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Childish dom's pretending to be adults. - 9/11/2008 10:54:32 PM

BiteGirl

Posts: 293
Joined: 4/27/2006
Status: offline

I seem to come across this alot online, but in the lifestyle (clubs, etc.) I've never come across it until now.

This man, who is 40 and dating a VERY YOUNG 23 year old (by this I mean, she's 23 but acts - and thinks younger), started talking to me on collarme. He gave me all sorts of mixed information about his situation with this girl and I didn't like it. I like honesty. And I do appreciate that some people in the lifestyle play with their partners and casual play partners, etc. But at this point, I'm not looking for just casual play. (NOTE: My profile also states this)

So anyway, he added me to msn, and got me to add his sub, and then he got his SUB to ask ME if I'd like a threesom... and I was so put off by this, as he's the dom, he's suppose to ask, right?

So anyway, I just say no, sorry, that's not what I'm looking for. And I try to play nice, these two know other people I know in the lifestyle, I don't want to upset people.

He starts harassing me on MSN about things that arn't even his buisiness (If I'd been playing lately), if we were friends, I *might* be ok with disclosing this infomation, but we're not friends, he's someone who I'm beginning to wonder if I could block him and not have him notice.

So anyway, I tell him it's none of his buisiness, in as much of a respectful way as I can muster, and THEN he blocks me and craks it.

So I'm over it, I don't care, I'm happy he's gone...

Then I get this:

" very very disapointed in your comment yesterday, i have deleted you from my msn, no longer accepting dialouge with you, all the best in your search"

How do I get him to leave me alone? I wrote him back saying so, but I doubt it will work and I can't block him as if I run into him well, I run into him... I don't want to stop going out in my local scene as I've only just started.

How would you deal with someone like this?

Post #: 1

RE: Childish dom's pretending to be adults. - 9/11/2008 11:00:15 PM

stef

Posts: 10215
Joined: 1/26/2004
Status: offline

Ignore them. Is it really that hard to figure out?

~stef

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(in reply to BiteGirl)

Post #: 2

RE: Childish dom's pretending to be adults. - 9/11/2008 11:11:39 PM

BiteGirl

Posts: 293
Joined: 4/27/2006
Status: offline

Ignoring them sounds easy but they (from what I hear) are bitchy about people they don't like in the scene, and I don't want to now become an outsider, although I suppose people who would befriend people like this can't really be worth talking to anyway.

I'm just worried about things being wrecked for me before I even have a chance to get out there and socialize and learn more.

(in reply to stef)

Post #: 3

RE: Childish dom's pretending to be adults. - 9/11/2008 11:17:16 PM

hopelessfool

Posts: 988
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

In all honesty if they are doing this to you they probably did it to others. I wouldnt worry about it. I mean really So Dom X says your "blah blah blah" Many will either disregard it, come and ask you.

Hes using emotional manipulation on you to try to get his way. Dont let it work you changing your life to suit him gives him what he wants. You see him at a party or such say politely hello how are you and excuse yourself from the situation

_____________________________

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(in reply to BiteGirl)

Post #: 4

RE: Childish dom's pretending to be adults. - 9/12/2008 12:17:36 AM

OneMoreWaste

Posts: 910
Joined: 8/24/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: BiteGirl

So anyway, I tell him it's none of his buisiness, in as much of a respectful way as I can muster, and THEN he blocks me and craks it.

So I'm over it, I don't care, I'm happy he's gone...

(snip)

How would you deal with someone like this?

Sorry, ancient 31-year-old Yank here... what exactly has he crak'd? And what does crak'ing (?) entail? (i'm SO old. This sux)

You've added him and his sub to your MSN... against your will? (were you being held at gunpoint? Hypnotized? Being controlled by neuronano implants?) Fine. Have you deleted him from your MSN?

