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Finding subs - 9/5/2008 5:27:03 AM   
MsStarlett


Posts: 1879
Joined: 12/23/2007
Status: offline 		Ya know... it seems like there are SO many threads here about how difficult it is for a male sub to find a FemDom.  Yes, on this site, there seem to be a hundred males for every Female. 

But does that hold true in the 'real world'?  It just seems that everyone I know is a Dominant.  Male or Female.  I've only been to a couple of Lifestyle events... but it seemed like everyone I ran into was Dom or at least a Top.   When I went to FroliCon, I was whining that I was looking for a nice pain slut in the consuite.  The resounding answer from the group was "Aren't we All?"  *shrug* 

This weekend, I was at Dragon - A science fiction / media - convention and realized that every single one of my friends, even those who used to be my play partners, are now claiming to be Doms or at least are a great deal less shy and submissive.  I often wonder if it's just a case of 'birds of a feather' or that subs are by nature less aggressive when approaching people and tend to get over looked... or are they actually more rare than one is lead to beleive on internet sites?

OR - is it just a case that there are still a much larger percentage of Males on Adult sites than Females of any orientation?

Things that make me go "Hmmmmmmm....."


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RE: Finding subs - 9/5/2008 5:42:26 AM   
ShiftedJewel


Posts: 2492
Joined: 12/2/2004
Status: offline 		I don't know, maybe I'm honestly too jaded. Yeah, there are lots of male subs on this site, it's just that it seems that the largest part of their numbers are only submissive online and just won't take it to real life. So yeah, in real life they are hard to find when looking in real time venues.
 
Jewel

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RE: Finding subs - 9/5/2008 5:45:54 AM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		I find the same. The vast majority of sub types I have known are either partnered or have decided they werent sub anymore. Finding new ones anywhere but online is difficult at best. I owe it to the resounding issue of male subs being embarassed about their submission and not necessarily wanting to admit to it. Even those who supposedly "need and want" it do not want to own up to it face to face for fear of rejection and ridicule.

DV


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I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to ShiftedJewel)
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RE: Finding subs - 9/5/2008 5:46:55 AM   
Dnomyar


Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		I like it when someone Hummmmmmmmmmms me. I don't see where there is a shortage of women on here. I guess it depends on the area you are in.

(in reply to ShiftedJewel)
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RE: Finding subs - 9/5/2008 6:27:51 AM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline 		The difficulty in finding a good match is the same regardless of your role I think.

The raw numbers of potentials may vary ultimately the number of people who will make a good partner for you is dependent on what you are looking for.

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TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to MsStarlett)
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RE: Finding subs - 9/5/2008 6:31:39 AM   
IamElise


Posts: 40
Joined: 8/23/2008
Status: offline 		I agree with TheTammyJo. It's a match that's difficult.

(in reply to thetammyjo)
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RE: Finding subs - 9/5/2008 6:36:47 AM   
malloves69


Posts: 913
Joined: 9/15/2006
Status: offline 		love being a sub to a woman  it can be lots of fun i think and submitting to a woman i think i found my calling  the power of the pussy is a amazing thing and she has it and men dont  would love a 24/7 thing now but i take whatever time my mistress gives me   mal

(in reply to IamElise)
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RE: Finding subs - 9/5/2008 7:12:29 AM   
Dnomyar


Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		mal if you were getting it 24/7 you would not have the strength to be typing on here. Now if  I could quit wearing women out you would see more of them posting on here.

(in reply to malloves69)
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RE: Finding subs - 9/5/2008 7:26:58 AM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		Finding compatible people that are close by is difficult.  A local lady tried to start a singles group a few years back, and as a female dominant, we can guess what her intentions were.  :)  It was successful for awhile, but in the end, we were left with this core group of old timers who knew for sure that whatever we wanted, it wasn't each other!   

I've been hearing from men who are just not sure WHAT they are, and I have to say that I feel sorry for them.  Back in dinosaur days, there wasn't this mad pressure to fit into one box or another, we could get out and try all sorts of actvities and permutations to see what fit.  And if it ALL fit, all to the good!  I am one of the many who who is maddened by men who approach saying they are submissive, but prove to be bedroom bottoms at best.  Why can't they just be up front about it?  Maybe they don't know any better! 

