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RE: what do you expect from a new submissive - 9/25/2008 6:57:18 PM

antipode

Posts: 1787
Joined: 4/19/2004
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You say you're collared an you've never even met the guy? I generally agree with some of the other responses, first meeting is in a public place, talk, get acquainted, lunch or dinner, and you don't take decisions until you've met in the flesh. I do that with a new sub too - fly her in, she can opt to stay at a hotel if that makes her more comfortable - because (and pay attention to this!) I don't let just anybody into my life and home, I need to know we're on the same wavelength, share interests, get on together, etc. Do what you like, but I'd have concerns over someone wanting to own you without having met you. It is, in my experience, not the way it is done. The vibe has got to be there.

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Post #: 41

RE: what do you expect from a new submissive - 9/26/2008 3:56:04 AM

Worldly1

Posts: 37
Joined: 8/20/2008
Status: offline

I noticed from your profile that:

you are new to the scene
joined cm on Sept 2
you met your Sir online
you are collared already (today is Sept 26)

Personally, I would not even consider giving my collar that quickly.

Although it might work out for a tiny minority of people when things happen this quickly, it more often does not work out very well.

Would you accept an engagement ring 3 weeks after meeting someone online or after your first date?

hmmmmmmmmmmmmm.......

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Post #: 42

RE: what do you expect from a new submissive - 9/27/2008 7:01:55 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

And yet, there's hope.......

I have done something similar to what you've described in the OP. There are some significant differences, some of which are described here. http://www.collarchat.com/m_2081859/tm.htm Still, I think the premise is the same. To answer your question, yes, it can and does happen that someone might travel out to meet specifically with the intention of being a person's submissive while they are together.

Please remember that I am not asking you to negate some of the very good advice you've received here. I'm glad to see that you have your safety in mind, as well as alternate plans should the meeting not go well. Always plan for what might happen, just in case it does. Someone here mentioned that you just joined the site within the past month. I know that doesn't necessarily mean that you've only known this other person the same amount of time. All I'll say is, if that is the case, make sure you find your comfort zone and so both of you can work with that.

I don't have as much time to include everything that I would like, but I do want to wish you the best of luck.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

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Post #: 43

RE: what do you expect from a new submissive - 9/27/2008 9:26:14 AM

Posts: 20
Joined: 3/3/2007
From: Almelo the Netherlands
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As a Dominant I only expect one thing when I meet a new submissive and that is for her to be honest about how she is feeling and how far she wants to submit to me (if at all) at that time.

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Post #: 44

RE: what do you expect from a new submissive - 9/27/2008 5:02:17 PM

tweedydaddy

Posts: 673
Joined: 9/1/2008
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I would make sure you could use that return ticket right away, odds are he won't be there.

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Post #: 45

RE: what do you expect from a new submissive - 9/27/2008 7:44:48 PM

pnut8377

Posts: 33
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Worldly1

I noticed from your profile that:

you are new to the scene

joined cm on Sept 2

you met your Sir online

you are collared already (today is Sept 26)

Personally, I would not even consider giving my collar that quickly.

Although it might work out for a tiny minority of people when things happen this quickly, it more often does not work out very well.

Would you accept an engagement ring 3 weeks after meeting someone online or after your first date?

hmmmmmmmmmmmmm.......

To you a collar means and engagement ring, but to others it may mean something else. Not everyone views the importance of it the same. Yes I accepted his collar by choice which also means I have the choice to give it back. I joined cm after I was collared and we had been talking for awhile. Him and I are both new to this and we are both learning. Since I originally posted this we have worked out the issue and have better communication. He was very understanding and there has been no pressure on his end ever since. But i do appreciate everyones opinions and advice.

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Hold every person close to your heart
because you might wake up one day
and realize you've lost a diamond
while you were to busy collecting stones....

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Post #: 46

RE: what do you expect from a new submissive - 9/27/2008 8:26:05 PM

lally3

Posts: 595
Joined: 3/4/2008
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So telling me that i am to submit to him right away off the plane kind of came out of nowhere.

submission is organic, it 'feeds' off and is fed by the person you are with. i have met guys and not felt even remotely submissive toward them, ive met one or two others where ive had to really hold myself together. you cannot know how this dynamic is going to pan out until you meet.

