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RE: Confused, in too fast with ProDomme? - 9/21/2008 8:17:33 AM

lilsubrt

Posts: 41
Joined: 5/17/2008
Status: offline

Dude, to this little one it's an easy call,

" Find The Damned Door, Don't Look Back, and Run Like Hell, Don't Walk !! "

    It would appear She has no to very little regard for your real " Needs ", these are needs not wants, ie; your retirement. That my friend is no trifling matter, it is real and can devastate you. It is this one's opinion that No Domme that cared about you at all would nor should ever cross a line like that. She Should be wanting to work with you and grow that for the two of you, so that the two of you could use it and enjoy it. Therefore She does not care about you, hence please see the statement in quotes above.

    Example here is that Goddess warns him constantly about not overextending himself when he offers Her gifts, See the difference guy! In the example as you presented it the Domme seems to be telling you She cares little and that you need to look out for yourself. Friend That Is Baaaaaaaaaaaad !!!!!! While this one understands and respects your " Biological Clock " thing, again it is his opinion that this is a bad fit for you and forsees only more unhappiness resulting from it.

    And lastly, if you are not or can not be happy, you Will Not Be A Good sub, Period !!!!

    Hope You get it resolved and all works out,
    lilsubrt

(in reply to crouchingtigress)

Post #: 21

RE: Confused, in too fast with ProDomme? - 9/21/2008 8:30:32 AM

Tracey201

Posts: 1
Joined: 9/20/2008
Status: offline

If you want to be used I will use you for 20% less. I will even give you 20% more domination.

(in reply to MaleSlaveAnon)

Post #: 22

RE: Confused, in too fast with ProDomme? - 9/21/2008 12:13:30 PM

MsSaskia

Posts: 415
Joined: 9/9/2004
From: Denver
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Tracey201

If you want to be used I will use you for 20% less. I will even give you 20% more domination.

roflmao! Oh yah? Well I can dominate that client for 25% less and give him 30% more domination! Commence bidding war!

(in reply to Tracey201)

Post #: 23

RE: Confused, in too fast with ProDomme? - 9/21/2008 12:39:30 PM

MamaDomme1

Posts: 377
Joined: 1/12/2008
Status: offline

30% less money and 40% more Domination here!

(in reply to MsSaskia)

Post #: 24

RE: Confused, in too fast with ProDomme? - 9/21/2008 12:47:32 PM

LadyLupineNYC

Posts: 618
Joined: 12/14/2006
From: NYC
Status: offline

Ladies! Ladies...Let's not sell ourselves short here. Clearly we can do some sort of 'bulk Domme' deal...

_____________________________

Facta, non verba gratia placenti

"I have been looking for a way to serve the community that incorporates my violence..."

(in reply to MamaDomme1)

Post #: 25

RE: Confused, in too fast with ProDomme? - 9/21/2008 12:50:33 PM

undergroundsea

Posts: 2400
Joined: 6/27/2004
From: Austin, TX
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MaleSlaveAnon
i'm giving up the possibility of love (except developing slave love for Her over time) and being in a primary relationship with a woman

I think the need to be loved is a fairly fundamental need; I consider this need to be more fundamental than my masochistic needs. I came to this conclusion by recognizing that a need to be loved is common to the human experience, and that I can identify moments in my life where my masochistic needs were dim but cannot identify moments when I did not wish for romantic love. I think it would help you to introspect about whether you can set aside your want for romantic love. Some forms of submission align well with romantic love and the two do not have to be mutually exclusive. That said, some people do find tremendous spiritual and psychological gratification in devotive service and devotive love, and for them service takes priority over a romantic or sexual relationship. I think the question to ask is which type of relationship fits you, and what are your needs with respect to receiving love.

If receiving love is more important for you, it is relevant to what type of relationship you will find satisfying over the long term, and also opens up other options for you. A male sub could find companionate love with a female sub, and then seek to serve as a couple.

