RE: The eroticism of a sub who desperately tries to please but can't

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RE: The eroticism of a sub who desperately tries to ple... - 9/17/2008 7:52:34 AM

CreativeDominant

Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: NuevaVida

At first I read the OP as a "setting up to fail" (and not in a good way scenario). I missed the part where he said playing with a willing sub... I think with some of us "s" types, pleasing the "D" type is felt down to our core, so even in a playful way, when we feel we aren't doing what is wanted, we do feel a sense of failure and frustration.

However, the scenario described in the OP has me picturing two people who are laughing their heads off while the dom is thoroughly amused by the sub's efforts. In a situation like that, I'd find myself laughing right along with him, trying to prove "Oh yeah? I sure as hell CAN do this!!!" and then calling him things like a dirty rat bastard when I couldn't.

I experienced just the opposite, though - rather than instruct me to perform the impossible, the former master instructed me NOT to do something that took all of my energy not to. He placed his cock on my upper lip and told me to keep it there - do not lick, suck, kiss, or otherwise touch. Just hold it there. And then he laughed his ass off while I uttered "I hate you" through clenched teeth. I did finally get my reward though, but after holding the position for an endless amount of time. Sadistic s.o.b.

Oh and I hate the word "funishment," too, for what it's worth!

Yeah...but you get "it".

(in reply to NuevaVida)

Post #: 41

RE: The eroticism of a sub who desperately tries to ple... - 9/17/2008 7:59:56 AM

NuevaVida

Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant

quote:

ORIGINAL: TreasureKY

You? Cranky?

I find that hard to believe.

I know...tis amazing, is it not? (note the 5)

No kidding. I'll mark this day on my calendar.

(click on the link on my sig line - that'll cheer you up!)

_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.

(in reply to CreativeDominant)

Post #: 42

RE: The eroticism of a sub who desperately tries to ple... - 9/17/2008 8:03:11 AM

TreasureKY

Posts: 3032
Joined: 4/10/2007
From: Kentucky
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: TreasureKY

Not all dominants are sadists who enjoy seeing their sub squirm, or delight in a reddened bottom... some simply enjoy being in a position of authority and being in control.

People seem to equate sadism with only physical acts. The very scene he's describing is sadistic. He's getting enjoyment from her discomfort even though it's not something physical involving pain.

Yep... poor wording on my part. Probably should have read "Not all dominants are the type of sadists who enjoy...". Though it's also true that not all dominants are sadistic.

(in reply to OsideGirl)

Post #: 43

RE: The eroticism of a sub who desperately tries to ple... - 9/17/2008 8:04:12 AM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
Status: offline

~ Fast Reply ~

Hang on a second...

You mean there are sadists here setting up sadistic evil scenarios for their personal amusement at the expense and humiliation of their submissives who can in no way accomplish the task!? Sadists who are more impressed with the attempt than the given expectation of failure? Worse - There are submissives that are sooooo dedicated and desire to please their Dominant to the point of not caring how silly they look or how impossible the task - they just try their best? What the hell nonsense is being spread here? My goodness - Next people will start discussing occasions where people are being beat them with floggers, paddles and canes! How can anyone tolerate a such activity? Disgusting!

I'm shocked! Shocked I say! Shocked & Appalled!

PS - Knew you couldn't stay away from the soap opera that is CM,

BACK Michael! See you next Friday!

(in reply to daddysprop247)

Post #: 44

RE: The eroticism of a sub who desperately tries to ple... - 9/17/2008 8:05:15 AM

RealSub58

Posts: 1073
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: pompeii
What I'd like, in this post, is to both get new ideas for such tease-and-please activity, and to better understand the motives behind the desire for such play.
Is this desire to give a command and then prevent the implementation of that command a common theme in your D/s play?

You sound like an emotional sadist.
If I had met my Sir and this was the type of play he used, it would leave me frustrated.
This is not something I would go for.
I want more than anything to know I have pleased him without my own frustration.

My Sir cares about my own emotions as well as his pleasure during our sexual time together.

I also believe this activity proprably might occur outside of play for you, something I could not endure. No my Sir is not like that.