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Post #: 47

RE: what do you expect from a new submissive - 9/27/2008 8:35:38 PM

lally3

Posts: 595
Joined: 3/4/2008
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just read this page - you know what, i think he's probably a little unsure of himself and in his D'ing abilities. when youre new to this the learning curves can get pretty steep. maybe in saying that he wanted you to submit straight away, he was asking you to at least meet him 'half-way' on the D/s thing.

mostly i want to say that you guys need to just relax and be yourselves. if the dynamic is there then thats great, if it isnt, that sucks but you cant force it and you shouldnt try to, it wont mean that you are any less sub or he is any less D, its just how it goes sometimes. chances are itll be great, i really hope so..

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Post #: 48

RE: what do you expect from a new submissive - 11/14/2008 12:27:06 PM

thedavezone

Posts: 113
Joined: 12/11/2007
From: South Korea
Status: offline

Everyone is different.

I am very specific about what I want, what I expect, what the sub can expect from me, and what I won't do to them.

All I can say here is that I expect he is looking for total obediance without question. If he's got a profile - read it. Get any information you can and use it.

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Post #: 49

RE: what do you expect from a new submissive - 1/3/2009 7:55:32 PM

sandmva

Posts: 6
Joined: 7/15/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Worldly1

I noticed from your profile that:

you are new to the scene
joined cm on Sept 2
you met your Sir online

you are collared already (today is Sept 26)
Personally, I would not even consider giving my collar that quickly.

Although it might work out for a tiny minority of people when things happen this quickly, it more often does not work out very well.

Would you accept an engagement ring 3 weeks after meeting someone online or after your first date?

hmmmmmmmmmmmmm.......

My partner and I bought a house six weeks after meeting. lol. But the chemistry was perfect, and we both talked. A LOT. In fact, an intense exchange has characterized our entire relationship, and I wouldn't be surprised if we communicated more in those six weeks than many couples do in months. Five years now, and going strong, sex keeps getting better and better, and our love grows and grows. So when people tell you that you'd be foolish, that it'd never work, just remember, it might. Or it might not.

Every meeting entails some level of risk. I'd echo Lockit here, and say, trust your gut and play it safe, but don't be so neurotic that you become afraid of taking risks. I think that most of the good things in life require risk, even those with a late delivery date. Only you can define an acceptable amount of risk. His actions will either fall within that definition, or they won't.

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Post #: 50

RE: what do you expect from a new submissive - 1/3/2009 9:19:14 PM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
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In responce to the subject heading, it is simple. First couple of meetings I expect good manners as I do when having coffee with anyone and talking together to see if there is any chemistry with the view of taking things further. Once someone is collared I expect from the start, instant obedience with out turning off the brain and commonsence. I expect a new slave to have the sence to communicate with me if she is scared and so on respectfully.

< Message edited by IronBear -- 1/3/2009 9:21:51 PM >

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Post #: 51

RE: what do you expect from a new submissive - 1/4/2009 10:26:03 AM

Padriag

Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: pnut8377

I currently exploring a D/s relationship with someone i met online.

Congratulations

quote:

i dont know if that is going to be easy for me to do.

May not be, but if we waited for everything we want to do to be easy, we'd never get anything done. Don't let fear stop you from doing something you want to do.

quote:

What i want to know is are their any Doms/Masters on here that have been in similiar circumstances and what did they expect from their new submissive and how did things go when you met?

I expect a lot of things in such situations.
I expect they will be awkward, especially at first.
I expect they will make lots of mistakes
I expect they will need more guidance and direction
I expect there will probably be at least a few misunderstandings.
I expect there to be surprises... and not all of them may be pleasant
I expect them to try their best
I expect them to accept their mistakes and do better next time
And I expect obedience

Beyond that I try not to have too many expectations and instead adopt a more "wait and see" attitude. Que sera sera.

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A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

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Post #: 52

RE: what do you expect from a new submissive - 1/7/2009 8:20:31 AM

Dnomyar

Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
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I would expect curiosity an open mind. A willingness to talk things thru. A smile and a sense of humor.

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Post #: 53