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is being good-looking a downside in the bdsm world? - 9/24/2008 10:39:55 AM

nobhobbery

Posts: 17
Joined: 9/20/2008
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Question: Is being good-looking a downside in the bdsm world? Do most mistresses (incidentally this will be posted almost verbatim in the master thread as well) follow the attraction patterns prevalent in the larger world? I only ask because I've noticed that a lot of BDSM seems focused around the dominant insulting the submissive (i.e. about having a small penis, being ugly, being fat, being short, being stupid, being useless, etc.). What if you are none of these things? Is that a turn off? I may have gotten the wrong idea here entirely, but it seems to me that BDSM (or at least Mistress-Slave relationships) seem to be based on the mistress exploiting the slave's weaknesses for her own pleasure and the slave getting off on being exploited. Also, the lack of good-looking or even reasonable-looking men in bdsm porn (at least the porn i've seen) is amazing.

Post #: 1

RE: is being good-looking a downside in the bdsm world? - 9/24/2008 10:46:33 AM

subtee

Posts: 5133
Joined: 7/26/2007
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Why don't you answer that question for us?

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RE: is being good-looking a downside in the bdsm world? - 9/24/2008 10:49:58 AM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
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I am not touching that one with a ten foot pole. However, I would like to mention that not all mistress or slave relationships include humilation for her pleasure.

(in reply to subtee)

Post #: 3

RE: is being good-looking a downside in the bdsm world? - 9/24/2008 10:53:06 AM

nobhobbery

Posts: 17
Joined: 9/20/2008
Status: offline

well, it's been like three days. I also don't know what the average is for emails/profile viewings. I could be well below or I could be well above. Plus, my view of the world is not the same as everyone else's. I could very well be an ugly idiot with a small pecker and not know it. Thus my question :) but thanks very much for responding.

(in reply to subtee)

Post #: 4

RE: is being good-looking a downside in the bdsm world? - 9/24/2008 10:58:08 AM

zakkan

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Joined: 4/15/2008
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As to that, I don't know how many cmails/profile views you get, but its not lower than mine

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Post #: 5

RE: is being good-looking a downside in the bdsm world? - 9/24/2008 10:58:55 AM

darchChylde

Posts: 5279
Joined: 9/28/2006
From: Warm Springs, GA but i live in San Francisco.
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For those women that do enjoy humiliating their s-type; no matter how good-looking or whatever you are, you are still incredibly likely to have self-esteem issues of some sort to target. I'm a submissive male myself, but give me a couple hours and I can promise to have you broken down to your basic fears, weakness and insecurities; most people are not that hard to read or manipulate if you know what to look for. Not to mention the fact that no matter what you may think going in, that if you hear something enough you will begin to believe it; ask any abused woman. Also, even if you are a great long-lasting lover with a huge cock; you still wouldn't want to be called a useless, tiny, limp-dicked worm in public.

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Post #: 6

RE: is being good-looking a downside in the bdsm world? - 9/24/2008 10:59:10 AM

Dnomyar

Posts: 7933
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LOL I would reply to that last post but the moderator would kick my butt.

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Post #: 7

RE: is being good-looking a downside in the bdsm world? - 9/24/2008 10:59:12 AM

subtee

Posts: 5133
Joined: 7/26/2007
Status: offline

I perved you...coupla days ago

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Post #: 8

RE: is being good-looking a downside in the bdsm world? - 9/24/2008 11:00:11 AM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

LOL... When new... sometimes you get hit on a lot by those who watch for newbie's. Could be different for a male, but... somehow I think those types will hit hoping, no matter who you are. I am sure someone or many someone's will find you adorable. lol I did want to mention... if you post something on one board, don't post it on another. The moderators will delete one. Welcome to the boards/site and have fun! lol

(in reply to nobhobbery)

Post #: 9

RE: is being good-looking a downside in the bdsm world? - 9/24/2008 11:13:01 AM

rubberpet

Posts: 1743
Joined: 4/6/2006
From: The Land of Voodoo
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: nobhobbery

Question: Is being good-looking a downside in the bdsm world? Do most mistresses (incidentally this will be posted almost verbatim in the master thread as well) follow the attraction patterns prevalent in the larger world? I only ask because I've noticed that a lot of BDSM seems focused around the dominant insulting the submissive (i.e. about having a small penis, being ugly, being fat, being short, being stupid, being useless, etc.). What if you are none of these things? Is that a turn off? I may have gotten the wrong idea here entirely, but it seems to me that BDSM (or at least Mistress-Slave relationships) seem to be based on the mistress exploiting the slave's weaknesses for her own pleasure and the slave getting off on being exploited. Also, the lack of good-looking or even reasonable-looking men in bdsm porn (at least the porn i've seen) is amazing.

