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RE: Born Or Created? - 12/1/2005 1:22:14 PM

blackangel77

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i am new to this but i would like to say i think perhaps both. my environment modled me to be dominant but my nature is submissive. and happier as a submissive

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RE: Born Or Created? - 12/1/2005 3:13:30 PM

fastlane

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if you are happy, I am happy.

We all love happy people here, at least until they piss us off.

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RE: Born Or Created? - 12/1/2005 3:24:40 PM

trueshadow

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I was born a slave. I have no doubt.

My earliest memories include a powerful desire to kneel to a girl or woman. My sexual identity involved a constant desire to be owned by a strong, powerful woman who would use me.

There were certainly no sexual or other circumstances that I can think of that would have led to my 'nurturing' into slavehood.

I think there are just some men and women who are born slaves or submissives. I consider myself a slave as I want to give up everything to my Mistress.

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RE: Born Or Created? - 12/1/2005 5:00:27 PM

Sensualips

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quote:

We all love happy people here

Hmph. Speak for yourself. I prefer cynical and sardonic people. Reminds me of my childhood.

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RE: Born Or Created? - 12/1/2005 5:47:45 PM

fyreredsub

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i think the submissive nature can be nurtured and trained ,brought along so to speak by a caring Dominant but the potential must be there to begin with.

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RE: Born Or Created? - 12/1/2005 5:56:02 PM

LilWhiteWolf

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Fast lane makes me happy with his quick wit and sarcastic humor...now that is uhmm born with, created or just being a smart ass i guess LOL just like me
which leads me to wonder about the original subject..born or created? i think in my case "hatched" may be a better word. truthfully it is a hard question...i detest authority yet i love the feeling of serving one Master. that is why i am the "rebel sub" ...grinning

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RE: Born Or Created? - 12/1/2005 6:12:50 PM

fastlane

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Thank you I think "dances with wolves?"

Well if you were hatched, atleast you know you got laid! Hmmm, that's what I need about now...........................bacon and eggs.

Fastlane turns off the pornography, grabs the spatula and scrambles his .......brain.

What else?

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RE: Born Or Created? - 12/1/2005 7:29:11 PM

buffiyum

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good question this and thank You for posting it.
buffy believe that each person is born with 'tendencies' either toward dominance or submissiveness. Then life takes over and either nurtures or kills that tendency. Or sometimes, just sometimes, we work through what life throws at Uus and are able to become more of what Wwe are, anyways in spite of, rather than because of, Life's trials and tribulations.
respectfully
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Post #: 28

RE: Born Or Created? - 12/1/2005 9:39:44 PM

phreakonaleash

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i also believe it is a bit of both. When i first heard of BDSM i thought it was rather wrong... degridation and such... how wrong could i be? i have grown to love (almost) everything that comes with the lifestyle. i dont have MUCH personal experience but the experience i do have i love. i am greatly interested in meeting new people to discuss the lifestyle so if anyone would like to chat, send me a message and i will reply as soon as i have a second. i am also new to this site so meeting someone soon would be great. hope E/everyone is doing well.

phreakonaleash xx

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RE: Born Or Created? - 12/3/2005 3:23:04 AM

spikex

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No, I wasnt conditioned into this, Ive had submissive desires since shorthly after I discovered my sexuality as a teenager.

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Post #: 30

RE: Born Or Created? - 12/15/2005 9:12:23 PM

jamesthehumanrug

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dear mojo
great point in your question about being born,as is....
i was born in a family of sadists siblings, not mom or dad ,but i eventually had no other choice, or aspects,in my daily life
but i musta had a propensity to be bottom by preference
or
i would be like them; VIOLENT;sadisitic ;ignorant; no character;no morality ,Nor compassion ,and ,supposedly straight -hets,-(remember ,that song, in the fifties ;gays use to make fun of straights,with ? it goes ..."het; het; wooooo- het; het- woooo ooo"...,by ,Dion?)anyway
you ,either turn out the same, or ,just the opposite,of your family
, so theres usually no, in-between, to predict, in a subjects' future.
your initial-crucial-fases of development
are experiences, from your family
and the family environment
you don't come outta' the blue ,
so ,of course its family!
even if you change all your environment
;you still return, to the family, for 24 hours of "emotional-poison," if that's the case and ,every positive change ,in environment ,or experience is turned back ,around,so
remove yourself, from the family environment and,experience and ,genetics and ,you have ,another possibly ....
which is not, only very hard to prove but,
very unlikely,
thats why" gifted childeren" should be recognized early and encouraged and ,sepparated ,from family ,as should abused children
be sepparated, forever ;completely, from the problem-family ;period!
no other way .
what :....
you gonna' wait ,till its, too late
,and that child lost their life or the chance for a full or different life and ,future for good?
cause, thats all that's gonna make you who you are.
you can,MAYBE,rize above it,
if you are the "exception" ,
and,only,if you can.
i was born a very masochistic slave is ,probably true ,unless i was removed, from my family ;which:
DEFINATLEY :was'nt ever the case (unfortunately), but i adapt ,I'M ,NOT MALADAPTIVE,and I defend my rights ,to:
"pursue happiness ",in my own way ,under the- american pursuit of happiness bill,in the constitution.

