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RE: Committed D/s relationships and playing with others - 9/9/2008 6:47:30 PM   
LATEXBABY64


Posts: 2107
Joined: 4/8/2004
Status: offline 		which part of culture are you refering too  arabic,  asian, middle europe  

all are different all have their concepts and ideals but the thing of it is in history 
why has it always been one king one queen  hummm   in ever rule of some kind 
why is this so  unless your arabic   which they never seem to know  So
where do you think one on one relationshiips make for commited ties  why ruling class sets to high of standard  what is the inflection they seem to have on the masses must be a reason hummm  would say because it the right path   

after all we are not animals well some may not be  lol but it is ok divorce court suits some 

  come on take the money and run ( steve miller band)

(in reply to thetammyjo)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Committed D/s relationships and playing with others - 9/10/2008 9:53:16 AM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LATEXBABY64

which part of culture are you refering too  arabic,  asian, middle europe  

all are different all have their concepts and ideals but the thing of it is in history 
why has it always been one king one queen  hummm   in ever rule of some kind 
why is this so  unless your arabic   which they never seem to know  So
where do you think one on one relationshiips make for commited ties  why ruling class sets to high of standard  what is the inflection they seem to have on the masses must be a reason hummm  would say because it the right path   

after all we are not animals well some may not be  lol but it is ok divorce court suits some 

  come on take the money and run ( steve miller band)


I'm talking about all human cultures -- I'm a historian, while I a specialized field I know about the entire world to a good degree because I have to teach it and understand it.

All of them at one time or another have recognized multiple partners as legitimate partner -- offspring are a different matter but then you get into the question of who has citizenship rights. Individual political, social or legal rights of various partners might differ as well.

You didn't answer our most important question to you however.

How does someone else being poly affect you? In complete honesty, how can it affect you?

< Message edited by thetammyjo -- 9/10/2008 9:58:51 AM >

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(in reply to LATEXBABY64)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Committed D/s relationships and playing with others - 9/10/2008 11:22:44 AM   
RealSub58


Posts: 1073
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: pinnipedster
Just a question for those of you in what you consider to be committed D/s relationships: 
It's amazing how we read someone's post differently than someone else. I don't like this, cause it is interjecting a judgment from your angle on commitment.  But then, we are all permitted judgments.

For your curiosity, in regards to Sir and myself....
What are your rules for "playing" outside of the relationship? 
Rules of play with others comes from him and he bases that on criteria 1) do they respect our relationship 2) are they willing to obey only Sir  3) am I ready  4) will it hurt me emotionally  5) does the other person (usually a male sub) have hidden motives  6) are they safe     

Does the Dominant always get to do whatever s/he wants, while the sub remains exclusive? 
Since we are committed, neither one of us are exclusive when it comes to playing with another.  I can suggest.  He weighs my response. It is a together experience.

Or are there limits to even how far the Dominant can go in this respect? 
Since we did committ to each other, the honesty, openness and trust would be violated if either of us thought or would act as if the other were not attached.  My limits are set by him.  His limits are kept in balance by his own values and morals.  

Are some subs not only allowed but sometimes required to serve others, sexually or otherwise? 
Because my womanhood and submission is more important to him,
I am never required to serve or be served if he knows I have reservations, covert or overtly.  He is extremely talented at reading my emotions, expressions and behaviour.

And who made the rules? 
From the beginning, he makes the rules.
 
Did the Dominant partner just decree how it would be, and the sub had the choice of accepting that or moving on? 
Because our relationship is different than the ones each of us had before,  his respect for each sub removes himself from "decreeing."
I will always have the choice, as does he to continue or move on.

Or was it something negotiated between you?
Our D/s is a partnership.  No D without the s and vice versa.  Sometimes "negotiations" just happen.  For example:  he cooks, I am the designated dishwasher;   I initiate or respond to his questions, but he makes the final choice on who we play with,
 if at all.

The playmate leaves.  We remain together. We have never played with the same one twice.   



