"Just lower your standards"

"Just lower your standards" (Full Version)

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Ialdabaoth -> "Just lower your standards" (9/21/2008 2:13:38 PM)
I'm going a little out of it lately. I can't seem to find anyone who's interested in the sorts of things I am, with me. However, I have found: * 4 people who are exactly the body type and skills that I want, and into some of the same things I am, and kinky, and in committed non-poly relationships. * 7 people who are exactly the body type and skills that I want, and into some of the same things I am, and kinky, and UTTERLY NOT INTERESTED EW EW EW. * 20 or so people who are into the same things I am, and kinky, but I do not find them attractive. * 5 people who are exactly the body type and skills that I want, and kinky, but not at ALL interested in the sort of things that I am. * who knows how many hundreds of people who aren't into the skills that I want or kinky. * who knows how many hundreds of people who I am not interested in for any reason. Many people have given me the advice to "lower my standards". However, I'm not sure which of my standards I'm supposed to be lowering, here, or even how to go about that 'lowering' process. If they mean "find more people attractive", I'm not sure how to do that - I'm attracted to what I'm attracted to. If they mean "find more common kinks and skills and turn-ons", I'm not sure how to do that - my turn-ons are my turn-ons. If they mean "settle for something that you aren't attracted to or doesn't satisfy your kinks just so you can get your dick wet", then fuck them. What is meant by 'lower your standards' and how do you even do that?

LadyLupineNYC -> RE: "Just lower your standards" (9/21/2008 2:21:07 PM)
You are either willing to wait for 'the one' or not. Having said that, having view your profile, I can see exacly why you are getting litte interest. Fore example: "I want someone who's able and willing to become thin, young-looking, and flexible, and I'm willing to commit a pretty serious investment of time and training into making that happen. I've done it before, and am actually rather successful at it" So sucessful that you now have no one? BUT... "I DON'T want a healthy long-term relationship. I DON'T want a deep communion of souls." Thus this person has tobe willing to turn her whole life upside down for YOUR kinks so that she has the honor of being...a plaything? Yes, I am judging, my bad...but, serious, as human being (regardless of kink etc) that is all very hard to see as desirable.

Icarys -> RE: "Just lower your standards" (9/21/2008 2:24:12 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Ialdabaoth I'm going a little out of it lately. I can't seem to find anyone who's interested in the sorts of things I am, with me. However, I have found: * 4 people who are exactly the body type and skills that I want, and into some of the same things I am, and kinky, and in committed non-poly relationships. * 7 people who are exactly the body type and skills that I want, and into some of the same things I am, and kinky, and UTTERLY NOT INTERESTED EW EW EW. * 20 or so people who are into the same things I am, and kinky, but I do not find them attractive. * 5 people who are exactly the body type and skills that I want, and kinky, but not at ALL interested in the sort of things that I am. * who knows how many hundreds of people who aren't into the skills that I want or kinky. * who knows how many hundreds of people who I am not interested in for any reason. Many people have given me the advice to "lower my standards". However, I'm not sure which of my standards I'm supposed to be lowering, here, or even how to go about that 'lowering' process. If they mean "find more people attractive", I'm not sure how to do that - I'm attracted to what I'm attracted to. If they mean "find more common kinks and skills and turn-ons", I'm not sure how to do that - my turn-ons are my turn-ons. If they mean "settle for something that you aren't attracted to or doesn't satisfy your kinks just so you can get your dick wet", then fuck them. What is meant by 'lower your standards' and how do you even do that? Lol When i here someone say that i hear your never gonna get what you want so you might as well settle. Or If you ever feel like getting laid again close your eyes and take the first thing that comes along. Something along those lines. I'll stay single until i get what i want.[:D] I have done that in the past to some degree and just like you would expect. It never really works because it's not what i really want. So both sides have their pro's and con's. Stick to your guns.

MistressIvyanna -> RE: "Just lower your standards" (9/21/2008 2:24:52 PM)
I guess it means you just take what you can get and settle for second ,third or even fourth best....yes it is as crappy as it sounds...so screw that..I'd rather be alone than settle for someone or something I didn't want...keep fighting you will find what you are looking for...eventually..

Ialdabaoth -> RE: "Just lower your standards" (9/21/2008 2:25:37 PM)
quote: So sucessful that you now have no one? BUT... Yes, so successful that I now have no one. Hence my lack of interest in the sort of "deep communion of souls" that has led to me having no one. I'm burnt out on that.

CallaFirestormBW -> RE: "Just lower your standards" (9/21/2008 2:26:13 PM)
The only real concession that I've made in regards to what I want and what I like is to do casual play with bottoms for some of the things that are too edgy for most folks. I have a slew of offers from people in Europe and a couple in Australia who are interested in what I'm interested in, but it seems that most of the males in Texas just don't have the stomach for the kind of play that trips my trigger. Fortunately, my Darling has a different set of tastes, and it is MUCH easier to find boys willing and able to take care of her needs, which is -something-, right? Calla Firestorm

NumberSix -> RE: "Just lower your standards" (9/21/2008 2:26:35 PM)
I cannot further lower my standards, they are abjectly subsumed as it is. 6

Icarys -> RE: "Just lower your standards" (9/21/2008 2:26:49 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyLupineNYC You are either willing to wait for 'the one' or not. Having said that, having view your profile, I can see exacly why you are getting litte interest. Fore example: "I want someone who's able and willing to become thin, young-looking, and flexible, and I'm willing to commit a pretty serious investment of time and training into making that happen. I've done it before, and am actually rather successful at it" So sucessful that you now have no one? BUT... "I DON'T want a healthy long-term relationship. I DON'T want a deep communion of souls." Thus this person has tobe willing to turn her whole life upside down for YOUR kinks so that she has the honor of being...a plaything? Yes, I am judging, my bad...but, serious, as human being (regardless of kink etc) that is all very hard to see as desirable. Okay it might have been better to read the profile lol.

