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RE: what do you expect from a new submissive - 9/23/2008 5:07:20 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

Refuse.

What if you take one look at him in r/l and are repulsed? What if he hasn't showered in a week?

Get a hotel room of your own, get there by yourself. Call when you're settled and tell him where you will meet, not in your hotel. Don't tell him where you're staying in case you seriously don't like him.

Do have a list of things you can do while there that don't involve him so you can have a good vacation by yourself.

Truthfully, I'd stop talking to him now. If he doesn't care about you feeling that he is a trustworthy person, if he doesn't know that he needs to demonstrate that he is worthy of your trust - then the odds are he isn't. He is interested in having kinky sex with you. But what if totally submissive to him means and his neighbor and the high school football team and his dog? How do you propose to save yourself if he doesn't accept the word no?

He may be an okay person, just lost in fantasy land. But he may be dangerous in the extreme. Protect yourself.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to Hekatonkheires)

Post #: 21

RE: what do you expect from a new submissive - 9/23/2008 5:11:51 PM

Icarys

Posts: 5757
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: pnut8377

I currently exploring a D/s relationship with someone i met online. This whole lifestyle is completely new to me. Today he told me that when we meet from the moment i step off the plane to him i will be his submissive completely until the moment i get back on the plane to go home. I'm a little nervous since i've never done anything like this before. I have the need to submit and want to completely submit to him when we meet but this will be our first meeting in person, i dont know if that is going to be easy for me to do. I mean online is one thing but real life is another especially since I've never done it before. What i want to know is are their any Doms/Masters on here that have been in similiar circumstances and what did they expect from their new submissive and how did things go when you met?

Just curious, what do you expect for yourself? What is it that you would like to see happen?

_____________________________

submission - the feeling of patient, submissive humbleness - the state of being submissive or compliant; meekness.

Alaska Bound-The Official Countdown Has Started!
http://tinyurl.com/872mcu3
http://alturl.com/mog7m

(in reply to pnut8377)

Post #: 22

RE: what do you expect from a new submissive - 9/23/2008 5:22:30 PM

pnut8377

Posts: 33
Status: offline

In response to Icarys,
what i would like to happen is that we meet and hope that things progress in a positive way from there. I have no expectations. Of course great sex and play would be a plus but that would take alot of trust on my part to go and be alone with him. I was never one to go home with a guy on a first date so I have a hard time thinking i would on a first meeting.

_____________________________

Never take someone for granted
Hold every person close to your heart
because you might wake up one day
and realize you've lost a diamond
while you were to busy collecting stones....

(in reply to Icarys)

Post #: 23

RE: what do you expect from a new submissive - 9/23/2008 5:24:58 PM

EagerToPleaseYou

Posts: 17
Joined: 11/24/2007
Status: offline

Pnut ...

You say he's given you all of his information . . . have you seen him on a Cam? Have you checked those pieces of info . . . hate to say this but i've gotten as far as you are now with a man online, but when i got curious about why i didn't see him on Cam, i traced his number, checked the reservations he said he had etc. . . . i'm sure you already can figure the rest . . .

EtoP

(in reply to Icarys)

Post #: 24

RE: what do you expect from a new submissive - 9/23/2008 5:29:14 PM

pnut8377

Posts: 33
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: EagerToPleaseYou

Pnut ...

You say he's given you all of his information . . . have you seen him on a Cam? Have you checked those pieces of info . . . hate to say this but i've gotten as far as you are now with a man online, but when i got curious about why i didn't see him on Cam, i traced his number, checked the reservations he said he had etc. . . . i'm sure you already can figure the rest . . .

EtoP

Yes, I checked everything out, i even did a reverse lookup on his work number and it all checked out.

_____________________________

Never take someone for granted
Hold every person close to your heart
because you might wake up one day
and realize you've lost a diamond
while you were to busy collecting stones....

(in reply to EagerToPleaseYou)

Post #: 25

RE: what do you expect from a new submissive - 9/23/2008 5:37:37 PM

mstrj69

Posts: 295
Joined: 5/27/2004
Status: offline

pnut,

My meetings, have been where I have discussed what she liked to do in a vanilla setting. The last time, she said she liked to take in the tourist sites so that is what we did. I offerred to get her a motel room but she said no my house would be fine. As a dominant, I have no intentions of doing anything on the first meeting. And yes if close enough I have driven and met her at a restaurant. If you know everything about him then you should be able to rent a car at the airport and they will give you a map or you can use mapquest to get directions from the airport to his place.