(in reply to pinnipedster)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Committed D/s relationships and playing with others - 9/10/2008 11:46:03 AM   
LATEXBABY64


Posts: 2107
Joined: 4/8/2004
Status: offline 		your right i should answer that cause it does on a lot of levels.  It ties up our courts system when they split  Increased cost of health care cause no one can figure out what coverage they may have or not. unfair taxing on the couples that are monogo
cause they are not supporting a herd just each other so they have to pay more to cover your cost of living   it can go on and on and on  there are alot of ways i can come up with a bunch more  why social and ecomnically it is not a good idea

it is just kink run a muk remeber this concept was tried in the 60s yep

(in reply to thetammyjo)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Committed D/s relationships and playing with others - 9/10/2008 12:11:52 PM   
CallaFirestormBW


Posts: 3651
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LATEXBABY64

your right i should answer that cause it does on a lot of levels.  It ties up our courts system when they split  Increased cost of health care cause no one can figure out what coverage they may have or not. unfair taxing on the couples that are monogo
cause they are not supporting a herd just each other so they have to pay more to cover your cost of living   it can go on and on and on  there are alot of ways i can come up with a bunch more  why social and ecomnically it is not a good idea

it is just kink run a muk remeber this concept was tried in the 60s yep



(1) Divorce of monogamous couples ties up the family courts. Most poly households that separate do so with no involvement of the courts at all. For those who have legal contracts, those contracts are typically written to be annulled without requiring a law-suit. In 30 years of pastoral care counseling for relationships, even with a -specialization- in alternative relationships, less than 20% of my clients have 'tied up' my services in relation to polyfideletous relationships. 80% of my clients have been in monogamous marriages.

(2) Health care issues have nothing to do with polyfidelity or monogamy. Premiums are not based on marital or relationships status -- they are based on the overall 'health' of the insured population, as determined by the underwriting group. There is absolutely NO research (after a concerted search of PubMED) indicating that polyfideletous households make more use of regularly insured medical care OR state-provided care like Medicaid or Medicare. Premiums are determined by single, married/partnered and family status. Therefore, this argument is completely spurious.

(3) Monogamous married couples get a -tax break- that is completely unfair to single individuals. Most poly households have multiple working adults, all of whom are being taxed at the (higher) single rate, since we cannot be legally married. There is less tax burden on society for a poly family with 5 working adults and 10 kids than there is a monogamously married couple with one working adult and 3 children! Again, a totally spurious argument.

Oh, and BTW -- several of the poly households started in the 60s are still happily together.

Calla Firestorm



< Message edited by CallaFirestormBW -- 9/10/2008 12:13:15 PM >

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(in reply to LATEXBABY64)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Committed D/s relationships and playing with others - 9/10/2008 12:54:59 PM   
susie


Posts: 1699
Joined: 11/21/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LATEXBABY64

which part of culture are you refering too  arabic,  asian, middle europe  

all are different all have their concepts and ideals but the thing of it is in history 
why has it always been one king one queen  hummm   in ever rule of some kind 
why is this so  unless your arabic   which they never seem to know  So
where do you think one on one relationshiips make for commited ties  why ruling class sets to high of standard  what is the inflection they seem to have on the masses must be a reason hummm  would say because it the right path   

after all we are not animals well some may not be  lol but it is ok divorce court suits some 

come on take the money and run ( steve miller band)


Perhaps you should take a closer look at history. We have had many Kings and Queens ruling this country and I am pretty sure that not one of those Kings maintained a monogamous relationship. Most of the "upper classes" in our history had many lovers outside of marriage. It was the accepted norm.

I know from past posts that you have an issue with non monogamous relationships. I understand that it would not work for you but it does for others. My Master plays and has sex with other women. It is something that was agreed between us. I know when he is meeting other people and nothing is hidden. He does not allow me to meet or play with others and that is also something that was agreed at the start of the relationship. It is not cheating as nothing is hidden.

You do not want anyone forcing you to change what you want from a relationship and you should not try to force others to your way.

My relationship works perfectly and I would not change it for anything.

(in reply to LATEXBABY64)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Committed D/s relationships and playing with others - 9/10/2008 3:21:48 PM   
leakylee


Posts: 747
Joined: 7/2/2004
Status: offline 		Sir is poly and doesnt have much use for monogamy, but then niether do i. i truly have no wish to be within a 100% exclusive relationship. i openly and joyfully play at any parties or at the club here locally, and there is really only one other person that i have any interest in being intimate with. both have full knowledge.

lee

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(in reply to pinnipedster)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Committed D/s relationships and playing with others - 9/10/2008 4:11:39 PM   
MmeGigs


Posts: 706
Joined: 1/26/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LATEXBABY64
there are alot of ways i can come up with a bunch more  why social and ecomnically it is not a good idea


You're going to have to do a lot better than you've done so far.  Your arguments make no sense, as Calla Firestorm explained. 
You apparently aren't aware that there has been renewed interest in communal living in the US these days.  There are quite a few people out there who are opting for multi-family or multi-generational living exactly because it is a great idea socially and economically. 