I sense you feel that you might not be able to find the two together, which is a reasonable concern. It can take years to find such a match, which I understand is why you are willing to participate in a relationship that has a monetary basis. I think your approach to find a professional relationship is fine. I know many professional dommes. Some will broaden their relationship with a client to include service submission outside of paid sessions if the compatibility and chemistry is there. Towards this approach, I think you should assume that the professional relationship must be sustained. If you are willing to spend $1000 a month, I am optimistic that you can find such an option.

quote:

She also said She owns me now and there is nothing i can do about it. That part may be true cause i already have cravings so i'll keep seeing Her and getting in deeper.

quote:

Were i to look elsewhere i'm afraid it'd be hard to find someone and what issues would there be with them?

quote:

BUT, wouldn't She understand and expect me to, and WANT me to be rational enough to be having second thoughts when we've had very little interaction and dialogue, the plan would include me moving 400 miles to live near Her, when i don't know what my life would be like as Her slave (and She doesn't either--i asked),

quote:

When i just mentioned a few of my underlying feelings (with NONE of the specificity of the above) She said She doesn't like this and if i'm having second thoughts why should She waste Her time with me? Well that doesn't have me feel i can actually discuss much with Her, except very carefully.

The craving you feel towards her is not unique to her. I think your biggest reason to consider staying with the relationship is that you feel you might not have any other options. I am confident you can find other options that are better for you; I am confident you can find a professional domme who is ethical and has compassion about her clients or slaves. I am more optimistic about your idea to serve a local professional domme multiple times a month via paid sessions to have an ongoing professional relationship and offer service alongside this relationship.

The current relationship does not promise much of a caring connection. Some women see submissive men as lesser men and this social distance allows easier flow of sadism and opportunism, which is fine for masochistic relationships. Some women genuinely love men and do care about the sub they take. I think you would be happier with a woman of the latter type.

Regardless of what she tells you, indeed you have a choice about whether or not to participate in this relationship. And it is fair and wise of you to think about the practical and rational aspects, and whether the relationship would be satisfying for you, as well to expect that if you have concerns you should be able to discuss them. Each pairing of people define their own brand of BDSM; you do not have to expect a brand that does not suit you, nor any claims that your behavior is untrue.

I think it would help you to remain involved in your local community, and these forums. I think the forums are a wonderful way to get to know about others, and express more about yourself. I can remember instances of when I knew a domme who was not active in the forums or this site but was seeking a sub, and my positive impressions about a sub local to her who participated in the forums led me to point his profile out to her. Anything can happen.

I wish you well. If you have any questions about my post, you are welcome to email me directly.

Cheers,

Sea

(in reply to MaleSlaveAnon)

Post #: 26

RE: Confused, in too fast with ProDomme? - 9/21/2008 12:51:57 PM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

ROFL, I was waiting for this last night... Somehow I am hearing the tune... I'm a traveling man, made a lot of stops, all over the world...

(in reply to LadyLupineNYC)

Post #: 27

RE: Confused, in too fast with ProDomme? - 9/21/2008 1:04:30 PM

undergroundsea

Posts: 2400
Joined: 6/27/2004
From: Austin, TX
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyLupineNYC
You're right, maybe they deserve each other. While that does seem an unreasonable list, we have no idea what she has been offer by him either. I am just pointing out that, while I am dubious of her, I am ALSO dubious of him.

I see nothing in the thread that suggests they deserve each other or are a good fit.

One's take on a matter is affected by past information that is more immediate to that person. I have come across scenarios of exploitation and I think money can bring up funny motivations, which affects what I read into this scenario. I expect you have encountered unscrupulous subs and clients in the past, which I expect affects how you read into this scenario.

Cheers,

Sea

(in reply to LadyLupineNYC)

Post #: 28

RE: Confused, in too fast with ProDomme? - 9/21/2008 1:12:05 PM

E2Sweet

Posts: 649
Joined: 7/8/2008
From: TopLeftCornerOf, OH, USA
Status: offline

Here's what I gather from the OP:

My intuition tells me perhaps she will be initiating a discussion of "Power of Attorney" very soon, if she hasn't already...

Sorry, I see this turning from a very bad situation into one that is far worse the longer it goes on. I personally don't see anything positive coming from all this

Edited for spelling.

