quote:

ORIGINAL: arithea

what do you think i should do? because he's been a friend for awhile and if i take his name off my profile like someone who did he will get mad and ignore and won't ever speak to me again. i know i shouldn't let it bother me but it does and i can't always control my emotions.

That's the thing - if he really is your friend, he'll agree wholeheartedly about removing email barriers. If he gets mad or ignores you because of it, he's NOT your friend and never was!

I have fem/sub friends who turn to me when they want a Dom (and/or male) opinion or perspective. Indeed, I also seek their counsel when I want a female and/or sub opinion, too! I don't believe in this "protector" nonsense but it certainly helps to have independent input from someone who isn't directly emotionally attached. The fem/subs I speak of are r/l friends but you can certainly get this sort of help from online only, too! But, like I said, it makes it difficult to even meet them with that email barrier.

And as a Dom who has no ulterior motives or emotional attachment to you, I must say I think your "protector's" behaviour sounds like that of someone who wants exclusive access to you but not necessarily a r/l relationship. Is he a member here or at least reading this thread?

And if you don't already know it, the prime targets for Net Geeks and wannabe doms are firstly female -> and subs -> and inexperienced newbies -> and young! You're all of them so don't be in such a rush to believe doms just because they can tell you what you wanna hear. Expect a stack of wankers to write you, and some are quite good at "talking the talk", but be aware that a very small percentage will be genuine, too! You trust your own instincts about anyone you meet (that voice in the back of your mind and uneasiness in the pit of your stomach that tells you to run is your instincts *warning you*!!!).

For now, stick around and read the Boards here - you'll learn a lot! Especially take note of what most fem/subs have to say on particular topics - including *this* thread. You can learn from other's experiences but sometimes you also need to stick your own finger in the flame, too! Moving interstate and throwing yourself at a stranger's feet etc was *NOT* good advice - unless he's a member of some predator's guild!

I wish you well....

Focus.

quote:

what do you think i should do? because he's been a friend for awhile and if i take his name off my profile like someone who did he will get mad and ignore and won't ever speak to me again.

quote:

ORIGINAL: candystripper

8. The compatibility of May/December matches cannot be denied

quote:

ORIGINAL: arithea

to everyone i know i haven't replied as of recently, but i was just in the hospital and right now i am trying to get some rest as much as possible. i promise to soon get back to you all as soon as i can.

thanks!
arithea

Starting your own thread doesn't obligate you to answer every reply, k? It's a public discussion Forum for anyone to offer an opinion and a good Net lesson for is not to become a slave to your own keyboard. Hell, that yousta happen to me when I first started and it *sucks*! lol

Get well soon and *don't* run off to be with a stranger you think you know! I wish you well....

Focus.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Webmaster60

quote:

i am under a protection of a Master and i think i am really liking this Master but he lives in another state as do i live in another state and i don't know if i could really move from my home state to be with him, but i so badly starting to really like this Master and i don't know how to tell him that i am really starting to like this Master.

girl

Life is short. Period. I'm not much of "on line" relationships, but if you think you've found THAT Master. The one that fires your belly.. Damn his age, and damn the distance.. You need to crawl to him and beg it. IF.. I say "if" he's the ONE.. do to him.. Meet him.. when you're at his feet, looking up at him.. you'll know. and hey, it may not "be". and if not, you've lost nothing in the trying. But if it IS..
well.... there you go.

quote:

Moving interstate and throwing yourself at a stranger's feet etc was *NOT* good advice - unless he's a member of some predator's guild!

quote:

girl

Life is short. Period. I'm not much of "on line" relationships, but if you think you've found THAT Master. The one that fires your belly.. Damn his age, and damn the distance.. You need to crawl to him and beg it. IF.. I say "if" he's the ONE.. do to him.. Meet him.. when you're at his feet, looking up at him.. you'll know. and hey, it may not "be". and if not, you've lost nothing in the trying. But if it IS..
well.... there you go.

quote:

The reality is that you probably jumped into this too fast with blinders of fantasy on, and now true character is coming out, including all the lovely manipulations and forms of insecurities that can be played on you to keep you unbalanced.

