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Do dominant women sometimes like resistant/hard to brea... - 9/17/2008 1:45:23 PM   
curiousdeviant


Posts: 5
Joined: 9/17/2008
Status: offline 		Hello.  I'm new to this site and scene and I am curious about exploring my possibly submissive side.

It seems to me as if most submissive men shown online are 100% submissive and would beg to be dominated and obey perfectly.  That doesn't really appeal to me, nor does a life style of submissiveness.  Instead, I'm wondering if there are dominant women out there who enjoy or even prefer a man who does not want to submit, but instead just prefers a woman who can force him to.  For me, this doesn't seem like it would be hard to do.  I am absolutely unwilling to hurt my partner (unless it's in a consensual manner for the sake of their arousal), and so if my partner is willing to hurt me she would likely be able to dominate me.

So my question is:  Are there women out there who want a man who puts up a fight?  Perhaps even one who isn't submissive by nature, but is just terribly aroused by a woman who wants to and can dominate him?

If you're interested in talking to me in detail, feel free to message me privately, also.
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RE: Do dominant women sometimes like resistant/hard to ... - 9/17/2008 1:54:26 PM   
AAkasha


Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline
Yes and no.

I don't enjoy dominating wimps, or men who are ready to bow down to any woman, and he's just waiting for a woman to say "ok" so he can get on the floor and grovel.

That said, I also don't enjoy 'breaking arrogant pricks,' either. I don't get off on the game of dominating "mr. tough guy" who thinks it's fun to be resistant just to make a woman turn "hardcore bitch" on him.

I enjoy dominating men that value their pride, their ego, their confidence, and who submission is something that comes from a process of seduction and honest vulnerability.  It doesn't mean they resist really, it means they are present and real.  I enjoy dominating men who find certain acts interesting, exciting, and a little scary - and they can't bring themselves to go to those places unless they are connecting with a commanding woman who can take them there.

In some situations, more "instant submission" can be ok and gratifying, if the guy has a good vibe, fun chemistry.  It's easy, that's for sure.  And I can enjoy that regularly and it does scratch a sort of itch; but when it comes down to it, when I am in the mood to do it for me, I have to do it my way, and that requires the bending of a man's will to some degree. No way around that.

There are also men who are in between. They may be readily submissive in some areas, but more difficult to bring into other things...and that's when there's a nice mix of total surrender and honest fear/hesitation.

Akasha


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(in reply to curiousdeviant)
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RE: Do dominant women sometimes like resistant/hard to ... - 9/17/2008 6:36:14 PM   
CallaFirestormBW


Posts: 3651
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline 		My preference in servants is having a servant who wants to serve. I don't particularly have that much interest in 'breaking' someone who really doesn't want to have me running the show, or whom I have to fight every step of the way.

Calla Firestorm

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(in reply to curiousdeviant)
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RE: Do dominant women sometimes like resistant/hard to ... - 9/18/2008 3:13:49 AM   
Lashra


Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline 		If he does not want to submit he is of no interest to me. No I do not want a doormat and I don't mind a bit of resistant play, but he had better want to submit to me or he is wasting his time and mine. I do not expect every man to drop to his knees for me, but the one who wants to belong to me will do so or he will be shown the door.

~Lashra


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RE: Do dominant women sometimes like resistant/hard to ... - 9/18/2008 4:18:25 AM   
LadyLupineNYC


Posts: 618
Joined: 12/14/2006
From: NYC
Status: offline 		For me, part of the thrill is the knowledge that, at any time, the male can stand up in the middle of flogging, say f*** this, and walk off and/or fight back.  The fact that he doesn’t, out of submission to me (and, yes, not just to ANY woman) is the turn on.  It’s part of the reason why also tend to use less bondage when I do a ‘scene’ so that when I do do bondage, its just for the sake of enjoying the artistry of it.   

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RE: Do dominant women sometimes like resistant/hard to ... - 9/18/2008 4:29:01 AM   
Dnomyar


Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		Lashra you are confusing me. You don't want all men dropping to their knees but will show them the door if they don't???  Op the same with you. You want to be submissive and you don't want to be submissive. Good grief it is only thursday and I still have Friday to go.

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RE: Do dominant women sometimes like resistant/hard to ... - 9/18/2008 4:39:04 AM   
MmeGigs


Posts: 706
Joined: 1/26/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: curiousdeviant
It seems to me as if most submissive men shown online are 100% submissive and would beg to be dominated and obey perfectly. 


That's not the case at all.  There are a lot of fellows out there who beg to be dominated and say they'll do anything, but when it comes down to it many are really only interested in submitting to those things that push their personal buttons.  Genuinely submissive men are rather rare.

quote:


Instead, I'm wondering if there are dominant women out there who enjoy or even prefer a man who does not want to submit, but instead just prefers a woman who can force him to.  For me, this doesn't seem like it would be hard to do. 


There are a lot of fellows out there who want to be forced to submit.  I have no interest in this at all.  It might be fun in the context of a scene once in a while, but as part of an ongoing dynamic it's definitely not for me.  To me, it seems like it would be a lot of work.  Kind of like dealing with a teenager, but with no hope that they'll grow out of it.