Solution:
Tell him No. Tell his sub no. If he bothers you through your local, real-time, flesh-to-flesh scene, let the respected figures in your scene know that he is harassing you, and he'll be black-listed like a rabid pit bull with AIDS. Unless the respected figures in your local scene have decided that you're another barely-legal Female with a pathological addiction to drama, in which case they'll ignore you. But luckily 'tis not the case, ya?

ya

(in reply to BiteGirl)

Post #: 5

RE: Childish dom's pretending to be adults. - 9/12/2008 2:20:42 AM

RCdc

Posts: 8674
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: BiteGirl

So anyway, he added me to msn, and got me to add his sub, and then he got his SUB to ask ME if I'd like a threesom... and I was so put off by this, as he's the dom, he's suppose to ask, right?

No. That is just your own preference talking. He doesn't have to do anything should he so choose.

quote:

How do I get him to leave me alone? I wrote him back saying so, but I doubt it will work and I can't block him as if I run into him well, I run into him... I don't want to stop going out in my local scene as I've only just started.

How would you deal with someone like this?

Ignore him? Seriously, you are making way too much drama out of this and encouraging the situation by your actions. You have said yourself -

quote:

Ignoring them sounds easy but they (from what I hear) are bitchy about people they don't like in the scene, and I don't want to now become an outsider, although I suppose people who would befriend people like this can't really be worth talking to anyway.

So that said, you cannot see what that means? If you have heard that via others, that means people already know what they are like and therefore who they like and do not like means nothing. They already have the reputation.
People who listen to gossip about others - aren't worth your time anyway. You might want to take that into consideration when listening to the gossip of others as well.
You may not take kindly to this, but they aren't the only people acting childish Bitegirl. Think about it.

the.dark.

_____________________________

RC&dc

love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to BiteGirl)

Post #: 6

RE: Childish dom's pretending to be adults. - 9/12/2008 2:35:29 AM

tsatske

Posts: 2037
Joined: 3/9/2007
From: Louisville, KY
Status: offline

Darcy and other are right. If you have 'heard' things about him, then he has a reputation.
Quit worrying about it. Srrsly you are a cute 18 y.o. sub. You could get a reputation in your local scene for chopping your partners up into bits and burying them in your backyard, and potentail playmates would still approach you.
Do not take the next part as defense of him. Anyone who thinks the moment you actually speak to you that you owe them things - information on your play or partners, sex, whatever - is not worth your time.
However, your profile says you are 'very poly'. Please know that some poly people prefer that the subs approach one another. Many woman are turned off by this, but some poly people feela risk they are willing to take, since many feel the most important thing is a good connection between the subs.
It is a balancing act, because, also, some Doms like their subs to 'procure' new sex partners for them. And some people are okay with this, others, not so much so.
I personaly prefer to talk to the sub, but am put off if it feels like 'procurring'. Because what I want is a woman who is interested in me, not a woman with a quota to meet, where any warm body will do.
Always go with your gut feeling. Continue to show up at lfestyle events and places and seek out friends that make you feel good, and you will find, in turn, partners who are a good match for you.
These people were making you feel icky even as friends. That is not what you are in the lifestyle for. Trust me, you will find friends you feel good about.
Ignore the negitive and take him at his word - he said 'good luck in your search'. It this is meant to be manipulative drama on his part, it only works if you go along with that. If he approaches you again, say sweetly, 'No, I agree with you, we are not a good match at all. Thank you for your good wishes, I'm doing as you suggested and continuing my search.' You don't owe him an explanation. Simply say no to any further offers - to 'mentour' you, 'protect' you, 'teach' you, ect, and, if they keep coming, do as someone said and go up to someone who looks trustworthy and say, 'Can I sit here with you? Z will not leave me alone, ....'
Everywhere in your adult life you will find drama whores who want to make your adult social life feel like highschool. Simply avoid them. everyone else does, so, really, it will not be a problem.
Good luck in your search.

