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RE: Is it cheating - 9/14/2008 8:15:01 AM   
kiwisub12


Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline 		Why are you still married?

You obviously don't respect your wife enough to be true to the vows you made when you married her.

You are also using money that i'm sure your wife could put to other uses.

I'd be pissed on more than one level if  i was in that situation.

(in reply to Jeffff)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Is it cheating - 9/14/2008 8:18:49 AM   
HalloweenWhite


Posts: 1028
Joined: 6/20/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Jeffff

Lets all picture this scenario............ "Honey, I only paid her to fuck me up the ass. it didn't MEAN anything"

Think she'll go  for that?.... would you?

Jeff






That was kind of the point I was making.

(in reply to Jeffff)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Is it cheating - 9/14/2008 8:42:53 AM   
lateralist1


Posts: 886
Joined: 11/22/2006
Status: offline 		I think it's all been said.
Except at least you didn't find a non pro Mistress and lie to her as well.
Of course if you know your wife doesn't care a damn what you do as long as the money is there for what she wants then it's really a different story.
Whether we like it or not marriages of convenience exist.
Only you know what you feel.
If you don't care what your wife would feel if she knew then neither do I.
I don't know her. If I did I might hate her and feel that you are justified.
Morality is personal.
You have to think it through and decide for yourself.
I'm no ones judge except my own and my slaves if I had one.
I'm not a christian but I do like a lot of what Christ is purported to have said.
'Let him who is without sin cast the first stone'
Seems there are a lot of people on these boards who think they are without sin.
Maybe you want to do something that will break up your marriage.
Lots of people don't have the guts to do it so they live in fear.
However I think some people regret it when they do.
However there is a saying about regretting the things you didn't do more than the things you did.
It's complicated.
My advice is talk to your wife but be prepared for the possible consequences if you do.
I hope I have been of some help. If you want someone to talk to message me.

(in reply to kiwisub12)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Is it cheating - 9/14/2008 9:40:14 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Legally? Probably not.

However the question here is whether or not she will consider it as cheating if she discovers. Will it not affect the household budget if suddenly it's $300 shy every week? Will she be hurt and offended that you didn't share your needs with her?

Most of all, will keeping this secret not negatively impact the emotional intimacy of your marriage?

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(in reply to Jeffff)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Is it cheating - 9/14/2008 9:50:36 AM   
ExKat


Posts: 300
Joined: 8/25/2008
Status: offline 		  I would consider it cheating, certainly.
You wouldn't be asking if you didn't consider it cheating.
  Talk to your wife.

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testing
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(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Is it cheating - 9/14/2008 10:51:21 AM   
CruelDesires


Posts: 824
Joined: 11/20/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: badboyinneed

is it cheating to have a Pro Mistress if You are married and Your wife has no intrest in the lifestyle


No. It is not cheating when you pay another woman to fulfill your sexual needs and desires in a kinky and sexually perverted way. Expecially if your wife has no knowledge or understanding of this transaction or exchange of funds for kink.

*Tongue in cheek*

C-D

_____________________________

Reputation is what other people know about you. Honor is what you know about yourself.
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(in reply to badboyinneed)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Is it cheating - 9/14/2008 10:53:20 AM   
shiazn03


Posts: 90
Joined: 11/13/2007
Status: offline 		it's cheating only when your wife doesn't know about it and if she does know about, she is okay with it.

peace out, all!

(in reply to Jeffff)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Is it cheating - 9/14/2008 12:54:11 PM   
YourhandMyAss


Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline 		I disagree. There are certain things my Daddy wasn't comfortable with me doing, but knowing it was important to me, he allowed me to continue doing those things like being spanked and flogged and engaging in bdsm play with other men. Some of these men I had friendships outside of just the sexy type activities, and some were just people I hooked up with when ever I wanted spanked.


So. Your partner  being uncomfortable with the situation doesn't automatically make it cheating.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Shylahgirl

 It's also cheating if all involved aren't comfortable with the extended relationship.

Be honest and open to avoid cheating.

Shylah



< Message edited by YourhandMyAss -- 9/14/2008 12:56:52 PM >

(in reply to Shylahgirl)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Is it cheating - 9/14/2008 1:04:21 PM   
LadyLupineNYC


Posts: 618
Joined: 12/14/2006
From: NYC
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: YourhandMyAss
*snip*

So. Your partner  being uncomfortable with the situation doesn't automatically make it cheating.

