BDSM & kink (Full Version)

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sistermargaret -> BDSM & kink (8/25/2008 10:31:43 PM)

i'm posting this question here because it has always been the Dominants who have given me heat for being a Switch. The most frequent negative comment i've gotten is, "You aren't into BDSM, you're just into kink".  i'm all grown up so the negative comments don't bother me. To each their own, i say and i am exploring D/s now, so the Switch issue is moot, but IS there a difference? What is the difference 'tween BDSM and kink?
Thank You for taking the time to answer this question.
sm



Quivver -> RE: BDSM & kink (8/25/2008 11:07:38 PM)

Ya know SisterMargaret my thoughts here are pretty insignificant cause I'm no Master. 

But I `call` myself a submissive. 
Like many subs in my day to day life I'm far from a sub. 
Yet here that is what `I` choose. 
Again, like many other subs I dont just fall to my knees over just any ole one who
chooses to call themselves a `Dom` either. 
Does this make me a bottom?  Maybe. 
Does this make me a switch? Maybe. 
If I choose to `could` I play a Master online (snicker) ... oh hell yes I could. 

What I'm getting at is, who really cares what others feel you are. 
It's yours to choose. 



sistermargaret -> RE: BDSM & kink (8/25/2008 11:12:52 PM)

Thank you for your answer, but that is NOT the point. i guess i should never have mentioned the Switch thing. What i asked is ... IS there a difference 'tween BDSM and kink?
:)
sm



Usako -> RE: BDSM & kink (8/25/2008 11:18:58 PM)

I guess the "hardcore BDSM" thing is to own people and TPE and yada yada. And I guess what they call "kink" is just the play without bowing down to an owner or whatever.

I'm no expert but that's just what it sounds like from what you mentioned. Don't quote me.



Quivver -> RE: BDSM & kink (8/25/2008 11:19:22 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: sistermargaret

Thank you for your answer, but that is NOT the point. i guess i should never have mentioned the Switch thing. What i asked is ... IS there a difference 'tween BDSM and kink?
:)
sm


Sure there is! 
At least I think so. 
But it all depends on the relationship and what your looking for. 
Sometimes it's both.  All depends on the degree you want to take it I think. 



hopelessfool -> RE: BDSM & kink (8/25/2008 11:21:07 PM)

To me no, Bondage, is a kink, Dicipline, is a kink, S&M is a Kink...

To me D/s has nothing to do with kink,  I am submissive, I always have been in every relationship I've had with a male I respect very few of them, in fact none that I can think of involves kink. Its just part of who I am.

Everything I see in bdsm is a version of kink or part of the kink varity. That BDSM is just a term to describe a like of this kink or fetish or to say one is kinky

-meh, personally Id tell the "dom" to kiss my purty white kitty bottom.

Edited due to typos and spelling errors...



GreedyTop -> RE: BDSM & kink (8/25/2008 11:23:11 PM)

*beer influenced post..ignore if it makes no sense..LOL*

Bondage/Discipline/Sadism/Masochism - kink.


Dominance/Submission - can INCLUDE the kinky stuff.



DMFParadox -> RE: BDSM & kink (8/25/2008 11:27:53 PM)

No.  Well, kind of.

BDSM is the acronym for four words that cover a very wide range: bondage, discipline, sadism, masochism, slave, master.  'Kink' is what turns you on.  Make a venn diagram where those overlap, and BDSM falls well within kink, but there's non-sexual aspects to it; and many kinks that aren't BDSM.

For the purposes of your question, there's a zone where BDSM is more about a thematic setting for sex than it is a factor that influences your job, your home, and your place within your social circles.  Some people live BDSM. 

Those Doms might be wrong, you like exploring dominance and submission for its own sake, or they might be right and it's more about giving your sex a pistachio flavor.  If it is the latter, just own up to it; there's no shame in it, only in false pretensions.  (homework assignment: define 'false.'  Guaranteed the first couple of attempts will be incomplete or misleading... so don't stress over it too much.)



SirDarkside357 -> RE: BDSM & kink (8/26/2008 12:33:00 AM)

Does it really matter?  One persons kink is another persons normal.



Paulnz -> RE: BDSM & kink (8/26/2008 12:45:40 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: sistermargaret

i'm posting this question here because it has always been the Dominants who have given me heat for being a Switch.