KnightofMists -> RE: "Just lower your standards" (9/21/2008 2:28:46 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Ialdabaoth Many people have given me the advice to "lower my standards". I wonder if it is actually lower your standards... or have realistic standards.

Ialdabaoth -> RE: "Just lower your standards" (9/21/2008 2:30:39 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Icarys Okay it might have been better to read the profile lol. I get the impression from these two posts the idea that my desires, kinks and goals are the problem, and that if that's what I want then I deserve to have a hard time? Am I completely off-base with that sense?

LadyLupineNYC -> RE: "Just lower your standards" (9/21/2008 2:31:02 PM)
Then I suggest you rethink more than your lack of desire to have a meaningful relationship. In a more direct answer to your post- I refused to 'settle' and got exactly want I wanted- a real human being whom I can both love dearly and abuse greatly. quote: ORIGINAL: Ialdabaoth quote: So sucessful that you now have no one? BUT... Yes, so successful that I now have no one. Hence my lack of interest in the sort of "deep communion of souls" that has led to me having no one. I'm burnt out on that.

Ialdabaoth -> RE: "Just lower your standards" (9/21/2008 2:32:28 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyLupineNYC Then I suggest you rethink more than your lack of desire to have a meaningful relationship. I have. That's what led me to the conclusion that I can't deal with a 'meaningful relationship' right now.

LadyLupineNYC -> RE: "Just lower your standards" (9/21/2008 2:33:11 PM)
Only you know what are within your personal limits. If nothing short of what your profile states is what you desire, then you, you have a ver limited pool to start with, so you either wait or rethink what is REALLY important to you (again, only you can answer this). quote: ORIGINAL: Ialdabaoth quote: ORIGINAL: Icarys Okay it might have been better to read the profile lol. I get the impression from these two posts the idea that my desires, kinks and goals are the problem, and that if that's what I want then I deserve to have a hard time? Am I completely off-base with that sense?

Icarys -> RE: "Just lower your standards" (9/21/2008 2:34:10 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Ialdabaoth quote: ORIGINAL: Icarys Okay it might have been better to read the profile lol. I get the impression from these two posts the idea that my desires, kinks and goals are the problem, and that if that's what I want then I deserve to have a hard time? Am I completely off-base with that sense? I don't know about deserve but you get sometimes what you put out. I've read your posts in the past and you come off as an intelligent person but your profile has way more kink than anything about you personally.

Ialdabaoth -> RE: "Just lower your standards" (9/21/2008 2:36:46 PM)
However, other people can get into those relationships, and I find plenty of people who are interested in them - just not with me. So I'm not sure "waiting" is the correct answer; I'm wondering if there's other changes I can make that will make me more like the sorts of people that tend to get what I want. Or, barring that, whether there actually is a way to change what I want. (And by 'way' I mean a functional process - some sequence of actions that I can perform that will manifest the change in my desires).

Aynne88 -> RE: "Just lower your standards" (9/21/2008 2:37:53 PM)
DING DING DING we have a winner.[:D] Seriously just from some of your posts and the limited knowledge I have from that tells me that your size 0 contortionist touch head to heels and do 5 meter runs in 6 inch ballet shoe submissive might be a tad bit unrealistic, no? quote: ORIGINAL: KnightofMists quote: ORIGINAL: Ialdabaoth Many people have given me the advice to "lower my standards". I wonder if it is actually lower your standards... or have realistic standards.

LadyLupineNYC -> RE: "Just lower your standards" (9/21/2008 2:39:46 PM)
Have you tried asking them? I know how you came off in your profile so I can't say anything more than that about who you are. Again, we are but strangers in your life, you know yourself.

Ialdabaoth -> RE: "Just lower your standards" (9/21/2008 2:41:26 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Icarys I don't know about deserve but you get sometimes what you put out. I've read your posts in the past and you come off as an intelligent person but your profile has way more kink than anything about you personally. Yeah; mostly because I care more about the kink right now than about myself personally. What am I supposed to do? Show off my intelligence like a peacock's tail-feathers? Preen and pontificate to attract people that will find my brain sexy? I can have conversations with people any time. I can have deep communions of minds with people without fucking them. Those needs are being met. I can't enjoy sex without my particular aesthetics - I've gone from 'kink' well into full-blown fetish. There's a few people who would enjoy sex with me, and I like them and am more than willing to give myself an erection and attempt to please them sexually if that's what they want from me. And a bunch of people think I should "lower my standards" so that I can be pleased, too. But I don't know how.

KnightofMists -> RE: "Just lower your standards" (9/21/2008 2:42:12 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Aynne88 DING DING DING we have a winner.[:D] WOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOO.... what did I win? mmmmmmmm maybe a night of fun with an attractive woman like ummm YOU... and no my standards are not too high!!!! and I am not lowering them either. ps... lets not talk about them being realistic or not

IronBear -> RE: "Just lower your standards" (9/21/2008 2:42:13 PM)
Anyone who tells you to lower your standards have standards close to if not in the gutter. NEVER lower you standards for any person, man or God! :Let others raise their standards. Mind you it can be a lonely trip untill you find someone who matches your standards (we'll immagine that you match theirs), but as I ofter say "Better an empty collar then being the wrong collar or collaring the wrong person!"

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