_____________________________

E2Sweet™
"If it doesn't make you smile then chances are you're not doing it right."

(in reply to undergroundsea)

Post #: 29

RE: Confused, in too fast with ProDomme? - 9/21/2008 1:16:29 PM

LadyLupineNYC

Posts: 618
Joined: 12/14/2006
From: NYC
Status: offline

‘Unscrupulous’? Yes, I suppose. But what I see here is like something else I used to seem quite often. The clients (though similar things have happened as a ‘lifestyle’ Domme) who come in, maybe they are married and this is their ‘freedom’, maybe there was something about me that triggered something - they profess love, but don’t my ‘real’ name. I have had men upset that I had a personal slave, feeling they were somehow more deserving. Gifts? I have been offered all sorts of things. I know I am not alone in this. What I saw in this man’s posts was someone blinded by, yes, I will say it, selfishness. I am not saying that she is not also selfish, but she laid out (best as I can see) her terms. If he is uncomfortable, that is fine. Like I said in my first post, they have mismatched needs. My secondary, tongue in cheek comment, came from that place of jaded experience; the one where others desiring submission do not see that it is THEIR vision of submission they seek, the desires/needs of the dominate notwithstanding.

_____________________________

Facta, non verba gratia placenti

"I have been looking for a way to serve the community that incorporates my violence..."

(in reply to undergroundsea)

Post #: 30

RE: Confused, in too fast with ProDomme? - 9/21/2008 1:57:25 PM

undergroundsea

Posts: 2400
Joined: 6/27/2004
From: Austin, TX
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyLupineNYC
But what I see here is like something else I used to seem quite often. The clients (though similar things have happened as a ‘lifestyle’ Domme) who come in, maybe they are married and this is their ‘freedom’, maybe there was something about me that triggered something - they profess love, but don’t my ‘real’ name. I have had men upset that I had a personal slave, feeling they were somehow more deserving. Gifts?

I think what you are saying that you were frustrated these men professed love and yet did not know your real name, which makes me think you felt that they were seeing you as an object of realizing a desire and fantasy without enough personal interest in you. Did I understand you correctly?

I think you are giving her more credit than she deserves. She did not just lay out her terms for him to accept or not. She is forcing her terms on him, not addressing his needs and interests, not allowing him to discuss any concerns, and telling him that she already owns him and that he cannot back away.

quote:

What I saw in this man’s posts was someone blinded by, yes, I will say it, selfishness <snip> the one where others desiring submission do not see that it is THEIR vision of submission they seek, the desires/needs of the dominate notwithstanding.

I think each person cares about their wants and interests, which is fair enough. But I am interested to see what you are seeing.Which of his concerns or wants do you find selfish and unreasonable?

Cheers,

Sea

(in reply to LadyLupineNYC)

Post #: 31

RE: Confused, in too fast with ProDomme? - 9/21/2008 2:07:09 PM

LadyLupineNYC

Posts: 618
Joined: 12/14/2006
From: NYC
Status: offline

I cannot see his mind, nor has he wished to further explain. Clearly, according to his post, he needs are not met. Her requests, as he presents them, seem unreasonable. But, as others have pointed out, he is looking for a ‘lifestyle’ situation in the arms of a ProDomme. Having been a ProDomme and currently the Mistress of my lover I can speak only from my own experiences. He stated that he purposely went to a Pro (“a strategy for finding a dominant woman is approaching professionals”), while looking for a Mistress, but he wants an owner, not a transaction. He went to her in bad faith, something which she has returned. Even slaves have free will, so does he. I don’t care what she says about him having ‘no choice’, clearly he does. He is making, in my opinion, bad choices based on his desires. She is making, let’s be fair here, good ones since it involves her gaining financially. I don’t have to agree with her, no one does, but it is what it is.

_____________________________

Facta, non verba gratia placenti

"I have been looking for a way to serve the community that incorporates my violence..."

(in reply to undergroundsea)

Post #: 32

RE: Confused, in too fast with ProDomme? - 9/21/2008 3:13:48 PM

undergroundsea

Posts: 2400
Joined: 6/27/2004
From: Austin, TX
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyLupineNYC
I cannot see his mind, nor has he wished to further explain.