The bottom line is what are you going to feel safe with doing. I would never tell you that you would be my submissive from the moment you dtepped off the airplane til the moment you got on the one to go home, I would and he should have too much respect for you as a person to say that.

John

(in reply to EagerToPleaseYou)

Post #: 26

RE: what do you expect from a new submissive - 9/23/2008 5:53:00 PM

Icarys

Posts: 5757
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: pnut8377

In response to Icarys,
what i would like to happen is that we meet and hope that things progress in a positive way from there. I have no expectations. Of course great sex and play would be a plus but that would take alot of trust on my part to go and be alone with him. I was never one to go home with a guy on a first date so I have a hard time thinking i would on a first meeting.

I realize that you don't expect it but you would like it to happen? If everything went okay and you felt comfortable with Him, then yes, right?

I personally never do any of the safety things but i wouldn't suggest or dissuade you from doing either. A little safety never hurts though. I will say that you are an adult so it's your call.

As for what i think He might expect? It differs from Master to Master. He may not want anything but to meet you. Haven't you talked about this, already?(I've only read the top few posts)

_____________________________

submission - the feeling of patient, submissive humbleness - the state of being submissive or compliant; meekness.

Alaska Bound-The Official Countdown Has Started!
http://tinyurl.com/872mcu3
http://alturl.com/mog7m

(in reply to pnut8377)

Post #: 27

RE: what do you expect from a new submissive - 9/23/2008 6:10:42 PM

MadRabbit

Posts: 3460
Joined: 8/9/2006
Status: offline

While I am not going to start throwing the "loser dom" card around, the expectation of full submission when one first gets off the plane is a red flag that says to me either....

A) He is someone looking to get a fantasy fulfilled for a weekend without much concern to what happens past that.
B) He is lacking in the hard knocks (or just general common sense) that brings one out of Wonderland and into the reality of dating in a power based relationship.
C) He is so self centered on fulfilling his own dominant desires that you and healthy boundaries for you are not being entered into his thinking.

Regardless of which option you choose and as much as I hate to be negative, I have a hard time seeing the weekend going in a good direction or not resulting in some kind of problem if he has the unrealistic expectation of full submission without you having hard time doing something he says out of a lack of trust.

Sorry

_____________________________

Advice for New Dominants
The Unpolitically Correct Lifestyle Definitions

Obama is NOT the Messiah! He's just a VERY NAUGHTY BOY

(in reply to pnut8377)

Post #: 28

RE: what do you expect from a new submissive - 9/23/2008 6:15:35 PM

masterofdrkness2

Posts: 1697
Joined: 3/17/2008
Status: offline

for a first meeting neither should expect any thing from the other . with that being said.. you should still expect to find out if you are the least bit compatible , personally I hope you do have some common sense to rethink and talk this over with him, explain how you feel and what you want from a first meeting.. if that causes a problem , maybe you should reconsider this trip.. just my 2 cents here.. for what it is worth.

_____________________________

So, so you think you can tell
Heaven from Hell,
Blue skys from pain.
Can you tell a green field
From a cold steel rail?
A smile from a veil?
Do you think you can tell?
(Pink Flyod)

(in reply to Hekatonkheires)

Post #: 29

RE: what do you expect from a new submissive - 9/23/2008 6:17:46 PM

NihilusZero

Posts: 4036
Joined: 9/10/2008
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

Others have provided good insight into the more unhappy probabilities behind his intentions...I'll try to provide a possibly lighter alternative.

You will learn more of his mindset by how he responds to you if you softly and sincerely bring up your concerns about his comments. He may have just gotten over-excited and trigger happy to jump into things (best case scenario) but how he follows up on a potential mistake is many times more telling of what he has to offer than the fact that he may have made one in the first place.

< Message edited by NihilusZero -- 9/23/2008 6:18:12 PM >

_____________________________

"I know it's all a game
I know they're all insane
I know it's all in vain
I know that I'm to blame."
~Siouxsie & the Banshees

NihilusZero.com

CM Sex God du Jour
CM Hall Monitor

(in reply to MadRabbit)

Post #: 30

RE: what do you expect from a new submissive - 9/23/2008 6:23:40 PM

MadRabbit

Posts: 3460
Joined: 8/9/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: NihilusZero

Others have provided good insight into the more unhappy probabilities behind his intentions...I'll try to provide a possibly lighter alternative.

