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RE: "Just lower your standards" - 9/22/2008 2:40:26 PM

Ialdabaoth

Posts: 1073
Joined: 5/4/2008
From: Tempe, AZ
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Twicehappy2x

I think you are looking wayyyyy to hard at the physical.

You're right. And I need to do something about that. But the thing is, the non-physical needs are a lot easier for me to meet. It's the physical that is the most difficult, so it's the physical that I focus most acutely on. Maybe I need to rework how to communicate that?

quote:

Hasn't anybody ever given you approval/loved you for who you are instead of what you have done/can do?

I'm not going to elaborate because I don't want to risk sounding whiny again, but no. They haven't. We all work with what we have.

quote:

Get some serious psychiatric help. Nobody should have to base their worth on a crowds approval. You need to learn to approve of yourself, to place a value on yourself as a human being for who you are inside. Once you learn to do that, you might see a change in your "must haves".

Already working on it, but thank you (and thank you all) for this advice. The process of seeking GOOD help is a hard one, and worthy of several threads on its own merits. Perhaps one of us should start one at some point.

(in reply to Twicehappy2x)

Post #: 141

RE: "Just lower your standards" - 9/22/2008 2:44:47 PM

Ialdabaoth

Posts: 1073
Joined: 5/4/2008
From: Tempe, AZ
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: angelslave77

My first thought is not so much that your standards are unrealisitic but are you willing to look beyond them, look "outside the box" .

Yes I am, but in specific ways. I.e.: I'm perfectly willing (and happy!!) to work with a girl that doesn't know how to walk in pointe boots, as long as she understands that that's a serious and realistic goal. I'm perfectly willing (and happy!!) to work with a girl that hasn't trained for 10 years as a contortionist, as long as her joints are naturally strong and flexible enough that she can get where I need her to be. I'm perfectly willing to work with a girl who isn't a size 4 or less, as long as she could be. I know what I'm going for, and I'm going to get there. I'm more than willing to work with anyone that can reasonably reach those goals with me.

Does this make sense?

(in reply to angelslave77)

Post #: 142

RE: "Just lower your standards" - 9/22/2008 2:54:31 PM

NihilusZero

Posts: 4036
Joined: 9/10/2008
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Ialdabaoth

Yes I am, but in specific ways. I.e.: I'm perfectly willing (and happy!!) to work with a girl that doesn't know how to walk in pointe boots, as long as she understands that that's a serious and realistic goal. I'm perfectly willing (and happy!!) to work with a girl that hasn't trained for 10 years as a contortionist, as long as her joints are naturally strong and flexible enough that she can get where I need her to be. I'm perfectly willing to work with a girl who isn't a size 4 or less, as long as she could be. I know what I'm going for, and I'm going to get there. I'm more than willing to work with anyone that can reasonably reach those goals with me.

Does this make sense?

One question that came to me:

Is it the process of shaping someone into those parameters that you seek, or can you be fulfilled with someone who already fits the mold?

It seems the way you phrase things seem overly fixated on the hand-forming of the girl and may be one of the reasons why some responses seem fixated on what appears to be a solely self-serving intent.

Depending on what other physical aspects you seek to have filled, it doesn't sound quite so hopeless. There are girls who I'm sure would actively want to get to those specified goals for themselves. Finding avenues to come into contact with gymnasts/contortionists/dancers may be a good initial step? (although I personally would have no clue where to begin looking for that demographic for this specific end...)

< Message edited by NihilusZero -- 9/22/2008 2:55:23 PM >

_____________________________

"I know it's all a game
I know they're all insane
I know it's all in vain
I know that I'm to blame."
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(in reply to Ialdabaoth)

Post #: 143

RE: "Just lower your standards" - 9/22/2008 3:03:42 PM

LadyLupineNYC

Posts: 618
Joined: 12/14/2006
From: NYC
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Ialdabaoth

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyLupineNYC

I agree, there are woman out there interested in extreme fetish. The reality is that they most likley a) are very very rare b) make good money doing it c) can attract more'balanced' partners.

Can you clarify what you mean by 'balanced' in a useful and positive way?

8 pages of people reaching out trying to tell you 20 different ways how to be more 'balanced' (i.e. not be so focused on JUST your needs) and you STILL can't figure it out. Maybe you need to rethink this idea about how intelligent you are. Things that have been suggested (paraphrased): 1) ‘Adjust’ your expectations about what you seek 2) Realize you are an emotionally not ready for what you think you can handle because you are far too interested in your own ‘glory. 3) Realize your ‘glory’ is hollow 4) Consider therapy 5) Based on your profile/posts/interests you appear to be a fetishist, seek same. I have found that fetishists are often much less concerned with ‘relationships’ than fulfilling kinks Your false modesty and intellectualism is going to be a turn off once people read/ hear what you have to say. People can see that you don’t really care about their opinions, but looking for sympathy.