< Message edited by jamesthehumanrug -- 12/15/2005 9:29:38 PM >

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RE: Born Or Created? - 1/16/2006 1:22:52 AM

subiekitty

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theres a site
http://www.enslavement.org.uk/essays
that has a couple essays discussing a psych threory of how a submissive developes.

The thought it that nature provides a close awareness of the feelings of others and upbringing forges that into a submissive nature.

Personaly, my early life probly fit this mold. Though starting in mid teens i was asked more and more to serve my family and my own needs often neglected. This led me to fight against subbie-ness tooth and nail for many years. Though it seems everyone could see my submissive nature but me.

Then slowly i was shown by Dom/sub freinds how it was a healthy carring supportive thing, and i felt like i was comming home. It seemed so natural. So if it wasnt birth it was my first few years (birth till 8 or so) that gave it to me.

Hope this helps a little.

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Post #: 32

RE: Born Or Created? - 1/16/2006 9:21:08 AM

newflowers

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quote:

Born and then hopefully nutured. But usually not until we come to realize our submissiveness and seek out situations that nurture us. I feel the same way about dominance...that it's innate.

gina -

i think this is such a major point - until we know for ourselves, until we learn this part of ourselves and accept and begin to understand it so that we are able to seek and develop situations and relationships that nurture our submissive nature - until this, it does not really matter if we are born this way if there is no recognition, no acceptance, no development of the innate nature.

newflowers

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RE: Born Or Created? - 1/16/2006 9:29:10 AM

justheather

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I vote: Born.
This stuff was in my head way too early to have been learned (we're talking before any grasp of the concept of sexuality) and I have no memory or evidence of someone having influenced said nature into being.
Im pretty darn grateful to have been born this way, but then again I would hope Id be happy with myself if I wasnt.
Still, it provides a venue for some pretty intense exploration of the human condition.

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RE: Born Or Created? - 1/16/2006 10:16:34 AM

Sensualips

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Once again, I will invoke the rubber band theory. You are born with certain properties that will not change. However the environment can bend and stretch and twist and snap you.

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RE: Born Or Created? - 1/16/2006 10:17:09 AM

tendergirl

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I have thought about this quite alot. I am 43 and only identified "who" I am in November 2005. I realised that I felt happiest when an ex was firm and controlling with me, the first man to ever do that. I stumbled upon the subject during that time and when I read about being a "submissive" in a bdsm sense, I realised that the definition of a true sub was exactly who I was not what I was.

I sought out and am now in a satisfying 24/7 D/s relationship and I have never felt more happy, secure and free. At last I am satisfied in every arena of my world. Phew!!! For years I just thought I was a person who could not be happy and could not be satisfied and would never be content. I was just in the wrong arena.

Now, how did this come about? Was I abused as a little girl (perhaps)? Was I controlled by a mean, strict father, certainly. So maybe, it was nurtured. Who knows.

I have an innate need to please, to serve and I love nothing better than to be bound tightly in a bondage situation. It fulfills me like nothing else in this world ever has.

This is not what I do, it is what I am.

love from tendergirl (owned by GMAN50)

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RE: Born Or Created? - 1/16/2006 3:33:46 PM

kinkiminx

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Interesting question...

I believe its both nature and nurture, though any nurture for me came a little later on.

I was brought up to be a very strong person, and at the same time naturally responded to family conflicts by becoming very assertive and even bossy -quite the opposite of submissive... however as soon as I met my first boyfriend, I felt myself becoming very submissive in a sexual sense and it wasn't long before I was tied to the bed (despite being very young at the time!)

Now, I'm a very confident and assertive person in life, but in a romantic situation I love to be with someone I can submit to, -on a when-required reality-based tpe basis, not a constant roleplay one!-

I feel that both my romantic/sexual submissive side and my everyday life dominant side are there by nature, but that I've grown into them through life experience too, though its never possible to be completely sure, I'm pretty sure my sub side is natural rather than aquired because the feelings were always there long before I could explain or understand them and there is something so fullfilling and natural about it when I find someone I can submit to that it doesn't seem it can't have been there in the first place.

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RE: Born Or Created? - 1/16/2006 3:38:49 PM

IrishMist

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MojoRisin

is a person born submissive? or is it a way of being that is created through experience?

i think people are born gay, so are you born submissive?

Hmmm...I would have to say that I was not born submissive, I was introduced through my late husband ( though he often told me that it was my submissiveness that attracted him in the first place )....so....while I may think that I was not born this way...who knows, maybe we are.

/shrug

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RE: Born Or Created? - 1/16/2006 6:20:44 PM

amayos

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MojoRisin

is a person born submissive? or is it a way of being that is created through experience?

i think people are born gay, so are you born submissive?

An impossible question. Who could possibly answer, for sure? I believe there is room for a little bit of Darwin and a little bit of Freud in us all, not to mention other things.

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RE: Born Or Created? - 1/16/2006 6:56:21 PM

camigirl

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quote:

is a person born submissive? or is it a way of being that is created through experience?

i think people are born gay, so are you born submissive?

First i would like to say, i dont see "submissive" as just my sexuality. Its part of my whole being.
With that said...each of us, men and women are born with both Dominant and submissive traits. One side may be more prevailant (and life has an impact on it) and some people have a more even balance (ie:switches)

For me personally, its just most natural for me to follow or yeild to a stronger infulence, rather than needing to be the stronger infulence.

Thats my story and im sticking to it,
camigirl

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