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RE: Committed D/s relationships and playing with others - 9/15/2008 6:49:05 AM   
Deliena


Posts: 623
Joined: 6/16/2007
From: Darlington, United Kingdom
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: susie

quote:

ORIGINAL: LATEXBABY64

when people take things to the extreme is when  trouble does arise   thats when  you have clash of culture. Fractions of people wanting to push a non healthy agenda on other what has past  just look at the current things in us  such as  the hot polistical topics   the uk laws are getting read to change oh boy this should be fun :)


Are you talking about the UK laws on the possession of violent pornography? If so what does that have to do with D/s relationships? I really cannot see the link.


To be fair Susie, it's almost impossible to tell what the intent of this post is as the grammar and spelling make it borderline unintelligeable, ignore the troll, the XP from the Beholder is *so* much better <snort>

(in reply to susie)
Profile   Post #: 101
RE: Committed D/s relationships and playing with others - 9/15/2008 1:18:26 PM   
silkenfire


Posts: 130
Joined: 9/27/2007
Status: offline 		Going back to some of the original ideas of this thread (I just read the whole 5+ pages and that's a lot to remember what I was going to say..)

When it comes to play outside of the relationship, I believe context is important.

For example, if there is a party of many close friends... say a birthday party... and say someone gets tied to a cross publicly and everyone takes turns giving birthday spankings -- I have a hard time considering that cheating, especially if the significant other is present. But it's all what the couple is comfortable with.

Master does not like the idea of sharing me at all. In fact, he was very wary about the idea of me even kissing my friends -- I told him very early on that kissing is a very normal hello for me with *certain* groups of my friends, and to tell me no wouldn't work. At some point along the line, I would slip up, or see someone I'm like that with and forget to have told them, etc. Master finally agreed, after much discussion and explanation and convincing that I was not going to run away with someone just because of a hug or a quick kiss that it "might be ok". So I took him to meet my friends and stay with my old roommate DieSchadenfreude, and things wound up going way past the "quick kiss" idea and into some interesting play (not sexually) that surprisingly Master did not mind. I kept turning to him to ask "are you sure this is ok".

I am one for emotional monogamy but when it comes to scening, especially public scening among friends, I've never had a problem with it. I'm very careful to watch Master's boundaries though -- I know that he has stricter boundaries than I would expect, and as we are still in our beginning stages they aren't hard boundaries and fluctuate based on the situation.

Personally, I have been in way too many vanilla relationships over the last 4 years (I've known full well that I am a masochistic submissive for 7 years.) Therefore, play parties with my friends, or mild scening with my friends, such as DieSchadenfreude, although outside of a relationship was my only release in that way. Yet, I have never lied to someone I was in a relationship with, about my tendencies and about what I was doing. I think it helped that a lot of my play outside relationships were  with a female and many men seem to think their girlfriend with another girl is hot. I'm not sure why.

In terms of within a relationship that included a D/s dynamic -- I would say my relationship now is my only real experience. As such, Master sets the rules. He does so not because he is  my Master and I follow him blindly, but because he is the one in our relationship that is averse to outside play. I do not cheat, I seek a set of rules and apply myself within them. I would be willing to attempt to not hug/kiss my friends casually if he wanted me to. The reason I convinced him otherwise was fear that I would not succeed, and I did not want to wind up having to tell him I had cheated.

Time for me to stop writing a book here... I know I had more points but this is way too long.

(in reply to Deliena)
Profile   Post #: 102
RE: Committed D/s relationships and playing with others - 9/15/2008 4:17:41 PM   
LATEXBABY64


Posts: 2107
Joined: 4/8/2004
Status: offline 		your good lol come up with that one on your own..  

(in reply to Deliena)
Profile   Post #: 103
RE: Committed D/s relationships and playing with others - 9/15/2008 5:06:54 PM   
kidwithknife


Posts: 193
Joined: 9/9/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LATEXBABY64

your good lol come up with that one on your own..  
Spaceman Spiff studies the strange creature.  It seems to be attempting some primitive form of communication.