You said he is blinded by selfishness. What makes you think that he is?

quote:

He stated that he purposely went to a Pro (“a strategy for finding a dominant woman is approaching professionals”), while looking for a Mistress, but he wants an owner, not a transaction. He went to her in bad faith, something which she has returned.

I do not know enough about him to vouch for his character and affirm that he has genuine intentions. However, I read his post differently. I understood him to say that he ideally would like to be a slave husband to a wife. However, because of his age and the odds he thinks he has, he is instead seeking a relationship that is based on payment. His post does not say that he expects the payment to go away, but instead that he is concerned about how much he is paying and whether his needs will be met. Yes, he is looking for a relationship that extends beyond sessions with a professional domme, but he is prepared to pay. And it seems he has expressed that he is seeking a relationship beyond sessions. What about this approach do you find to be in bad faith?

quote:

He is making, in my opinion, bad choices based on his desires. She is making, let’s be fair here, good ones since it involves her gaining financially. I don’t have to agree with her, no one does, but it is what it is.

It seems your metric for whether a choice is good or not is how much it serves the person making the choice regardless of how good it is for the other. I disagree. I think win-win choices are best and are most resilient.

And I am confused. You say she is making good choices because her choices benefit her at his expense. For him, you say he is making bad choices and yet that he is being selfish. These statements do not add up.

Cheers,

Sea

< Message edited by undergroundsea -- 9/21/2008 3:27:05 PM >

(in reply to LadyLupineNYC)

Post #: 33

RE: Confused, in too fast with ProDomme? - 9/21/2008 4:34:19 PM

ElanSubdued

Posts: 1511
Status: offline

MaleSlaveAnon,

There are so many red flags in the scenario you've described that I lost count.

quote:

i began an online relationship with a Pro-Domme, P.S., followed up by a weekend trip to see P.S., and She seems to expect that i have no second thoughts about being owned by Her.

Generally, professional Dominas don't have relationships with their clients. Clients are *clients*. You pay and the Domme renders service as agreed upon. It's a financial transaction. That's all there is to it. Professionals would go out of business if they engaged in relationships with their clients because generally once a relationship starts, a "client" becomes a friend, boyfriend, etc. and no longer pays.

quote:

i'm 65 and a strategy for finding a dominant woman is approaching professionals. Though my ideal is being a slave husband to a wife, on collarme i find a ratio of only 3 dominant women to 255 slave and sub men ages 60 to 70.

This is a HUGE RED FLAG. Professionals are not looking for dating relationships with clients. This is the reciprocal of my comment above. Professionals are *professionals*. A professional sees clients because these people are their revenue stream. It's a job. Just like at work, you don't go to work for shits and giggles with your boss. Rather, you go to work because your boss pays you. You're the boss here. Once you've paid and the job is done, the contractor (in this case the Domina) has no more interest in you - she's rendered the service and has been paid. Now sure, you can hire the Domina again and she may well take the contract, but this is her job, not her personal life. When work is done, she wants to leave work at work (and in this case the work she wants to leave behind is *you*).

For accuracy, I'll add this side note. On extremely rare occasions, a professional domina does fall in love with a client. Usually, at this point, the client ceases being a client and becomes a boyfriend, pet, husband, what-have-you. This isn't the norm. In fact, in the pro-Domme world, given that many clients are actually people looking for relationships, this is one of the things a professional Domina must filter out. Unethical professionals use the "dating hook" to bilk money from people who otherwise wouldn't pay for services. Ethical professionals usually turn away such clients because this sets up both the client and the Domina for mismatched expectations. A job usually doesn't go well when the boss and workers have different expectations as to what constitutes a satisfactory outcome.

quote:

i'm giving up the possibility of love (except developing slave love for Her over time) and being in a primary relationship with a woman since P.S.'s primary relationship is Her slave-bf who She'll have children with.

This Domme already has her relationship partner who she is having children with. As you've alluded, you would not be her primary partner, but my guess is that you wouldn't be her partner at all. Rather, it sounds like you'd become a financial resource and part of her job.

quote:

i could live in Bali and Thailand half the year every year for what i'll be paying in tribute.