_____________________________

“If you never did you should. These things are fun and fun is good”
~Dr. Seuss quote

(in reply to RCdc)

Post #: 7

RE: Childish dom's pretending to be adults. - 9/12/2008 2:44:37 AM

StrangerThan

Posts: 1515
Joined: 4/25/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: BiteGirl
bitchy about people they don't like in the scene, and I don't want to now become an outsider,

If you're going to worry about people like this, this road you're on is going to have potholes the size of china. Dickhead translates well between most lifestyle communities, BDSM, swinger, nilla... pick one. Either way, this is one of those bottom line moments. Manipulative, harassing behavior up front when he knows little to nothing about you should be a red flag from hell, one that's flapping in a hot wind with a skull and crossbones painted on the front. Personally, I'd be happy to be excepted from his circle of friends. At least I could eliminate a whole section of dickheads at once rather than having to work through them one by one. Choose what and who you involve yourself with in this lifestyle. If anyone is going to have that kind of decision making power in your life, lead you into something or guide you, it should be the one you submit to, not some insecure jerk on the internet. Insecure is the appropriate word here I think. I get the mental image of him with a red face, stomping his feet and wanting to take his ball home. Who gives a shit if he's disappointed? Let it go and move on.

(in reply to BiteGirl)

Post #: 8

RE: Childish dom's pretending to be adults. - 9/12/2008 3:01:26 AM

Prinsexx

Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: BiteGirl

I seem to come across this alot online, but in the lifestyle (clubs, etc.) I've never come across it until now.

Well i'm old enough to be your mother or even grandmother abd this isn't just a part of bdsm or the so-called lifestyle. it's just the way some folks are.

This man, who is 40 and dating a VERY YOUNG 23 year old (by this I mean, she's 23 but acts - and thinks younger), started talking to me on collarme. He gave me all sorts of mixed information about his situation with this girl and I didn't like it. I like honesty.

i don't want to sound harsh, (being old enough to be your mom) but if you didn't like it then , at the beginning why further his illusion that he has a relationship with you?

And I do appreciate that some people in the lifestyle play with their partners and casual play partners, etc. But at this point, I'm not looking for just casual play. (NOTE: My profile also states this)
And some are under the impression that when a girl says no she really means yes. In fact putting stuff like: not looking, i am owned, no players,....and so on....only serves to make some push you more and more and more. Only this morning i had a mail from a total stranger that said: if you are not returning mail why the fuck are you on here then? Like what the fuck has it got to do with him? Block....simple.

So anyway, he added me to msn, and got me to add his sub, and then he got his SUB to ask ME if I'd like a threesom... and I was so put off by this, as he's the dom, he's suppose to ask, right?

Well him asking and making arrangements is a protocol respected by some. But slaves and subs procurring other play partners is very common. Either way there's only one set of rules that govern the dynamic and thet is the Dom's...

So anyway, I just say no, sorry, that's not what I'm looking for. And I try to play nice, these two know other people I know in the lifestyle, I don't want to upset people.

You are young, and judging by the cute pic of your diamond chin, you appear nice anyway. It's a surface assumption based on a stereotype that you are young and sweet and really very nice but it's a stereotype that will keep you going for a good few years yet.

He starts harassing me on MSN about things that arn't even his buisiness (If I'd been playing lately), if we were friends, I *might* be ok with disclosing this infomation, but we're not friends, he's someone who I'm beginning to wonder if I could block him and not have him notice.

Seriously how can someone harass you on msn? Block and delete...it's easy.

So anyway, I tell him it's none of his buisiness, in as much of a respectful way as I can muster, and THEN he blocks me and craks it.

Well you enabled him to take the upper hand.

So I'm over it, I don't care, I'm happy he's gone...

Then I get this:

" very very disapointed in your comment yesterday, i have deleted you from my msn, no longer accepting dialouge with you, all the best in your search"

How do I get him to leave me alone? I wrote him back saying so, but I doubt it will work and I can't block him as if I run into him well, I run into him... I don't want to stop going out in my local scene as I've only just started.

Trust me he thinks he is in relationship with you just so long as you allow him to stay in your contacts list. You may very well run into him. The power you have over him in reality is exactly the same as the ppwer you have over him if you run into him: ignore him and walk away.

How would you deal with someone like this?