*snip*


He is speaking about a vanilla wife, who he has NOT informed of his needs.  This is not about D &S-types exploring limits, its about him being uncomfortable with telling her, ending the relationship, etc.  As I mentioned on the original post when he 1st posted*grrrr*, we can never know what goes on between two people inside a marriage (or relationship), but having seen this type of ‘it’s not REALY cheating, is it??” questions so many times before, I agree with the majority here re ‘if you have to ask’.  If this was a kink relationship, that would be a different situation, but very few ‘vanilla’ wives would embrace what he is suggesting; if she was, he wouldn’t have to ask stranger so for the permission he should be asking from his wife.    *mini rant over*  


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(in reply to YourhandMyAss)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Is it cheating - 9/14/2008 1:10:59 PM   
LookieNoNookie


Posts: 12216
Joined: 8/9/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: badboyinneed

is it cheating to have a Pro Mistress if You are married and Your wife has no intrest in the lifestyle


Only if you told the Pro as you're handing her the money "this is from the both of us", when it's actually the money your wife was going to use for her divorce attorney.

(in reply to badboyinneed)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Is it cheating - 9/14/2008 1:11:42 PM   
metalmiss


Posts: 341
Joined: 5/4/2005
From: Croydon, UK
Status: offline 		i would say yes it's cheating.. at the end of the day it's something that you are hiding from her.. and not allowing her the opportunity to be ok with it. What that would mean for you if she happened to find out, depends entirely on your wife of course.

_____________________________

"The longing to serve, to submit, to abandon oneself sexually, emotionally, and physically makes one a slave either to a Man, a Woman or to God. Submission to that passion is divine degradation." - Dorothy C. Hayden

Owned by RavenMuse

(in reply to Jeffff)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Is it cheating - 9/14/2008 1:12:51 PM   
YourhandMyAss


Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline 		Yes. He is. I don't dispute that, but the other person, who I am replying to, not the original person. replied if your partner is uncomfortable with what you're doing it's cheating.  Making it sound kind of like a blanket statement that ALL people are cheating if their partners doing something they're uncomfy with.  Now I know it probably wasn't ment to be a blanket statement, but adding your perspective to a thread is allowed, regardless if the question has been asked a dozen times and is a dead horse subject lol. And that's my perspective, that not all uncomfortableness in regards to a situation is automatically cheating.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyLupineNYC

quote:

ORIGINAL: YourhandMyAss
*snip*

So. Your partner  being uncomfortable with the situation doesn't automatically make it cheating.

*snip*


He is speaking about a vanilla wife, who he has NOT informed of his needs.  This is not about D &S-types exploring limits, its about him being uncomfortable with telling her, ending the relationship, etc. 

(in reply to LadyLupineNYC)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Is it cheating - 9/14/2008 1:13:56 PM   
BKSir


Posts: 4037
Joined: 4/8/2008
From: Salt Lake City, UT
Status: offline 		Well, let's see...  if they don't both know about the other, especially your wife about your dom, then yes, yes it is.  Period, plain and simple.  It's no different than hiring a hooker, or having an affair in the office.  Wow, I hate when men think with the wrong head.  Makes the rest of us look bad.

_____________________________

We'll begin with a spin, traveling in a world of my creation. What we'll see will defy explanation.

I am the voices in your head.

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(in reply to LookieNoNookie)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Is it cheating - 9/14/2008 1:26:07 PM   
BKSir


Posts: 4037
Joined: 4/8/2008
From: Salt Lake City, UT
Status: offline 		I sure as hell ain't one of em!  After all, you can't spell 'interesting' without s, i, n. ;)

And, here's an idea, probably fulfill a COUPLE of the O.P's fetishes.  Take the money that you're paying the 'pro', and make a deal with your wife.  "I'll give you this money, if you spank me."  Roleplaying man, work with me here.  You get a red butt AND to feel like you're hiring someone.  She gets a little extra moneys for whatever.  No one is cheating.  It's a win win situation.


_____________________________

We'll begin with a spin, traveling in a world of my creation. What we'll see will defy explanation.

I am the voices in your head.