(in reply to LATEXBABY64)
Profile   Post #: 104
RE: Committed D/s relationships and playing with others - 9/15/2008 5:19:25 PM   
CruelDesires


Posts: 824
Joined: 11/20/2004
Status: offline 		I am extremely poly oriented. I play and have sexual contact with others. My slave ' "s" are welcome too also. I of course have the " final say so" to say no if they choose someone that I do not approve of. I would like to have another slave in the household but have not found one that would fit ,as of yet. Since I am not actively looking, it probably will not happen soon. 
C-D

_____________________________

Reputation is what other people know about you. Honor is what you know about yourself.
Lois McMaster Bujold, "A Civil Campaign", 1999

(in reply to pinnipedster)
Profile   Post #: 105
RE: Committed D/s relationships and playing with others - 9/15/2008 5:20:20 PM   
twoandmore


Posts: 4
Joined: 5/15/2008
Status: offline 		For myself and my Husband, we have been swinging for around 12 years now.  We have lately been getting a lot more curiouser about the BDSM world, and have been investigating a lot of things. For U/us, we only allow same room sex, swapping partners in the same room. W/we would never allow the other to go off on their own to play with others. This is something that W/we talked about a long time ago, when we first started swingng. Every now and then W/we do go over the rules, see how everyone is feeling about them...and sometimes the rules do change because of this.
 
He does allow me to get online and scene as much as i like. Am not allowed to go on cam or the mike unless He has given permission and is around to either watch or join in. He has asked that I keep a log of all conversations that i have with any others. This He reads at a later date, not all of them, but some of them. Specially the ones i have told Him were interesting.
 
W/we have found this is one way W/we can experience some things in the BDSM world without actually doing it. Before anyone jumps up and down, W/we do know that receiving a spanking online is no where near what it amounts to in real life. But for U/us it is a way to experiment and learn about many of the different things, a way W/we can figure out what W/we think might be good to try out  in real life.
 
So yes He does share me out to others, but only if He is there, joining in, or watching. Its more watching at this stage as He learns the "ropes". Its only online that you will find me by myself. It is very rare for me to be online with Him as well. But He is open to me playing with anyone i wish to, as long as they are aware that the log will be kept and possibly read by Him.

(in reply to LATEXBABY64)
Profile   Post #: 106
RE: Committed D/s relationships and playing with others - 9/15/2008 5:22:06 PM   
camille65


Posts: 5746
Joined: 7/11/2007
From: Austin Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kidwithknife

quote:

ORIGINAL: LATEXBABY64

your good lol come up with that one on your own..  
Spaceman Spiff studies the strange creature.  It seems to be attempting some primitive form of communication.



Diet Coke meets keyboard.


_____________________________


~Love your life! (It is the only one you'll get).




(in reply to kidwithknife)
Profile   Post #: 107
RE: Committed D/s relationships and playing with others - 9/15/2008 5:47:38 PM   
naughtysubK


Posts: 62
Joined: 5/2/2004
Status: offline 		latexbaby....in all seriousness,  is English your first language? 

(in reply to camille65)
Profile   Post #: 108
RE: Committed D/s relationships and playing with others - 9/16/2008 4:03:04 AM   
Deliena


Posts: 623
Joined: 6/16/2007
From: Darlington, United Kingdom
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LATEXBABY64

your good lol come up with that one on your own..  


No - my DM stuck his hand up my arse and typed it through me - he's got a +1 enchanted typing finger doncha know?

FFS - at least attempt to be entertaining, or perhaps take on board my comment about your grammar and spelling (or lack thereof).

what you meant to write (i believe) was:

You're good, LOL, come up with that on your own?

Look - it's a whole sentence... ppfffft my asssessment - you're a divvy.

(in reply to LATEXBABY64)
Profile   Post #: 109
RE: Committed D/s relationships and playing with others - 9/16/2008 4:36:13 AM   
LATEXBABY64


Posts: 2107
Joined: 4/8/2004
Status: offline 		well I have found in my my past that people that are critical of others have tons of short commings of their own.  What ever  lol    It is ok   we can revert back to grade school.   
shrugs 

(in reply to Deliena)
Profile   Post #: 110
RE: Committed D/s relationships and playing with others - 9/16/2008 5:08:53 AM   
kidwithknife


Posts: 193
Joined: 9/9/2008
Status: offline 		Ok, LatexBaby, I'm actually going to stop messing around and be serious with you now.  The problem isn't a few "shortcomings or typos".  I can honestly say that I actually find your posts almost impossible to follow, because of the construction of them.  There have been several times where I genuinely have had no idea of what you're trying to say.

That's the problem.  Obviously, you and I disagree strongly on your opinion.  Which we both have a right to.  But, at the moment, your argument is so hard to understand that most people aren't going to bother.

Surely that's not what you want?  I might passionately disagree with you, but I accept you're being completely genuine.  And when that's the case, spending a bit more time on presentation would actually benefit you more than anyone else.  I'm not saying that I expect you to read like a textbook.  But surely you think your views are important enough to you to justify a bit more effort in how you put them across?

