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RE: Are there any venues where you can meet available d... - 9/2/2008 5:31:16 PM

Icarys

Posts: 5757
Status: offline

Yes it was. So are hookers but that aint okay for some reason.

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(in reply to Madame4a)

Post #: 21

RE: Are there any venues where you can meet available d... - 9/2/2008 5:36:24 PM

pinnipedster

Posts: 217
Joined: 4/17/2008
Status: offline

For me the operative word in the OP question is "available." I'm not the most socially ept person anyway, so meeting people, whether at a "casual" event or a full-fledged play party, is difficult, but I also have a very hard time sorting out who might be available and looking. Part of this is that I've spent much of my social life hanging around with science fiction fans; men outnumber women to the degree that it seems like every woman is taken, except for a few who seem not to want to be -- so I kind of go into any convention or gathering with the assumption that any woman I might meet, particularly if she's at all attractive, is not available -- and I kind of assume the same thing in FemDom circles. Of course, there, "availability" is a bit more flexible, since many Dominant women may have (or at least play with) multiple subs, and some seem to keep their romantic/sexual life seperate entirely from their BDSM activities. So I have yet to figure out a strategy for approaching such women, particularly one that doesn't seem to suggest that I'm only looking for a casual encounter. The "just be myself and hope someone notices, is interested, and approaches me" tactic doesn't seem very promising so far.

(in reply to Madame4a)

Post #: 22

RE: Are there any venues where you can meet available d... - 9/2/2008 6:48:30 PM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: UmbraDomina

you could always try local munches/events/meetings, and when you feel comfortable play parties in your general area. Those are all face to face venues, but they are not meat markets.
There are no "dom marts" or "DomsRus".
If you are strictly looking for just play, or to try out your kinks, not a developing releationship with a dominant woman, I would strongly suggest visiting a pro-dom who will provide a safe place for you to expiriment with your kinks, try them on for size, see if they are what you want to try, or just a erotic fantasy.

Seconds this advice and these comments.

Honestly get into your local community regardless of the orientation of the people so you can learn about yourself. If you are het, you should look for general bdsm groups or munches where you will encounter switches, maledoms, femdoms, malesubs, and femsubs.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to UmbraDomina)

Post #: 23

RE: Are there any venues where you can meet available d... - 9/2/2008 7:07:52 PM

DominaSusan

Posts: 75
Joined: 3/29/2008
Status: offline

I belong to the ClubFEM group of my area. They are a national organization, there is even a chapter in NY (see http://clubfemnyc.org/clubfemnyc/) The original group started in Houston, here is their website (http://www.clubfem.com/). This is a great way to meet all sorts of Dommes single and otherwise. We host munches, play parties and much more. I have also formed some really strong friendships with club member, both sub and Dommes. Good luck to you on your search.

(in reply to thetammyjo)

Post #: 24

RE: Are there any venues where you can meet available d... - 9/2/2008 7:08:59 PM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: pinnipedster

For me the operative word in the OP question is "available." I'm not the most socially ept person anyway, so meeting people, whether at a "casual" event or a full-fledged play party, is difficult, but I also have a very hard time sorting out who might be available and looking. Part of this is that I've spent much of my social life hanging around with science fiction fans; men outnumber women to the degree that it seems like every woman is taken, except for a few who seem not to want to be -- so I kind of go into any convention or gathering with the assumption that any woman I might meet, particularly if she's at all attractive, is not available -- and I kind of assume the same thing in FemDom circles. Of course, there, "availability" is a bit more flexible, since many Dominant women may have (or at least play with) multiple subs, and some seem to keep their romantic/sexual life seperate entirely from their BDSM activities. So I have yet to figure out a strategy for approaching such women, particularly one that doesn't seem to suggest that I'm only looking for a casual encounter. The "just be myself and hope someone notices, is interested, and approaches me" tactic doesn't seem very promising so far.

You're FEN! Why didn't you say so? I could have come out and told you that you are totally screwed! (sarcasm! w000t!)

I am not sure how to develop social skills in a person long distance, I have a hard enough time teaching the locals. How about this: just go out and meet PEOPLE, regardless of gender or orientation. So what if they are attached? They probably know folks that aren't. Talk to people that you want to talk to. Smile pretty. Say hello. Can't hurt!

