MsSaskia
Posts: 415
Joined: 9/9/2004
From: Denver
Status: offline
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"Let's see... we can probably agree that the masochistic control freaks should have been either paying a professional willing to cater to them, or getting what they needed from a service top with submissive tendencies. And the people who didn't walk their talk just needed lessons in honesty, or consistency, or something."
I would not completely agree with that. In my job, yes, I function as a service top. I'm primarily a dominant, though (no switch or submissive tendencies whatsoever), and if a client is a fetishist or masochist more so than they are a submissive, we're not going to be very compatable, neither of us will have much fun, and we probably won't want to see each other again. If I were going to fake my way through it for the sheer sake of following a buck, I'd earn more money. I'm happy to play with masochists or fetishists as long as they are willing to accept my lead in a scene. If they're trying to direct, I refer them to someone else and don't see them again. As for personal/non-paying partners, they are no more or less self- or other-deluding than anyone else in the scene. We've all got things to work on. If I paid attention to red flags as much in my personal life as I do my professional, I'd save myself a lot of heartache. I'm dumb like that.  Plus I have these other, teeny tiny hardly noticable areas of imperfection myself to work on. Microscopic, really. ::cough:: Anyway. "Only connect", Forster said. It's an oversimplification (which reminds me of Thoreau), but it's a pleasant one.
"When I talked about professional interactions being simulated submission, I was thinking of the dominant's motivation. The idea of submitting to the will of a dominant implies that the dominant is motivated by a desire to do things to the submissive, or to have the submissive do things for her. But if the dominant's motivation is in fact purely financial, the client is actually getting a simulation of what it would be like to submit to someone with those desires. I'm sure that can still be a profound and highly erotic experience, when it's done well - I never meant to imply a lack of respect for either professionals or their clients. And I'm also sure that some professional dominants (including you, it sounds like) are motivated partly by money and partly by desire when they take a client, which blurs considerably the distinction I made in my first post. But then, it was just one quick line!"
Some professional dominants are motivated entirely by income. I see nothing wrong with that, any more so than anyone else doing a job they're competent at because it earns them a living. It's nice when people can do only what they love and make a living at it and not have to work at things they feel neutral or negatively about, but it's a luxury few enjoy. I'd be a lot richer if I wasn't motivated by more than just finances, and I do get a bit knee-jerky now and then about non-professionals assumptions about the motivation of pros, but we all have to make a living. I don't know any pro dommes who stay in the biz for more than a year who don't genuinely enjoy the scene.
I gave a new apprentice a paddling lesson last night. A female I know from the non-pro leather scene volunteered to be a practice bottom for the novice dominant. We went over breathing (again), body language, physical signs of stress and tension and pleasure to monitor, as well as what makes a paddle a paddle as opposed to a slapper or a crop or whatever. We went over what materials paddles can be made out of and how the construction and materials inform the sensation that the bottom will feel. We went over thuddy vs slappy vs stingy and how some paddles can have elements of all three, two of three or one of three. Then we got to the applied theory part.
We worked on how to pick out lighter paddles to get started with, how to pace a spanking scene, how to monitor skin in case marks have to be avoided, how some instruments make no noise but leave deep marks, what types of materials will leave what types of marks, how to warm someone up in ways that'll mitigate marking, how to evenly distribute marks in the event marks are a Good Thing for all parties, and we covered all of that while we were using different paddles on the bottom. We looked at body language during a spanking and how that changes from individuals. We all joked about calibrating the instruments based on the type of squeaks the bottom was making and how she "talked" with her knees and feet.
The apprentice, under my supervision, ramped the bottom up for a good hour or so, using all but my thuddiest paddles. The bottom responded best to stingy first, then slappy, and not much thuddy, so we went with that. She worked her up and worked her up and we watched and monitored and laughed and stroked skin and hugged and checked in to make sure everything was going OK for everybody. When I thought it was nearly time to push the bottom to her limit and take her where I knew she needed to go, I suggested to the apprentice that she let the bottom pick out her two favorite instruments and then give her as much of them as she needed until it was clear the scene was done. Just before they got started on that, I got down the singletail I bought just a year ago and gave the bottom a couple of casual strokes with it. She responded really well to it; so much so, I didn't have the heart to stop. I decided to just go with it and kept giving her more and more stripes and welts with the singletail for another 10-15 minutes. I lost track of time, but I think that's about how long it was. I increased the speed and intensity as much as my skill level allowed (not much, yet, since I've only been practicing with a singletail for a year) until I saw and heard her whole body release and a blast of energy sort of burst out from her. I set the singletail aside and went to her and put my hands on her back where she was bent over the exam table. I kept them there, stroking her back, and nodded to the apprentice to come over and do some laying on of hands as well. The bottom's breathing was perfect, there was no tension left anywhere in her body, and the three of us stayed there for several minutes, enjoying the rush and the glow and the communion.
I'd spent most of the lesson sitting back, only joining in here and there to demonstrate different ways to hold an instrument or places that are OK to hit with an instrument, but I still got a huge high from just the 20 minutes or so of using the singletail on her. I loved that the apprentice saw some of the best of what we can expect out of a scene and that she "got" it. I know she'll be able to recreate it herself, now that she's got a better understanding of ramping up and pacing. But while I've been replaying the lesson in my head today, it's been coming back to me that the moment where the bottom got to where she needed to go and I was able to take her there is exactly what motivates me to stay in the scene despite any other hassles or drama or other annoyances. I've had great scenes like that with clients and I've had them with casual partners and I've had them (more frequently) with partners I've had for a few years, and the rush and the feeling of connection in a good scene are the same regardless of whether money's involved or not. That's my motivation.
PS - I should mention that I did apologize to the apprentice for pre-empting her scene. She'd done all that preparation of the bottom and had really earned the right to "finish her off", and I let her know that I didn't intend to take over like that, but didn't feel like backing off when I was getting that great response from the bottom with the singletail. She said she understood why I stuck with it and said she wasn't offended, but I'm definitely going to have to work harder on taking a step back and not interfering so much in future lessons. It's not nice to steal the big finale.
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RE: Why you need to pay a pro-domme - 
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