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BlackPhx -> RE: Not-so-happy Anniversary to me (9/24/2008 5:42:16 PM)
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OK I have scanned through or read every post on this thread (took a bit) and the one thing I am not seeing is an medical questions. EricPup You list your age as 35 but you don't list your wife's age. You are a touch overweight but without a picture or knowledge of her weight that too is up in the air.
The reason I mention these things is, there can be more than a few medical conditions that can affect sexual drive in a woman, just as they can in a man. Obesity can affect drive as can thyroid disorders, diabetes, early menopause (can happen as early as age 25), endometriosis, vaginal spasms, stress and depression just to name a few. A complete physical exam including GYN should be scheduled to rule out any underlying physical cause.
This doesn't mean that there are no problems in the marriage, there may well be including the fact that you two raced to the alter with the Rebound person. BUT depression over the death of a marrriage can affect new relationships, EVEN when the divorce was badly wanted by both and justified. No one likes to feel like they failed, and marriage is always entered into with the mind set that it is forever.
There are other things that can affect a females desire for her mate, including his gaining weight, change in his smell, hygene or appearance. Have you consider that there are things about you that may have changed as well?
One thing that I find interesting is your last post. You talk about "learned Helplessness" but at the same time what I am seeing is an exacting woman who you may have responded to as a submissive male. You profile yourself as a Submissive male, but you are not from what I can see acting in a submissive manner. Most submissives would strive to learn how "She" wants it done and practise until they had it down pat, instead you embraced that you were doing it wrong and left it to her to do. I am a SAM and a Switch and even I strive to do somethings the way my Master desires it done, it does help that my standards are tougher than his, but I don't cook things he doesn't like, I put his tools back in order and where they belong even when he doesn't, and his clothes are hung the way HE likes them, not me. I did tell him he was doing laundry wrong [:D] but he was tossing everything in with detergent and hoping... I sort, so now I do it all.
Instead of just sitting around Helpless, try learning to do things they way she likes them , even when it means you have to do it over and over until you get it right. It's real hard to be sexually interested after working a 60 hour week and having to come home to do everything as well while someone else just sits around watching.
Just a few thoughts..
poenkitten
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