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]

(in reply to pinnipedster)

Post #: 25

RE: Are there any venues where you can meet available d... - 9/2/2008 7:27:25 PM

JackSlash

Posts: 15
Joined: 8/15/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: UmbraDomina

There are no "dom marts" or "DomsRus".
If you are strictly looking for just play, or to try out your kinks, not a developing releationship with a dominant woman, I would strongly suggest visiting a pro-dom who will provide a safe place for you to expiriment with your kinks, try them on for size, see if they are what you want to try, or just a erotic fantasy.

Darn, no Dom Marts!
I would love to play and test things out, but ultimately I am looking to develope a relationship. Like any relationship I expect it to grow as it goes on or fade away.

(in reply to UmbraDomina)

Post #: 26

RE: Are there any venues where you can meet available d... - 9/2/2008 7:42:55 PM

JackSlash

Posts: 15
Joined: 8/15/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Madame4a

uhmm... you live in NYC -- if you can't find a venue there.. you're not walking out your front door...

I have been to a couple munches. But felt like an outsider, not because the people weren't friendly, just because I am very unfamiliar with the do's and don'ts so I just basically listened to things. I don't know what I was thinking when I wrote this, after the Dom Mart, thing I guess it's a silly question.
I meant more like If I wanted to meet a vanilla girl, I'd go to a bar or event of some kind. If I was gay I'd go to a gay bar, I'f Im a sub lookng for a dom...you go to a what social event. Being that no one has opened a doms 'R' us nearby.

(in reply to Madame4a)

Post #: 27

RE: Are there any venues where you can meet available d... - 9/2/2008 7:46:33 PM

UmbraDomina

Posts: 491
Joined: 7/22/2008
From: SE Michigan
Status: offline

Jack,
try this link it is a list of NY based kink events, and groups. http://www.domsubfriends.com/cgi-local/wwwdir/db.cgi?db=org&uid=default&state=NEW+YORK&view_records=View+Records&ww=on

_____________________________

Alexandra ~

~~ And I will show you something different from either your shadow at morning striding behind you Or your shadow at evening rising to meet you; I will show you fear in a handful of dust..... T.S. Elliot ~~

(in reply to JackSlash)

Post #: 28

RE: Are there any venues where you can meet available d... - 9/2/2008 8:51:15 PM

JackSlash

Posts: 15
Joined: 8/15/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: pinnipedster

For me the operative word in the OP question is "available." I'm not the most socially ept person anyway, so meeting people, whether at a "casual" event or a full-fledged play party, is difficult, but I also have a very hard time sorting out who might be available and looking. Part of this is that I've spent much of my social life hanging around with science fiction fans; men outnumber women to the degree that it seems like every woman is taken, except for a few who seem not to want to be -- so I kind of go into any convention or gathering with the assumption that any woman I might meet, particularly if she's at all attractive, is not available -- and I kind of assume the same thing in FemDom circles. Of course, there, "availability" is a bit more flexible, since many Dominant women may have (or at least play with) multiple subs, and some seem to keep their romantic/sexual life seperate entirely from their BDSM activities. So I have yet to figure out a strategy for approaching such women, particularly one that doesn't seem to suggest that I'm only looking for a casual encounter. The "just be myself and hope someone notices, is interested, and approaches me" tactic doesn't seem very promising so far.

Most of my attempts have been over the internet, and yes I tend to agree, I feel like everythng I say or do offends someone or isn't acceptable. I feel like I've been tripping over my own feet, getting misinterpreted left and right. I genuinely would like to foster a relationship, but I also want the chance to explore a little. I guess patience is a virtue and eventually I will meet someone.
I have not had trouble in the vannilla world meeting people, my trouble with that comes in the unfullfilment of my desire to be submissive, it ultimately leaves me wanting and causes my relationship to crumble.

(in reply to pinnipedster)

Post #: 29

RE: Are there any venues where you can meet available d... - 9/2/2008 9:15:34 PM

undergroundsea

Posts: 2400
Joined: 6/27/2004
From: Austin, TX
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: UmbraDomina
The reason I suggested a pro is simple........ in a developing releationship with a dominant woman, you have no guarentee of play,( so you can explore your kinks.) while with a pro you do
In a releationship take a woman for a few dinners, and you have spent easy what a pro dom costs..... and with the releationship if you are brand new and have never had interactions with a dominant woman a couple things could happen......including but not limited to the first time she actually ties you up, snatches you ball sac up near your chest, beats you with a can, pisses on you or what ever...... you scream nooooooooooooooo and relize this was just a fantasy and not something you actual want in real life.