This says it all right here. Poly family's often contribute to the household, but that's not what you're describing here. The arrangement you've described is one of tribute. This isn't a poly family. Instead, you're paying tribute for services. It's more like a long-term contract for professional services. In other words, you'd be her employer.

quote:

If we including the children She wants with Her slave bf to be husband develop into a poly family, will i develop the liking, loving, knowing, common interests, values, and conversations that people have said needs to be there for LT relationships. i don't feel able to do this with Her so far, but She didn't talk much to Her slave-bf either.

Do you want to see your boss after you've gone home from work? I'm guessig you don't and probably neither does this Domme. More importantly, you're not feeling comfortable about the current dynamics. These types of things tend to get worse, not better, as they play out. Communication is very important. I wonder if the slave, boyfriend, husband-to-be knows anything about you (other than that you're part of her job). It's quite possible that the boyfriend knows nothing about you.

quote:

For the $1200 tribute to see Her overnight as She wants me to do monthly i felt i got little of Her attention, Her being either in Her room or with Her friends, so i start thinking i'd much rather try developing a relationship with someone local with 6 $200 sessions and have 6 hours of play time with full attention instead of 30 minutes of full attention play time and a couple of hours of foot worship while She was on the internet or talking with Her friends. Plus after Her first online "session" She never did another.

Again, there's just so much wrong here that I don't know where to begin. First, booking sessions with a professional has nothing to do with developing a relationship. You're hiring a contractor and it is unethical and unprofessional of you to think and behave otherwise. Imagine you started making inappropriate advances toward a female co-worker. That's what you're doing here. Next, you were not happy with the service you got. Indeed, it sounds like you paid for an overnight session and instead got only thirty minutes of the actual service. The Domme was talking with friends and browsing the Internet? You don't do these types of things while at work. It sounds like she had her fill of you shortly after you arived and thus figured out a way to fulfill her contract by having you give foot worship while she went about conducting her life. If this is what you contracted for, great, but I'm guessing, based on your displeasure, that this isn't the case. In other words, you got ripped off and should expect a refund (which you're not likely to get).

quote:

When i just mentioned a few of my underlying feelings (with NONE of the specificity of the above) She said She doesn't like this and if i'm having second thoughts why should She waste Her time with me? Well that doesn't have me feel i can actually discuss much with Her, except very carefully.

Of all the things you've written, this is perhaps the biggest warning and foreshadowing of this Domme's true intention. What she's saying to you is: if you're easy money, she'll have you around, however, if the going gets a little tougher, she'll look elsewhere. You have a right to have all your questions answered. It is critical that you have your questions answered. I'd steer far clear of anyone (professional or otherwise) who dismissed my concerns as this Domina has done to you. And then there's this tell-tale sign: no Domme who is interested in you as a relationship partner would say, in response to your concerns, that you're "waisting her time". Rather, this is what someone says when the marketing effort exceeds your estimated revenue value.

So now I'll get down to the bottom line. The two of you are quite a pair. The Domme is likely a scammer. Lord knows there are plenty of scammers on the Internet and certainly I've seen quite a few on Collar Me. You... well, frankly... you're approach is full of subterfuge and, in my opinion, is unethical. You want a relationship. You want a wife. You're not looking for sessions, but see this as a way to get access to dominant women. Ick. That's just creepy. I realize it's probably not your intent to deceive these women, but that's what you're doing.

If you want a two hour session, go to a professional, pay your money, and, after the two hours is up, you're done and so is the Domina. If you want a relationship, don't go to a professional. Rather, go to a munch, participate in your local BDSM community, volunteer to collect funds at the door of your local play party, and sure, approach people online and make it clear that you're looking to get to know someone for dating and a relationship.

As far as the situation you've described in the OP, I'd abandon this pronto. You both have different expectations. I'm guessing neither of you has been honest with the other. The Domina may well be a scammer (it sure sounds like it, but then again I'm not sure what you told her). I agree with you that it's not easy finding the kinky partner of your dreams. The approach you're taking though is pretty much guaranteed to fail and during the process you're going to lose a lot of money. So... dump this Domina and the situation, and try again with a more honest approach. And please, leave the professionals alone. The last thing most professionals need is yet another client who is sneakily looking for a relationship. You're wasting the time, resources, and money of the Domme and you're wasting your own resources too.

