Need advice- what have you girlies done? what would you do? (Full Version)

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megggy -> Need advice- what have you girlies done? what would you do? (9/17/2008 8:52:25 PM)

So i met my master on here, I just turned 18 sept 2...so i'm kind of young. I see a lot of you on here are older so I'd like advice from you and what you would suggest in the situation.
Along with being young...i take care of body (easier said than done) so i take pride in it i KNOW i look good. so finding a master that didn't just want me for my body was hard.
I finally found him ...we just clicked we are so perfect for eachother, i'm entranced by this dude. And having a D's relationship i found out is really what i needed in my life to make me happy (and knowing it's not a weakness it's just part of who i am has also helped).
So saying this...i'm very fond of him. He wants to meet asap,  we are thinking Jan. He's 24 so not too much older...he isn't immature (he's not an 18 year old man going through puberty) he wont make me take intense pic's or do anything on cam except show my face...he seems so perfect ...i really trust him...to know whats best for me etc..very smart......
BUT....going to meet him picking him up from the airport..in like jan...is that unsafe?..how exactly should i go around meeting him?
i really like my master and i feel bad i have to ask for advice about this like i'm not trusting him...cause he means so much to me...... and i know once i see him irl i'll be way comfortable with him..it's just getting to that point (i'm kinda way shy sometimes)..and i know the horror stories.
so if someone else could give me ideas on how i go about meeting him..how did you meet your master for the first time from online...etcetc...just give me input please.
thanks.



LadyFluke -> RE: Need advice- what have you girlies done? what would you do? (9/17/2008 9:01:58 PM)

Simply put: if it doesn't feel safe to you, don't do it.

If you're still bent on meeting the man, perhaps you can ask very nicely if he'd take a taxi or something to meet you at a restaurant? So that way you can meet him for the first time in a openly public place and decide?



monywildcat -> RE: Need advice- what have you girlies done? what would you do? (9/17/2008 9:08:29 PM)

Well, now, you are probably going to hear a lot of "it's not safe to meet and pick him up alone at the airport".  And it's good that you are aware of the horror stories. 

I would suggest that perhaps you could meet him at the airport, and you guys take separate vehicles to somewhere to chat and get to know one another in real time?  Erring on the side of caution here.  After all, Ted Bundy didn't get his victims by telling them exactly how he wanted to brutally murder them beforehand. Jefferey Dahmer probably didn't share exactly how long he planned on boiling his potential victim's brains, either.  So while that is incredibly morbid, it is something to think about.  If your master is truly as wonderful as you say, he should not have a problem with you taking precautions.  Remind him it is to protect what he sees as "his" property.  He wouldn't want anything bad to happen to you, right?



megggy -> RE: Need advice- what have you girlies done? what would you do? (9/17/2008 9:14:35 PM)

that's the thing i feel safe it's just what other says.
i get good hunches...i've never been wrong and my hunch says its fine.
it's just other people :/



monywildcat -> RE: Need advice- what have you girlies done? what would you do? (9/17/2008 9:18:46 PM)

I agree, my hunch is (almost) never wrong, but when it's my safety at stake I wouldn't want to be wrong that one time.  You may very well be right, and you will be just fine, everything will be awesome.  But it would be perfectly awful if things went south.  One must be careful in this day and age, whether you meet someone online, at the bar, or at Wal-Mart.  I hope things go well!  Would love it if you would post or jot down a quick journal entry about the first meet.  And how it went. 

But seriously, I wouldn't advocate picking people up at Wal-Mart.  There's some weirdos there!![:D]



aravain -> RE: Need advice- what have you girlies done? what would you do? (9/17/2008 9:30:27 PM)

If it feels sketchy to you... don't do it. BUT it seems like you're saying it doesn't.

Either way, though, I would suggest at LEAST taking a friend (who's either open to the lifestyle, or who could at least be a good 'chaperon' for you and your 'internet boyfriend' if he/she isn't) or a couple you're friends with and then go out on a date.

It beats having to take two different cars, and you're with someone else at any point... I do suggest that this friend be male, or that the couple has a male, though because, sad but true, predators who prey on women are less likely to try anything when another man is around, and the other man, if he's looking for it, can usually tell if he's sketchy or not (whereas you might be too swept up in the 'first meet' to notice). That isn't to say that taking a girlfriend without isn't bad, it's just, erroneously, safer to have a man there too/instead.