(in reply to pompeii)

Post #: 45

RE: The eroticism of a sub who desperately tries to ple... - 9/17/2008 8:05:51 AM

BumbleBee2MsP

Posts: 37
Joined: 1/7/2006
Status: offline

i had to go back and read everything posted here. It was encouraging to read so many sensible replies that a sane sub would or should leave that abusive situation originally described. It was a little refreshing to read pomeii try to back peddle his original description and try to justify the obvious sadistic overtones by saying he never left any marks on her. The abuse was mental, therefore the damage would be mental.
A sub chooses to serve as a slave to a Dom/Domme that has shown a capacity to appreciate and value the subs efforts to please. If the ability to please is withheld then the only thing to learn is that the sub is not valued and that the efforts therefor the slave is not appreciated. i think the only thing that i learned from four months of experiencing this sort of behavior is that even though i know i am submissive, i will not be a slave under those abusive conditions.
All relationships whether vanilla, BD/SM or even societies "social Contract" is based on getting needs met in a mutually acceptable manor. This is accomplished through trust and respect. repeated impossible tasks will eventually destroy the trust and breakdown the respect. i think anyone that wants to set up impossible tasks so they can enjoy the subject struggle should go back to pulling off the wings of flies and leave people alone.

(in reply to OttersSwim)

Post #: 46

RE: The eroticism of a sub who desperately tries to ple... - 9/17/2008 8:13:12 AM

daddysprop247

Posts: 1712
Joined: 6/24/2005
From: DC Metro area
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

~ Fast Reply ~

Hang on a second...

You mean there are sadists here setting up sadistic evil scenarios for their personal amusement at the expense and humiliation of their submissives who can in no way accomplish the task!? Sadists who are more impressed with the attempt than the given expectation of failure? Worse - There are submissives that are sooooo dedicated and desire to please their Dominant to the point of not caring how silly they look or how impossible the task - they just try their best? What the hell nonsense is being spread here? My goodness - Next people will start discussing occasions where people are being beat them with floggers, paddles and canes! How can anyone tolerate a such activity? Disgusting!

I'm shocked! Shocked I say! Shocked & Appalled!

PS - Knew you couldn't stay away from the soap opera that is CM,BACK Michael! See you next Friday!

Merc, imo it might have been a bit better if the OP had actually phrased the scenario this way...under the context of a sadist who simply wants to delight in the submissive's emotional suffering brought about by giving her all to achieve an impossible task. cruel yes, but that's what sadism is about. however the OP seemed to emphasize that this was all fun and games, "teasing", that she would be "funished," etc. then again maybe that was just an attempt to justify his own sadistic urges to himself. or (more likely) we are really not talking about a D/s exchange at all, but a Top/bottom one in which sex and "fun" are the underlying purpose of everything, and nothing is taken too seriously.

(in reply to Mercnbeth)

Post #: 47

RE: The eroticism of a sub who desperately tries to ple... - 9/17/2008 8:17:36 AM

MrRodgers

Posts: 10542
Joined: 7/30/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

A submissive's fulfillment lies in her pleasing. Denying her that for a play session will associate play with negative reinforcement in her mind.

I cannot see how this could be a good thing for her.

I agree here. It it always best to reinforce how pleasing she is.

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 48

RE: The eroticism of a sub who desperately tries to ple... - 9/17/2008 8:19:35 AM

NuevaVida

Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth
I'm shocked! Shocked I say! Shocked & Appalled!

Reminds me of a line from one of my favorite movies: "I'm shocked - SHOCKED to discover gambling going on here!!"

_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.

(in reply to Mercnbeth)

Post #: 49

RE: The eroticism of a sub who desperately tries to ple... - 9/17/2008 8:51:07 AM

RapierFugue

Posts: 4740
Joined: 3/16/2006
From: London, England
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: BossyShoeBitch
I saw this thread as potential wank material.
Now I'm disappointed..

Welcome to the internet

Purely personal take on it: I wouldn’t. I get no thrill from setting subs/slaves up to fail, and thus the “entertainment” value of doing so is pretty weak for me.

That said, there’s a certain “impishness” (an awful word, but no worse than “funishment”, which sets my teeth on edge) to my interactions with any girl I like and care about, so maybe I do it, but in a more roundabout way.

