RE: Help...what do I do now?

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RE: Help...what do I do now? - 9/14/2008 8:34:48 PM

masterforRT

Posts: 176
Joined: 5/16/2008
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Two things:

First off, many Masters who want to share are doing it because of insecurity. They believe that this makes them a 'big man'. It doesn't.

If he violated your contract, it's void. Period. Even more so, he did all this behind your back. Twice the reason for you to walk.

Second, seek counselling. I'm not saying this to put you down or anything; I'm saying it out of concern. If you are burning or cutting, you need to talk to a counsellor about it. It indicates a deeper concern.

Go today and talk to someone.

< Message edited by masterforRT -- 9/14/2008 8:36:08 PM >

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RE: Help...what do I do now? - 9/15/2008 5:30:21 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

It was absolutely not a joke. Take it in context.

From OP's post, she seems to feel that sharing violated a limit and her contract. She had two opportunities to tell her Master how she felt, one before she met the other man, and one afterward. The first time she said nothing, and the second she told him that this was a longtime fantasy and that she was open to it.

Under those circumstances, she's basically told him that she's fine with being shared. However, OP seems to not want to be shared and she owes her Master an explanation if she wants to continue with him.

I took it in context. He manipulated her into agreeing to meet the other couple. Doesn't mean he still didn't break a limit. Hell, if I agree to be tied but not have sex and some guy raped me, it wouldn't mean that it wasn't rape just because I was tied spread eagle.

But yes, she needs to yell hell no and form much firmer boundaries. Including getting some help to do so and not engaging in an unhealthy relationship in the meantime. However her errors do not excuse his deliberate lying. I always learned that two wrongs don't make one right, you seem to think they do.

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RE: Help...what do I do now? - 9/15/2008 5:50:44 AM

Dnomyar

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Bottom Line people. The Op's Master want's to change and become a swinger.

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RE: Help...what do I do now? - 9/15/2008 6:25:09 AM

DarkSteven

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DesFIP, my post stated that he had broken the contract and that he was sulking and behaving entirely unlike a Dom. I don't feel like I gave him a free pass.

I also stated that she now has to choose whether to remain with him. Again, no free pass for him.

However, I'm not sure about one other thing - how does a slave let her Master know she's been hurt? In a vanilla relationship, she should chew him out. In an M/s relationship, what does she do? I don't think that a slave has the right to upbraid her Master.

My response was intended to address the things that she can do. Basically, I get the impression that you think that she should hold him accountable for his misdeed, and I'm not sure that she can do so without leaving him.

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RE: Help...what do I do now? - 9/15/2008 6:36:49 AM

berrysurprise

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Joined: 9/4/2006
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I think that remembering that your Dom and yourself are in fact two different people with different desires and needs.

You said yourself you are quiet... and that you tried to break it to your Master in an easier way...

From his point of view he (i am sure) has spent the past 9 months with a happy and abiding sub... It sounds like you have really enjoyed the road you have travelled with him so far...

I see that He is following his vision ( whatever that may be... )and even tho it sounds clear in you writings above that you are not interested in any form of sharing. When you sat with him and spoke... You still gave him the impression that you were a little interested.

I really feel that you need to learn to speak with him honestly... dont try to to cover how you feel...
I am sure if he is a true Dom he will encourage you to be open with him. I think he will feel betrayed if he feels you are not.

He needs to hear what road you want to travel and he needs to feel he can discuss his desires with you without you reacting the ways that you have mentioned.

He is the candle and talking honestly with him is the hot wax that will give you that 'emotional release'... Especially when you hear the things you fear the most

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RE: Help...what do I do now? - 9/16/2008 4:15:32 PM

daddysliloneds

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i'm just chiming in to see if the op is ever going to come back and post as to what finally happened in this little saga?

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RE: Help...what do I do now? - 9/16/2008 4:30:37 PM

NihilusZero

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Lack of communication = Poor foundation for lingering trust.

This situation screams of a void in the communication department.

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Post #: 47

RE: Help, I'm not sure what do now.... - 9/16/2008 6:31:59 PM

KnightofMists

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Joined: 7/29/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Domnslv4Pleasure

6) As for my "self-destructive" habit, any Lifestyle playing could be considered by some as "self-destructive" or "abusive". As I am a willing partner in what I do to myself--I consider it neither.

mmmmmmm well... by definition... Self-Destructive results in the person's situation becoming worse or less than it was before.

So... you broke a rule in your relationship that was do stop the self-harm....... I have to wonder why the rule was there in the first place... either case... people that do engage in self-harm have a difficult time accepting that they are making there world worse by engaging in the activity than better. Kinda of like the gambler... I will just bet alittle more... and win all of it back that I loss. Unfortuantley,... you betting against the house..... and going to lose more till you stop betting against the house.

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RE: Help...what do I do now? - 9/16/2008 7:10:46 PM

megggy

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sounds like he doesn't care- if that's the case it's not a healthy relationship for either of you to stay in.
a master is suppose to help you out in life, take control of it for the better for the both of you.... if he's not helping you out and damaging you emotionally it's not a good idea.
he broke the contract, leave, you deserve better ( guess you saw the hard way he wasn't totally loyal )
i wish you the best of luck....find someone better. like i said you deserve it!

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RE: Help...what do I do now? - 9/22/2008 3:41:10 PM

tweedydaddy

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Move on. Get yourself a new Dom in time for Christmas, don't look back.

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RE: Help...what do I do now? - 9/25/2008 7:15:47 PM

antipode

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He broke the contract. Outta there.

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RE: Help...what do I do now? - 9/25/2008 8:25:23 PM

tazzygirl

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just a thought... could there be latent tendencies rising?

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RE: Help...what do I do now? - 9/27/2008 7:02:15 PM

scarlethiney

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You always have a choice. Always. You do not have to agree with or accept something that was not discussed with you and that you take issue with. Your Master if what you say is true broke your contract by these actions and his actions seem selfish and ego driven. You broke your contract with him by harming yourself and doing so seems manipulative and selfish.
You say it's your choice to burn yourself. It certainly is. So why bring this up as if it were something you did because of his actions and then defend it when others tell you to seek counseling. If it's your choice then you can't assign blame to him. If your harming yourself for any reason you need counseling.
No one forced you to make the choice you did, no one forced him to do the same.
Being adult is accepting responsibility for your actions and not giving yourself a reason to justify them.

scarlet

I had mistakenly posted this on another thread.

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Post #: 53