You could even set up a 'safe phrase' with your friends. If you or them utter the phrase at any point, you're to find a way to politely get the hell out of there, maybe drive the guy to a hotel room or give him a taxi place's number. Good safe phrases would be something like 'You'd LOVE my cat Fluffy!' when the speaker doesn't even have a cat, that sort of thing.

But I'd also like to be slightly old fashioned, silly, generally patronizing and point out that, unless you met him somewhere else... the maximum that you've known him is 7 days (gotten from right under your name in your post). One week. It's good that you're waiting till January to meet him, that shows some real maturity on both parts to let a relationship really bloom and get at least mostly out of that lovey-dovey phase... but maybe it's the cynic in me that throws warning bells when I hear someone so smitten so quickly. I wouldn't ever, EVER place a huge amount of trust in anyone, no matter how awesome they seem to be, until I've met them face to face or have been talking to them for YEARS. Then again, I've been burned pretty badly by both 'friends' and an internet 'relationship' so I might be biased. It's also true that people you meet face to face can be total snakes as well... sooooo take this worth a grain of salt. :) I just wouldn't have been able to sleep without saying it

EDIT: to make me not sound like I only believe in single sex couples [:D]



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Need advice- what have you girlies done? what would you do? (9/17/2008 9:31:51 PM)

The safe thing would be to meet at a nuetral public restaurant together with your own independent transportation.  Eat, chat, hug, walk away.

Anything other than that is wading into what people talk about as the "bad risk zone."

If you already call him master, why are you asking us?  Why isn't he determining how it will go and what the risks will be?

My advice- just please use condoms.  If you're still together in four years, post back here.



FaerieQueene -> RE: Need advice- what have you girlies done? what would you do? (9/17/2008 9:38:38 PM)

While I personally am a fan of meeting in a neutral location, I understand if it doesn't work in this situation. A few general guidelines that I have read about/developed/been advised of:
Make sure a friend/family member/etc knows where you will be and with whom. Let them know the general plan for the evening, where you should be, whatnot.
Arrange to call said person the next morning to let them know how the "date" went.
And as the lovely people above stated, trust your instincts. I have learned that, even thought I may desperately want to believe someone.... I can identify "red flag" behaviors.

As always, the above is imo. :)

Hope that helps, and best of luck!



megggy -> RE: Need advice- what have you girlies done? what would you do? (9/17/2008 9:39:46 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

The safe thing would be to meet at a nuetral public restaurant together with your own independent transportation.  Eat, chat, hug, walk away.

Anything other than that is wading into what people talk about as the "bad risk zone."

If you already call him master, why are you asking us?  Why isn't he determining how it will go and what the risks will be?

My advice- just please use condoms.  If you're still together in four years, post back here.



first off thanks for everyones help.


my master does say how everything will go down in the end, but he also cares to hear about my opinion, if i had it my way i'd wait probably till like...two years to meet him i'm so shy lol, nope he says when we are meeting, BUT i can't help but to be nervous about it is all.



GreedyTop -> RE: Need advice- what have you girlies done? what would you do? (9/17/2008 11:27:28 PM)

Most airports have food courts.. why not go there? have coffee.. talk, etc.  



shiazn03 -> RE: Need advice- what have you girlies done? what would you do? (9/18/2008 1:17:21 AM)

definitely start out meeting at a public place.  think twice about staying at a hotel with him and/or having him stay at your home. 

and just as important, have fun!  [:D]



lizcgirl -> RE: Need advice- what have you girlies done? what would you do? (9/18/2008 4:39:18 AM)

A friend of mine went to meet a guy she had known only online and she took myself and another friend with her. All three of us had told at least 2 other people where we were going and it was like a musical chorus of cell phones the entire time with every one checking up on us. We kept it casual and the 4 of us hung out at a public place. He then stayed in a hotel and the next day she cut it down to taking only one of us and it was just because we were having a good time with the guy. He turned out safe but she felt a lot better knowing that she had backup, a lot of people knew where we were, and my other friend brought her mase. (I'm just sayin'...)



trisket -> RE: Need advice- what have you girlies done? what would you do? (9/18/2008 4:44:18 AM)