(in reply to LATEXBABY64)
Profile   Post #: 111
RE: Committed D/s relationships and playing with others - 9/16/2008 6:28:33 AM   
Deliena


Posts: 623
Joined: 6/16/2007
From: Darlington, United Kingdom
Status: offline 		What he said but snarkier 'cos i was picked on and have *no* shortcomings whatsoever.... honest... oh alright i'm a flake, but i didn't ever try to say i wasn't to be fair.... can we go back to - other people are entitled to their points of view LATEXBABY64 regarding poly relationships and you continually telling them (in very difficult to understand language) that they aren't entitled to that or to live their lives the way they see fit is very likely to result in people telling you that you are, in fact, a divvy.

<wanders off to play with something shiny and more entertaining>

(in reply to kidwithknife)
Profile   Post #: 112
RE: Committed D/s relationships and playing with others - 9/16/2008 9:44:53 AM   
CruelDesires


Posts: 824
Joined: 11/20/2004
Status: offline 		Being nice costs nothing.

Being silent sometimes is being nice.

Picking on someone who does not meet your standard of intelligence reflects poorly on you as well as your significant other.

C-D





_____________________________

Reputation is what other people know about you. Honor is what you know about yourself.
Lois McMaster Bujold, "A Civil Campaign", 1999

(in reply to susie)
Profile   Post #: 113
RE: Committed D/s relationships and playing with others - 9/16/2008 9:59:36 AM   
MadRabbit


Posts: 3460
Joined: 8/9/2006
Status: offline 		Well, if that was the case, I'm sure it would reflect poorly on me as a man, but the only reason I bust Latexbaby's chops is because of the fact that he is quite intelligent and his writing style, by his own admittance, is the result of laziness.

It occurred to me after I posted that, that my motives for doing so could be perceived as being petty and "picking" on him, particularly to those who haven't been a fan of his posting history. However, it was mostly to show how he comes off and is perceived, because he doesn't take the time to slow down a bit, think a little, and write out something coherent and readable.

I have never gone out of my way or specifically picked on a poster who lacked in grammar or spelling (mine certainly isn't perfect). It's mostly the mockery and condescension of other people's opinions and lifestyle choices, narrow-mindedness, and usage of completely inaccurate and distorted historical facts to support his own arguments that results in my lack of respect for Latex.

< Message edited by MadRabbit -- 9/16/2008 10:01:21 AM >

_____________________________

Advice for New Dominants
The Unpolitically Correct Lifestyle Definitions

Obama is NOT the Messiah! He's just a VERY NAUGHTY BOY

(in reply to CruelDesires)
Profile   Post #: 114
RE: Committed D/s relationships and playing with others - 9/16/2008 10:12:23 AM   
CruelDesires


Posts: 824
Joined: 11/20/2004
Status: offline 		Thats just the thing. One doesnt need to "bust someones" chops to make a point. They way they post and their own behavior makes that point for you. Rise above that behavior and you will find that you will not only garnish more respect from others, you may also gain more respect for yourself.

C-D

_____________________________

Reputation is what other people know about you. Honor is what you know about yourself.
Lois McMaster Bujold, "A Civil Campaign", 1999

(in reply to MadRabbit)
Profile   Post #: 115
RE: Committed D/s relationships and playing with others - 9/16/2008 10:29:50 AM   
kidwithknife


Posts: 193
Joined: 9/9/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CruelDesiresPicking on someone who does not meet your standard of intelligence reflects poorly on you as well as your significant other.


Um, have you actually read LatexBaby's posts in this thread?  He's played the "you're stupid" card on several occasions.  I'm not convinced by your seeming perception that he's a lost innocent, all alone in a world of snark.

And what MadRabbit said.  There's actually a thread in this subforum by LatexBaby, on the first page, where he demonstrates he's entirely capable of making his views clear if he wants to.  Which suggests he isn't here because he can't be bothered with the effort.  Surely people are justified in taking issue with that?

