What is it with Male Switches and Subs? (Full Version)

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candystripper -> What is it with Male Switches and Subs? (11/25/2005 8:47:25 AM)

i have politely explained to a Switch on CM that i am looking for a Dom or Master; i cannot switch. This is his latest email:

quote:

Once again my dear you do not understand you NEED ME to control you and your wants
and by doing this you will also be meeting my needs. I am ordering you to call me at
xxx-xxx-xxxx for instructions on what to do next. It is time you listen!!! It is time
you become happy !!! It is time


Can someone exlain to me why this happens to me? Does it happen to other submissive and slave women? Is there something in my profile that is vague? TY for helping me.

candystripper



krys -> RE: What is it with Male Switches and Subs? (11/25/2005 8:49:57 AM)

No it happens to a lot of people. I get that sort of thing sometimes and the sum total of my profile is "Owned and not seeking". That's what the block and delete buttons are for. :)



SlayerZ -> RE: What is it with Male Switches and Subs? (11/25/2005 9:12:02 AM)

Your profile is coherent and very clear.

I don't see annything vague with it.

I would just chalk this person up as an optimist.



IrishMist -> RE: What is it with Male Switches and Subs? (11/25/2005 9:23:05 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: candystripper

i have politely explained to a Switch on CM that i am looking for a Dom or Master; i cannot switch. This is his latest email:

quote:

Once again my dear you do not understand you NEED ME to control you and your wants
and by doing this you will also be meeting my needs. I am ordering you to call me at
xxx-xxx-xxxx for instructions on what to do next. It is time you listen!!! It is time
you become happy !!! It is time


Can someone exlain to me why this happens to me? Does it happen to other submissive and slave women? Is there something in my profile that is vague? TY for helping me.

candystripper


LOL I get quite a few of those daily. I think it's just stubborness on the sender's part, or as mentioned...maybe he's an optimist, lol. /shrug
I would not worry too much about them though, I find that most go away when they see that you are not going to be swayed by a couple lines in an email .



mnottertail -> RE: What is it with Male Switches and Subs? (11/25/2005 9:47:08 AM)

I am confused, how do you dial xxx-xxx-xxxx? is that 2 nines a time to indicate you want x or do you do alternating twos and say a # sign in between?

Ron



perverseangelic -> RE: What is it with Male Switches and Subs? (11/25/2005 9:48:43 AM)

I get a lot of msgs from switches, but generally they are the "type' of switch (if you'll allow me to call it that) that assume one role with one person, and another role with another person. That is, they are interested in topping me, but in bottoming to another person, so I can see it as compatable with my orientation.

What -doesn't- jive is getting those messages in light of my profile.

~shrug~ I get a few a week, respond politely, and drop it.

I do get messages from strict bottoms who want me to top, as well. I generally reply that I am flattered but that I am made intensly uncomfortable by the idea of topping.



ImpGrrl -> RE: What is it with Male Switches and Subs? (11/25/2005 10:10:05 AM)

I don't see anything in the message that has anything to do with him being a switch - why do you assume it does?



candystripper -> RE: What is it with Male Switches and Subs? (11/25/2005 10:33:53 AM)

This is his last email; i have blocked him:

quote:

Candy for the last time I do not intend to have you switch but will make sure you follow my orders or you will need to be scolded. Its time to start listening to me as a Master
you diffently need guidance girl.


*sigh* Am i supposed to believe that a Man whose profile says "switch" will turn into a Dom just to have me? It's like the sadists who write me and say they'll give up s&m for me...i smell BS.

candystripper



IrishMist -> RE: What is it with Male Switches and Subs? (11/25/2005 10:39:23 AM)

LOL sounds like more than just BS. Good for you. I would have blocked him long before that.



candystripper -> RE: What is it with Male Switches and Subs? (11/25/2005 10:40:16 AM)

quote:

I am confused, how do you dial xxx-xxx-xxxx? is that 2 nines a time to indicate you want x or do you do alternating twos and say a # sign in between?

Ron


Ron, i would never put someone's phone number in a post, so i substituted the "x's".

candystripper



perverseangelic -> RE: What is it with Male Switches and Subs? (11/25/2005 10:46:10 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: candystripper

This is his last email; i have blocked him:


*sigh* Am i supposed to believe that a Man whose profile says "switch" will turn into a Dom just to have me? It's like the sadists who write me and say they'll give up s&m for me...i smell BS.

candystripper



Well, some people -are- only dominant with certain others. That is, being a switch wouldn't stop him from being only dominant with you.

He still sounds like a dork though.



ImpGrrl -> RE: What is it with Male Switches and Subs? (11/25/2005 10:47:06 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: perverseangelic


quote:

ORIGINAL: candystripper

This is his last email; i have blocked him:


*sigh* Am i supposed to believe that a Man whose profile says "switch" will turn into a Dom just to have me? It's like the sadists who write me and say they'll give up s&m for me...i smell BS.

candystripper



Well, some people -are- only dominant with certain others. That is, being a switch wouldn't stop him from being only dominant with you.

He still sounds like a dork though.