As for being ‘positive’…you are an adult, get over the need to be coddled. How do you expect to prefer these feats of ‘extreme’ fetishism if you can’t actually see your own- here comes a negative!- flaws

_____________________________

Facta, non verba gratia placenti

"I have been looking for a way to serve the community that incorporates my violence..."

(in reply to Ialdabaoth)

Post #: 144

RE: "Just lower your standards" - 9/22/2008 3:03:46 PM

SnowRanger

Posts: 503
Joined: 5/25/2008
From: Sinsinnati
Status: offline

Man I have the same problem! I think that my "standards" are pretty liberal but I keep hearing the same thing you do. All I seek is a woman with the following attributes:

PHYSICAL; 5'9and1/4 inches to 5'10and 1/8 inches tall, 157 to 161 pounds, Cornflower blue eyes (hey, what's the big deal contacts are okay), Jet Black hair that falls down her back to between the 1st and 4th thoracic vertebrae, Lip color... smash box electric true color gloss, 38C to 40 D- 22 to 24- 36 to 37, 34" inseam in flats and size 6 1/2 feet;
EDUCATION; B.S. in Geothermal Dynamics with a Minor in Sanskrit; an M.S. in Meterology and a PhD in Organic Chemistry;
MENTAL; IQ from 153 to 168, who reads and can discuss Sun Tzu, Stephen J Pyne, the Bronte Sisters (emphasis on Emily), Anne Rice and our very own Tammy Jo;
HOBBIES; Parachute Snowboarding; Lion Training and needle point;
AGE; From 17 years 11 months to 19 years 3 months.

How can I lower my standards any more than this?

(in reply to subtee)

Post #: 145

RE: "Just lower your standards" - 9/22/2008 3:08:52 PM

subtee

Posts: 5133
Joined: 7/26/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: NihilusZero

Finding avenues to come into contact with gymnasts/contortionists/dancers may be a good initial step? (although I personally would have no clue where to begin looking for that demographic for this specific end...)

Cirque de---

nevermind.

_____________________________

Don't believe everything you think...

(in reply to NihilusZero)

Post #: 146

RE: "Just lower your standards" - 9/22/2008 3:10:20 PM

Ialdabaoth

Posts: 1073
Joined: 5/4/2008
From: Tempe, AZ
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: NihilusZero

Is it the process of shaping someone into those parameters that you seek, or can you be fulfilled with someone who already fits the mold?

Different aspects of my needs can be met by either. I like both.

(in reply to NihilusZero)

Post #: 147

RE: "Just lower your standards" - 9/22/2008 3:16:08 PM

NihilusZero

Posts: 4036
Joined: 9/10/2008
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: subtee

Cirque de---

nevermind.

Cirque du.

_____________________________

"I know it's all a game
I know they're all insane
I know it's all in vain
I know that I'm to blame."
~Siouxsie & the Banshees

NihilusZero.com

CM Sex God du Jour
CM Hall Monitor

(in reply to subtee)

Post #: 148

RE: "Just lower your standards" - 9/22/2008 3:27:47 PM

Icarys

Posts: 5757
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst

He can want what he wants. It doesn't mean he can get it. In fact, odds are he may never find it, based on his wants vs what he is willing to exchange for it.

Any of us can want what we want. I, would love to own a tax free, fully paid, 5 bedroom house on a five acre lot with utilities and groundskeeping prepaid by someone else. Unless some rich guy accidently blows off my leg and is wanting to allieviate his guilt by making this want happen for me, odds are I will not get it.

Based on prior posts he can want what ever he wants. He can adjust the surface of how he appears to others in order to try to lure someone in, but how fair is that? Oh yeah.. this is the net.. pretty standard.
Kyst

quote:

ORIGINAL: Icarys

What your essentially asking him to do is change what he wants. Thats what it sounds like to me.

I think he Can get what he wants. It may be rare but it's out there. What i would like is also very rare but I have had it before. I've held out for 7 years and will another 20 if it takes it. I am willing to wait or go without for that one that i want. I see nothing wrong in him doing the same as long as he comes to the realization that it might take awhile. Never know though.

_____________________________

submission - the feeling of patient, submissive humbleness - the state of being submissive or compliant; meekness.

Alaska Bound-The Official Countdown Has Started!
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(in reply to Missokyst)

Post #: 149

RE: "Just lower your standards" - 9/22/2008 3:42:33 PM

Looking4Houseboy

Posts: 2
Joined: 9/12/2008
Status: offline

I can't believe people are still picking on Ialdabaoth and the choices he has made, or in this case haven't made.

At least he knows what he want so he can find it.
Chanses of that happening tomorrow may be slim, but they are there.

Much better than many people who have no clue what so ever what they even want.