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RE: Finding subs - 9/5/2008 7:38:43 AM   
RichieB


Posts: 87
Joined: 8/30/2008
Status: offline 		I've been a sub to the same femdom for many years and she has introduced and shared me with a few other femdoms over the years.

Yes, the area you live in makes a differance...



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RE: Finding subs - 9/5/2008 8:51:05 AM   
Dnomyar


Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		LadyH how could anyone not want you.

(in reply to RichieB)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Finding subs - 9/5/2008 10:11:45 AM   
Dusty15


Posts: 50
Joined: 12/23/2005
Status: offline 		Ma'am I read your post  and it seems like you have a lot of knowledge and wisdom. This boy would like to ask a question of you. I was in training to a very good Mistress but that was all just training and nothing sexual. So my question is how can a person with my training not even get a responce back from a Mistress on here when you look at her profile and see that you could meet her needs. Why is that.
slave david

(in reply to ShiftedJewel)
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RE: Finding subs - 9/5/2008 10:35:40 AM   
CallaFirestormBW


Posts: 3651
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline 		I know that even looking for play-partners is challenging. I'm just going on with life, and sort of casually looking. I think I've passed the point where I'm actively seeking anything. I've got a good companion, and having a boy or two would rock, but frankly, I'm not willing to be all spastic about it.

What I -am- spastic about at the moment is the doggone deadline for the novel manuscript coming up in less than 2 months... hence, I'm now spending 2 days a week interviewing maid services. *smiles*

Calla Firestorm




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***
Said to me recently: "Look, I know you're the "voice of reason"... but dammit, I LIKE being unreasonable!!!!"

"Your mind is more interested in the challenge of becoming than the challenge of doing." Jon Benson, Bodybuilder/Trainer

(in reply to MsStarlett)
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RE: Finding subs - 9/5/2008 10:42:50 AM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		Jus finding subs and finding subs worth playing with or keeping is another subject all together really. I can find as many as I want some days... but nothing worth giving the time of day to.

Dusty, keep in mind just because you think you meet her needs, she doesnt have to agree.

DV


_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to Dnomyar)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Finding subs - 9/5/2008 10:52:10 AM   
Dnomyar


Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		Mmmm DV on your proverb. Do you even have to change your mind to know that you still have one. Chinese Proverbs have to many flaws in them.

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Finding subs - 9/5/2008 10:59:55 AM   
zakkan


Posts: 606
Joined: 4/15/2008
Status: offline 		It gets harder if you live in a country so small it takes just 3 hours to go around it, so everyone is afraid of being recognised, so they hide their intentions, blah blah...

And where did you get that proverb? I never heard of it before.


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RE: Finding subs - 9/5/2008 11:03:05 AM   
bobipanti


Posts: 87
Joined: 9/29/2005
Status: offline 		I love being a submissive TG; just wish I could find that perfect Domme to serve and worship. Thus as others have stated----the match is what is difficult.

(in reply to MsStarlett)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Finding subs - 9/5/2008 12:24:12 PM   
termsservice


Posts: 1
Joined: 8/20/2008
Status: offline 		Maybe subs are a dime a dozen but good subs are hard to find? As to attending events, maybe they are waiting for someone to give them permission.

After much soul searching I have decided I am not submissive any more; I simply want a powerful woman to order me to dominate her laundry and top the clutter in the family room. Afterward I will mercilessly massage her feet until she uses her safeword: "Go freshen up my drink."

(in reply to MsStarlett)
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RE: Finding subs - 9/5/2008 12:33:20 PM   
TermsConditions


Posts: 446
Joined: 11/13/2007
Status: offline 		oops, outed my new username before I was really ready.

---------------------------------------------------
tos 
Married, Novice Subbish-Type Person

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RE: Finding subs - 9/5/2008 1:14:52 PM   
aidan


Posts: 904
Joined: 5/28/2005
Status: offline 		The whole thing about it being hard for subs to find Dommes has never really held true for me. I never had a lot of trouble finding play-partners. And for most Dommes I know, they don't have trouble finding subs who are willing to play either.

Finding a mate, though...well, I can't even say that was tough. I was only 19 when Mistress and I met. But still, I know I'm the exception that proves the rule, so to speak. Finding a long-term relationship is the real trick and it's hard for everyone.

I honestly don't know about your situation Ms. Starlett. Could just be a fluke in the numbers, or the kinds of personalities you're drawn to for friends and companions.


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-Mal Reynolds

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