You'll learn.....

< Message edited by Prinsexx -- 9/12/2008 3:08:05 AM >

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(in reply to BiteGirl)

Post #: 9

RE: Childish dom's pretending to be adults. - 9/12/2008 3:43:08 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

Ignore, block, delete. Tell the person who heads the munch that he's been harassing you and could they keep an eye out for you. Tell the same to the DM. Then say loudly whever he or she try to hassle you "I told you no, now leave me alone". Loudly so it will be overheard and everyone else will know you've rejected him and he's still bothering you.

_____________________________

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(in reply to Dnomyar)

Post #: 10

RE: Childish dom's pretending to be adults. - 9/12/2008 4:08:30 AM

angelslave77

Posts: 478
Joined: 5/14/2007
Status: offline

Your in Melby, there is one of THE best BDSM scenes on OZ right on your door step. Dont make drama just get on with your life, mix with a different crowd, dont bad mouth anyone, just distance yourself from these people.

Not everyone will get along with everyone else, thats life but it sounds like your creating a drama where there isnt one and thats what will land you in the shit.

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 11

RE: Childish dom's pretending to be adults. - 9/12/2008 4:35:51 AM

Missokyst

Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline

OP: Whats the problem? He does say he is not accepting any dialogue from you.
And tsatske is right. You are a cute female, young, new.. holey smokes, people will be tripping over their tongues to get to you.
Why worry?
Kyst

quote:

ORIGINAL: tsatske
Quit worrying about it. Srrsly you are a cute 18 y.o. sub. You could get a reputation in your local scene for chopping your partners up into bits and burying them in your backyard, and potentail playmates would still approach you.

(in reply to tsatske)

Post #: 12

RE: Childish dom's pretending to be adults. - 9/12/2008 5:13:17 AM

angelslave77

Posts: 478
Joined: 5/14/2007
Status: offline

Ok I reread your post and wanted to add having his sub ask is not all that unusal, it shows that they are communicating and that it is something she wants also.

And asking if you have been playing is fairly typical conversation, in fact you will find most peeps are down right proud of it and like to display pics of thier nicely whipped nakey asses and other such delights.

If you arent willing to open up and chat then that is your right and perogative but I would suggest being more discerning with who you add to your msn and then if they still ask just say "I dont really feel comfortable discussing that (no harm no foul just politness).

From your post it sounds like you massively overreacted and he did the very grown up thing of blocking you.

He has probably forgotten you and moved on already

(in reply to BiteGirl)

Post #: 13

RE: Childish dom's pretending to be adults. - 9/12/2008 8:30:41 AM

Skyfire

Posts: 21
Joined: 6/15/2007
Status: offline

Bite, I simply would not worry about this. I know this seems like a rather flippant response but let me clarify.

Many "Dominants" in the lifestyle are weak men who puff themselves up with bluster and over inflated egos. These egos are very fragile because they are false. They expect you to fall over swooning when they offer you attention of any kind, and when you rebuff them they become spiteful. I know many men like this, and if they are known in your local scene, others will know that too.

No need to worry about becoming an outsider because of his bruised ego. Simply be cordial, and do not worry about him. The best thing you can do is let the whole thing drop. Do not think about him, and certainly do not talk bad about him to others. Be yourself and the people that matter will still get to know you.

If that has not convinced you, maybe this will. Young, pretty girls are always in demand. You will not have to worry about not being accepted, as I am sure you will be greatly sought after, no matter what others say about you.

(in reply to BiteGirl)

Post #: 14

RE: Childish dom's pretending to be adults. - 9/12/2008 8:59:05 AM

Coupleofwhats

Posts: 280
Joined: 6/4/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: OneMoreWaste

quote:

ORIGINAL: BiteGirl

So anyway, I tell him it's none of his buisiness, in as much of a respectful way as I can muster, and THEN he blocks me and craks it.

So I'm over it, I don't care, I'm happy he's gone...

(snip)

How would you deal with someone like this?

