Does anyone else not feel submissive after orgasm?

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

Does anyone else not feel submissive after orgasm?

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Does anyone else not feel submissive after orgasm?

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

Does anyone else not feel submissive after orgasm? - 9/5/2008 12:11:48 PM

submale26uk

Posts: 5
Joined: 9/3/2008
Status: offline

I might get a bit of stick for saying this but i'm just being honest.

I feel hugely turned on by dominant women and aroused by them yet after orgasm I kind of regret it and feel a bit unhappy.

Obv if I never orgasmed I would be submissive 24/7, but as this is not possible at the minute, i'm feeling a bit confused.

DO all submissives feel this way or is it just me?

thanks

Post #: 1

RE: Does anyone else not feel submissive after orgasm? - 9/5/2008 12:15:01 PM

SingleRarity

Posts: 320
Joined: 9/13/2006
Status: offline

I feel more submissive after an orgasm, because my Daddy has just given me such joy. Until you work this issue out, you may want to stick to a pro-domme. Then again there may me a Domme out there who could into that??Maybe?

Daddy's Ballerina, e

< Message edited by SingleRarity -- 9/5/2008 12:17:03 PM >

(in reply to submale26uk)

Post #: 2

RE: Does anyone else not feel submissive after orgasm? - 9/5/2008 12:18:23 PM

submale26uk

Posts: 5
Joined: 9/3/2008
Status: offline

Fair enough,

Perhaps it's more of a male thing?

(in reply to SingleRarity)

Post #: 3

RE: Does anyone else not feel submissive after orgasm? - 9/5/2008 12:29:55 PM

OttersSwim

Posts: 2860
Joined: 9/1/2008
Status: offline

I wonder if it has to do with testosterone release after climax...but I don't know what the exact chemistry of it all is...

I used to feel that way, but over time it has faded away.

Either way, I think that you have stumbled on a very important part of submission - submitting and being submissive even when you do not feel like it. :)

< Message edited by OttersSwim -- 9/5/2008 12:30:19 PM >

(in reply to submale26uk)

Post #: 4

RE: Does anyone else not feel submissive after orgasm? - 9/5/2008 12:31:46 PM

WinsomeDefiance

Posts: 6719
Joined: 8/7/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: submale26uk

I might get a bit of stick for saying this but i'm just being honest.

I feel hugely turned on by dominant women and aroused by them yet after orgasm I kind of regret it and feel a bit unhappy.

Obv if I never orgasmed I would be submissive 24/7, but as this is not possible at the minute, i'm feeling a bit confused.

DO all submissives feel this way or is it just me?

thanks

Hello submale26uk,

No, ALL submissives do not feel that way - however, I'm certain it is highly unlikely that you are alone in this!

Once upon a time, I did quite a bit of topping and even trained as a Professional Dom. I have noted on several occaisions that some men who were wildly submissive during abstinence, seemed to get something of an attitude once they were allowed to orgasm. Since I am not Dominant but a Top, and rarely that these days, someone who identitfies as a Dominant, or perhaps another male submissive, might have some insight as to why this is - I'm afraid I have no answers for you.

Perhaps there's some internal angst taking place as you experience things and come to terms with who you are and what you desire - which might be in contrast to what you have been told you should be and should desire? Again, I'm not a male submissive, and I'm not even a Dominant so I can't really know for certain - only guess at things from a female submissives perspective.

I won't get into my whole theory on Fetishist vs Submissive, because that would probably just confuse the issue more for you and I wouldn't want to do that. But, I have talked to male fetishist who submitted only as a means to acquire their fetish fix and once that was achieved the driving motivation to submit was gone. Many even expressed some regret over what they did, and why they did it - afterwards. I'm not saying this has anything to do with what you described, it just came to mind when I was posting a response to your original post.

< Message edited by WinsomeDefiance -- 9/5/2008 12:41:48 PM >

(in reply to submale26uk)

Post #: 5

RE: Does anyone else not feel submissive after orgasm? - 9/5/2008 12:49:39 PM

DomDolf

Posts: 363
Joined: 7/11/2008
Status: offline

A man will often put themselves in situations to get what they want. They may resort to being with someone that they know they shouldn't be, like an ex that will take their attention to mean they are interested in rekindling the relationship. After the activity they feel guilty or sad. I have always referred to this as a testosterone induced f*** up. When I read your post I had mixed feelings on why this might occur. Is it T.I.F.U or is it a scening related situation within your psychology? Sometimes submissives need some very direct and focused aftercare to keep from falling into a sort of depression. A dominant must recognize when this is needed and be able to determine, with the submissive, what aftercare is appropriate.

Dolf

(in reply to WinsomeDefiance)

Post #: 6

RE: Does anyone else not feel submissive after orgasm? - 9/5/2008 2:57:31 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

I actually feel more submissive after an orgasm. I want to please him even more. I want to do everything in my power to make sure he's even more satisfied than I am. I guess you could say I feel a little guilty afterwards because I feel as if my own desires came before his.