You haven't answered the question that Tammy Jo asked.  How does someone else being poly affect you?   In your response to my post on 9/9, you said "only when your wrong intereferes with my right do we have a problem."  How does my open relationship with my hubby interfere with you? 

To quote you, "what may be good for one maybe not good for the whole  vise versa"  Why do you think we're wrong and you're right? 

(in reply to LATEXBABY64)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Committed D/s relationships and playing with others - 9/10/2008 7:53:00 PM   
NihilusZero


Posts: 4036
Joined: 9/10/2008
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		Such topics as these must always rest on the realization that the concept of "cheating" does not exist in an objective sense. Each relationships decides/sets the parameters that do or do not qualify as "cheating". 

_____________________________

"I know it's all a game
I know they're all insane
I know it's all in vain
I know that I'm to blame."
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(in reply to Prinsexx)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Committed D/s relationships and playing with others - 9/11/2008 6:11:11 AM   
LATEXBABY64


Posts: 2107
Joined: 4/8/2004
Status: offline 		why do you get retro politcal on things  this has nothing to do with me just case history  you can see both sides of this if you stand non objectively  instead of taking a typical liberial stance try taking a why approch more investigative  you might see something did not before shrugs  but thats ok :)

(in reply to susie)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Committed D/s relationships and playing with others - 9/11/2008 6:14:49 AM   
LATEXBABY64


Posts: 2107
Joined: 4/8/2004
Status: offline 		great so we have reverted back to socialism  what great step forward  or four steps back which ever you want to see it    yep easy way  oh well so be it 
gots to love drama but then again great lessons are learned from repeat failures
you eventually get it one day   well some do 

(in reply to MmeGigs)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Committed D/s relationships and playing with others - 9/11/2008 7:25:48 AM   
MadRabbit


Posts: 3460
Joined: 8/9/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MmeGigs

You're going to have to do a lot better than you've done so far.  Your arguments make no sense, as Calla Firestorm explained. 


And that's because....they never have....and they never will

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(in reply to MmeGigs)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Committed D/s relationships and playing with others - 9/11/2008 11:03:12 AM   
NihilusZero


Posts: 4036
Joined: 9/10/2008
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LATEXBABY64

after all we are not animals...

Ah, the smell of human anthropomorphic narcissism in the morning...

Some seem to forget that the one differentiating aspect of ours from the rest of our animal brethren is the ability to control/create our subjective preferences...which makes the entire feeble "natural/historical" argument useless (even if it were accurate).



_____________________________

"I know it's all a game
I know they're all insane
I know it's all in vain
I know that I'm to blame."
~Siouxsie & the Banshees

NihilusZero.com

CM Sex God du Jour
CM Hall Monitor

(in reply to LATEXBABY64)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Committed D/s relationships and playing with others - 9/11/2008 11:57:57 AM   
BlackPhx


Posts: 3432
Joined: 11/8/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LATEXBABY64
why has it always been one king one queen  hummm   in ever rule of some kind 
why is this so  unless your arabic   which they never seem to know 


Ummm LB...
First Kings 11:1-3 indicates that King Solomon had 700 hundred wives and 300 hundred concubines and he wasn't the only King to do so, though I will admit the Man must have had some staying power to keep them all happy. But that is only an example, Egyptians, Romans, Africans and even South and North American Indians (some tribes) had more than one female or male as an intimate part of the family. For the right of succession only the children of the first wife might be recognized but there are very few Royal lines that do not have "bastard" children as a part of them and in fact in the past these children have been appointed Noble men, or in the line of succession where the Queen cannot produce an heir.

That argument does not hold water. In actuality in cultures where the mortality rate of children and women in child birth is high, polygamy tends to be the primary way they ensure that there is continuity in the rearing of the children and a continuance of the genes. Polygamous households are not easy, any more than monogamous ones are, but, there is always someone to lend a shoulder, an ear, to comfort or present an alternate point of view, where in a monogamous household that support is often found not in the in-laws and parents of the people involved, but in the hands of therapist, shrinks, or clergy and being outside where they can't see the dynamics on a daily basis, all too often they can only go by the 1/10 that the people involved share.