Elan.

(in reply to MaleSlaveAnon)

Post #: 34

RE: Confused, in too fast with ProDomme? - 9/21/2008 4:40:04 PM

LadyLupineNYC

Posts: 618
Joined: 12/14/2006
From: NYC
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: undergroundsea

*snip*

And I am confused. You say she is making good choices because her choices benefit her at his expense. For him, you say he is making bad choices and yet that he is being selfish. These statements do not add up.
*snip*

The short of is that I agree- they are a poor match (a I have said many times)

_____________________________

Facta, non verba gratia placenti

"I have been looking for a way to serve the community that incorporates my violence..."

(in reply to undergroundsea)

Post #: 35

RE: Confused, in too fast with ProDomme? - 9/21/2008 4:59:39 PM

undergroundsea

Posts: 2400
Joined: 6/27/2004
From: Austin, TX
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress
my point is that there are folks out there that want that sort of reltionship...its not good or bad...it just would not work for me

Sure, I see your point and agree that there are people who want or seek monetary relationship and more power to them. If I did not feel that this situation is not fully mutual and that she is exploiting his desperation, I would say the same for them. I agree with your post.

Cheers,

Sea

(in reply to crouchingtigress)

Post #: 36

RE: Confused, in too fast with ProDomme? - 9/21/2008 5:05:47 PM

undergroundsea

Posts: 2400
Joined: 6/27/2004
From: Austin, TX
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyLupineNYC
The short of is that I agree- they are a poor match (a I have said many times)

I agree that they are a poor match and will gladly rest our discussion on this point.

Cheers,

Sea

(in reply to LadyLupineNYC)

Post #: 37

RE: Confused, in too fast with ProDomme? - 9/21/2008 5:48:31 PM

rob425

Posts: 154
Joined: 12/1/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

You are being used.

Akasha

I have to agree....When I first entered the lifestyle I thought it was only Yes Mistress, but my first dominant told me that sometime its ok to say No even if its something you think you want.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

A pro can feel something for a client slave, but in this case, she is taking him for his money and not respecting his limitations and is trying to pull one off by claiming him and all that nonsense. The only thing pro about this one seems to be scammer.

x2 she is playing into his fantasy.

quote:

ORIGINAL: undergroundsea
He is a client who is being asked to move 400 miles and rent an apartment so she can use this apartment to see other clients. He is a client who has been told that to have a relationship with her, he will need to tribute her $1200 once a month to spend one night with her, during which she spends little time giving him attention.

I'd say he is a pretty convenient client for her.

He is a client who is being given a pitch that is supposed to resemble a personal relationship however he feels that the types of conversation that need to occur for a personal relationship have not occurred. He is a client who has been discouraged from discussing concerns he has about how the relationship is developing.

To be fair, do we have an idea of what kind of domme she is?

Cheers,

Sea

(in reply to AAkasha)

Post #: 38

RE: Confused, in too fast with ProDomme? - 9/22/2008 12:08:14 AM

MaleSlaveAnon

Posts: 3
Joined: 9/14/2008
Status: offline

OP is here, thank you all for your help, concern, intention for my well being, and considered responses.

Reading them, I mentally went to withdrawing the suspension of disbelief, benefit of the doubt, and trial trust I grant my ProDomme, to give a relationship a chance to begin and develop. Upon feeling there was no relationship, it was interesting to feel my state of mind shift from being in an ongoing submissive/slave state with almost never-ending sexual need for domination that I don't want to take the chance of not being able to fulfill to just popping out of it, feeling clear-headed, and the craving absent.