That's because being Switch is associated with not being ' twue.' It's a load of nonsense of course, and you can safely ignore their barbs.




maat -> RE: BDSM & kink (8/26/2008 2:21:32 AM)

You hear the same about bisexuals. Many hardcore homosexuals claim bisexuals only play at beeing gay or cant make there minds up. Bullshit. You are what you are.

to answer your question. Submissive is what i am, kinks are what i do that gets me going. its all part of BDSM but only you can deside what is part of you.



colouredin -> RE: BDSM & kink (8/26/2008 2:34:42 AM)

BDSM is an umbrella term fitting a wide range and level of stuff so um no. What the people who say that actually mean is you arent in to this in the way i thin k you should be, you are obviously just playing a game/putting on a hat whatever words they want to use. Basically its a way to apply a value judgement to your choice, though if they actually use those words then correct them because they quite clearly arent real or true as they dont know what BDSM means.



Tetron -> RE: BDSM & kink (8/26/2008 2:48:10 AM)

To anwser the question I think you are asking what makes something a kink as opposed to being BDSM has to do with the situation you use it in. The general anwser to this is if you like something for only the purposes of sexual activities its a kink and if it moves beyond that it is BDSM. For instance if you only wear a color while having sex, but wouldnt be caught dead with it outside the bedroom, or even just wouldnt want to wear it then a color is a kink. If you like it when a guy orders you around in bed, but you wouldnt listen to such things outside a sexual encounter it is a kink. This basically hits upon something I have found rather annoying in my time which is what I call a sexual submissive, I believe it is entirely someones choice to be this but I personally dont enjoy their company, these are people who are willing to do some or every aspect of bdsm but only within the confines of a sexual encounter, in public, or even outside the bedroom they have no BDSM tendancys what so ever, in the context of this question you have asked you could call them kinksters. 



colouredin -> RE: BDSM & kink (8/26/2008 2:54:59 AM)

BDSM is a complex acronym derived from the terms bondage and discipline (B&D), dominance and submission (D&S, D/S, or Ds), sadism and masochism (S&M or SM)

(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/BDSM)

Most kinks fall into that catagory, in fact i would suggest you would be hard pressed to find any relationship in the history of relationships that didnt have an element of it within their relationship sexual or otherwise and to differant extents, therefore there is no differance therefore its just a way to try and make you feel inferiour, and they are quite clearly ignorant.




Hippiekinkster -> RE: BDSM & kink (8/26/2008 3:07:19 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Tetron

To anwser the question I think you are asking what makes something a kink as opposed to being BDSM has to do with the situation you use it in. The general anwser to this is if you like something for only the purposes of sexual activities its a kink and if it moves beyond that it is BDSM. For instance if you only wear a color while having sex, but wouldnt be caught dead with it outside the bedroom, or even just wouldnt want to wear it then a color is a kink. If you like it when a guy orders you around in bed, but you wouldnt listen to such things outside a sexual encounter it is a kink. This basically hits upon something I have found rather annoying in my time which is what I call a sexual submissive, I believe it is entirely someones choice to be this but I personally dont enjoy their company, these are people who are willing to do some or every aspect of bdsm but only within the confines of a sexual encounter, in public, or even outside the bedroom they have no BDSM tendancys what so ever, in the context of this question you have asked you could call them kinksters. 
<lets breath out> Wow, I'm glad you cleared that up for me. Until now, I thought I had to find my own way in this perverted subculture. I am glad to finally get some guidance. Glad you joined CM.



sistermargaret -> RE: BDSM & kink (8/26/2008 4:53:09 PM)

BDSM is the acronym for four words that cover a very wide range: bondage, discipline, sadism, masochism, slave, master.  'Kink' is what turns you on.  Make a venn diagram where those overlap, and BDSM falls well within kink, but there's non-sexual aspects to it; and many kinks that aren't BDSM.

Thanks to all who responded. The above seems the most logical to me, tho it echos the thoughts of some other posts. i knew i could count on this side of the fence for good answers :)

Dictionary.com Unabridged (v 1.1) Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[fawls] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation adjective, fals·er, fals·est, adverb

–adjective



1.
not true or correct; erroneous: a false statement.



2.
uttering or declaring what is untrue: a false witness.