(I'm not in agreement with you that it's always inappropriate to react to ignorance with snark anyway.  Actually, there's a hell of a lot of threads on here I simply wouldn't have the basic knowledge to contribute constructively.  So take the novel approach of choosing to shutting the hell up, and read and learn. I don't actually feel entitled to insisting that everyone couchs their discussions down to my level, so I don't see why anybody else has that right either)

(in reply to CruelDesires)
Profile   Post #: 116
RE: Committed D/s relationships and playing with others - 9/16/2008 12:15:24 PM   
AlkemieJane


Posts: 19
Joined: 9/15/2008
Status: offline 		my Master and i discussed in detail what our rules would be for play with others.
the two of us are occasionally involved with female subs and switches. the rules are that we both agree in advance on the girl- someone we both know and trust- and that we clarify in advance with the girl that there are no strings attached. it varies from woman to woman and our comfort level with her as to what we do with her- if He has sex with her, if i go down on her, etc.
also, before my Master and i got together, i was involved with a couple- friends of ours. Master has given me permission to continue playing with them as i wish.
Master and i agreed that He would be the only male allowed to dom me, but femme-dommes are okay. at parties and events, i am collared to Him until He says otherwise, occasionally handing me off to domme friends of ours. He's even taught a switch we've been involved with how to flog me!

(in reply to Prinsexx)
Profile   Post #: 117
RE: Committed D/s relationships and playing with others - 9/16/2008 12:24:37 PM   
VivaciousSub


Posts: 446
Joined: 9/7/2008
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

Before I was collared to him we negotiated. The result is that I have no qualms about him playing with others provided: 1) I know about it. (So, no going behind my back) and 2) I've checked the person out. (We've had to deal with others trying to disrupt our realtionship, and he trusts my judgment on who the Psycho Betties are.)



My Master and I have a similar deal. He can play with other women, but I have been given the right of Veto Power. I adore Sir and He adores me, and neither of us want some dimwit messing that up. Now, if the woman is cool, I'm fine with it.


_____________________________

9.8m/s^2 + VivaciousSub + ground = ouchx10^9th

To yield readily--easily--to the persuasion of a friend is no merit.... To yield without conviction is no compliment to the understanding of either. ~ Pride and Prejudice

(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 118
RE: Committed D/s relationships and playing with others - 9/16/2008 1:05:11 PM   
MadRabbit


Posts: 3460
Joined: 8/9/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CruelDesires

Thats just the thing. One doesnt need to "bust someones" chops to make a point. They way they post and their own behavior makes that point for you. Rise above that behavior and you will find that you will not only garnish more respect from others, you may also gain more respect for yourself.

C-D


I'm sorry you find calling "Bullshit" on someone so detestable, but unfortanely I am one of those people that when someone is clearly way out there and way wrong, I point it out and say "Uh no...". Sometimes I like to do it in a funny way (funny to me at least...but not so funny to some people)

In my eyes, if someone is going to ridicule and mock people's viewpoints and reduce them down to "just being stupid", then that person is going to serve as a source of entertainment for me, because to debate with them is to give them more creditibility and respect than I am willing to give them.

I am more than willing to have a civil and polite discussion with anyone who can form an argument outside of the scope of "Your all fucking morons for disagreeing with me."

Whatever path you choose, I welcome you to it. I respect the fact that your challenging the people in the thread and willing to say "No, I don't think what you doing is right." But even so, I'm quite happy with my path and have enough respect for it that whether or not other people find respect in it is irrelevant to me.


< Message edited by MadRabbit -- 9/16/2008 1:06:08 PM >

_____________________________

Advice for New Dominants
The Unpolitically Correct Lifestyle Definitions

Obama is NOT the Messiah! He's just a VERY NAUGHTY BOY

(in reply to CruelDesires)
Profile   Post #: 119
RE: Committed D/s relationships and playing with others - 9/16/2008 4:29:00 PM   
CruelDesires


Posts: 824
Joined: 11/20/2004
Status: offline 		Calling someone on their bullshit is one thing. Stooping to the level of copying their illegable posting style is another. And.. I'm not just calling you out on it. There were others who did it as well. I am guilty of sarcasm and making snarky comments to those who have posted "what I see as mistruths and information about themselves that was posted in an arrogant manner". Miss Mod 16 kindly shut me down for it. So, I am guilty being "snarky and sarcastic" as well. But. I did not make fun of someone's intelligence or lack of in such a cavalier manner. Even if that was not your intention, it came out that way. At least to me.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MadRabbit
what ever dude. grade school is 4 commies  you  wi lll  lean eventually.  I aM soooo riight I don't need to provdie ppproof. U all are lusers who should just listen to mee. i like popcorn.


C-D



_____________________________

Reputation is what other people know about you. Honor is what you know about yourself.
Lois McMaster Bujold, "A Civil Campaign", 1999

(in reply to MadRabbit)
Profile   Post #: 120
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