I am happy to report that my experiences with non-pro dommes have been much more pleasant.

Cheers,

Sea

(in reply to UmbraDomina)

Post #: 30

RE: Are there any venues where you can meet available d... - 9/2/2008 9:19:19 PM

JackSlash

Posts: 15
Joined: 8/15/2008
Status: offline

Thanks for your suggestions I will look into them, and hopefully things go well.

(in reply to JackSlash)

Post #: 31

RE: Are there any venues where you can meet available d... - 9/2/2008 10:40:09 PM

pinnipedster

Posts: 217
Joined: 4/17/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

You're FEN! Why didn't you say so? I could have come out and told you that you are totally screwed! (sarcasm! w000t!)

Is that screwed in a bad way, or a good way? :)

quote:

I am not sure how to develop social skills in a person long distance, I have a hard enough time teaching the locals. How about this: just go out and meet PEOPLE, regardless of gender or orientation. So what if they are attached? They probably know folks that aren't. Talk to people that you want to talk to. Smile pretty. Say hello. Can't hurt!

I should note that one of my other experiences amongst fandom is that women therein do not make any effort to fix up their guy friends with other available women. I have a couple of explanations for this. One is simply that, being fans themselves, they hardly know any available women -- and anyway, most of the women in fandom I know have more guy friends than girl friends.

Another, I once hesitantly mentioned to a (female) therapist I was seeing. I mentioned it tentatively, almost apologetically, because I thought it might sound paranoid or sexist. That was that some of the women I know in fandom don't really like having their guy friends get hooked up. They like having a circle of available male friends they can do stuff with, and when said males find girlfriends, they become less available (perhaps completely unavailable, if the girlfirend is demanding or jealous). So to a point they almost discourage their male friends from dating.

As I say, I mentioned this to the therapist reluctantly, but as soon as she saw what I was driving at, she said, "Oh, no, you're exactly right. Women are terrible!" ...which kind of floored me at the time...

When I say I don't have social skills, btw, I don't mean that I'm actively unpleasant or uncomfortable to be around; I just mean that I'm very bad at meeting people, never know quite what to say, and never have figured out how you go about turning acquaintanceship into friendship, let alone moving it from their into a relationship. Almost all my friends have been made very gradually, through other friends; and the few relationships and flings I have had have mostly occurred when the woman decided to take the initiative -- something which last happened sometime in the late 1980's. As I've mentioned before, one of my hopes for getting into the FemDom scene was that women into it would be more likely to take the initiative as far as forming relationships -- but I'm told that burden still falls almost exclusively with the man. Dammit.

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 32

RE: Are there any venues where you can meet available d... - 9/3/2008 5:17:58 AM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

I must be some kind of weirdo. Wait, don't answer that!

I am pretty bold, and a lot of that is learned behavior. I talk to strangers in elevators. I also fix people up, if I think I possibly can. It all comes with the Auntie territory, I guess!

Judging from past cons, I can see how some women might want that pool of guys that they can hang out with safely. Not to be unkind, but that falls into the general pattern of arrested development that *some* fen show. I do not think that "women are terrible" generally, at least not once they have passed that thrilling junior high stage of social evolution.

As I said before, get out and meet PEOPLE, and widen your focus to making new friends, not specifically finding a partner.

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]

(in reply to pinnipedster)

Post #: 33

RE: Are there any venues where you can meet available d... - 9/3/2008 5:50:08 AM

Dnomyar

Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline

Jack if your walking the street looking for friendly people take some money with you. You never know who you may meet on the street corner.

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 34

RE: Are there any venues where you can meet available d... - 9/3/2008 7:22:08 AM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: JackSlash

quote:

ORIGINAL: Madame4a

uhmm... you live in NYC -- if you can't find a venue there.. you're not walking out your front door...

I have been to a couple munches. But felt like an outsider, not because the people weren't friendly, just because I am very unfamiliar with the do's and don'ts so I just basically listened to things. I don't know what I was thinking when I wrote this, after the Dom Mart, thing I guess it's a silly question.
I meant more like If I wanted to meet a vanilla girl, I'd go to a bar or event of some kind. If I was gay I'd go to a gay bar, I'f Im a sub lookng for a dom...you go to a what social event. Being that no one has opened a doms 'R' us nearby.

Ah, you are making a very common error... giving up too soon on a venue.

