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ORIGINAL: Icarys

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ORIGINAL: sirsholly

Rational? What is rational about spending one more minute in an abusive situation?
The OP states she is being abused. None of us live with her or know the situation therefore we take her on her word. And her WORD, Icarys, is that she is in a very abusive situation.

I guess if all you are is tied up in body image that might hurt. I'm kinda chunky so that comment wouldn't bother me.

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ORIGINAL: sirsholly

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ORIGINAL: Icarys

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ORIGINAL: sirsholly

Rational? What is rational about spending one more minute in an abusive situation?
The OP states she is being abused. None of us live with her or know the situation therefore we take her on her word. And her WORD, Icarys, is that she is in a very abusive situation.

I guess if all you are is tied up in body image that might hurt. I'm kinda chunky so that comment wouldn't bother me.

you made no sense

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ORIGINAL: sirsholly

then please do not quote me if it has nothing to do with your comments. Thank you.

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ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Contact your family, see if they can help you out. Start saving money to be able to get away.

Marriage may be holy to you, but motherhood is more important. Your son is being taught to disrespect you and all women. Do you want to look around in 20 years and see him abusing his wife and daughters in this way? Would you be proud to know that you raised an abuser?

Get a job, get control of your life. Move out. In the meantime since he isn't trustworthy, he should no longer be your master. Refuse to let him use you, stop serving him. Start serving yourself.

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ORIGINAL: softness

*sighs* ... you are in a horrible position hun, and my heart goes out to you. Having to take the brunt of an uncaring relationship, one that undermines you, betlittles you and slowly erodes your self esteem is unhealthy, and should not for a second be tolerated. I understand your feelings about marriage being a lifelong commitment, I know I would be destroyed at the thought of having to end a marriage having made my vows before God, however I also know that He would not expect me to remain in a relationship where my happiness and contentment was not only in danger, but actively destroyed.

Ignore accusations of "over sensitiveness" ... if you feel undermined, uncared for and unloved ... those emotions are real and need to be dealt with.  Responsible partner (leaving BDSM aside) would want to address those issues with you, because a responsible partner would care for your feelings as much as their own. Perhaps you do require more support or reassurance than most; but those are your relationship needs and if those needs cannot be met by your partner - he is not the right partner for you.

Firstly, show him a little of the powerful, strong woman you are. Having the strength to leave your country and start a new life with him, is amazing ....(and something I recently realised I did not have so I admire you hugely) So as long as you dont think it would put you in physical danger ... hide the remote .. and switch the TV off at the mains.

Talk to him, explain calmly and fairly (no dramatics or outbursts - be the adult if he cannot be) how you are feeling. Most importantly ... have suggestions about how things can be improved ... dont just go to him with problems - go with suggestions.

Find out what rights you have here .. and what help is available to you - and let him know that you know. Abusers like to keep their partners in the dark about the reality of their situation ... it is part of their power. A Classic is to tell you that you have no other options and that there is no other way this can be. I have known several "Masters" who have told me that their model of a BDSM relationship - is the only true/real/actual model - and that any other way is false or role play. They are talking pure unmitagated bollocks.

Be a strong woman ... and not a victim. Thing with bullies .. from the school yard to the home .. is they all share one common feature. They bully because they are painfully aware of some failing of their own, and seek to defend it by exposing and exploiting the weaknesses of those around them. They are terrified of their own failings and will crumble when something strong, reasonable and fair stands up to them.

Way easier said than done ... I wish you every luck with it. Email me on the other side if you would like someone to talk with.

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ORIGINAL: softness


Thing with bullies .. from the school yard to the home .. is they all share one common feature. They bully because they are painfully aware of some failing of their own, and seek to defend it by exposing and exploiting the weaknesses of those around them. They are terrified of their own failings and will crumble when something strong, reasonable and fair stands up to them.

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ORIGINAL: Icarys


Before you get out of control and go on a witch hunt. It wasn't an accusation..it was a statement for her to do some soul searching to make sure she's not being.

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ORIGINAL: softness

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ORIGINAL: Icarys


Before you get out of control and go on a witch hunt. It wasn't an accusation..it was a statement for her to do some soul searching to make sure she's not being.

Quit rabble rousing ... a witch hunt is a pathetic overstatement ... being a drama queen is not helpful.

just out of curiousity ... how much work have you done .. and experience do you have.. of women who are in situations where they suffer domestic abuse ?
Are you trained in supporting them?
Have you ever been a victim of domestic abuse yourself?
Have you ... by any chance ... ever actively worked with women escaping domestic abuse and helped them to work through their problems?

I am not an expert in these matters .. but I have for several years worked as a volunteer with several such organisations .. and every single piece of training we were given went like this .... TELL THEM TO TRUST THEIR INSTINCTS .. at every turn these women have their instincts undermined and called false, instincts are there for a reason, these women need to learn to trust themselves.

I am sure that your advice was well intentioned and I am sure that you didn't mean to undermine her further, how about accepting that perhaps it was not the best advice and that other people may have *better* advice in this instance.

I am sure that normal omnipotence can resume again shortly.

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ORIGINAL: softness

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ORIGINAL: Icarys


Before you get out of control and go on a witch hunt. It wasn't an accusation..it was a statement for her to do some soul searching to make sure she's not being.

Quit rabble rousing ... a witch hunt is a pathetic overstatement ... being a drama queen is not helpful.

just out of curiousity ... how much work have you done .. and experience do you have.. of women who are in situations where they suffer domestic abuse ?
Are you trained in supporting them?
Have you ever been a victim of domestic abuse yourself?
Have you ... by any chance ... ever actively worked with women escaping domestic abuse and helped them to work through their problems?

I am not an expert in these matters .. but I have for several years worked as a volunteer with several such organisations .. and every single piece of training we were given went like this .... TELL THEM TO TRUST THEIR INSTINCTS .. at every turn these women have their instincts undermined and called false, instincts are there for a reason, these women need to learn to trust themselves.

I am sure that your advice was well intentioned and I am sure that you didn't mean to undermine her further, how about accepting that perhaps it was not the best advice and that other people may have *better* advice in this instance.

I am sure that normal omnipotence can resume again shortly.

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ORIGINAL: trainedobedients

When Master and i were so called dating he was more sensitive, kinder and less cold hearted. Now we are married and I see a completely different person, less likeable one, unsensitive, cold hearted and downright abusive. He used to compliment me, make me feel good now it seems he get's out of his way to insult me, disregard my feelings unless he wants to use me.

I gave up my country, my job everything for him and what I got back is not what is promissed to me. It also takes away from my submissiveness in order for me to survive in this relationship I need to get bitchy, hide my true feelings, be less submissive that is not what I need, what I thought I would have.

I hear you say talk to him but that is impossible. It is first the television on as loud as possible and his refusal to talk, again except when he wants to use me. Or the television sound is turned down but on, he talks to me but his eyes are on the tv. It makes me feel insignificant, not important, at least less than the rerun of Monk.

Were my expectations unrealistic and to high or is he just an ...........

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ORIGINAL: softness

Am so sorry you feel that way, though maybe you should take a step back, look at the situation through clear eyes, and just make certain you are not being over sensitive.

I heard somewhere that can happen sometimes.

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ORIGINAL: Icarys



You wanta know what makes me qualified to answer this? Nothing until i know more. It doen't take a rocket scientist to figure out abuse.. What it does take is some questions.