(in reply to Icarys)

Post #: 150

RE: "Just lower your standards" - 9/22/2008 3:48:38 PM

LadyLupineNYC

Posts: 618
Joined: 12/14/2006
From: NYC
Status: offline

This is not about others not knowing what they want and therefore ‘picking’ on someone; I have no idea where you would get such an idea. Many agree with him that he should not 'lower' his standards, but that is also not the same as what many have suggested- a reassessment. He has also proved himself more than adept at speaking for himself. He has come on here asking for help and advice, knowing full well that that may come with the slings of contempt, disagreement, or even something useful. He has continued to asked for clarification of some of the posters points; would you suggest that they ignore that?

_____________________________

Facta, non verba gratia placenti

"I have been looking for a way to serve the community that incorporates my violence..."

(in reply to Looking4Houseboy)

Post #: 151

RE: "Just lower your standards" - 9/22/2008 4:06:05 PM

flower2007

Posts: 120
Joined: 4/14/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Ialdabaoth

Yes I am, but in specific ways. I.e.: I'm perfectly willing (and happy!!) to work with a girl that doesn't know how to walk in pointe boots, as long as she understands that that's a serious and realistic goal. I'm perfectly willing (and happy!!) to work with a girl that hasn't trained for 10 years as a contortionist, as long as her joints are naturally strong and flexible enough that she can get where I need her to be. I'm perfectly willing to work with a girl who isn't a size 4 or less, as long as she could be. I know what I'm going for, and I'm going to get there. I'm more than willing to work with anyone that can reasonably reach those goals with me.

Does this make sense?

Not to me. You'd end up putting some kind of artificial time frame on something that can't be done on someone else's schedule.

How do you determine if someone is capable of becoming a size 4 or less anyway? How do you evaluate their joints?

(in reply to Ialdabaoth)

Post #: 152

RE: "Just lower your standards" - 9/22/2008 5:26:20 PM

Icarys

Posts: 5757
Status: offline

quote:

Maybe you need to rethink this idea about how intelligent you are.

So that's not picking? Sounded a little nasty to me.

_____________________________

submission - the feeling of patient, submissive humbleness - the state of being submissive or compliant; meekness.

Alaska Bound-The Official Countdown Has Started!
http://tinyurl.com/872mcu3
http://alturl.com/mog7m

(in reply to LadyLupineNYC)

Post #: 153

RE: "Just lower your standards" - 9/22/2008 5:33:32 PM

LadyLupineNYC

Posts: 618
Joined: 12/14/2006
From: NYC
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Icarys

quote:

Maybe you need to rethink this idea about how intelligent you are.

So that's not picking? Sounded a little nasty to me.

It might be, but it is also a criticism for someone who mentioned repeatedly and prominently on their profile and, if I recall, on this post and yet he continuously request for ‘clarification’ for suggestions, concepts and ideas which are not overly complex. If he expects to be hyper critical of his future partner’s body, training, etc, I am sure he is more than capable of taking critical judgments of himself. I get that I am being aggressive here, I have my reasons less personal than you may presume.

_____________________________

Facta, non verba gratia placenti

"I have been looking for a way to serve the community that incorporates my violence..."

(in reply to Icarys)

Post #: 154

RE: "Just lower your standards" - 9/22/2008 5:37:14 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: NihilusZero

quote:

ORIGINAL: subtee
chick with a frontal lobotomy....

Here's that tone again.

Why would a chick willing to mold herself in line with what he's delineated need to be a brainless twit, while one who would like (for instance) to be caned till bloody just be called a painslut without any undue reference to her intellectual capacity?

Because she will do all this to please him knowing he doesn't care at all about her, and quite likely will walk away on a moment's notice. He isn't willing to invest emotionally as much as he demands she invests. By stating upfront that he will not care about her, that this is just a physical thing, she's putting too much time and effort in for what is after all, just a casual fuck buddy.

That's why if a rural community sponsors someone through medical school, the new doctor is committed to serving in that community for a certain time frame. They don't just give a scholarship while being perfectly fine with not getting any medical care in exchange for the money.

Submissive women usually aren't willing to give over this huge amount of control without a corresponding amount of emotional intimacy. She is expected to trust him totally knowing she can't trust him to be there the next day. That's a contradiction in terms.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to NihilusZero)

Post #: 155

RE: "Just lower your standards" - 9/22/2008 5:45:37 PM

Icarys

Posts: 5757
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyLupineNYC

quote:

ORIGINAL: Icarys

quote:

Maybe you need to rethink this idea about how intelligent you are.

So that's not picking? Sounded a little nasty to me.

It might be, but it is also a criticism for someone who mentioned repeatedly and prominently on their profile and, if I recall, on this post and yet he continuously request for ‘clarification’ for suggestions, concepts and ideas which are not overly complex. If he expects to be hyper critical of his future partner’s body, training, etc, I am sure he is more than capable of taking critical judgments of himself. I get that I am being aggressive here, I have my reasons less personal than you may presume.