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RE: Do dominant women sometimes like resistant/hard to ... - 9/18/2008 4:43:11 AM   
MsStarlett


Posts: 1879
Joined: 12/23/2007
Status: offline 		There are a few men that I see periodically in my life... like the UPS driver or a couple of the guys at the gym that I would love to grab, throw them down and Force my will upon them.  But that's just a fantasy.

In real life, I don't want a bratty sub. 


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RE: Do dominant women sometimes like resistant/hard to ... - 9/18/2008 4:51:36 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		Maybe I'm reading this wrong, but if a person doesn't want to submit, why do I want him?  The resistance thing wouldn't go over with Me on a regular basis.  If somebody just plain doesn't want to obey and I have to force to all of the time, I wouldn't be interested long.  To Me, that's just not D/s because there's really no submission involved.

I don't want to have to fight with someone to gain their submission.  They either want to submit to Me or they don't. 


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(in reply to Dnomyar)
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RE: Do dominant women sometimes like resistant/hard to ... - 9/18/2008 5:16:22 AM   
LadyLou


Posts: 110
Joined: 7/10/2006
Status: offline
I think you are confusing ‘submissive’ with ‘doormat’, and from my perspective, you seem to be confusing submission with kink. It's cool to solely turned on by a physical/mental struggle in a scene, but have no inclination towards lifestyle type submission.

Those “100%” you mention, are for the most part horny dudes just looking to get off with anything that resembles female. They are not selective, and will seemingly roll over for anyone who asks, and more often than not before anyone asks… whether they have an audience or not. Whilst they are ubiquitous, they are not representative of the better class of male submissive. I suspect these ’horny dudes’ is the instant no-questions-asked submission you are observing.

No, I am personally not interested in anyone who is ‘hard to break’, and at the same time, I wouldn’t be interested in a man who just rolls over for anyone. I am interested in men who are selective and discerning in their submission. They submit to me, because they choose too, and for reasons that go beyond just being horny. They submit after trust has built, and when the more intimate kind chemistry, that can only be built up over time, is right . To me, this is a natural, organic type process.

Any man who plays ‘hard to break’ would loose my interest very quickly. Not only is it manipulative, but goes against what I consider a natural process in the kind of men I enjoy. To me, ‘hard to break‘, shows no desire for me, it shows that he doesn‘t want to be with me, it shows he has no respect for me, not to mention that fact it shows he is more work than he is worth. I know some women go for that kind of thing, but they are the ones you hear moaning and seeking sympathy at the office coffee machine about how her man don’t treat her right blah blah blah with genuine self pity and a total lack of understanding.

If I enjoyed men that are hard to break, I spend more time with my cat!

< Message edited by LadyLou -- 9/18/2008 5:22:12 AM >

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RE: Do dominant women sometimes like resistant/hard to ... - 9/18/2008 5:16:38 AM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		I consider a man who wishes to be over powered or forced, more a fantasy than any submission I would be interested in.  Those struggling years of enforced power were over a long time ago and I don't want a relationship where there is any form of struggle.  Submissive doesn't mean wimpish and a guy that needs to be forced doesn't mean manly or strong.  Give me a submissive that knows what he wants, is independent and leaves the games for the football field any day over a guy who's ego is firmly planted in a concept of manliness stemming from stubborness or fantasy.

(in reply to LadyPact)
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RE: Do dominant women sometimes like resistant/hard to ... - 9/18/2008 6:31:19 AM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline 		You know, I have to "fight" with the mundane world very often as it is -- the people in it, the institutions in it, even my feelings about what is going on.

Why would I want that in a partner?

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RE: Do dominant women sometimes like resistant/hard to ... - 9/18/2008 12:06:33 PM   
Lashra


Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline
quote:

I do not expect every man to drop to his knees for me, but the one who wants to belong to me will do so or he will be shown the door.


Let me unconfuse you dear. I do not expect ALL men to drop to their knees for me but the ONE who wants to belong to me WILL do so...clearer now?  If not do not worry about it, life is too short.

~Lashra


_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”






(in reply to Dnomyar)
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RE: Do dominant women sometimes like resistant/hard to ... - 9/18/2008 1:59:13 PM   
TwoNYCDommes


Posts: 237
Joined: 1/14/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha
Yes and no.

I don't enjoy dominating wimps, or men who are ready to bow down to any woman, and he's just waiting for a woman to say "ok" so he can get on the floor and grovel.

That said, I also don't enjoy 'breaking arrogant pricks,' either. I don't get off on the game of dominating "mr. tough guy" who thinks it's fun to be resistant just to make a woman turn "hardcore bitch" on him.


I largely agree with Akasha.  I like submissives with spirit and minds of their own, but I do not want a constant struggle.  If someone is not interested in submitting to me, I would not want to force him to do so.

(in reply to AAkasha)
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RE: Do dominant women sometimes like resistant/hard to ... - 9/18/2008 3:31:09 PM   
curiousdeviant


Posts: 5
Joined: 9/17/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Maybe I'm reading this wrong, but if a person doesn't want to submit, why do I want him?