All good advice here.. one very real point.  Dont do anything without someone in your immediate personal life, (meaning family member, best friend, your entire athletic team, your sorority sisters,, whoever) knowing you are going to meet this person.  Use a safe call once you are with the person in the PUBLIC meeting place.  Call when you first get there.. and every 30 minutes just to "check in".  Call again when you are in your personal car leaving.. with the seat belt on.. the doors locked.. driving away .. with him in another car.  Do NOT go with him.  Do NOT get in your car and go to his hotel from the initial meeting.  Give it time to chill.  Cover yourself with all saftey measures.  He won't have a problem with this.. because he wants you to be safe.  If he does have a problem with any of this...... There's your sign.  Be smart.



eyesopened -> RE: Need advice- what have you girlies done? what would you do? (9/18/2008 4:58:29 AM)

Oh hell, pick him up at the airport, yes, go to the food court after picking up his luggage and just sit and talk.  I can't think of a more public place and comes complete with a ton of security officers.

You could suggest to him that for at least the first night of his stay that he get a motel room.  That way, if you don't like him or he doesn't like you as much as either had hoped, there's a Plan B available.



Dnomyar -> RE: Need advice- what have you girlies done? what would you do? (9/18/2008 5:57:04 AM)

Greedy and eyesopened have given you some great advice. It seems that you are really rushing this. How can he be a Master if you have not yet met him?  This whole thread may just be a waste of time but I hope that you can take advice. I've seen to many on here who just blew it off.



megggy -> RE: Need advice- what have you girlies done? what would you do? (9/18/2008 6:01:51 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar

Greedy and eyesopened have given you some great advice. It seems that you are really rushing this. How can he be a Master if you have not yet met him?  This whole thread may just be a waste of time but I hope that you can take advice. I've seen to many on here who just blew it off.


lolllllllllllllllllllllllllll uh wtf, i wasn't asking for advice on how someone is my master, stick the prompt.



RCdc -> RE: Need advice- what have you girlies done? what would you do? (9/18/2008 6:02:47 AM)

Just allow for yourselves to have seperate space in case you or he just aren't into a relationship when you eventually meet.
If you are getting good vibes and no red flags, I can't think of anything else to suggest other than use protection.  If you do have someone you can tell you are meeting a blind date(which is basically what it is) then tell them, but if you feel all good about it, best thoughts!
 
the.dark.



DesFIP -> RE: Need advice- what have you girlies done? what would you do? (9/18/2008 6:04:01 AM)

He needs to get himself a hotel room, not to plan to stay with you. You should agree to meet at a restaurant/coffee shop at the airport. If there are buses or trains to the airport, take one. That way there's no worry about driving him anywhere. You both take the bus into downtown and then you can direct him to where he needs to go.

And sorry, he doesn't decide when or where you meet. You don't do what he says until you feel comfortable submitting to him, which happens after you meet him and not before. This telling you what you have to do sight unseen is a red flag in my book.



megggy -> RE: Need advice- what have you girlies done? what would you do? (9/18/2008 6:04:02 AM)

and thank you all (most of you) for your advice. I don't think my airport has resturants outside the gates...but we can just sit down and talk or something. This made me feel a lot better, i need to stop second guessing what I know i feel.
And of course my friends will know where i am at ( i had them call every 20 mins last time i met a guy online..which was great...but got annoying finally when the guy was fine and the phone kept ringing LOL).
but ty ty feel so much better. :)



RCdc -> RE: Need advice- what have you girlies done? what would you do? (9/18/2008 6:10:33 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: trisket

All good advice here.. one very real point.  Dont do anything without someone in your immediate personal life, (meaning family member, best friend, your entire athletic team, your sorority sisters,, whoever) knowing you are going to meet this person.  Use a safe call once you are with the person in the PUBLIC meeting place.  Call when you first get there.. and every 30 minutes just to "check in".  Call again when you are in your personal car leaving.. with the seat belt on.. the doors locked.. driving away .. with him in another car.  Do NOT go with him.  Do NOT get in your car and go to his hotel from the initial meeting.  Give it time to chill.  Cover yourself with all saftey measures.  He won't have a problem with this.. because he wants you to be safe.  If he does have a problem with any of this...... There's your sign.  Be smart.


All this is great advice in writing.  In practice, it's pretty much bullshit.
 
the.dark.



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