Talking (IM) to Her again in the middle of writing this, i see that state coming back. She wanted a date for me to come next month. i tried to resolve our relationship and how much attention time She would give me next time, but now i project She's mad at me for not appreciating all the IM time She's spent with me since then:

(Regarding seeing Her on the weekend, $1200 tribute for a day:)

She says (parentheses my comments), "I gave you a lot last time, you worshipped my feet (was great, and attention on TV except for 5 minutes),  I gave You a golden shower (was great, 10 minutes of attention), I spanked you hard (was great, 20 minutes of attention), I took you to a BDSM club (extra 50 for Her entry, i've been to plenty BDSM events, She was with bf and friends, spent not even 2 minutes just with me the whole time, i did worship Her boots a while as She stood talking to Her friends--at Her Pro-Domme's friend's suggestion, She didn't think of it Herself), isn't that enough?"

"You stayed at my house the entire weekend (extra 100 for second night--she slept all day), you cannot expect me to spend all that time with You (I'm not asking that, how about 3? hours of session time?)."

"I talk to you for hours on the internet." (Yes, She has been generous since the weekend, and yet the talking is mostly "hi," Her replying "right, good, yes" to my long sentences after minutes between my IM and Hers back, Her problems and my encouragement (which is good from a relationship standpoint but should I have to pay for it?),  NO sessioning, almost no domination, in total little i'd want to pay for.

It's wierd recounting minutes like this for an accurate portrayal, and in the context of developing a relationship not so important, as long as indeed a relationship is being developed.

Before the weekend last time we discussed the BDSM activities we would be doing, that we'd make some video clips, and that there would be enough dungeon time, that She would be training me a lot, but probably it wouldn't be enough time to break me.  In the back of my mind i had the idea that at a bulk rate there would surely be at least as much interaction as at an hourly rate. From my submissive mind state, She's running it, i'll see what happens. Yes from this new 20-20 hindsight i can see about being specific as to the amount of attention, but what really matters is intention. i don't want attention from obligation or going through the motions.

i think She feels criticized, She sees that She did do some things, and if i think it's not enough, i'm not appreciating all the IM time She's been giving me with little tribute, and thinks i'm expecting way too much. She might be wondering now if i'm just suckering Her into IM time and not planning on coming again, am i flaking so She shouldn't waste any more time on me?

i feel in all that time on the weekend, i did my part, drove 4 hours each way, tributed 1350, and for Her to devote that little attention to me just doesn't seem to me that She followed through with Her part, even if i was just a client, and didn't put in the quality time with me to develop the intimacy of our Mistress/slave relationship, that She says takes time.

She did say it is personal and She never thought of me as professional, but She can't be a girlfriend, only a Mistress. She says Her bf and husband/father to be also gives Her money.

-----

So it's interesting, how do I say to Her I'm asking You these questions to judge Your responses to see if You mean the words You say or are just saying them to make money from me or both?

And aside from violating limits, what's wrong with that? Wouldn't the best escort make you feel like you really were her/his boyfriend/girlfriend, and the best Mistress make me feel i really am Her slave? But then i want the intimacy....

----------------
Switching gears here so I can get this posted. Some comments I make are off the top without my considering other aspects or counter arguments.

I'm not in imminent danger of giving all my money away. I am concerned about developing a fetish or sexual compulsion or obsession, ie being turned on by giving money, especially more and more money and somewhat to my dismay found that there was turn on in the realness of being dominated to send money.

---

As a client, I've never been late, never cancelled an appointment, and have almost without exception been exactly on time, and have always been respectful and obedient, and have always been welcome back.

I think it's fair and not unusual for a client to wish to be the personal slave of a Pro Domme, at the same time knowing that the likelihood is small, but it does happen. I'm upfront before the first session that I want something ongoing that extends between sessions, and ideally leads to doing things between sessions but just meeting the first session.

But things change over time and now I see there's more to discuss and make clear, and perhaps confusion on my part between gf and Mistress and both intimacy, and client and personal.

-----

I could just say She's a scammer, in fact the biggest red flag was when way in the beginning She suggested that instead of having to go through whatever to get Her Her gift maybe I wanted to just give Her my credit card number and She could take care of it. Yeah, right, like what do i do if it's maxed out the next day.

But nobody's all one way.