BiggKatt Studios

(in reply to CalifChick)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Is it cheating - 9/14/2008 1:32:50 PM   
Raechard


Posts: 3513
Joined: 3/10/2007
From: S.E. London U.K.
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: badboyinneed
is it cheating to have a Pro Mistress if You are married and Your wife has no intrest in the lifestyle


Technically no not unless the Pro Mistress is giving you the answers to a test you are about to sit. What you are doing I'd call adultery but everyone should have a go at this from time to time they are all at in the films and on TV and stuff.

You are not a true adult until you've participated in adultery. Some people say adultery is childish them people be fools I say because if adultery was childish it should be renamed Childery

Idiots wrote the dictionary discuss:

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(in reply to badboyinneed)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Is it cheating - 9/14/2008 1:38:15 PM   
faerytattoodgirl


Posts: 5824
Status: offline 		considering that this is the same(im almost 100% sure its the same) op who asked yesterday about being fucked with a dildo by a pro domme and not  to mention thinking he's gay...there is obviously sex involved and its definately cheating.


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I did not reply to your cmail.
I am flawed.
Imperfect.
MUST SPANK!!!
SPAAAAAAAANK!!!

(in reply to Raechard)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Is it cheating - 9/14/2008 1:57:52 PM   
MidMichCowboy


Posts: 665
Joined: 3/23/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Shylahgirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: badboyinneed

is it cheating to have a Pro Mistress if You are married and Your wife has no intrest in the lifestyle


It's cheating if you are hiding the fact that you are employing a mistress from you wife. It's also cheating if all involved aren't comfortable with the extended relationship.

Be honest and open to avoid cheating.

Shylah



She is right. End of it. No self justification changes that. Is it worth risking your marriage over?


_____________________________

I want to capture your mind, your spirit, your soul, your body, your devotion and your love. Then, will I give you my heart.

(in reply to Shylahgirl)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Is it cheating - 9/14/2008 2:32:25 PM   
proudsub


Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline
quote:

Now I'm going to sound like a total bitch when I say this: How can people get married and not know about their sexual interests and needs? If you aren't that self-aware, can you be self-aware enough to get married?


Easy--40 years ago--little sexual experience before marriage, no internet back then, much less open about sex than today.  Hubby was a virgin when we married and i had very limited experience in college. We knew nothing of this lifestyle until i was introduced to it online 8 years ago, except for the "good wife syndrom" that made me submissive to him.

_____________________________

proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan


(in reply to thetammyjo)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Is it cheating - 9/14/2008 2:40:57 PM   
LadyLupineNYC


Posts: 618
Joined: 12/14/2006
From: NYC
Status: offline 		I agree, while I have noticed that it seem much ‘easier’ for younger (oh no! a ‘kid these days’ comment *weeps* I SWEAR I’m not THAT old!!!) people to embrace their ‘kink’, those who have had less free access to information and therefore less ability to ‘classify’ themselves might have found themselves in this position.  That is why it is important to reassess your needs now, and ask yourself what is more important, the love you have for your SO (or has that love gone), what you REALLY need to be happy, and if it is truly impossible for that SO to not give some aspect of that happiness to you.  Naturally, other might quibble over the questions to ask yourself, but what I am really suggesting (assuming the OP is even bothering anymore, which doesn’t seem to be the case) is self examination of one’s mental and emotional landscape.   

    
quote:

ORIGINAL: proudsub

quote:

Now I'm going to sound like a total bitch when I say this: How can people get married and not know about their sexual interests and needs? If you aren't that self-aware, can you be self-aware enough to get married?


Easy--40 years ago--little sexual experience before marriage, no internet back then, much less open about sex than today.  Hubby was a virgin when we married and i had very limited experience in college. We knew nothing of this lifestyle until i was introduced to it online 8 years ago, except for the "good wife syndrom" that made me submissive to him.


_____________________________

Facta, non verba gratia placenti

"I have been looking for a way to serve the community that incorporates my violence..."


(in reply to proudsub)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Is it cheating - 9/14/2008 4:47:42 PM   
LATEXBABY64


Posts: 2107
Joined: 4/8/2004
Status: offline 		here is the problem  IF You Say it that you will not do that  and you do it is a lie there for it is cheating  other wise do not get married no one will care you can not say things tell people things then change your mind  thats when chaos happens that when the wife may sue you shoot you and the miss among other things  we do not know what deep dark bipolar things reside in people at least that is what they are calling it this days  shrugs rofl

just freak do what you say you will do   life will be good

(in reply to LadyLupineNYC)
Profile   Post #: 40
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