Try and justify it anyway you want..still doesn't make it okay.. Funny thing? Didn't you say in a previous post that nobody was being critical. Yet now you say it was? I personally think the same thing you stated applies to you as well.

I just added something to a journal I use from time to time and was reminded of it by someone recently again..Goes something like this..(Try it..it works)" When you see something in someone else that you don't like, what you may be seeing is something in yourself that's mirrored in them" It's not always the case but it's a good way to look at people and maybe even a way to find some insight into your own make up as well.

_____________________________

submission - the feeling of patient, submissive humbleness - the state of being submissive or compliant; meekness.

Alaska Bound-The Official Countdown Has Started!
http://tinyurl.com/872mcu3
http://alturl.com/mog7m

(in reply to LadyLupineNYC)

Post #: 156

RE: "Just lower your standards" - 9/22/2008 5:50:47 PM

NihilusZero

Posts: 4036
Joined: 9/10/2008
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP
Because she will do all this to please him knowing he doesn't care at all about her, and quite likely will walk away on a moment's notice.

And you would step in to deny her this if that was her desire??

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP
He isn't willing to invest emotionally as much as he demands she invests. By stating upfront that he will not care about her, that this is just a physical thing, she's putting too much time and effort in for what is after all, just a casual fuck buddy.

Aside from borrowing misinformed presumptions about his personal investement in such hypothetical scenarios...how do you know what he will and won't invest? And how do you know whether it is or isn't good enough for someone other than yourself? Or is it easier to demonize him if we make a strawman of him?

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIPThat's why if a rural community sponsors someone through medical school, the new doctor is committed to serving in that community for a certain time frame. They don't just give a scholarship while being perfectly fine with not getting any medical care in exchange for the money.

Did we just parallel a scholastic requirement to what should happen in a romantic/sexual relationship between two consenting adults??

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIPSubmissive women usually aren't willing to give over this huge amount of control without a corresponding amount of emotional intimacy.

His likelihood of finding a suitable parnter is something I think everyone in the thread has already unanimously agreed upon. Including him. We're trying to figure out the best means for him to deal with the realization.

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIPShe is expected to trust him totally knowing she can't trust him to be there the next day. That's a contradiction in terms.

She's only expected to share his kink. No more, no less. No contradiction. Just a matter of what the odds are in finding someone who would match his wants from the other side.

_____________________________

"I know it's all a game
I know they're all insane
I know it's all in vain
I know that I'm to blame."
~Siouxsie & the Banshees

NihilusZero.com

CM Sex God du Jour
CM Hall Monitor

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 157

RE: "Just lower your standards" - 9/22/2008 5:53:25 PM

NihilusZero

Posts: 4036
Joined: 9/10/2008
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyLupineNYC
If he expects to be hyper critical of his future partner’s body, training, etc, I am sure he is more than capable of taking critical judgments of himself.

Let me try and understand the logic of this statement:

Picky people or people with stricter relationship requirements deserve to be picked on more?

_____________________________

"I know it's all a game
I know they're all insane
I know it's all in vain
I know that I'm to blame."
~Siouxsie & the Banshees

NihilusZero.com

CM Sex God du Jour
CM Hall Monitor

(in reply to LadyLupineNYC)

Post #: 158

RE: "Just lower your standards" - 9/22/2008 5:57:05 PM

AAkasha

Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline

Have you pondered this: Are the women that meet your criteria interested in a man with your criteria?

Some women decide they want to be in a relationship with a man who is rich, handsome, drives a sportscar and has a perfect body AND treats her like a queen. If she's got supermodel good looks, a college degree, great boobs and long legs and can cook, maybe she can score him. I'm sure his standards are pretty high, too.

Akasha

_____________________________

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(in reply to Ialdabaoth)

Post #: 159

RE: "Just lower your standards" - 9/22/2008 5:59:16 PM

Icarys

Posts: 5757
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

Have you pondered this: Are the women that meet your criteria interested in a man with your criteria?

Some women decide they want to be in a relationship with a man who is rich, handsome, drives a sportscar and has a perfect body AND treats her like a queen. If she's got supermodel good looks, a college degree, great boobs and long legs and can cook, maybe she can score him. I'm sure his standards are pretty high, too.

Akasha

Who doesn't this apply to, for both genders?

edited cause i goofed

< Message edited by Icarys -- 9/22/2008 6:00:18 PM >

_____________________________

submission - the feeling of patient, submissive humbleness - the state of being submissive or compliant; meekness.

Alaska Bound-The Official Countdown Has Started!
http://tinyurl.com/872mcu3
http://alturl.com/mog7m

(in reply to AAkasha)

Post #: 160

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