What are the statistics on a polygamous family breaking up? Not a clue as they are illegal  as far as  legal marriage is concerned in this country, but that does not stop them from occurring. For those involved in them that desire to be there, they are just as valid and happy as any monogamous relationship.

poenkitten

(in reply to LATEXBABY64)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Committed D/s relationships and playing with others - 9/11/2008 12:28:03 PM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LATEXBABY64

why do you get retro politcal on things  this has nothing to do with me just case history  you can see both sides of this if you stand non objectively  instead of taking a typical liberial stance try taking a why approch more investigative  you might see something did not before shrugs  but thats ok :)


Do you do this yourself?

Are you objective?

I don't think so, dude. I think you have been cheated on or possibly you cheated, were caught, and lost a relationship, or maybe you wanted to try poly and it just didn't work for you? As a result, you are lashing out to try and make universals so you feel somehow better about yourself.

Making universals will not change your past, they will not lessen your pain, and they certainly will not help you be objective.

There are many people out there who will tell that the things you are interested, I'm assuming one of them is latex, is wrong and they'll draw out all sorts of pseudo=science and pseudo-history and just outright lies and BS. They'd be just as wrong to do that to you as you are wrong to attack anyone who isn't monogamous.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to LATEXBABY64)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Committed D/s relationships and playing with others - 9/11/2008 7:32:56 PM   
LATEXBABY64


Posts: 2107
Joined: 4/8/2004
Status: offline 		you see you want to make it personal   I am not going there  i can but i am not 
becaues for one it is not my thread for two i have enough respect not to being typical critical of personal mistakes.  SO if you want to get into my head space you beter go back to the dsmv 5 or go back to phsyciology 101  

have a nice day :)

(in reply to thetammyjo)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Committed D/s relationships and playing with others - 9/11/2008 7:36:33 PM   
LATEXBABY64


Posts: 2107
Joined: 4/8/2004
Status: offline 		i see you want to take it to another level ok cool lets start with
north american tribes not all tribes were like that you better do a little more research  and not so much as liberal studies   

(in reply to BlackPhx)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: Committed D/s relationships and playing with others - 9/11/2008 7:52:02 PM   
Pyrrsefanie


Posts: 1222
Joined: 9/18/2007
From: NEW HAMPSHAAAAAAH!
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: pinnipedster
Just a question for those of you in what you consider to be committed D/s relationships:  What are your rules for "playing" outside of the relationship?



Everybody please forgive me for what I'm about to ask, 'cos I'm not trying to preach or say anybody is wrong or offend anyone, it's just an honest question because it confuses me...

How can you be in a "committed" relationship and play outside of it at the same time? 


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Ти саркастична, це – доля,
Ти артистична в неволі,
Ти симпатична в цій ролі,
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Profile   Post #: 58
RE: Committed D/s relationships and playing with others - 9/11/2008 8:22:23 PM   
MadRabbit


Posts: 3460
Joined: 8/9/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Pyrrsefanie

quote:

ORIGINAL: pinnipedster
Just a question for those of you in what you consider to be committed D/s relationships:  What are your rules for "playing" outside of the relationship?



Everybody please forgive me for what I'm about to ask, 'cos I'm not trying to preach or say anybody is wrong or offend anyone, it's just an honest question because it confuses me...

How can you be in a "committed" relationship and play outside of it at the same time? 



Well, can you be in a commited relationship and go and see a movie with another man?

Can you be in a committed relationship and have a drink with another man?

How about dinner?

It's not the activity itself, but rather the opinion of it.

_____________________________

Advice for New Dominants
The Unpolitically Correct Lifestyle Definitions

Obama is NOT the Messiah! He's just a VERY NAUGHTY BOY

(in reply to Pyrrsefanie)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: Committed D/s relationships and playing with others - 9/11/2008 8:24:44 PM   
Pyrrsefanie


Posts: 1222
Joined: 9/18/2007
From: NEW HAMPSHAAAAAAH!
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MadRabbit

Well, can you be in a commited relationship and go and see a movie with another man?

Can you be in a committed relationship and have a drink with another man?

How about dinner?

It's not the activity itself, but rather the opinion of it.


I still don't understand.  Going to the movies with someone when you're in a committed relationship is a lot different than indulging in BDSM activities with them outside of your own relationship.


_____________________________

Ти саркастична, це – доля,
Ти артистична в неволі,
Ти симпатична в цій ролі,
Ти синтетична до болю

Read my series, Taking Jessica, on http://www.akashaweb.com !

(in reply to MadRabbit)
Profile   Post #: 60
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