If you weren't attacked by anyone at the munch why stop going? Munches build up a group of regulars, I used to host the Applemunch and another so I know this is very true. You have to keep going, you have to figure out how to participate in the conversation, and after about 6 or so munches, you have become one of the regulars.

At munches folks might know and talk about other kinky events in that area. They might offer to go with you to these or invite you to them.

Why on earth would they or anyone else invite a stranger unless it is to make money?

So stop being a stranger and work on becoming one of the regulars.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to JackSlash)

Post #: 35

RE: Are there any venues where you can meet available d... - 9/3/2008 9:00:55 AM

Madame4a

Posts: 2045
Joined: 2/4/2008
From: Washington, DC area
Status: offline

The same people don't go to every munch or event every time.. I don't go every week to anything... nor do I go to the same party every weekend... you have to go often -- an not give up... you're not likely to find any kind of partner in a matter of weeks or even months...

quote:

ORIGINAL: JackSlash

quote:

ORIGINAL: Madame4a

uhmm... you live in NYC -- if you can't find a venue there.. you're not walking out your front door...

I have been to a couple munches. But felt like an outsider, not because the people weren't friendly, just because I am very unfamiliar with the do's and don'ts so I just basically listened to things. I don't know what I was thinking when I wrote this, after the Dom Mart, thing I guess it's a silly question.
I meant more like If I wanted to meet a vanilla girl, I'd go to a bar or event of some kind. If I was gay I'd go to a gay bar, I'f Im a sub lookng for a dom...you go to a what social event. Being that no one has opened a doms 'R' us nearby.

_____________________________

You're crazy bitch
But you f*ck so good, I'm on top of it
When I dream, I'm doing you all night
Scratches all down my back to keep me right on

(in reply to JackSlash)

Post #: 36

RE: Are there any venues where you can meet available d... - 9/3/2008 11:42:48 AM

azropedntied

Posts: 1829
Joined: 7/25/2005
From: Phx AZ
Status: offline

Madame is so correct , its not insta Domme just add water or order your Domme now 1-800-tie-spnk gee i wonder if thats a real # lol .Jack you feel like an outsider ?you feel new well perhaps it is due to you actually being new .. Give it time and i dont mean weeks , matter a fact forget time , forget searching all together instead get out in your VAST community , get involved , help, attend all the events , classes , and demos you can . This will get you noticed way more than saying your looking for a Mistress . Be respectful and act in honor , Yes your going to feel out of place yes your going to stumble , make mistakes and screw up . That is all part of the journey and your growth .Learn from the net VS just mailing random people trolling , Do ask questions if they are serious questions you shall get the help you seek .If its trolling wank fodder trust me people that have been around will see right through you .I waited for Years for Ma'am , its amazing what happens when your found instead of you banging your head against a padded cell wall searching .best wishes on your journey . Tes is a great group btw !

(in reply to Madame4a)

Post #: 37

RE: Are there any venues where you can meet available d... - 9/3/2008 2:05:59 PM

Coupleofwhats

Posts: 280
Joined: 6/4/2008
Status: offline

Try going to munches, workshops and such.
TES (http://www.tes.org) is very active in NYC, and would be a good place to meet other submissives. (Hint: if you want to meet dommes, go to the workshops that would most likely interest them.)

Once you have some submissive pals, maybe you'll venture out to the parties. Or get invited to some of the private affairs.

_____________________________

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fm6JgZ35w8w

(in reply to Icarys)

Post #: 38

RE: Are there any venues where you can meet available d... - 9/3/2008 2:10:21 PM

Coupleofwhats

Posts: 280
Joined: 6/4/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Icarys

Yes it was. So are hookers but that aint okay for some reason.

And what's so wrong with prostitutes? Supposedly, YOUR sexuality is a little left of center: who are any of us to judge?
Unless your bank account balance is of "Fuck You" proportions, we're all somebody's whore.

_____________________________

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fm6JgZ35w8w

(in reply to Icarys)

Post #: 39

RE: Are there any venues where you can meet available d... - 9/3/2008 2:58:53 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Coupleofwhats

quote:

ORIGINAL: Icarys

Yes it was. So are hookers but that aint okay for some reason.

And what's so wrong with prostitutes? Supposedly, YOUR sexuality is a little left of center: who are any of us to judge?
Unless your bank account balance is of "Fuck You" proportions, we're all somebody's whore.

No offense, but I'll ask you very politely to speak for yourself.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to Coupleofwhats)

Post #: 40

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