Seconded, on all counts.




candystripper -> RE: What is it with Male Switches and Subs? (11/25/2005 10:51:44 AM)

quote:

I don't see anything in the message that has anything to do with him being a switch - why do you assume it does?

ImpGrrl


Because in his profile, he identifies himself as a switch.

candystripper



fastlane -> RE: What is it with Male Switches and Subs? (11/25/2005 10:56:58 AM)

I would never reply to a Dom who sent an e mail like that if I was a submissive.
What I would do is reply with

"Fuck you and the Domkey you rode in on....Faker!"

but hey, I'm not a submissive.



candystripper -> RE: What is it with Male Switches and Subs? (11/25/2005 11:04:37 AM)

i try to be polite to everyone; if i am annoyed by a man i simply tell him not to contact me again; if he persists i block him. i have a mouth like a sailor and am trying to learn to stop cursing. As well, any man who contacts me -- no matter if he is annoying -- has paid me a compliment of choosing to spend time pursuing me. So i try to honor that and say "No TY" where necessary.

candystripper



ginawithaB -> RE: What is it with Male Switches and Subs? (11/25/2005 11:55:56 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: candystripper

i try to be polite to everyone; if i am annoyed by a man i simply tell him not to contact me again; if he persists i block him. i have a mouth like a sailor and am trying to learn to stop cursing. As well, any man who contacts me -- no matter if he is annoying -- has paid me a compliment of choosing to spend time pursuing me. So i try to honor that and say "No TY" where necessary.

candystripper


Hey Candy,

IMHO, you gave him too much of your precious time and way too much credit. He's not paying you any compliment, he's trying to wear you down to get you to play with him. It's good you blocked him. And also, my understanding is that someone being a switch doesn't necessarily mean they expect that from you. It only means they play both roles. He wanted to play dom with you but he does not strike me at all to have true "Dom" qualities, just from how he approached you with his immediate demands for your compliance. You can do oodles better. Do yourself a favor and ignore these types. Spend your time pursuing the worthy ones.



ImpGrrl -> RE: What is it with Male Switches and Subs? (11/25/2005 12:14:19 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: candystripper

quote:

I don't see anything in the message that has anything to do with him being a switch - why do you assume it does?

ImpGrrl


Because in his profile, he identifies himself as a switch.

candystripper


But what you have presented us has nothing to do with his being a switch. I'm wondering why you are railing against switches (and subs) for the asinine behavior of one man?

Also, as perverseangelic said - some switches (myself included) are perfectly well fulfilled in a relationship where we are one or the other exclusively with one partner.

Some of us are poly as well, and we can get our other aspects fulfilled that way.



candystripper -> RE: What is it with Male Switches and Subs? (11/25/2005 12:41:13 PM)

quote:

But what you have presented us has nothing to do with his being a switch. I'm wondering why you are railing against switches (and subs) for the asinine behavior of one man?

Also, as perverseangelic said - some switches (myself included) are perfectly well fulfilled in a relationship where we are one or the other exclusively with one partner.

Some of us are poly as well, and we can get our other aspects fulfilled that way.

ImpGrrl


i apologise if anyone was offended; i strongly believe everyone deserves respect unless they themselves lose it. i have as much respect for male subs and switches as anyone else; i'd never treat anyone like a "second class citizen" by virtue of their orientation.

This is the situation: i want a monogamous relationship, and i cannot top, so i am taken aback when contacted by male switches or subs; i feel they want something i have clearly stated in my profile i do not want. It seems silly at best and manipulative at worst.

candystripper



ImpGrrl -> RE: What is it with Male Switches and Subs? (11/25/2005 1:37:39 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: candystripper
This is the situation: i want a monogamous relationship, and i cannot top, so i am taken aback when contacted by male switches or subs; i feel they want something i have clearly stated in my profile i do not want. It seems silly at best and manipulative at worst.


That said, I can understand feeling that way about when submissive people contact you for more than friendship.

But please remember - some switches are *absolutely* capable of and fulfilled by *monogamous* relationships in which they are one or the other.

To say otherwise is to say that a bisexual could never "settle down" in a monogamous relationship. Some might not be able to - but some certainly can.



candystripper -> RE: What is it with Male Switches and Subs? (11/25/2005 1:48:32 PM)

quote:

That said, I can understand feeling that way about when submissive people contact you for more than friendship.

But please remember - some switches are *absolutely* capable of and fulfilled by *monogamous* relationships in which they are one or the other.

To say otherwise is to say that a bisexual could never "settle down" in a monogamous relationship. Some might not be able to - but some certainly can.

ImpGrrl


While i appreciate your advice -- and certainly believe you -- i am old enough to know that when a man says something about himself, you should do him the honor of believing him, especially if it's something you don't want to hear. i want a monogamous relationship and cannot top; to me that raises the specture of him going to a 3rd party to fulfill his need to be submissive. Also i feel i want a very strong Dom, and i find that i am uneasy about a switch's ability to provide that degree of strength. The bottom line is, i do not believe i'd be compatible with a Dom who also had a submissive side.

candystripper



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