(in reply to DomDolf)

Post #: 7

RE: Does anyone else not feel submissive after orgasm? - 9/5/2008 2:58:48 PM

Lynnxz

Posts: 4813
Joined: 10/3/2006
From: Atlanta
Status: offline

Do you think it might be linked to the same thing that makes the guy roll over and go to sleep? Could just be a chemical thing I suppose.

_____________________________

HBIC

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 8

RE: Does anyone else not feel submissive after orgasm? - 9/5/2008 3:02:03 PM

faerytattoodgirl

Posts: 5824
Status: offline

sex has nothing to do with me being submissive...i am a sub because it is a natural trait. as it should be. it should have nothing to do with sex at all.

_____________________________

I did not reply to your cmail.

I am flawed.

Imperfect.

MUST SPANK!!!

SPAAAAAAAANK!!!

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 9

RE: Does anyone else not feel submissive after orgasm? - 9/5/2008 6:17:57 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

From what I read, it's mainly male subs who feel like this. Which is why male subs are frequently kept in chastity, so they can learn to focus on submitting more.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to faerytattoodgirl)

Post #: 10

RE: Does anyone else not feel submissive after orgasm? - 9/5/2008 6:42:53 PM

Gorgias

Posts: 41
Joined: 10/31/2007
Status: offline

I do often feel less submissive after orgasming, but I stopped feeling unhappy and depressed afterwards awhile ago.

My advice would be to try to incorporate chastity into your play, to keep you aroused most of the time. Your guilt or whatever it is after orgasm should go away once you've spent enough time doing this.

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 11

RE: Does anyone else not feel submissive after orgasm? - 9/5/2008 7:02:33 PM

Racquelle

Posts: 600
Joined: 4/21/2008
Status: offline

For many men their notion of personal power is so closely linked to that "throbbing rod of steel" they are packing that its hard to divorce the two notions. Really, it's a double edged sword - we have to all kind of buy the notion of sex as power for us to engage in the power play that is a common component of what we do. (Yes, yes, yes - 42 responders will feel compelled to tell me that "what we do" has nothing to do with sex - blah, blah, blah. LOL.) I am not a switch, but I am not always compelled to engage in sexual dominance - sometimes I just fuck. Recently I had a lover declare "I feel sooo powerful" after having just eaten me until I came, and another one who said "this makes me feel so powerful" as I had my hand up his ass and milked his prostate. I was thinking "WTF?" One man's dominance is another's submission, and it just goes to show, it really isn't the specific act itself that is submissive or dominant, but in how we play it, and how we feel about it.

So, to the OP, if you want to feel more submissive about your orgasms, that's something for you to meditate on and work on with your Master or Mistress. As with many things, we have almost an infinite power to change our mindsets and attitudes. Good luck.

< Message edited by Racquelle -- 9/5/2008 7:55:37 PM >

(in reply to Gorgias)

Post #: 12

RE: Does anyone else not feel submissive after orgasm? - 9/5/2008 7:52:37 PM

MaamJay

Posts: 2101
Joined: 9/2/2005
Status: offline

As a Domme who has played with a number of male subs over the years, I can assure the OP he is not alone! The majority of them initially respond this way. That the female respondents here have said they feel MORE sub after orgasm highlights what seems to be a common gender difference. Which is what makes controlling a female sub different from controlling a male sub (I'll play with either).

From My experience (and I'm not saying this as an absolute for all), male subs seem to be much more sexually motivated than do female subs, or to put it more crudely, with fem subs it's all in the big head ... with males it's all in the little head! Therefore males are inclined to be very submissive and willing to do almost anything (they tend to take bigger risks with themselves than fems do) ... until they get off ... and then the change is sudden and profound! It's literally like turning off a light or pushing a different button. The face, the demeanour changes and no longer do I see the eager willing sub "boy" ... but a man with attitudes of either "get me outta here!" or at best, "ok so what is it i have to do for Her now as the payoff?" It's why chastity, or tease and deny and keep him waiting till the very end of the session, is so popular with female Dommes and male subs. It's also why Dommes can end up feeling very used by some male subs, and why so many hate seeing boys approach them with "laundry lists" of things they want the Domme to do. I don't know too many Dommes who don't enjoy the aftermath of play, so having a guy look embarrassed and cut and run isn't good! Neither is receiving grudging service.