But her slave bf thinks a lot of Her, seems a straight shooter. After i was there, not in the beginning, but maybe by the time i left, plus Her bf likes me, well then things feel a little different, and She gradually gets less pushy about trying to get all the money She can from me, maybe even appreciate that i'm on IM a little, kind of transitioning happening here, no question She's spending a lot more IM time than She'd should be doing with a client, than She did with me in the beginning, ....

Also no question tribute is part of the equation. But then if Her bf also gives Her money, the money doesn't necessarily negate everything else.

Hmmm. Actually, if She does steal, like by getting a credit card number and stealing the money, i'd be outta here.

-----

Settling. Yeah. Don't know if i can really do TOO much of that in the end. I'm getting more realness out of Her now but it's slow going and I don't think She understands communicating and working things out, plus i'm in the sub position.

Settling for nobody, wouldn't that be a form of settling? Or settling for whatever's up with the next one instead of the current one?

Or how much less fussy do I need to be.

i don't care for the attitude of the only woman in my age range on collarme in California, so i have to go outside of my age range, which would be fine with me if they'd write back, but... i tried about a hundred responses to craigslist ads, no cut and paste, written to the ad, without any replies back. i went out with a very nice newly learning Domme from a BDSM class, but when i told her i have genital herpes .... (i was hoping since i can provide oral well and don't expect intercourse it would be ok.)

-----

Yeah, that's a whole little scammer trick She does there of getting me off the market right away first thing, wants me to put that i'm Hers on my profile immediately

whatever happened to dating before becoming exlusive?

-----

The thing about no love, She did say She would love me as a slave (scammer theory adherents lol here),
but
She said it was stupid to even ask about whether I could have a girl friend or see another Mistress (i don't remember if i asked if i could have a slave), She would be the woman in my life.

Well, i'm human, so for that to be healthy for me seems to me it has to be a personal, intimate relationship with Her.

But that fall in love love, or the love that would fall in love if they loved me back but it's ok i can still feel my love for them (probably an older guy thing), would that be there?

Anyway, i don't think it's responsible for a Dominant to restrict a sub from types of relationships without having some fulfillment, such as romance, intimacy, love for those relationships planned, probably presumably through the Dominant.

i think it is exploitive for a Pro-Domme to try to keep a client from a relationship with a non-pro so She can keep the client paying.

hmm, now i'm starting to enter the scammer camp.

----

That's right, my draw is for my submissive fulfillment with a Domme and not so much for Her specifically. i was hoping my feeling for Her specifically would come along as i got to know Her, added to by the Mistress/slave dynamic, and have found certainly strong intimacy in a session with someone i didn't know, and a little of that has developed, but it was difficult to actually connect with Her, i think She's kept that gaurded.

---

So if i need to move on, let's see...

At them moment i'm ok but it has been that i can't stand not having a Mistress, feel desperate, know i should take my time, but ....

i've been trained to need or maybe want permission to cum, so i'm not sure what i'll do when that need gets strong enough--how long has it been since i've cum without having gotten permission first? Two years maybe?

----

Maybe this is why people say you shouldn't jump in fast, because when i do then i'm in this mode of being submissive, giving them the benefit of the doubt, having to make a break to get out of it, looking at them as a person, devoting resources to prove that in fact it's not going to work anyway, passing on other opportunities in the meantime, having to agree, believe, obey because i'm in a submissive state and my brain makes me think and believe in a way that will not interfere with my submissive (sexual) cravings.

(in reply to LadyLupineNYC)

Post #: 39

RE: Confused, in too fast with ProDomme? - 9/22/2008 12:30:58 AM

Usako

Posts: 697
Joined: 7/29/2006
From: NYC
Status: offline

Damn...I'll do what she did for $500, and even throw in extra minutes. lol

Seriously, she's using you badly.

Cut her loose and save your money. If you're THAT desperate at least find a woman who won't use you that bad...I mean yikes. Even some of the bitcher money grubbers I've seen are less expensive.

I don't understand the whole "desperate need to submit that one would ignore all common sense" but honestly, being alone and not used HAS to be better than what...$1300+ for 30 minutes of attention? Pfft.

(in reply to MaleSlaveAnon)

Post #: 40

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