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RE: Is it cheating - 9/14/2008 4:58:22 PM   
subbisherri


Posts: 109
Joined: 5/28/2006
Status: offline 		It might not be "cheating," but it more than likely WILL turn out badly. It's not like "guy time" You're not going to Hooters to watch the game or hang out with poker buddies. This is part of your sexuality, and if you're in a relationship than it either must be with your partner or with the concurrence of your partner. Otherwise you shouldn't be in that relationship.

Just my opinion, I could be wrong.

But I can't see how it could turn out anything but wrong.

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Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Is it cheating - 9/14/2008 7:08:35 PM   
yourMissTress


Posts: 1665
Joined: 6/14/2005
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: badboyinneed

is it cheating to have a Pro Mistress if You are married and Your wife has no intrest in the lifestyle


Invite your Pro Mistress and your wife to lunch, together.  After you introduce them, with their respective relationship titles, ask your Pro Mistress to describe, in depth, to your wife the last few sessions you had with her.
 
Is your wife going to be upset?  About what?
 
There's your answer.

< Message edited by yourMissTress -- 9/14/2008 7:09:09 PM >

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Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Is it cheating - 9/14/2008 8:08:53 PM   
TanukiChan


Posts: 37
Joined: 3/11/2008
Status: offline 		...duh?
She doesn't know, she doesn't approve of the lifestyle, and in your eyes, you're consorting with another woman. It's cheating!

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Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Is it cheating - 9/14/2008 9:49:42 PM   
LATEXBABY64


Posts: 2107
Joined: 4/8/2004
Status: offline 		yes your right it is wrong     but we seem to water those things down here  its is like the feeliings of a spouse or partner do not matter or count  how stupid is that 


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Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Is it cheating - 9/15/2008 5:10:12 AM   
sambamanslilgirl


Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: badboyinneed

is it cheating to have a Pro Mistress if You are married and Your wife has no intrest in the lifestyle

if you made a promise to foresake all others and only to cleave unto her til death do you part for your wedded vows, then yes it's cheating

or

you could always pose the same question with her divorce attorney present

< Message edited by sambamanslilgirl -- 9/15/2008 5:11:40 AM >

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Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Is it cheating - 9/15/2008 7:21:12 AM   
CreativeDominant


Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline 		A therapist told me this a long time ago...if your partner thinks its cheating, it really doesn't matter whether or not you think it is since she is the one it is being done to.

Plenty of people before me have told you...and surely you must have realized without even asking; otherwise why hide it from her from the start?...that she would look at in a negative fashion, whether she took it to be cheating or not.

So, ball up and make a decision.  Either sit her down and speak to her about your needs and wants and desires and see if you can't come to a mutually-satisfying way to get those met or, at the end of the conversation, decide whether or not having those desires satisfied is worth losing a marriage over.  For me, having those desires and wants and needs satisfied...along with a couple of other issues...made it worth it.  For you, it might not.


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Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Is it cheating - 9/15/2008 7:25:56 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant

A therapist told me this a long time ago...if your partner thinks its cheating, it really doesn't matter whether or not you think it is since she is the one it is being done to.
This is very true. Our views or your views don't matter. Her view is the one that matters.


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Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Is it cheating - 9/15/2008 9:33:05 AM   
CallaFirestormBW


Posts: 3651
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline 		Did you discuss the possibility with her? Did she say "Ok, just so I know" or "Ok, but I don't want to know about it."? Do you have an "open relationship" clause in your marriage?

If so, no, it's not cheating.

If you're doing it without discussing it with her or sneaking around behind her back -- yeah, hate to tell you, but whether or not she's interested in the lifestyle and you're trying to use that as justification, you're still being dishonest, and that is cheating.



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Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Is it cheating - 9/15/2008 1:43:03 PM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		What does amaze me is how many responders appear to assume that there were vows taken when the OP got married. Most seem to be fixated on the bloody Judio-Christian old vows. have any of you considered that the OP may not be Christian? Many people today, write their own vows which have nothing to do with fidelity at all. Bloody hell as a Priest, I see many such vows in the marriages I perform. I get pissed off at the number of people who respond to such questions assuming that because they are Christian that all others must follow their faith... It gets as bad as the old Colledge Footbal where every time a TD was scored half the team would fall on their knees to give thanks to some God or another. Personally it becomes insulting and an embarasement seeing or reading such childlike behaviour.. Whilst I believe and support the right for each to follow their own beliefs I do not support the right to thrust such things in the faces of others who may find such things offensive..

Just my view on things

IB
(The incorrigible, irrepressible and irreverent Bear)

(in reply to CallaFirestormBW)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Is it cheating - 9/15/2008 1:44:04 PM   
Lynnxz


Posts: 4813
Joined: 10/3/2006
From: Atlanta
Status: offline 		*Coff*

Just fyi, the OP is a troll from a couple days ago. His other posts were deleted before they made too much of a mess.


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Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Is it cheating - 9/15/2008 2:59:43 PM   
thishereboi


Posts: 14463
Joined: 6/19/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear

What does amaze me is how many responders appear to assume that there were vows taken when the OP got married. Most seem to be fixated on the bloody Judio-Christian old vows. have any of you considered that the OP may not be Christian? Many people today, write their own vows which have nothing to do with fidelity at all. Bloody hell as a Priest, I see many such vows in the marriages I perform. I get pissed off at the number of people who respond to such questions assuming that because they are Christian that all others must follow their faith... It gets as bad as the old Colledge Footbal where every time a TD was scored half the team would fall on their knees to give thanks to some God or another. Personally it becomes insulting and an embarasement seeing or reading such childlike behaviour.. Whilst I believe and support the right for each to follow their own beliefs I do not support the right to thrust such things in the faces of others who may find such things offensive..