I suppose because the woman I'm looking for wouldn't get off on the submission just because they like being submitted to, but because it's a power trip and they enjoy a challenge.

I think like I'm being slightly misinterpreted, or perhaps I misspoke.  I didn't mean to imply I'd be a bratty submissive.  Part of the thrill for me would be knowing that the woman dominating me could do anything she wanted and that if I tried to stop her I'd just end up getting punished/hurt. I'm not a masochist, I don't think, so I don't see myself resisting and playing some sort of game after she's initially proven she has what it takes to dominate me.  In other words, it's not so much that I want to play hard to break as it is I want a woman who can legitimately break me.

I'm going to review my first post to make sure it says this better.


< Message edited by curiousdeviant -- 9/18/2008 3:34:09 PM >

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RE: Do dominant women sometimes like resistant/hard to ... - 9/18/2008 4:18:52 PM   
MmeGigs


Posts: 706
Joined: 1/26/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: curiousdeviant
I suppose because the woman I'm looking for wouldn't get off on the submission just because they like being submitted to, but because it's a power trip and they enjoy a challenge.


You're assuming that you understand the motivations of people whose kinks you don't share.  This is pretty much always a mistake.  For me, it's a real power trip to have a strong, intelligent, confident man do whatever I tell him to. 

quote:


I'm not a masochist, I don't think, so I don't see myself resisting and playing some sort of game after she's initially proven she has what it takes to dominate me. 


For me, this isn't really that different than what you said in the OP.  Why should she have to prove herself to you?  Shouldn't the proving oneself stuff go both ways? 

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RE: Do dominant women sometimes like resistant/hard to ... - 9/18/2008 5:11:22 PM   
MyGoddessComplex


Posts: 1
Joined: 9/18/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha


Yes and no.

I don't enjoy dominating wimps, or men who are ready to bow down to any woman, and he's just waiting for a woman to say "ok" so he can get on the floor and grovel.

That said, I also don't enjoy 'breaking arrogant pricks,' either. I don't get off on the game of dominating "mr. tough guy" who thinks it's fun to be resistant just to make a woman turn "hardcore bitch" on him.

I enjoy dominating men that value their pride, their ego, their confidence, and who submission is something that comes from a process of seduction and honest vulnerability.  It doesn't mean they resist really, it means they are present and real.  I enjoy dominating men who find certain acts interesting, exciting, and a little scary - and they can't bring themselves to go to those places unless they are connecting with a commanding woman who can take them there.

In some situations, more "instant submission" can be ok and gratifying, if the guy has a good vibe, fun chemistry.  It's easy, that's for sure.  And I can enjoy that regularly and it does scratch a sort of itch; but when it comes down to it, when I am in the mood to do it for me, I have to do it my way, and that requires the bending of a man's will to some degree. No way around that.

There are also men who are in between. They may be readily submissive in some areas, but more difficult to bring into other things...and that's when there's a nice mix of total surrender and honest fear/hesitation.

Akasha



There is really no way I could put this better. kudos Akasha

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RE: Do dominant women sometimes like resistant/hard to ... - 9/18/2008 5:32:10 PM   
slavefortpe08


Posts: 15
Joined: 9/3/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MsStarlett

like the UPS driver ... I would love to grab, throw them down and Force my will upon them.  But that's just a fantasy.



wouldn't that point to a fetish for men in brown shorts? *winks*

(in reply to MsStarlett)
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RE: Do dominant women sometimes like resistant/hard to ... - 9/18/2008 6:45:04 PM   
MistressDolly


Posts: 917
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline 		ORIGINAL: curiousdeviant

"Hello.  I'm new to this site and scene and I am curious about exploring my possibly submissive side.

It seems to me as if most submissive men shown online are 100% submissive and would beg to be dominated and obey perfectly." 

You must be newer than new. :)



".......wondering if there are dominant women out there who enjoy or even prefer a man who does not want to submit...but instead just prefers a woman who can force him to.

Do you mean by that - are there dominant women who prefer to fight submission into a dominant man? Or a "submissive" Bottom?


No, though if I were into topping, wrestling, chasing or selling, I may.


"Are there women out there who want a man who puts up a fight? .....even one who isn't submissive by nature....."







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RE: Do dominant women sometimes like resistant/hard to ... - 9/18/2008 10:13:17 PM   
curiousdeviant


Posts: 5
Joined: 9/17/2008
Status: offline 		A bit of a disclaimer:  The question I asked here is more related to what I'm looking for in the girl of my dreams.  It doesn't mean I would be a bratty/poor sub if I ever was lucky enough to be able to serve a more traditional mistress, and I am capable of willfully submitting and being a good slave.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MmeGigs

Why should she have to prove herself to you?  Shouldn't the proving oneself stuff go both ways? 


Absolutely, and I don't see how I've implied otherwise.  I think what mostly goes on here is either lifestyle or part-time D/s.  I guess I already knew that in my question I wasn't looking so much for a mistress as I was a certain type of strong and dominant woman, but at least now I know where I won't find her.  I'm thinking more of this kind of dominant/submissive relationship within a more traditional relationship than I am domme/slave, as someone else realized above.

Thank you for the helpful answers.

(in reply to MmeGigs)
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