You will learn more of his mindset by how he responds to you if you softly and sincerely bring up your concerns about his comments. He may have just gotten over-excited and trigger happy to jump into things (best case scenario) but how he follows up on a potential mistake is many times more telling of what he has to offer than the fact that he may have made one in the first place.

That's a very reasonable best case scenario. God knows when I first found out about power based relationships there was quite a few "WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU THINKING?" questions asked introspectively after my first experience with a submissive. Everyone is a little suspectible to some "OH WOW! THIS IS SO AWESOME! I NEED IT ALL NOW! thinking in the beginning.

To clarify my previous post, I am not implying that you should NOT go, but rather that going under these expectations and circumstances has a strong possibility of ending in a negative way.

_____________________________

Advice for New Dominants
The Unpolitically Correct Lifestyle Definitions

Obama is NOT the Messiah! He's just a VERY NAUGHTY BOY

(in reply to NihilusZero)

Post #: 31

RE: what do you expect from a new submissive - 9/23/2008 6:28:34 PM

Icarys

Posts: 5757
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

I think that having an expectation of submission at a first meet is unrealistic.

I've heard of plenty of submissive's doing it for a day/week and so on.

_____________________________

submission - the feeling of patient, submissive humbleness - the state of being submissive or compliant; meekness.

Alaska Bound-The Official Countdown Has Started!
http://tinyurl.com/872mcu3
http://alturl.com/mog7m

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 32

RE: what do you expect from a new submissive - 9/23/2008 6:37:57 PM

pnut8377

Posts: 33
Status: offline

In his defense I should also say (I would have said it earlier but didn't think of it) that he is new to this as well, so he claims(he seems awful good at it for a newbie), maybe he just thinks that is what is expected from him.

_____________________________

Never take someone for granted
Hold every person close to your heart
because you might wake up one day
and realize you've lost a diamond
while you were to busy collecting stones....

(in reply to Icarys)

Post #: 33

RE: what do you expect from a new submissive - 9/23/2008 6:51:59 PM

Icarys

Posts: 5757
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: pnut8377

In his defense I should also say (I would have said it earlier but didn't think of it) that he is new to this as well, so he claims(he seems awful good at it for a newbie), maybe he just thinks that is what is expected from him.

Why not ask him what he expects from you on that day?

_____________________________

submission - the feeling of patient, submissive humbleness - the state of being submissive or compliant; meekness.

Alaska Bound-The Official Countdown Has Started!
http://tinyurl.com/872mcu3
http://alturl.com/mog7m

(in reply to pnut8377)

Post #: 34

RE: what do you expect from a new submissive - 9/23/2008 6:58:32 PM

MadRabbit

Posts: 3460
Joined: 8/9/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: pnut8377

In his defense I should also say (I would have said it earlier but didn't think of it) that he is new to this as well, so he claims(he seems awful good at it for a newbie), maybe he just thinks that is what is expected from him.

Well, there you go. Not all that horrible of a red flag. It's not entirely uncommon for otherwise decent and smart guys to have a few unreasonable expectations from clouded dom frenzy.

_____________________________

Advice for New Dominants
The Unpolitically Correct Lifestyle Definitions

Obama is NOT the Messiah! He's just a VERY NAUGHTY BOY

(in reply to pnut8377)

Post #: 35

RE: what do you expect from a new submissive - 9/24/2008 11:12:36 AM

marieToo

Posts: 3595
Joined: 5/21/2006
From: Jersey
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: pnut8377

Today he told me that when we meet from the moment i step off the plane to him i will be his submissive completely until the moment i get back on the plane to go home.

Assuming you guys hit it off really well when you meet, and assuming you were willing to be his submissive from the word go, why would he expect you to stop being his submissive when you go home?

That would cause me more concern than the idea of submitting to him in the first place. It would make me think that maybe he's just romancing me for a piece of ass. I'm not saying that's the case, because I'm not inside his head, but if he's so sure that he wants your submission before you've even met, how come he's not equally sure that he wants to keep it afterwards?

< Message edited by marieToo -- 9/24/2008 11:13:01 AM >

_____________________________

marie.

I give good agita.

(in reply to pnut8377)

Post #: 36

RE: what do you expect from a new submissive - 9/24/2008 12:00:36 PM

CreativeDominant

Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: marieToo

quote:

ORIGINAL: pnut8377

Today he told me that when we meet from the moment i step off the plane to him i will be his submissive completely until the moment i get back on the plane to go home.

