|
WhiplashSmile2 -> RE: BDSM & kink (8/28/2008 5:00:27 AM)
|
I'm with LA and Darcyandthedark, when it comes to what BDSM stands for. D/s or any relationship dynamic is a different animal in my book.
If I felt that D/s was so important to BDSM, I would have never been in a DOM couple relationship at one time.
I find too many people taking D/s to extreme measures and thought processes that it's screws up relationships, activities, communication, and gets applied to places that it should never should be. Basically, it just makes things more confusing and needlessly difficult for many people.
When I make jokes about trying to figure out if my brand of toothpaste is more D or s type in nature, I am making a jab at mocking the extremes people can take D/s.
Many people fall into trying to play out stereotype concieved notions and what their orientations should be. They play out needless D/s interactions with one another when they have no D/s relationship with each other. Some people mindlessly insist that people should act more D or s when simply getting to know each other. What's sad is that people tend to loose their manners, and stop behaving like civil human beings towards one another.
Doms expecting that somebody of a submissive orientation should be kissing their asses, Submissives trying to push or test Doms to see if they are really true Doms and an endless list of things that well, are not all that civil and polite.
I went into a BDSM chat room earlier, and actually witnessed a Domme get all huffy and blow out of chat. Why because she expected another female Dominant to act like a submissive. Anyways, it bruised her ego and she blew out of the chatroom. Now, there was an excellent post from mercnbeth sharing Master Skips address about the M/s community. Two points Master Skip pointed out, was lack of Self Esteem and Narcissism as being major issues in the current M/s community.
Dare I express this, these things I see as an issue in the BDSM community at large.
Some people are so in Love with themselves and their built up images of their orientations, that it's not funny. Also, many people place a high degree of self-esteem in being or living up to their orientations. Ones personal indentification with any specific orientation is a bad place to invest ones sense of self esteem. For those that do, they will constantly being trying to prove to themselves and the world how much a true (orientation) that they are. Some people simply fall in love with themselves and their orientation, that well they think they are the hottest coolest whatever orientation they can be.
In short, the focus become extremely self centered. Don't get me wrong, having a sense of ones true self is a good thing. Self centered itself in not a bad thing per se. However, there is a limit to self centered healthy and self centered bad. Like they say, too much of a good thing can be a bad thing. Case in point with being self centered.
I realize that some people out there, will disagree with me on various points of views I express or share. Still none the less, I'm writting about issues that I see time and time again rear up.
One can be part of the active BDSM community with having any involvement or interest in the M/s community. One could have a basic and yet simple interest in S&M. There was a thread started about the political correctness of S&M now days. S&M does not require the practice of D/s nor involvement of a D/s relationship to do. It's about the giving and recieving of pain, on the simplest of terms. For many people it's a form of release. For some it's very spirtual. S&M actually has been a part of my religious practices. However, you don't have to have religion or be seeking out a religous experience to do S&M. Trying to apply D/s to S&M at times makes about as much sense as insisting upon Religion being applied to it.
I feel as if I am digressing into another long winded post. For some people I'm like a record player that is caught up on repeat mode. To others, I'm simply expressing something that they are already aware of. Perhaps there will be one or two, new people to this site and message board, that may stumble upon this. That this will be some food for thought for them.
There are many people that simply read the message board daily, that never post. There is a greater Audience that is watching all of us here exchange our thoughts, experiences, points of views. It's just not all about us regular message board users. People are watching us and reading everything we type out.
At the end of the day, D/s is simply an optional add on for BDSM. People get to pick and choose what they are looking for in a relationship. If you wish to become part of the M/s community. Please jump right in and explore it. Just remember that you are diving into a sub-culture within a sub-culture.
I think Master Skip best said it when referring to the M/s community, about being a group outsiders in a group of outsiders. Yet so many people believe that the BDSM community is one in the same as the M/s community. New people coming into the BDSM community are some lost and confused and require some direction. What disheartens me, is that some people attempt to bully or strong arm them into being part of the M/s community. If they do not assimulate to the way of things, that they should fuck off and that they have no business being part of the BDSM community at all. Some people in fact assert that all D/s relationships involve what is often referred to as TPE (total power exchange).
Many people who have had a sincere interest in BDSM itself are being greated in a very uncivil way. It leaves them with a bad impression about what the BDSM community stands for as well as what the M/s community represents. The very reason why people are rejecting using protocols with DOMs that A. are not their Masters B. out of respect for orientation. Is because A and B are being highly abused by many people.
When a newbie submissive comes here, and is welcome by countless people saying "On your knees bitch, call me Sir you worthless Slut", it's an abuse that undermines the true nature of what D/s is all about. The backlash effect is such, that there's no way in Hell this Girl has any respect for anybody demanding to be called Sir. It's really common sense what is happening.
Many people are getting too carried away with orientations and labels, and have this fantasy based notion and what D/s should be, which includes the incivil treatment of total strangers. Where DOMs are trying to Prove how DOM they can be, and submissives are trying to prove themselves by following along or otherwise playing up their respected orientation.
People have a very difficult time seeing past this, to a deeper understanding and appreciation for what BDSM is all about.
The only way to help curve this, is to raise public and community awareness. Not an easy task that will happen overnight.
|
|
|
|