I know in my relationship, Mistress has never pulled the humiliation card on me. I have insecurities and self-esteem issues (in regards to my appearance, i don't think I'm that attractive...my height and size, I'm only 5'5" and 155 pounds), but Mistress constantly tells me how sexy she thinks I am or how I'm perfect for her. I know I'm certainly not every domme's cup of tea, but I certainly don't see what Mistress sees when she looks at me. Hell, I'm not complaining...I have the love of a gorgeous domme!

She doesn't spend time poking at my weaknesses to break me down. She does everything she can to bring me up and make me feel special. If she did the humiliation thing to me, it would certainly be a turn-off and make me question why I would give myself to someone who thinks so little of me.

On top of that, I get perved so little that I have to perv myself so I can see the little "Who's Viewing Me" option turn red...

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(in reply to nobhobbery)

Post #: 10

RE: is being good-looking a downside in the bdsm world? - 9/24/2008 11:13:36 AM

nobhobbery

Posts: 17
Joined: 9/20/2008
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thanks very much for the tip.

(in reply to Lockit)

Post #: 11

RE: is being good-looking a downside in the bdsm world? - 9/24/2008 11:16:35 AM

nobhobbery

Posts: 17
Joined: 9/20/2008
Status: offline

thanks very much for the reply. So, in your case at least, the dom/sub relationship is based not on humiliation or degradation, but on a mutual support? interesting.

(in reply to rubberpet)

Post #: 12

RE: is being good-looking a downside in the bdsm world? - 9/24/2008 11:27:17 AM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
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quote:

ORIGINAL: nobhobbery

thanks very much for the reply. So, in your case at least, the dom/sub relationship is based not on humiliation or degradation, but on a mutual support? interesting.

INTERESTING?

I will venture to say that the majority of healthy long lasting D/s relationships are based on mutual support.

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Post #: 13

RE: is being good-looking a downside in the bdsm world? - 9/24/2008 11:27:59 AM

rubberpet

Posts: 1743
Joined: 4/6/2006
From: The Land of Voodoo
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: nobhobbery

thanks very much for the reply. So, in your case at least, the dom/sub relationship is based not on humiliation or degradation, but on a mutual support? interesting.

Absolutely. We may be Mistress and slave, but we are also life partners (and soon to be subby hubby and Dommey Wifey). We take our roles very seriously, whether it's Domme/slave or girlfriend/boyfriend. She's my rock if I ever need it and vice versa. If one of us does not pull our share of the load, our relationship simply won't last. To us, the most important means of support is emotional support. I always do my best to make her feel like the queen of my world and that nothing is more important than her. Even though I'm her slave, she still makes me feel like a king (who just happens to happily bow down to his queen

).

When we play, it's a different story. I am her bitch. I have not only accepted this role, I cherish it. She may encase me in rubber and do very bad things to me, but that's because she loves me and that's how she chooses to express it.

I may be tortured and abused for her own personal needs and desires, but there is always aftercare and she is very tender and nurturing.

So, in essence, some relationships are based on mutual respect and support. It works for us, but some couples prefer to keep some sort of emotional distance in the relationship. I guess it makes it easier to incorporate the humiliation and degredation into the relationship.

Just my opinion, though...

_____________________________

Collared and devoted property of Mistress Lorelei (vampchick88) as of 3/26/08.

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(in reply to nobhobbery)

Post #: 14

RE: is being good-looking a downside in the bdsm world? - 9/24/2008 11:28:20 AM

SilverMark

Posts: 3457
Joined: 5/9/2007
Status: offline

In My time I have found all types of women attractive sub or vanilla...in D/s I find looks aside from the initial attraction less important although it never hurts but, then again I am vain and shallow!.... I guess I am allowed to comment even though this is ask a Mistress?

< Message edited by SilverMark -- 9/24/2008 11:29:31 AM >

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Post #: 15

RE: is being good-looking a downside in the bdsm world? - 9/24/2008 11:29:21 AM

faerytattoodgirl

Posts: 5824
Status: offline

double posting the same thread ...isnt a good idea...but like i responded in the other thread...

im..too sexy for bdsm....too sexy for bdsm.....ohhh it hurts..... OWW

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Post #: 16

RE: is being good-looking a downside in the bdsm world? - 9/24/2008 11:48:39 AM

VirginPotty

Posts: 11624
Joined: 7/16/2008
From: Virginville
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: rubberpet

quote:

ORIGINAL: nobhobbery

Question: Is being good-looking a downside in the bdsm world? Do most mistresses (incidentally this will be posted almost verbatim in the master thread as well) follow the attraction patterns prevalent in the larger world? I only ask because I've noticed that a lot of BDSM seems focused around the dominant insulting the submissive (i.e. about having a small penis, being ugly, being fat, being short, being stupid, being useless, etc.). What if you are none of these things? Is that a turn off? I may have gotten the wrong idea here entirely, but it seems to me that BDSM (or at least Mistress-Slave relationships) seem to be based on the mistress exploiting the slave's weaknesses for her own pleasure and the slave getting off on being exploited. Also, the lack of good-looking or even reasonable-looking men in bdsm porn (at least the porn i've seen) is amazing.

