being a true Domme would be someone taking the responsibility in clearing the air. The BEST thing she could of done for you, would of been to explain what she thought, felt or did not feel from your offer or from your advances...Letting you down gracefully, better yet, taking the time to educate the other, what they felt was right on, or right off... that is the proper behavior to exemplify.


If you want that sort of thing, hire a life coach. Dominants are NOT here to provide you a damn service. We are people looking for what We want, why should We waste Our time coaching the unsuitable as to how to perform better in email?


_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to toldimawesome)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Dominant Aloofness - 8/22/2008 4:50:22 AM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RavenMuse

quote:

ORIGINAL: toldimawesome

Just curious, I would think that being a true Domme would be someone taking the responsibility in clearing the air. The BEST thing she could of done for you, would of been to explain what she thought, felt or did not feel from your offer or from your advances...Letting you down gracefully, better yet, taking the time to educate the other, what they felt was right on, or right off... that is the proper behavior to exemplify.


If you want that sort of thing, hire a life coach. Dominants are NOT here to provide you a damn service. We are people looking for what We want, why should We waste Our time coaching the unsuitable as to how to perform better in email?


LMAO

Master Raven is on the warpath

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.


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Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Dominant Aloofness - 8/22/2008 4:57:25 AM   
MistressLucyK


Posts: 34
Joined: 4/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

I don't particularly enjoy group gatherings and small talk. I don't need alot of social interaction to be happy. If a prospective slave needs alot of chatter to be comfy then they should probably move on. I don't always need words to communicate. Of course this all means I don't have many friends, I am good with that. I don't want to do the, "lets get together and do xxxx". I honestly don't have the time for an extensive social life.

I am what I am and see no need to change.


When I first read Tress's comment about Dominant Aloofness - I thought this is so me - At times I choose to be Aloof , not necessarily just subs/slaves but everyone.

Then the above quote got me too.

My take on it - we are who we are - do I personally use it as tool within a BDSM relationship - no its natural

I like to think I'm unobtainable, If I choose that you as a sub hold my interest,  you'll know about it and the aloofness isnt there.


(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Dominant Aloofness - 8/22/2008 5:10:57 AM   
RavenMuse


Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist

quote:

ORIGINAL: RavenMuse

quote:

ORIGINAL: toldimawesome

Just curious, I would think that being a true Domme would be someone taking the responsibility in clearing the air. The BEST thing she could of done for you, would of been to explain what she thought, felt or did not feel from your offer or from your advances...Letting you down gracefully, better yet, taking the time to educate the other, what they felt was right on, or right off... that is the proper behavior to exemplify.


If you want that sort of thing, hire a life coach. Dominants are NOT here to provide you a damn service. We are people looking for what We want, why should We waste Our time coaching the unsuitable as to how to perform better in email?


LMAO

Master Raven is on the warpath


Not warpath, just a responce to the whole "If they whare a TWUE Domme They would do 'X'" attitude from someone where the 'X' stated shows they need to buy a clue!

My bullshit-o-meter redlines when folks try that crap on subs, let alone on Dom/mes.


_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to IrishMist)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Dominant Aloofness - 8/22/2008 5:41:03 AM   
NeedingMore220


Posts: 615
Joined: 6/5/2008
Status: offline
quote:

If you want that sort of thing, hire a life coach. Dominants are NOT here to provide you a damn service. We are people looking for what We want, why should We waste Our time coaching the unsuitable as to how to perform better in email?


I completely agree.  And from the submissive POV, why on earth would I listen to such a critique of myself/guidance from a Dominant that I don't even know - why would his opinion matter one bit to me before I even know him? 

(in reply to RavenMuse)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Dominant Aloofness - 8/22/2008 5:57:37 AM   
RavenMuse


Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NeedingMore220
I completely agree.  And from the submissive POV, why on earth would I listen to such a critique of myself/guidance from a Dominant that I don't even know - why would his opinion matter one bit to me before I even know him? 



Absolutely. It is a different matter IF someone ASKS for advice and I decide to give them My opinion... but if they are not Mine, whether they act on it or not is upto them.

Sure I may give an opinion, comment on something in the mail or profile... but there is no 'should' about giving it any more than the sub 'should' take any notice of it.

The ONLY person that 'should' take notice and act on My advice is a girl who is in submission to Me... and such a girl is the ONLY one where I 'should' give advice on anything I see as problematic... everything else on both sides is choise, not should.

The attitude that Dominants here 'should' spend their time coaching random nobodys is rather silly. It is akin to the attitude that a sub 'should' obay any random dweeb that contacts them calling themself a Dominant.


_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to NeedingMore220)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Dominant Aloofness - 8/22/2008 6:19:35 AM   
Leatherist


Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RavenMuse

quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist

quote:

ORIGINAL: RavenMuse

quote:

ORIGINAL: toldimawesome

Just curious, I would think that being a true Domme would be someone taking the responsibility in clearing the air. The BEST thing she could of done for you, would of been to explain what she thought, felt or did not feel from your offer or from your advances...Letting you down gracefully, better yet, taking the time to educate the other, what they felt was right on, or right off... that is the proper behavior to exemplify.


If you want that sort of thing, hire a life coach. Dominants are NOT here to provide you a damn service. We are people looking for what We want, why should We waste Our time coaching the unsuitable as to how to perform better in email?


LMAO

Master Raven is on the warpath


Not warpath, just a responce to the whole "If they whare a TWUE Domme They would do 'X'" attitude from someone where the 'X' stated shows they need to buy a clue!

My bullshit-o-meter redlines when folks try that crap on subs, let alone on Dom/mes.



Uh huh....I've had subs want me to waste huge amounts of time "online mentoring" them in the past. I'd rather be making toys-at least I get paid to do that.

_____________________________

My shop is currently segueing into production mode.

I'm not taking custom orders.

(in reply to RavenMuse)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Dominant Aloofness - 8/22/2008 7:42:38 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		I'd rather be doing just about anything other that wasting my time typing alot of "advice" to one individual that probably isn't going to listen anyway.

To me that is a very subtle method of manipulation. A demand for attention.

Unless a person is an important part of my life I don't owe them a damned thing. (aside from regular life type obligations...primarily work or financial related)


_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to Leatherist)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: Dominant Aloofness - 8/22/2008 8:28:51 AM   
Leatherist


Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline 		If I know there is no likelyhood of a return, I refuse to make a time investment. You only get so much in life.

_____________________________

My shop is currently segueing into production mode.

I'm not taking custom orders.

(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: Dominant Aloofness - 8/22/2008 1:11:33 PM   
E2Sweet


Posts: 649
Joined: 7/8/2008
From: TopLeftCornerOf, OH, USA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NeedingMore220
...And from the submissive POV, why on earth would I listen to such a critique of myself/guidance from a Dominant that I don't even know - why would his opinion matter one bit to me before I even know him? 



I agree for the post part. When I reach out to a Domme to attempt to establish contact, I'm really not looking for an in-depth list of critiques on my self or my approach, I'm simply looking to make a connection. A pointer here, a pointer there is fine I suppose, but there's a line there somewhere where critiques can be taken too far. Clarity in a reply is nice, but I don't expect any Domme who's not into me to sort of grade me or my approach like a college exam, nor would I want her to. It would just seem awfully arrogant of a dominant, is my point...

I think most people would be put-off by that kind of a response unless they had some level of genuine trust in the dominant's opinions, and that doesn't happen via first contact email...


_____________________________

E2Sweet™
"If it doesn't make you smile then chances are you're not doing it right."

(in reply to NeedingMore220)
Profile   Post #: 59
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