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what were your hardest experience as a new sub/slave - 8/24/2008 7:48:43 AM   
oceanwynds


Posts: 1044
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline 		Greetings
i was wondering what was the hardest thing you had to learn in a  new Ds/Ms relationship? For me discovering my submissiveness so late in life, i had a hard time understanding humilation via words. It took me awhile to figure what he was doing and the why's of it. After doing a lot of reading and talking to a few submissives/slaves, i understood, but still found it hard to not talk back. Now i am honored that he takes the time to do this. It has been through the verbal humilation via lectures, that have helped me the most.
So was wondering what other's experiences were and how they cope with it.
Blessings
oceanwynds
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RE: what were your hardest experience as a new sub/slave - 8/24/2008 7:54:15 AM   
colouredin


Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline 		See its funny because I haev never really thought about this at all, I know that there were periods that I struggled with certain things, I have now realised that all of them were self imposed, the hardest experiance for me then was getting over myself.

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RE: what were your hardest experience as a new sub/slave - 8/24/2008 8:02:42 AM   
NeedingMore220


Posts: 615
Joined: 6/5/2008
Status: offline 		I found the hardest thing is backing way down when I think I'm right on something and not arguing about it.  Shutting up and letting his words enter me and make sense and then obeying.  I was with a Dom last who kinda brought that side out in me - not a bratty side by any means, but a stubborn 'my way would be better' instinct which was hard to shut off internally, even if I didn't express it aloud.  Part of it came from feeling like I wasn't being heard.  Another part came from the fact that we were not a very good match beyond the physical.  But it was something I struggled with at that time.



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RE: what were your hardest experience as a new sub/slave - 8/24/2008 8:02:47 AM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		learning to just let go..still working on it.

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RE: what were your hardest experience as a new sub/slave - 8/24/2008 8:18:37 AM   
FlamingRedhead


Posts: 451
Joined: 3/4/2007
From: Georgia
Status: offline 		The hardest thing, for me, was changing my appearance.  Instead of seeing it as a way to make me pleasing to him, I saw it more as an insult, i.e. "I don't like the way you look."  I like to color my hair.  He requested that I not dye it "unnatural" colors, so I toned it down.  Then, he said he'd prefer it if I didn't color it at all.  ACK!

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I'm so addicted to
All the things you do
When you're going down on me
In between the sheets
Or the sound you make
With every breath you take
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RE: what were your hardest experience as a new sub/slave - 8/24/2008 8:42:13 AM   
kiwisub12


Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline 		My hardest thing is to do the dishes.                 Literally.

I hate doing dishes, we don't have a dishwasher, and i get zero satisfaction from doing something that is going to be repeated  in one day.

i do them because it is my job, but that doesn't mean i have to love it,  or even get a lot of satisfaction out of it.   or a little satisfaction.              or any satisfaction at all .       

  did i mention i hate doing dishes?

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RE: what were your hardest experience as a new sub/slave - 8/24/2008 8:45:41 AM   
oceanwynds


Posts: 1044
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline 		Hi colouredin
Yes getting over myself is a bigging and contributed to a lot of the humilation given to me.

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RE: what were your hardest experience as a new sub/slave - 8/24/2008 8:48:56 AM   
oceanwynds


Posts: 1044
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline 		Hello NeedingMore220
my mouth has gotten me in trouble as well when i thought i was right. After being punished with clothespins on my tongue it would make me backdown and think.

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RE: what were your hardest experience as a new sub/slave - 8/24/2008 8:56:13 AM   
NeedingMore220


Posts: 615
Joined: 6/5/2008
Status: offline 		Sure, that could do it. 

I found both being in a relationship where I feel that I am heard and a certain maturity process which comes along with accepting my role more within myself have both helped.  

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RE: what were your hardest experience as a new sub/slave - 8/24/2008 9:07:59 AM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline 		For mine, hands down, it was giving me control of her addictions.  I have utter respect and humility at how hard that must've been (and still is since we're still working on them) for her.  Second hardest was giving me control of her public physical appearance.

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RE: what were your hardest experience as a new sub/slave - 8/24/2008 9:08:08 AM   
sambamanslilgirl


Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline 		hardest thing was that someone my size is beautiful ...especially in His eyes (my ex totally shot down my self-confidence and esteem during our divorce) and worrying too much doesn't solve problems.

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RE: what were your hardest experience as a new sub/slave - 8/24/2008 11:09:06 AM   
slaveluci


Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
Status: offline 		The absolute hardest thing for me was to stop comparing myself to the more experienced subs Master had been with before.  I came into this M/s relationship with Him having never been in one before and having no other r/t experience as a submissive.  He didn't go into great detail about others before me but, in the course of conversations, I knew there had been several others and they did have way more "experience" than I did.  Though He never once compared me (at least in any negative way), I had a very hard time getting past the fact that here I was with no experience and they had probably done so many more things than I had.

I can't say exactly when I got past that but I thankfully did.  I think it just took day-to-day living and acceptance to finally erase my insecurity and then one day I just didn't think about it anymore.  It was foolish to have ever considered it in the first place as Master told me all along................luci

< Message edited by slaveluci -- 8/24/2008 11:11:54 AM >

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RE: what were your hardest experience as a new sub/slave - 8/24/2008 11:14:32 AM   
natty08


Posts: 14
Joined: 8/22/2008
Status: offline 		Kiwisub -I am with you on the dishes

(in reply to slaveluci)
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RE: what were your hardest experience as a new sub/slave - 8/24/2008 3:20:11 PM   
natasha66


Posts: 321
Joined: 10/14/2006
From: NJ
Status: offline 		Not being so hard on myself when I thought I had screwed up.  I have a tendency to over-analyze the hell out of everything.  Am learning (slowly) that that is pretty pointless.