Sorry, ancient 31-year-old Yank here... what exactly has he crak'd? And what does crak'ing (?) entail? (i'm SO old. This sux)

Bleh. I'm 25 and have no idea what that means either.

OP, block the loser and go on with your life.

_____________________________

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Post #: 15

RE: Childish dom's pretending to be adults. - 9/12/2008 9:09:47 AM

wandersalone

Posts: 4666
Joined: 11/21/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: BiteGirl
Then I get this:

" very very disapointed in your comment yesterday, i have deleted you from my msn, no longer accepting dialouge with you, all the best in your search"

How do I get him to leave me alone?

This message from him indicates that he has moved on and isn't planning on communicating with you in the future. His adding the good wishes for your search (which he didn't have to write) indicates that possibly he has no grudge or ill feelings towards you.

I would suggest that if you see him in public you say hello and then move on and hopefully he will do the same. As Angelslave said, you are in Melbourne...there is so much to choose from... even if your paths cross there are bound to be lots of other people you can talk with instead (like me if you see me around

)

I will cmail you

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(in reply to BiteGirl)

Post #: 16

RE: Childish dom's pretending to be adults. - 9/12/2008 9:18:52 AM

mistressbadgirl

Posts: 26
Joined: 8/4/2008
Status: offline

its not about blocking people. yea granted they started some type of dialogue but at what point is it ok to disrespect or even act childish when you are rejected. At some point the level of respect should be mutural. "knowning that some are not mature" how much bs do a person have to take when they are rejected. this goes back the the post that i added last night.

(in reply to wandersalone)

Post #: 17

RE: Childish dom's pretending to be adults. - 9/12/2008 9:29:08 AM

Honsoku

Posts: 422
Joined: 6/26/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: BiteGirl
So anyway, he added me to msn, and got me to add his sub, and then he got his SUB to ask ME if I'd like a threesom... and I was so put off by this, as he's the dom, he's suppose to ask, right?

I want to nip this one in the bud. Why does the dom have to always be the one doing the asking or what have you? Maybe he was busy with something else. Maybe he wanted her to get more socially assertive. Maybe he trusts her judgment on such matters. The idea that since one person is the "dom" that he or she has to do everything is ludicrous.

quote:

Then I get this:

quote:

" very very disapointed in your comment yesterday, i have deleted you from my msn, no longer accepting dialouge with you, all the best in your search"

How do I get him to leave me alone?

Judging from that message he sent you, he already has decided to. That last message was probably an attempt to throw one last jab before going away.

quote:

I wrote him back saying so, but I doubt it will work and I can't block him as if I run into him well, I run into him... I don't want to stop going out in my local scene as I've only just started.

How would you deal with someone like this?

Unless you have actually seen him or heard other people talk about him, you don't know for sure that he is even involved in the local scene. Even if he is, don't worry about it. You can't be friends or on good terms with everyone.

(in reply to BiteGirl)

Post #: 18

RE: Childish dom's pretending to be adults. - 9/12/2008 9:46:50 AM

rook42

Posts: 110
Joined: 10/2/2005
Status: offline

I had a similar incident happen to me.

When I complained about it to some, they were ALL able to identify by name who the individual was. These are not people who say names, either. It not only gave me a good laugh, but greatly alleviated my worries of drama leaking around my circle. Honestly, it's very unlikely that someone will choose JUST you to start drama with; and if they are the drama type, why worry?

You can't account for the actions of others, just your own. Just don't do anything stupid because you're annoyed, and kharma works itself out.

(in reply to Honsoku)

Post #: 19

RE: Childish dom's pretending to be adults. - 9/12/2008 9:48:06 AM

eyesopened

Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline

As far as I know (although I don't know the specific laws in your area) there is nothing illegal with not responding to every message he sends. Heck, in most juristictions it's even perfectly legal to not answer your phone. If you feel you have to have the last word and he feels he has to have the last word, well, it's gonna continue. How do you stop it? Since you can't control his actions you'll just have to control your own and stop replying to him.

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(in reply to BiteGirl)

Post #: 20

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