3.
not faithful or loyal; treacherous: a false friend.



4.
tending to deceive or mislead; deceptive: a false impression.



5.
not genuine; counterfeit.



6.
based on mistaken, erroneous, or inconsistent impressions, ideas, or facts: false pride.



7.
used as a substitute or supplement, esp. temporarily: false supports for a bridge.



8.
Biology. having a superficial resemblance to something that properly bears the name: the false acacia.



9.
not properly, accurately, or honestly made, done, or adjusted: a false balance.



10.
inaccurate in pitch, as a musical note. –adverb



11.
dishonestly; faithlessly; treacherously: Did he speak false against me? —Idiom



12.
play someone false, to betray someone; be treacherous or faithless. sm



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: BDSM & kink (8/26/2008 6:12:41 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: sistermargaret
i'm posting this question here because it has always been the Dominants who have given me heat for being a Switch. The most frequent negative comment i've gotten is, "You aren't into BDSM, you're just into kink".  i'm all grown up so the negative comments don't bother me. To each their own, i say and i am exploring D/s now, so the Switch issue is moot, but IS there a difference? What is the difference 'tween BDSM and kink?
Thank You for taking the time to answer this question.
sm

Others have said similar but I'll lay down my harder line.

BDSM = bondage, discipline, sadism, masochistm

Four types of kink activitiy

Kink = overall term to describe a non mainstream activity that gets you excited

I find kink and kinky to be much more appropriate since bdsm really is a limited term when you're talking about anything beyond those four things.

Oh and I'm one of the hard ball types who do NOT and WILL NOT include Ds in bdsm.  Ds is a relationship dynamic, bdsm is a set of kinky activities.



Abaddon2u -> RE: BDSM & kink (8/26/2008 6:25:24 PM)

the difference between Bdsm and kink.....

kink [kingk]
n (plural kinks)
1.  tight coil: a tight twist or coil in an otherwise straight section of something such as rope, string, or wire 
2.  minor difficulty: a slight difficulty or holdup in the progress of something (informal) 
3.  muscular spasm: a sudden spasm in a muscle, especially a crick in the neck (informal) 
4.  eccentricity: something that is eccentric or peculiar in somebody's personality or behavior 
5.  U.S. odd idea: a quirky odd idea or impulse (informal)
She got a kink in her head to swim across the Chesapeake Bay alone.

6.  sexual oddity: an unusual sexual practice, especially one that might be considered deviant (slang) 

vti (past and past participle kinked, present participle kink·ing, 3rd person present singular kinks)
make or become twisted: to put a kink in something, or develop a kink 

[Late 17th century. < Low German kinke "twist in a rope"]

none that I can tell. But it is just my opinion.

Abaddon

"the only difference between myself and a madman is that I am not mad." - Salvador Dali



robertolapiedra -> RE: BDSM & kink (8/26/2008 6:53:29 PM)

quote:

Oh and I'm one of the hard ball types who do NOT and WILL NOT include Ds in bdsm. Ds is a relationship dynamic, bdsm is a set of kinky activities.
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Hello LuckyAlbatross. I agree that Ds is not part of BDSM as originally intended. Traditional marriage type Ds has been around for ages and gets the vanilla label most of the time.

In my dynamic we have Ds (traditional) and it just happens that my traditional wife gets off in being a 24/7 sexslave which is BDSM related (Discipline). I see myself as the one with the last word in day to day stuff which would be the exact same if we were both vanillas having Samaritan sex with the lights out. Sexually speaking we are Ms and have been for the last 7 years. I think of this as a sexual dynamic kink. RL





sistermargaret -> RE: BDSM & kink (8/26/2008 8:43:42 PM)

Oh and I'm one of the hard ball types who do NOT and WILL NOT include Ds in bdsm.  Ds is a relationship dynamic, bdsm is a set of kinky activities.

That is exactly how i've always seen it and how being Switch made more sense to me. If i'm not interestd in a 'relationship' but just love going to play parties and swinging a flogger then getting spanked, why would i be interested in D/s? It might be the path of least resistance, but who says this has to be a constant heartache? The thing i love the most about all those options .. b,d,s and m  is ... all those options! Its been said that W/we dance around the dungeon, but i don't ALWAYS want to do the polka! Thanks for a great response.
sm



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