(in reply to BossyShoeBitch)

Post #: 50

RE: The eroticism of a sub who desperately tries to ple... - 9/17/2008 9:15:01 AM

CalifChick

Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline

Edited because I'm not going to insult a friend.

Cali

< Message edited by CalifChick -- 9/17/2008 9:17:17 AM >

_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to CreativeDominant)

Post #: 51

RE: The eroticism of a sub who desperately tries to ple... - 9/17/2008 9:59:13 AM

shivermetimbers

Posts: 2060
Joined: 6/7/2008
Status: offline

We created a game we call "double or nothing". She was blindfolded, and I laid out a bunch of our toys on the bed next to her. She was told she has seen everything on the bed at one point, touched it, played with it. Well, I did have my tie tack on the bed, that was cheating, but it was there in case she guessed everything correctly.

I would take a toy, and touch her in various spots on her body. But I'd make it hard (again, more cheating on my part) like the feather duster...I would touch the handle end to her. So as she felt a toy, she would have to guess. If she was wrong, she could take a whack, or she could go double or nothing. If she was wrong again, I'd give her two wacks of what ever it was I was touching her with. Or in the case of the tie tack, a favorite of my own choosing. Too bad she has a needle limit, I would have poked her twice with it.

She guessed a couple items correctly, one was the paint brush, the other the Wartneburg wheel. So as her reward, I put the paint brush handle in her mouth like a bit, and worked on her with the wheel for a while. The other item was a favorite of mine to use and have used on me, my Pampered Chef spatula. She also got to enjoy that one for guessing correctly.

And if you don't have a lot of toys to play double or nothing, there's a plenty around the house (I harken back to a thread on the boards about favorite unusual spanking devices). A new personal favorite of mine became the cord for my cell phone charger. Wow does that thing make someone jump!

_____________________________

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(in reply to pompeii)

Post #: 52

RE: The eroticism of a sub who desperately tries to ple... - 9/17/2008 10:14:13 AM

simpleplan2

Posts: 461
Joined: 7/5/2008
Status: offline

I happen to fall on the lighten up side of the fence also; however, CD, if this mythical dominant decides he's going to play his way "and how much time is devoted to that could be construed as the submissive controlling the way in which the dominant chooses to play...must explain to me first what is going on"...well, he may be standing there all by himself at the end of playtime, you know what in hand, saying. "but...but...but...I was just having fun." Certainly it's not all about protecting her fragile ego but HIS two brain cells should tell him that it might be wise to make it clear that this is play...that he doesn't really expect her to do something physically impossible...

(in reply to CreativeDominant)

Post #: 53

RE: The eroticism of a sub who desperately tries to ple... - 9/17/2008 10:27:04 AM

giveeverything

Posts: 348
Joined: 9/4/2007
Status: offline

I'm all about the lighten up. I didn't read in the OP's original post that he is doing long-term psychological harm. I did read that he likes a bit of playfullness. So his way of playfulness is not yours, I think it's still not hard to see the intent and not jump to some immediate conclusion that he's some kind of meniacing dom out to harm his sub. This might be a bit of a high jack but the tread has already been high jacked, sometimes, when I read these threads, the content comes off as self righteous. New people get completely hassled for sounding self-righteous and condescending but then I studmpble on a thread like this were something so simple is taken out of context. Sigh...... makes me think I"m just kinky.... not a real and true lifestylist.

(in reply to simpleplan2)

Post #: 54

RE: The eroticism of a sub who desperately tries to ple... - 9/17/2008 10:48:10 AM

hardbodysub

Posts: 1654
Joined: 8/7/2005
Status: offline

I only read the first page of responses before I got fed up with the "holier than thou" attitudes, so if someone on page 2 or 3 wrote something like this, I apologize for repeating it. It sure seems that a lot of people here seem to take themselves and D/s way too seriously, to the point where they can't even understand someone trying to have a little fun with it.

For one thing, the OP didn't say anything about giving the sub an impossible task ALL the time. He's clearly looking at a scene where a sub's frustration can spice things up a bit. In that respect, it's quite similar to predicament bondage, as well as tease and denial. And it's a pity that a cute word like "funishment" can be so annoying to some. If you don't like the concept, don't use it. Others get a lot of enjoyment out of it, so get down off your high horse and let them have their fun.