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If you still want to make it work, you both need to talk more. He needs to be consistent and he needs to understand that this method is simply fostering more insecurity, not stability. If his response is to again get angry, or to call you a bad slave, or to use some other tactic to try and make it your fault rather than a relationship issue on both sides...that says something about his ability to really work through issues.

quote:

Think about your lives right now- everything was awesome just a little while ago. I bet nothing seriously wrong is going on. What would happen if something REALLY happened in your life? Could you really trust things to make it through?

quote:

ORIGINAL: arithea

Focus,

well i just changed my profile to say that all requests to pm me are to go through him. so i pretty much took off everything else of the whole e-mail barrier thing. i think that should do it okay. but honestly i don't know what to think of him any more. it seems more and more lately he just keeps getting mad at me and i am starting to take every thought i had. maybe i just saw him as a friend and didn't think of it and was jumping the gun....

well i thought it over and realized that the e-mail barrier was harsh... but the pm thing should be okay right?

i don't know if he is a member here or if he is even reading this thread he hasn't mentioned it or anything, but like i said lately after this thread got started he has been getting mad saying i am doing this or that. he has said that i am saying things that i know that i am not saying at all but i just shut my mouth and say yes Master Tristan it won't happen again ( type of thing you know? )

i get so confused though because sometimes i don't even know who i am or what i want because i can't tell if i am a kajira or just a sub and i so want to find out. because inside of me there are times that i knwo i won't want to do something you know? i know kajiras feel the same way too but they do it but they have also said no and learned the hard way with getting punished becasue their already owned you know?

lol i found your last words funny....

quote:

Moving interstate and throwing yourself at a stranger's feet etc was *NOT* good advice - unless he's a member of some predator's guild!

lol

thank you i enjoy hearing from you and getting a lot of good advice.

I'm a little confused at what it is you've changed in your profile. Obviously I'm not gonna remember all that I read there a few weeks ago but the "barrier" I referred to is still there. Indeed, considering it's supposed to be YOUR profile, that barrier is *all* that's there....

If you go back to page one of this thread and re-read my first post, you'll see my reference and what I think of being directed through a third party dom in order to contact a sub.... In short, I just wouldn't waste my time with such nonsense and I'd find someone else to write to....

As to what to make of his actions, there's a little formula for helping solve mysteries. I'm not sure of the spelling (neither is the Net) or the exact wording but Okham's Razor more or less states that "all things being equal, the simplest, most obvious explanation will be the solution".

And I'd say the most obvious explanation is that he's using the guise of "protector" not to shield you from the obnoxious etc but to shield you from every other dom except himself. In other words, it's for *his* benefit and not yours! And he's now pissed because you've been talking to "outsiders", thus threatening his exclusivity. This is no more the actions of one who genuinely cares for you than having a stalker say the same thing - it's NOT healthy, especially for YOU! And considering he's not pushing to meet, I'd also theorise that he's married or at least committed and he uses you as his fantasy outlet. And since you're not catering to HIS needs as he'd like, that's more reason for him to be pissed. Your relationship with him is solely about his needs and he doesn't need r/l. Mind you, I'd wager if you pushed it, I'm sure he could arrange a quiet day or weekend but don't expect a proper relationship - he already has that!

Revisit your own profile and get rid of the barrier. I'm sure I'm not the only Dom who rolls his eyes and exits anytime a sub is directing me to a "protector" first. Your profile should be mostly about *YOU*! If you're not sure what to say, spend some time looking at other fem/sub profiles here and you'll soon get enough ideas to write something that suits *you*. And you'll also discover there are many subs twice your age who have little D/s experience like yourself, but are worldly enough to deal with geeks without the dubious need for a "protector"! A genuine protector will encourage you with others, not get pissed because you're talking to them.... You're better off without him!

Good luck.

Focus.

quote:

Rose4u

yes he had a girl under his protection and training and for some reason she took it off her profile and he got mad at her and kicked her out of his chatroom on collarme.