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what do you expect from a new submissive - 9/23/2008 10:34:10 AM

pnut8377

Posts: 33
Status: offline

I currently exploring a D/s relationship with someone i met online. This whole lifestyle is completely new to me. Today he told me that when we meet from the moment i step off the plane to him i will be his submissive completely until the moment i get back on the plane to go home. I'm a little nervous since i've never done anything like this before. I have the need to submit and want to completely submit to him when we meet but this will be our first meeting in person, i dont know if that is going to be easy for me to do. I mean online is one thing but real life is another especially since I've never done it before. What i want to know is are their any Doms/Masters on here that have been in similiar circumstances and what did they expect from their new submissive and how did things go when you met?

_____________________________

Never take someone for granted
Hold every person close to your heart
because you might wake up one day
and realize you've lost a diamond
while you were to busy collecting stones....

Post #: 1

RE: what do you expect from a new submissive - 9/23/2008 10:42:54 AM

mistoferin

Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline

I think that having an expectation of submission at a first meet is unrealistic.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to pnut8377)

Post #: 2

RE: what do you expect from a new submissive - 9/23/2008 10:44:31 AM

faerytattoodgirl

Posts: 5824
Status: offline

first meeting = first date....no bdsm involved...no sex and no play.

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I am flawed.

Imperfect.

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SPAAAAAAAANK!!!

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 3

RE: what do you expect from a new submissive - 9/23/2008 10:46:20 AM

simpleplan2

Posts: 461
Joined: 7/5/2008
Status: offline

I agree...completely unrealistic expectation. Now, it may or may not happen but he certainly shouldn't expect it.

(in reply to pnut8377)

Post #: 4

RE: what do you expect from a new submissive - 9/23/2008 10:51:37 AM

pnut8377

Posts: 33
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: simpleplan2

I agree...completely unrealistic expectation. Now, it may or may not happen but he certainly shouldn't expect it.

That's pretty much how I am feeling about it. I think that it is a big expectation. I was nervous about meeting before now it just made it worse.

_____________________________

Never take someone for granted
Hold every person close to your heart
because you might wake up one day
and realize you've lost a diamond
while you were to busy collecting stones....

(in reply to simpleplan2)

Post #: 5

RE: what do you expect from a new submissive - 9/23/2008 10:53:15 AM

simpleplan2

Posts: 461
Joined: 7/5/2008
Status: offline

Don't be nervous...just explain how you feel.

(in reply to pnut8377)

Post #: 6

RE: what do you expect from a new submissive - 9/23/2008 10:53:40 AM

faerytattoodgirl

Posts: 5824
Status: offline

and if he calls you a fake for not submitting on first date....then he's the fake...and get back on the plane ..to return home....find yourself a hotter local master.

_____________________________

I did not reply to your cmail.

I am flawed.

Imperfect.

MUST SPANK!!!

SPAAAAAAAANK!!!

(in reply to pnut8377)

Post #: 7

RE: what do you expect from a new submissive - 9/23/2008 10:59:35 AM

girlivy

Posts: 699
Joined: 7/6/2007
Status: offline

Until you meet face to face, it is really only YOUR "idea" of who and what he is that you are driven to submit to. All I can add here is to keep an open mind, and expect nothing. If you are uncomfortable with anything pay attention to your gut. Also remember to have plans B, C ,D ready if you feel After you meet differently. Do you plan to stay with him? what happens if the hair stands up on your neck when meeting him? Plan B? Good luck and I wish you the best! Just be careful, have fun, and remember safety first!!
Cheers!
Also unrealistic rings to mind here as well. If he is honorable then he would want always what is best for you, and your comfort at this point in time.... Least that is what I have learned. http://www.collarchat.com/m_2155851/tm.htm

< Message edited by girlivy -- 9/23/2008 11:19:30 AM >

_____________________________

AUTHENTIC SPIRITUAL GROWTH NEVER COMES FROM EXPERIENCES THAT THE EGO CAN PREDICT OR CONTROL.
OUR SPIRIT HAS ITS OWN AGENDA: OUR DESTINY.
Be yourself, everyone else is taken!

(in reply to simpleplan2)

Post #: 8

RE: what do you expect from a new submissive - 9/23/2008 11:08:02 AM

slimon62

Posts: 12
Joined: 12/26/2006
Status: offline

i've had the opertunity to meet a few girls that i have met online. not once have i expected anything to happen. someone said when you first meet it is like a first date..and that is how you need to look at it. someone else made a good point too, what if you get there and he is a freak or something dangerous? whats your plan. i've always driven to the girl i'm meeting...that way, if it doesn't work out i can turn around and drive my happy ass back home. safety first, always remember that. no matter how much you think you "know" them from talking with them online and all, its different. you have predetermained notions from talking to someone online. every girl i have met has been different then when i talked to them online and i'm sure they say the same bout me. i'm much more open when talking to someone online, but when i'm face to face...i tend to be a bit shy at first. hope that helps =)

_____________________________

Simon

(in reply to girlivy)

