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ericpup -> RE: Not-so-happy Anniversary to me (9/23/2008 8:58:59 PM)
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Thank you all for your replies. I'd like to take the time to address some here, so you all don't think I just dropped this and then disappeared. One poster stated that it appears that I'm attempting to rationalize an affair. Not really. I'm trying to avoid having an affair. I am asking strangers for advice because, believe it or not, none of my friends would understand this except one, and since I'm attracted to her, I can't ask her. I don't want to rely on her advice because, well, I'm attracted to her, and that may cloud my judgement.
I admit, freely, that I am not even close to perfect. When we first got together and moved in together, I wound up becoming the victim of "learned helplessness." Once we lived together, I wasn't able to vacuum, dust, do dishes, or even touch the laundry machines. It seemed like everything I did was done the wrong way, and soon, I was just told that she would do it all. I didn't like that, but every time I did do something, I was told that it should have been done this way, or that way, or not done at all. The simplest things, like using a napkin compared to a paper towel to clean up messes. I dealt with these issues because I understood that she was set in her ways. (Her words, not mine) When I folded her clothes, I was told that I did that wrong. Hell, when I folded my clothes, I was told that I did it wrong.
I allowed that to happen. Worse, I embraced it, because I felt like I didn't have to do anything around the house. Then, I guess she had enough. Which is cool, because I feel like stuff should be done equally in a relationship. But when I still do stuff, I'm chastised because it's not the way she would have done it. I feel helpless.
I have asked her, bluntly, if she is either a lesbian, or bi-sexual, and she has denied both. I do sometimes wonder if she's asexual, and if sex is seen as a chore for her. If so, then obviously we need professional help, because I sure ain't. I have, again, asked complete strangers for advice because I have no one else to ask. My family is not close, either physically or emotionally. My friends don't understand my lifestyle, and I don't feel comfortable asking them how they deal with their sex lives. The annonymous nature of the internet allows me to ask people, who more or less understand my lifestyle, what they think in this situation. If I take the advice I'm given or not is completely up to me. Some points raised here are things I didn't think of , and will attempt to address.
I just don't know how to address it. I like the idea of a counselor because of the "safe space" and the idea of having someone to arbitrate for us.
Really, I don't want to just come out and say, "Hey, I'm not happy either sexually or in any other way," but I'm frustrated to the point where that is about to happen. And I know that for me to do that would make me more of an asshole then I already am, and I'm trying not to do that.
BTW, when it came to the flowers/sex thing, I wasn't saying to her, "We need to have sex before these die." I just happened to notice that we didn't do so between the time she got them and they died.
I'm sorry for the long rant.
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