Now before everyone jumps on Me with denials, let Me add this ... it doesn't have to stay that way. Again, in My experience, as a male sub becomes more experienced and more mature about his submission, and also learns more about it in his big head (as in researches, thinks, becomes self-reflective) ... his submission becomes less sexually driven and more intellect and heart-driven. It deepens and matures, and he becomes more ready, willing and capable of submitting beyond sex and beyond only doing what he wants, as OttersSwim mentioned. Of course, this also depends on this being inspired in him and drawn out of him by an ongoing relationship with a Domme, whom he comes to trust and desires to please. Over time his ego can be put aside and pleasing Her becomes all-important to him because he trusts that in pleasing Her, his needs will be met. The key is for the male sub to be open to this process occurring, not close-minded to it. It's not inevitable, it has to be worked at in order to achieve it, but I am assured by male subs who now feel this way, the pay off is so much greater. And it's what most lifestyle Dommes (at least judging from the posters here) are seeking to find.

Maam Jay aka violet[A]

_____________________________

Life is a song ... and I love singing it! (By me!)

(in reply to Racquelle)

Post #: 13

RE: Does anyone else not feel submissive after orgasm? - 9/5/2008 11:25:19 PM

pompeii

Posts: 934
Joined: 1/4/2007
From: Silicon Valley, San Jose, California
Status: offline

Funny, I don't feel all that Dominant after orgasm. Witness one of my first tell-me-why threads on collarme, way back when on 10/22/2007 when I asked ...
Is it just me or do we all lose our erotic creativity after orgasm? (http://www.collarchat.com/m_1363392/mpage_1/tm.htm).

(in reply to MaamJay)

Post #: 14

RE: Does anyone else not feel submissive after orgasm? - 9/6/2008 4:40:16 AM

malloves69

Posts: 913
Joined: 9/15/2006
Status: offline

for me it depends on how my mistress gets me to cum

when she milks my prostate with her fingers while fisting me anally i feel very submissive after i cum because its her assault on my prostate with her fingers thats doing it to me

i couldnt stop her from making me cum no matter how hard i try so once shes inside of me my prostate is at her mercy until i cum no more

she loves the control very much while doing so and while i am cumming its very different from when she allows me to cum inside of her while making love to her

usually her doggy style is golden for me as her pussy is massaging my cock she is massaging my balls and after a period of time i get very sensitive and i cum inside of her

both ways that she gets me to cum she always feeds me back my cum she has trained me well to clean up the mess i made

cumming inside of her i feel less submissive but oh it feels oh so good to do so and our cums mixed together taste good i must say

see she squirts too and i usually have alot to lick up

saw her 2 times this week tuesday she milked my prostate

ahh but friday she allowed me to cum inside of her

life is good and i still have that after glow thing working quite nicely thank you

yes she fisted me like 6 times this week so my ass is happy too

have fun ..enjoy mal

(in reply to pompeii)

Post #: 15

RE: Does anyone else not feel submissive after orgasm? - 9/6/2008 4:45:55 AM

simpleplan2

Posts: 461
Joined: 7/5/2008
Status: offline

I don't feel particularly submissive after orgasm and I'm not a guy. I just feel tired so I pretty much go to sleep. But then again, I don't worry about it either

(in reply to submale26uk)

Post #: 16

RE: Does anyone else not feel submissive after orgasm? - 9/6/2008 5:27:51 AM

Level

Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: submale26uk

I might get a bit of stick for saying this but i'm just being honest.

I feel hugely turned on by dominant women and aroused by them yet after orgasm I kind of regret it and feel a bit unhappy.

Obv if I never orgasmed I would be submissive 24/7, but as this is not possible at the minute, i'm feeling a bit confused.

DO all submissives feel this way or is it just me?

thanks

You may be "just" a bottom, then. Nothing wrong with that.

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to submale26uk)

Post #: 17

RE: Does anyone else not feel submissive after orgasm? - 9/6/2008 6:38:55 AM

kallisto

Posts: 1185
Status: offline

I feel most submissive after an orgasm. It's a time when I've given Him everything I have. It's just one part of the relationship.

(in reply to Level)

Post #: 18

RE: Does anyone else not feel submissive after orgasm? - 9/6/2008 7:23:27 AM

TreasureKY

Posts: 3032
Joined: 4/10/2007
From: Kentucky
Status: offline

Fast Reply...

*shrugs* Personally, I would think it's just a matter of being satisfied. The idea of submission gets you hot and bothered... once you've been sexually satisfied, it isn't as appealing for the moment.

Sort of like hunger... when you're really hungry, that feast spread out on the table has your mouth watering and your stomach growling. That same feast wouldn't be as appetizing to you if you'd just finished a big meal and weren't the least bit hungry.

(in reply to kallisto)

Post #: 19

RE: Does anyone else not feel submissive after orgasm? - 9/6/2008 11:28:27 AM

ThundersCry

Posts: 892
Status: offline

I usually *feel* like a smoke and a candy barand a pepsi on ice....after I push her ass outta bed if thats where we are at...to go get `em

Ok...listen...your not the only one who ever felt that way....its...ok

(in reply to submale26uk)

Post #: 20

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Does anyone else not feel submissive after orgasm?

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.109