Post #: 9

RE: what do you expect from a new submissive - 9/23/2008 11:12:52 AM

pnut8377

Posts: 33
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: slimon62

i've had the opertunity to meet a few girls that i have met online. not once have i expected anything to happen. someone said when you first meet it is like a first date..and that is how you need to look at it. someone else made a good point too, what if you get there and he is a freak or something dangerous? whats your plan. i've always driven to the girl i'm meeting...that way, if it doesn't work out i can turn around and drive my happy ass back home. safety first, always remember that. no matter how much you think you "know" them from talking with them online and all, its different. you have predetermained notions from talking to someone online. every girl i have met has been different then when i talked to them online and i'm sure they say the same bout me. i'm much more open when talking to someone online, but when i'm face to face...i tend to be a bit shy at first. hope that helps =)

I had every intention of being safe about it, I had no intention of not having plans A,B, & C set up, so to speak

_____________________________

Never take someone for granted
Hold every person close to your heart
because you might wake up one day
and realize you've lost a diamond
while you were to busy collecting stones....

(in reply to slimon62)

Post #: 10

RE: what do you expect from a new submissive - 9/23/2008 11:22:21 AM

girlivy

Posts: 699
Joined: 7/6/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: pnut8377

I currently exploring a D/s relationship with someone i met online. This whole lifestyle is completely new to me. Today he told me that when we meet from the moment i step off the plane to him i will be his submissive completely until the moment i get back on the plane to go home. I'm a little nervous since i've never done anything like this before. I have the need to submit and want to completely submit to him when we meet but this will be our first meeting in person, i dont know if that is going to be easy for me to do. I mean online is one thing but real life is another especially since I've never done it before. What i want to know is are their any Doms/Masters on here that have been in similiar circumstances and what did they expect from their new submissive and how did things go when you met?

Have you tried the scearch icon at the top right? There are a few posts about the very same thing... Again, I wish you the best of luck!
Cheers!

_____________________________

AUTHENTIC SPIRITUAL GROWTH NEVER COMES FROM EXPERIENCES THAT THE EGO CAN PREDICT OR CONTROL.
OUR SPIRIT HAS ITS OWN AGENDA: OUR DESTINY.
Be yourself, everyone else is taken!

(in reply to pnut8377)

Post #: 11

RE: what do you expect from a new submissive - 9/23/2008 11:26:15 AM

slimon62

Posts: 12
Joined: 12/26/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: pnut8377

quote:

ORIGINAL: slimon62

i've had the opertunity to meet a few girls that i have met online. not once have i expected anything to happen. someone said when you first meet it is like a first date..and that is how you need to look at it. someone else made a good point too, what if you get there and he is a freak or something dangerous? whats your plan. i've always driven to the girl i'm meeting...that way, if it doesn't work out i can turn around and drive my happy ass back home. safety first, always remember that. no matter how much you think you "know" them from talking with them online and all, its different. you have predetermained notions from talking to someone online. every girl i have met has been different then when i talked to them online and i'm sure they say the same bout me. i'm much more open when talking to someone online, but when i'm face to face...i tend to be a bit shy at first. hope that helps =)

I had every intention of being safe about it, I had no intention of not having plans A,B, & C set up, so to speak

yay! smart girl!

_____________________________

Simon

(in reply to pnut8377)

Post #: 12

RE: what do you expect from a new submissive - 9/23/2008 12:50:13 PM

Usako

Posts: 697
Joined: 7/29/2006
From: NYC
Status: offline

If you don't like the idea then tell him.

I treat all first meetings as a first date, just as someone said. IF something happens then it'll happen but I don't go expecting it and I make sure the other person doesn't. It's hard enough meeting a stranger for the first time but then to expect to fall right into some BDSM mindset? Insane.

Some people can do it, I've read it on the forums before. People having sex right after meeting someone, meeting someone at an air port and being collared right away. Just sounds WAY unsafe in my book and safety should always come first. If after a while there you enjoy the first meeting then maybe you'll want it to go further, who knows. But what he's asking is pretty out there in my book.

(in reply to slimon62)

Post #: 13

RE: what do you expect from a new submissive - 9/23/2008 2:09:04 PM

Worldly1

Posts: 37
Joined: 8/20/2008
Status: offline

He has told you what he expects.

You need to ask yourself something very basic.

Is it SAFE, SANE and CONSENSUAL?

If you have not agreed to something, then it is not consensual.

If he tries to pressure you into this, then RUN. There is something wrong here.

In fact, this doesn't even sound terribly safe or sane either.

For him to expect too much of you at a first real life meeting is not reasonable or even logical.

If you were in the same city, the first meeting would likely be for coffee, with no expectations other than basic etiquette and to confirm the chemistry. You would certainly not meet him privately the first time and strip naked and let him tie you up.

Give your head a shake. Something here is just not sitting well.