Just my view on things

IB
(The incorrigible, irrepressible and irreverent Bear)



Actually, when I responded, I didn't think about religion or vows or christianity. I thought about the previous thread he wrote asking if it was cheating to be with a Mistress. In that thread he stated that he has not told his wife about any of this. To me, that is cheating and had nothing to do with God.

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Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Is it cheating - 9/15/2008 3:59:24 PM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		I concur completely. I did not point my finger at any one responce but rather made a general comment based on the many responces. In my book, there is a time and a place to respond according to religious beliefs and even so it is best to add an addendum to the effect that the comment is based upon the poster's religious or other beliefs and upbringing and thus avoiding any misconception of it being a general comment based on an assumption that all follow the same code of conduct as the poster..


< Message edited by IronBear -- 9/15/2008 4:03:14 PM >

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Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Is it cheating - 9/15/2008 4:13:53 PM   
LATEXBABY64


Posts: 2107
Joined: 4/8/2004
Status: offline 		have you heard the term a spade is a spade    cheating is cheating  same diff only thing if it is   your right it is what she or he sees it as no matter what we think or how we approche it 
things are still the same    you can not make a wrong a right    even though some may try lol

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Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Is it cheating - 9/15/2008 4:37:37 PM   
naughtysubK


Posts: 62
Joined: 5/2/2004
Status: offline 		If they write their own vows,  are they not still vows? 

Is it possible to have a marriage ceremony where there are no vows at all?  religious or otherwise? 

(in reply to IronBear)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Is it cheating - 9/15/2008 5:34:11 PM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: naughtysubK

If they write their own vows,  are they not still vows? 



Of course they are. However, who is to say what the vows are and entail? Such vows may say nothing about monogomy at all and indeed could encompas a poly situation. In fact my own wedding vows said nothing about monogamy but I swor to use all my resorces both para military and financia;l as well as connections to protect and defend Neets. We both vowed to carfe and look after each other in sickness and bad health. Infact, had her family not been there, we would have added pourt pledge to eath other to care for and protect each others slaves (We at that time we both living a Gorean Lifestyle).

quote:

ORIGINAL: naughtysubK

Is it possible to have a marriage ceremony where there are no vows at all?  religious or otherwise? 


It is indeed quite possible to have no formal vows. Dependant in what locsatioin or country you are getting married in, all that may be required is the agreement for each party to accepot the other as their lawfull wedded spouse. In a sence this may be constrewed as a vow but I'd argue that it is an agreement under law and not a sworn vow.

You see what is being confused here are the Traditional Christian Wedding Vows where other religions have differing vows including the Pagan Handfastings (which I do a number each year). Some privately written vows include the traditional voiws to keep to each other till death does them part and a few even include those vows to love and obey from the bride.. It is really important to keep in mind that not everyone follows the Christian faith and has differing concepts. What is important is that both parties are on the same wavelength.


< Message edited by IronBear -- 9/15/2008 5:39:27 PM >

_____________________________

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Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

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Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Is it cheating - 9/15/2008 5:53:59 PM   
SailingBum


Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: badboyinneed

is it cheating to have a Pro Mistress if You are married and Your wife has no intrest in the lifestyle


The short answer is yes.  The long answer is Hell Yes!

BadOne

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Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Is it cheating - 9/15/2008 6:52:56 PM   
HornyToadsMI


Posts: 287
Joined: 5/19/2007
Status: offline 		YhMA - But He ALLOWS you to do them.  You two have communicated, and He ALLOWS it.  Now, if you two talked, and and He said no - that spins different on the dynamic.  If you went ahead....it is cheating. 

Now in a 'nilla relationship - if she choses to look the other way....then it is not cheating.  I assume the OP has other issues with his marriage.....just a feeling.  So, if she says yes, then GET IT IN WRITING so she can't use it against you later. 

quote:

ORIGINAL: YourhandMyAss

I disagree. There are certain things my Daddy wasn't comfortable with me doing, but knowing it was important to me, he allowed me to continue doing those things like being spanked and flogged and engaging in bdsm play with other men. Some of these men I had friendships outside of just the sexy type activities, and some were just people I hooked up with when ever I wanted spanked.


So. Your partner  being uncomfortable with the situation doesn't automatically make it cheating.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Shylahgirl

 It's also cheating if all involved aren't comfortable with the extended relationship.

Be honest and open to avoid cheating.

Shylah




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Profile   Post #: 57
RE: Is it cheating - 9/15/2008 6:54:36 PM   
HornyToadsMI


Posts: 287
Joined: 5/19/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lynnxz

*Coff*

Just fyi, the OP is a troll from a couple days ago. His other posts were deleted before they made too much of a mess.



Damn, Lynnxz, I wish I had read your post first.....that was 10 minutes wasted......grrrrrrr 

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Profile   Post #: 58
RE: Is it cheating - 9/16/2008 5:06:27 AM   
LATEXBABY64


Posts: 2107
Joined: 4/8/2004
Status: offline 		well that is the difference between chaos and balance   some try to rewrite things to make them become meaningless  shrugs  why get married  just be a swinger or sexual addict to blindless ambitions that lead no where

Oh boy thats a lot of fun NOT  

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Profile   Post #: 59
RE: Is it cheating - 9/16/2008 5:44:17 PM   
LookieNoNookie


Posts: 12216
Joined: 8/9/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: badboyinneed

is it cheating to have a Pro Mistress if You are married and Your wife has no intrest in the lifestyle


Pffffffffffft.

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Profile   Post #: 60
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