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RE: Need advice from this side - 9/6/2008 11:28:05 PM

Jagnarok

Posts: 3
Joined: 4/22/2007
Status: offline

Go to some local munches. Find a fetish club near you. Make some friends in the lifestyle. Find some dominants to learn from, and try your hand with female subs other than your partner. Find the Dom in your soul and bring it to life. This is what will work, and you may end up in a satisfying D&S relationship with someone you have not even met yet. Do the work, and what will follow will follow. Discover whether you are doing this to "keep her around", or if it is because your heart is in it.

(in reply to HarleyMan2008)

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Post #: 41

RE: Need advice from this side - 9/7/2008 2:01:01 PM

candystripper

Posts: 3486
Joined: 11/1/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: HarleyMan2008

I am looking for a starting point in this lifestyle. As I posted in the introduction section. My wife has recently advised me that she has been looking into this and is very curious. However there are some concerns and hang ups that we need to get past.
We have been together since we were in high school so over 14 years. She has not always been open with me about her desires. Over the last year she has joined second life and realized there is alot more out there and wants to maybe try it out. She met a male on there that is a master and she has done a few things for him. While I do not mind in a way, on the other hand I want that person to be me not him. She states that I am the one who will benefit from the things she has heard about?
However in our conversations she admits that she doesnt think she can be submissive to me and would be more likely to submit to a stranger. She states that "It just wont work out" but then retracts and says she wants to try it but not to push it.
So thats a small start to what has been said and I am really interested in doing this as it works for me. I love control and have never really attempted it.
What or where should I start with her and how can I begin to train her to be a sub/slave? I am looking for pointers and thoughts from other subs. Thanks

Well, first, congratulations for having the nerve to ask for help. And cudos for asking submissives.

I'd send you to marriage counseling, if only a marriage counselor existed who could help you. I suspect even 'kink-friendly' therapists are limiting their practice to just one person.

My advice is that you and your wife find what your core values are. Will you risk the marriage? Are there others who would be affected if you did?

Then I suggest you both read; plenty of good stuff out there and the bullshit is pretty easy to avoid.

Then reconvene and reaffirm your core values; have they changed? Is one or both of you willing to risk everything? Are both of you committed to the marriage?

Then, must it be monogamous to survive? Be honest. If seeing (or even suspecting) that your wife is submitting to another man, will you feel the same? Different? How? What about her?

Take it slow, stay in communication. Wait before leaping, if you can.

It may turn out to be the most fabulous thing to ever happen to either of you, and I hope it is.

candystripper

(in reply to HarleyMan2008)

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Post #: 42

RE: Need advice from this side - 9/12/2008 6:34:20 PM

HarleyMan2008

Posts: 15
Joined: 8/30/2008
Status: offline

I still have no clue how to finds those clubs that have been mentioned. I have been reading lately but havent had a chance to reply. We have been talking alot and there is a chance something may come of this. Time will tell. Thanks for the advice this far and keep giving it.

(in reply to candystripper)

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Post #: 43

RE: Need advice from this side - 9/12/2008 7:11:16 PM

Twicehappy2x

Posts: 1096
Joined: 3/27/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: HarleyMan2008

I still have no clue how to finds those clubs that have been mentioned.

Here you go, links galore.

Des Moines Area Deviants (DMAD)
http://come.to/dmad

Quad Cities area, IA/IL
Riverbound
http://www.riverbound.net

Muscatine, IA
Eastern Iowa D/s
http://EasternIowaDs.mybdsm.com

Quad Cities area, IA/IL
Whipstaff Manor
http://bdsmdungeon.com

Cedar Rapids, IA
Cedar Rapids Organization of Perverts (CROP) mail to:[email protected]

Peoria, Illinois
Peoria D/s Forum
http://homepage.davesworld.net/~shawnee/index.html

Tri-State's BDSM Club
http://tri-states-bdsm-club.freeservers.com
[email protected]

The Round Table Discussion Group http://members.fortunecity.com/gayla1/theroundtable/

< Message edited by Twicehappy2x -- 9/12/2008 7:12:45 PM >

_____________________________

The human heart is not a finite container but an ever expanding universe with all the stars contained there in.

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Post #: 44

RE: Need advice from this side - 9/14/2008 8:48:25 PM

offeredup

Posts: 42
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline

In a way it's a compliment whe a partner doesn't want to change up because it can indicate that she/he is happy with the relationship as it is and doesn't want t risk disturbing what's so valued for a few cheap and/or uncertain thrills. One the other hand, relationships can be stuck in ruts made by the person each partner presented to the other at the start, because people keep growing too.
Really, this is pretty much an across-the-board vanilla-and-kink challenge. It's like when two people are good, platonic friends and one suddenly wants to get into being lovers. Even if there is mutual erotic attraction -- which there would have to be -- it's a major threshold that can feel very risky and awakward.
So going from a long-term vanilla relationship into enjoying each other's D/s or BDSM desires takes a lot of openned and trust adn above all communicaiotn. Whoever intiiates the conversation, it's important that both partners assure each other absolutely that their relationship -- thier love and friendship -- isn't on the line and will endure through whatever works or doesn't work about these new kinds of fun and that each promises a lot of tolerance and understanding and a playful attitude. There are no guarantees that any new BDSM chemistry will be there, but honest, loving communication is most likely to work every time regardless of outcomes.

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Post #: 45