(in reply to pnut8377)

Post #: 14

RE: what do you expect from a new submissive - 9/23/2008 2:26:24 PM

scottishdove

Posts: 113
Joined: 7/27/2008
Status: offline

i felt instantly comfortable in the physical presence of the first Dominant man i agreed to meet. and i had felt quite comfortable from our previous emails and phone calls that he was a good person. and yes, we did play together later that afternoon...

HOWEVER.. he was extremely kind, respectful and told me very straight up that nothing would happen unless i felt comfortable. Also he gave me several alternate situations for meeting. I felt absolutely no pressure at all.

We were in a M/s relationship for 6 months, but finally had to move to a friendship because of the practical difficulties of the age difference.

i hope my story of my first meeting as a newbie helps

(in reply to Worldly1)

Post #: 15

RE: what do you expect from a new submissive - 9/23/2008 2:31:09 PM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

I have played and planned on playing on a first meet, but that was typically after many months of online/phone communications, based more on a goal of an ongoing relationship that included bdsm, but not it's whole basis. I think there are a lot of variables that could be factors here, but with someone who is new and has never been involved before, I think it is responsible to play things by ear according to whoever is involved and the situation. We don't know what the dominant means by her being his submissive and whether play or sex is involved. We also don't know what d/s has been established at this point.

If this is a person you know little about and you have little established, I would think that you would want to establish some things before anything else. Being new or experienced, you must have a clause of a sort that enables you to back out of anything that might happen. Safety is major in importance and you need to establish that. If you feel uneasy that could be because it is all new to you or it could be one of those red flag inner warnings. We can't know what you are feeling, but go with your gut instincts. You can always add things from a stance of wait and see, we plan nothing, but it is hard to undo things set in cement or already done. Going slow works best for me.

What kind of dominant is this person? If you cannot answer that, I would not be planning on submitting to anything until you can answer that. Most say not to play on a first meet and yet some do play on a first meet. It all depends on the situation and people. But anyone expecting total submission right away... well... in my experience that simply doesn't happen most of the time. In my experience it is a gradual thing as people and relationships evolve. Rushing into it can bring about the fear and doubts and you seem to be feeling rushed and uncomfortable. I feel a responsible dominant would not push you when you felt this way. You need to talk to him before you get on that plane and see how he responds to your fears or concerns. Pay attention, be smart and trust your gut. Submission doesn't mean leaving all adult knowledge behind, it means adding it all to the mix of your submission and if your dominant cannot understand that you rightfully as a sane adult have some reservations, he isn't one I would be visiting.

(in reply to Worldly1)

Post #: 16

RE: what do you expect from a new submissive - 9/23/2008 3:13:50 PM

pnut8377

Posts: 33
Status: offline

I spoke to him today about it a little, he was at work so we will talk more later I told him how i felt and that i thought he may have unrealistic expectations. He said he understood and we would talk later tonight when he was home. He has been great otherwise. Very understanding about my reservations and has given me all his information, like his address, where he works, phone numbers etc.. and he tells me everytime we talk about meeting to make sure i set up my safety calls and such with a friend so that i will be and feel safe. And he is always saying that this is a marathon, not a race... we aren't in a hurry. So telling me that i am to submit to him right away off the plane kind of came out of nowhere.

_____________________________

Never take someone for granted
Hold every person close to your heart
because you might wake up one day
and realize you've lost a diamond
while you were to busy collecting stones....

(in reply to Lockit)

Post #: 17

RE: what do you expect from a new submissive - 9/23/2008 3:54:31 PM

CreativeDominant

Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline

I've done first meets where something happened...
I've also done first meets where nothing happened but did further down the line...
I've had first meets where we knew we would be friends but that was it.
The commonality? I never went into any of these meets EXPECTING something to happen, no matter what had been spoken of. While what he says sounds good and fun and I will readily admit to speaking to a submissive of her submitting in just that fashion...and having it happen, in a most delightful manner...it is always best not to have the expectation of ANYTHING in the way of BDSM occuring or, other than at its most basic, any sort of D/s for that matter.

(in reply to pnut8377)

Post #: 18

RE: what do you expect from a new submissive - 9/23/2008 4:03:11 PM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

pnut, it sounds like you are covering your bases and he is being understanding. The reservations you might be having may simply be that it is all new to you. Remember those feelings and cherish them! lol You might even want to journal how you feel because as time does go on... especially for old foggies like me... you might lose a bit of that. There is nothing like your first time! In meeting... in submission or dominance or anything else. The rush of emotions are amazing, if tempered. lol In his saying you will be his submissive from the moment you step off that plane, may be just that, but doesn't have to mean he is going to take advantage of that. He may just wish to establish some sort of protocol between you and allow you both to feel the wonder of it all. I hope you both have a great meet, whatever happens!

(in reply to CreativeDominant)

Post #: 19

RE: what do you expect from a new submissive - 9/23/2008 4:24:13 PM

Hekatonkheires

Posts: 18
Joined: 9/18/2008
Status: offline

All very sage advice for you, pnut. Submission does not require a loss of sensibility. And safety is always the best interest for both of you.

(in reply to pnut8377)

Post #: 20

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