Assuming you guys hit it off really well when you meet, and assuming you were willing to be his submissive from the word go, why would he expect you to stop being his submissive when you go home?

That would cause me more concern than the idea of submitting to him in the first place. It would make me think that maybe he's just romancing me for a piece of ass. I'm not saying that's the case, because I'm not inside his head, but if he's so sure that he wants your submission before you've even met, how come he's not equally sure that he wants to keep it afterwards?

Interesting point, marie...I had not looked at it that way but when you do, that sounds as if he is negotiating for the BDSM equivalent of a "one-night stand", such as spoken of by Devon/Miller: A weekend of negotiated behaviors that include dominance and submission on a delineated level with the D/s ending as the weekend does.

(in reply to marieToo)

Post #: 37

RE: what do you expect from a new submissive - 9/24/2008 12:54:29 PM

pnut8377

Posts: 33
Status: offline

Thanks to everyone for their comments and suggestions. We talked about it. He understood how I felt. I think he just wanted to make sure that I wouldnt bail out the moment he disciplined me or push a limit of mine, since I am new. To make sure I completely give it a try before I decide whether or not it is for me. Most of my life I have been the one in control and he thought i may not be able to switch. There is no pressure from him anymore. I feel so much better!!

_____________________________

Never take someone for granted
Hold every person close to your heart
because you might wake up one day
and realize you've lost a diamond
while you were to busy collecting stones....

(in reply to CreativeDominant)

Post #: 38

RE: what do you expect from a new submissive - 9/24/2008 1:33:07 PM

SteelofUtah

Posts: 5307
Joined: 10/2/2007
From: St George Utah
Status: offline

pnut,

Now that you have brought us full circle I would like to comment on the entire situation to bring to light a few things that I see which are common place and may or may not help you in your current potential relationship.

I would like to paint for you the picture I got in my head as this whole situation unfolded.

There is a girl who has concerns and is feeling scared and so she turns to others not for advice but for what appears to be justification, upon receiving sound and logical possible solutions the girl goes to the only person who could realistically improve her outlook on the situation. Problem Avoided if not all together solved.

Is it a Red Flag for one to want complete submission from the word go? That would depend on you, Red Flags are only such to the individual involved because I have MANY Red Flags for me that would not be red flags for others. For Instance, the love of Reality Television is a HUGE Red Flag for me, I have my reasons for this but ultimatly it comes down to how I view Reality Television and the People who watch it. Your Mileage May Vary on that note.

Ultimately it comes down to you pnut, if you want to live out the fantasy as he described it then you are more than welcome to. If you want to get of the Plane and get Naked and offer rim jobs in the airport I am sure the TSA won't approve and I'm pretty sure it's illegal but what the hell it's what you want and are willing to do. Please don't let the writtings of us lunatics urge you to do something you don't want to do or not do something you really do want to do just remember that at the end of they day it is ALWAYS YOUR CHOICE!!!!! I believe it was Rush that wrote "And if you choose to do nothing you still have made a choice" BDSM, this Lifestyle, The Kinky Shit whatever you wanna call it is all about choosing to do something that essentially you already want to do.

I think you will find that going directly to the source of your issues will always lead you to the fastest solution. In this case "Sir, I am afraid that complete submission from the second I get off the plane to the second I get back on will be more than I can handle and I am uncomfortable with the idea" if he answers "Fair enough lets talk this over" then Proceed, however if you get "I am the all knowing all seeing Master Wiffle Bottom the XVI and you will obey me!!!! Now turn on your web cam and masturbate for me with a frozen chicken neck" I can only hope that you will see what is really happeneing and tell im to take a hike. that is unless you have a kink for uncooked poultry?

Thank you for sharing your issue I have enjoyed fdollowing it this morning.

Take care

Steel

< Message edited by SteelofUtah -- 9/24/2008 1:34:48 PM >

_____________________________

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Thanks for the Grammatical support : ) ~ Term

(in reply to pnut8377)

Post #: 39

RE: what do you expect from a new submissive - 9/24/2008 5:48:34 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

I'm sorry, but his expectations are very unrealistic. He shouldn't be thinking about pushing your limits or punishing you on a first meet. He hasn't earned enough trust from you to safely push limits. And you two simply don't have enough of a history for him to be able to make the call that you are willfully disobeying versus totally confused or simply feel unsafe.

Dom frenzy, and unless he can get it under control, you are likely to come away from this weekend with regrets.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to SteelofUtah)

Post #: 40

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