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"If you bother me again I shall visit you in the small hours of the night and put a bat up your nightdress".
~Basil Fawlty

Collared June 4th, 2008
Love is giving him the power to destroy you, but trusting him not to.



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RE: what were your hardest experience as a new sub/slave - 8/24/2008 3:53:08 PM   
PrincessJ77


Posts: 372
Joined: 7/25/2008
From: point A
Status: offline 		We learned together.  He was inexperienced, and I had a smart ass attitude.  Shortly after our first time, I had an ass that smarted.  Luckily for us both, he was a quick study, and I kept my comments to myself, most of the time.  Of course I reminded him frequently of that first "swing and a miss".

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RE: what were your hardest experience as a new sub/slave - 8/24/2008 4:22:19 PM   
Shawn1066


Posts: 987
Joined: 10/7/2007
Status: offline 		Learning not to get upset when I feel I've disappointed my Owner...when I actually haven't at all.  However, I'm always my harshest critic and that's something I struggle with often.

DV's Fox

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RE: what were your hardest experience as a new sub/slave - 8/24/2008 5:40:25 PM   
lizcgirl


Posts: 287
Joined: 4/13/2008
Status: offline 		For me the hardest thing was learning to not compare my relationship with my Daddy to any of my previous relationships. In the past 10 years, every guy I have been with cheated on me and I caught them. So whenever something would come up, when my Daddy would have to go out of town or couldn't come out, the first thing that popped into my head was that He was with some one else. This was so hard for me to get over because when we met we discussed what the relationship would involve and He was totally honest with me in the fact that when the mood hit Him, He enjoyed sharing. Luckily for me He's patient and understood that I wasn't ready for anything like that and that I would take it to a negative place. But as we've spent more and more time together and I've gotten more comfortable I just came to realize that our relationship is NOTHING like the ones I had before and that even if there was any sharing involved, it wouldn't change our relationship. So I took my problem to my Master, we discussed it, agreed that if He ever decided to play with some one else He would tell me first, and that we wouldn't allow any sharing to go past play only. I'll tell you, it was a huge relief for me to let go of that worry and I found that when I did it opened up a whole new level of comfort and trust and allowed me to love Him even more because of it.

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RE: what were your hardest experience as a new sub/slave - 8/24/2008 7:08:42 PM   
Zechriel


Posts: 308
Joined: 11/19/2007
Status: offline 		Good evening!
I have a few hardest things, and it was only with Daddy that I have been able to either overcome them or work on them. My other Master's I just could not let go.

1)Comparing myself to his other past subs/girlfriends. Constant reassurance and openness on his part is helping me get thru it. I am much better but still have those set  backs of "Did they do it better?"

2)Like Sambamanslilgirl said, my size. I have that tummy pudge from having 3 kids in 5 years and flabby thighs...being undressed was like a total no-no. But patience and lights lowered and blindfolds helped me to overcome that.  I can now ask to undress for Daddy amd I know that it is okay-he thinks I am cute.

3)And the final one, I am working on..even like the other day...keeping my mouth shut when I know I can do it better or faster or anything. Daddy told me to finish playing with myself when I got home and I kept saying "I can't, it's not the same." So he got out the belt and started spanking me right below my bottom cheek on my thigh??? And stupid me kept saying that and he's all :you will finish it ." Finally it hurt so bad, i was crying "Yes Daddy, I will I will!!!!" and its even harder when he says something and my eyes travel upwards, thinking of all the protests, counter protests, logic....and he says, "Uh oh, baby is thinking." lol I think those 3 things are so very hard. Good luck!

Love,
Zechriel 

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RE: what were your hardest experience as a new sub/slave - 8/24/2008 7:17:39 PM   
XaviersXian


Posts: 525
Joined: 9/8/2007
From: Australia
Status: offline 		greetings to the OP,

As someone else said, probably getting over myself.  I still struggle with certain things, even though I've served my current Master (live in, all day, every day) for nearly four years.  I don't believe that a slave ever "gets there"...there is always something else to learn, no matter how subtle that thing might be.

well wishes,

(in reply to Zechriel)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: what were your hardest experience as a new sub/slave - 8/24/2008 11:09:57 PM   
shivermetimbers


Posts: 2060
Joined: 6/7/2008
Status: offline 		My biggest struggle was the overwhelming amount of information, ideas, and wondering what was the correct path?  Getting caught up in "the one true way" trap.  After I failed in my first D/s relationship, I took a step back, and realized that I didn't have to hammer a square peg into a round hole.  I probably read it here a thousand times, BDSM is only a small part of the relationship, and if you are looking for something more than just a play partner, to focus first on those things not BDSM.  Once I had my Dorothy moment, I now take all the wonderful ideas, information, experiences I read of others, and not use them as a BDSM blueprint, but for what they were intended.  Quite simply, a treasure trove of resources, mentors, and information. 

_____________________________

I love you Deanna, you make every day a better day.

If we descended from monkeys and apes, why are there still monkeys and apes?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZZ3CJi0Ih9s&feature=player_embedded

http://www.thebuccozone.com/piratesong.htm

(in reply to oceanwynds)
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