For crying out loud, people, relax a little.

(in reply to pompeii)

Post #: 55

RE: The eroticism of a sub who desperately tries to ple... - 9/17/2008 11:40:23 AM

StormsSlave

Posts: 629
Joined: 2/6/2008
Status: offline

Folks, is it possible you're overthinking this one?

My Lord sets me up to fail occassionally. He tells me in advance. It's exciting to know that he's anticipating the pleasure of punishing me, his sadistic pleasure of having his way with me is always fun, and I thoroughly enjoy the process. Yes, we laugh about it, and have fun, then we have some fantastic sex. Sometimes he tickles me and orders me to be still. Sometimes he bites me and orders me not to make a sound. Sometimes he orders me not to cum. Sometimes he just picks at me all day and makes me laugh, then we have wild animal sex that night. Always fun.

Hmm...think I'm going to bed early.

_____________________________

Congratulate me...I'm a missus!!

--nobody's resident anything.

(in reply to Aileen1968)

Post #: 56

RE: The eroticism of a sub who desperately tries to ple... - 9/17/2008 12:00:24 PM

StormsSlave

Posts: 629
Joined: 2/6/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: natasha66 I am not a toy to be played with at the expense of my sanity, happiness, or anything else. If it were me, i would walk.

I kinda like being his toy to be played with. shrug.

_____________________________

Congratulate me...I'm a missus!!

--nobody's resident anything.

(in reply to natasha66)

Post #: 57

RE: The eroticism of a sub who desperately tries to ple... - 9/17/2008 12:05:28 PM

opposingtwilight

Posts: 684
Joined: 6/13/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: BossyShoeBitch

*sigh* Can't you guys lighten up a little? The op isn't talking about all that heavy stuff. It's not always about the heavy stuff. Sometimes things can be light and playful and both parties can just have fun..

No kidding. Everyone wants to go find a new Dom. Good grief; its just for fun. Now if it became "heavy" and were like an ongoing relationship thing ... Then its time to renegotiate but for one scene? Its just for fun. Loosen up a little.

_____________________________

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(in reply to BossyShoeBitch)

Post #: 58

RE: The eroticism of a sub who desperately tries to ple... - 9/17/2008 12:08:22 PM

RapierFugue

Posts: 4740
Joined: 3/16/2006
From: London, England
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: StormsSlave

quote:

ORIGINAL: natasha66 I am not a toy to be played with at the expense of my sanity, happiness, or anything else. If it were me, i would walk.

I kinda like being his toy to be played with. shrug.

I so get where you’re coming from but, as I said previously, and it’s purely a personal thing, setting a girl up to fail is just a bit lame (to me); challenge her yes, stretch her (mentally, rather than physically … although …

), and if I want to be sadistic or cruel to her to entertain or amuse myself? Sure, not a problem. But to set her “challenges” which are actually traps? Nah, not my thing. But best of luck and good wishes to those who do enjoy it, I certainly wouldn't say it was a bad thing, just not my thing.

(in reply to StormsSlave)

Post #: 59

RE: The eroticism of a sub who desperately tries to ple... - 9/17/2008 12:09:58 PM

CreativeDominant

Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RealSub58

quote:

ORIGINAL: pompeii
What I'd like, in this post, is to both get new ideas for such tease-and-please activity, and to better understand the motives behind the desire for such play.
Is this desire to give a command and then prevent the implementation of that command a common theme in your D/s play?

You sound like an emotional sadist.
If I had met my Sir and this was the type of play he used, it would leave me frustrated.
This is not something I would go for.
I want more than anything to know I have pleased him without my own frustration.

My Sir cares about my own emotions as well as his pleasure during our sexual time together.

See my post. See BSB's post. See Mercnbeth's post.

quote:

I also believe this activity proprably might occur outside of play for you, something I could not endure. No my Sir is not like that.

I am extremely curious as to how you came to this conclusion. What words of the OP did I miss that would have led you to this conclusion?

(in reply to RealSub58)

Post #: 60

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