I know in my relationship, Mistress has never pulled the humiliation card on me. I have insecurities and self-esteem issues (in regards to my appearance, i don't think I'm that attractive...my height and size, I'm only 5'5" and 155 pounds), but Mistress constantly tells me how sexy she thinks I am or how I'm perfect for her. I know I'm certainly not every domme's cup of tea, but I certainly don't see what Mistress sees when she looks at me. Hell, I'm not complaining...I have the love of a gorgeous domme!

She doesn't spend time poking at my weaknesses to break me down. She does everything she can to bring me up and make me feel special. If she did the humiliation thing to me, it would certainly be a turn-off and make me question why I would give myself to someone who thinks so little of me.

On top of that, I get perved so little that I have to perv myself so I can see the little "Who's Viewing Me" option turn red...

I think you're GEORGEOUS & your Mistress is one lucky woman!

_____________________________

Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened.

(in reply to rubberpet)

Post #: 17

RE: is being good-looking a downside in the bdsm world? - 9/24/2008 12:12:09 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

Porn is bought by men, who aren't interested in what the men look like, only what the women look like. Which is why they aren't paying for good looking men.

Beyond that, a lot of the humiliation, lowly worm stuff is because male subs with little experience see this in porn and assume it is what they have to say to get along with a femdomme. And newer dommes also assume they have to be into this to get a sub.

Dommes with more experience may use humiliation but not the kind that is patterned on bad porn fantasy wanker material. Since bdsm porn is made by men for profit who are not into bdsm, you can't expect it to be a true indicator of what people really do like.

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Post #: 18

RE: is being good-looking a downside in the bdsm world? - 9/24/2008 12:28:44 PM

Missokyst

Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline

Wow, I never thought of it from that angle! I hate bdsm porn from most places because the men are.. well.. flabby and it never seems to get firm.
I hadn't thought about the fact that men are making these vids.
Some sights like Sex and submission the tops are sexy as heck. Yet on the Men in pain site, few of the male bottoms are someone I might drool over.
I think women have to start making porn.
Kyst

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Porn is bought by men, who aren't interested in what the men look like, only what the women look like. Which is why they aren't paying for good looking men.

Beyond that, a lot of the humiliation, lowly worm stuff is because male subs with little experience see this in porn and assume it is what they have to say to get along with a femdomme. And newer dommes also assume they have to be into this to get a sub.

Dommes with more experience may use humiliation but not the kind that is patterned on bad porn fantasy wanker material. Since bdsm porn is made by men for profit who are not into bdsm, you can't expect it to be a true indicator of what people really do like.

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 19

RE: is being good-looking a downside in the bdsm world? - 9/24/2008 12:31:31 PM

CreativeDominant

Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline

I see a difference between humiliation and degradation, at least sexually and how it is used in a D/s BDSM context. Humiliation...for me...is taking those things that are "secret" within your submissive and "playing them back" to her. e.g.: You know that your submissive really likes being taken deep in the ass, loves feeling a hard cock pounding against the slick heated walls of her tight anal sheath while her dominant grips that round ass and buries his fist in her hair...BUT she is embarassed by these feelings. So you play on them by telling her that you know what an ass slut she is, she knows what an ass slut she is and that if you weren't taking her ass as often as you do, she'd be on her knees begging for it because she doesn't just like it...she craves it. That is humiliation. Then you tell her what a good girl she is for being that way...how it pleases you...you use these embarassing areas to build up her esteem and her drive for those things that she does crave. You make her feel like she is something of deep worth to you.
Degradation is when you learn your submissive's weaknesses...their insecurities...those areas that screw with their self-esteem, then you take this knowledge and begin to use it to tear your submissive down...to make them feel that, in your eyes and possibly in the eyes of everyone else, they are less than what they are.
Oddly enough, there are those submissives and those dominants who crave the second type of play. I don't as I don't want a submissive who is with me because she feels like I am the only one who will have her and I see degradation as a way of leading to this.

e.t.a. The above reflects MY thoughts only and are not intended to be taken as any sort of "one true way-ism" thinking. Tis only MY way.

< Message edited by CreativeDominant -- 9/24/2008 12:44:36 PM >

(in reply to nobhobbery)

Post #: 20

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